> First, great thriller story. Compliments

> Second, although being very evil and hating Nora, I felt sorry seeing Cheyne dead.

> Third, although Thomas lied to protect Nora, I still don't like him.

> Fourth: sex scene at the end is great. which reminds me: you promised me to see more lesbian scenes in one of your earlier stories. SO, LESBIAN SEX - WHEN?

 

Overall impression:

Edited October 9, 2021 by EvalovesEP

Great story
Keep going

Honestly i like more than sex scanes in general. ( P.S.: you doing great job about sex scanes too! )

 

Ooooo Nice Murder Mystery Vibes in this chapter and plus the ol bait and switch. Well Done ... What language were they speaking Nosferatu? 

Overall great chapter...  Lenora isn't half the woman Nora is. Lenora seems to only gotten halfway before she parted halfway. Has gotten only halfway in life with half an execution.... Her plan was half ass. I half to say she was... ok ok no more jokes.   

Now that was a trial, alright! Very well done, without a doubt. And Thomas is such a sneaky one. Sneaky and circumspect. To pocket the incriminating letter right after getting thrashed by Vasil. Also, if the original Skyrim - Hakon would have been half as scary as the Duchess was here... ouch!

One question though: Was the language change (first spoiler, after the duchess pulls out the letter) in the dialog intentional, like what you did in the Hammerfell-Part? Because some of the lines are certainly not english. Story was still easy to follow.

The sceen between Nora and Thomas was almost... touching. And hot. Possibly the most caring sex-sceen between the two that we have seen thus far.

 

Overall a very worthy final part of this chapter!

Edited October 9, 2021 by HM1919

Excellent conclusion to the tenth chapter, with a double (and well thought) twist to suddenly turn the tables. And that done with you usual graphical quality, and even some action to conclude it. Brutal chapter overall (apparently vampire lords are not to be messed with O_o), yet most satisfying in a lot of aspects, since the previous one had prepared us to a shameful exile for Nora. The antique language part felt a bit long however, as it's only afterwards that we understand its aim. Also, the semi-vampire lord transformation from the duchess effects lacked clarity, you conceal more than you actually show. And some recurrent typos (you're grace -> your grace) are to be mentioned. Yet, nothing significant enough to deter from the cleverness of the entertainment you staged for us since the start of the chapter. ?

 

 

«  I vryau andeficastood avarythunigo. 

                 I hope they weren't talking about me, no.

 

                  Still I'm very glad Thomas stayed loyal to Nora, 'cause even if she's very bad, she didn't deserve to end jailed at a dentists' prison. ⛪ »

 

 

1 hour ago, HM1919 said:

One question though: Was the language change (first spoiler, after the duchess pulls out the letter) in the dialog intentional, like what you did in the Hammerfell-Part? Because some of the lines are certainly not english. Story was still easy to follow.

I've been asking myself the same question, until there were english dialogues directly mixed in, and until the duchess violently silenced Vasil. It made it all too obvious that she had concluded an arrangement with Harkon (they each repeat the word Souhlasim right after the other) , using that obscure old language to hide what they really said to the others.

 

3 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

> Second, although being very evil and hating Nora, I felt sorry seeing Cheyne dead.

 

« She isn't dead, no ; but she hasn't legs anymore, no. 

                I guess she won't honey-honey again anytime soon now, uh.  »

 

Edited October 9, 2021 by Tirloque

Nicely spotted Sherlock Tirloque. I completely missed, that the "strange language" parts where all dialogue between Diana and Hakon.

 

p.s. Just had a second look at the chapter. And now I am wondering what the deal is with Diana's horns. Are they just part of her vampire lord form? Or is it similar to Nora's situation. If I am not mistaken, such horns where thought of as signs of favor from Molag Bal. If that's the case here... No wonder Diana is such a terrifying force.

Also: can vampires re-grow legs or a tongue? They can recover from major wounds, as we have seen in past chapters. For example, Nora who was badly (sun)burned after her duel with Eric, yet still recovered quickly thanks to consuming enough blood.

Edited October 9, 2021 by HM1919

4 hours ago, Tirloque said:

 

 « She isn't dead, no ; but she hasn't legs anymore, no. 

                I guess she won't honey-honey again anytime soon now, uh.  »

 

 

> I was sure she is dead. Well, have to check my sight

> As for sex, she is not totally disabled: she has arms, boobs and mouth. I could use those three.

 

So I've finally had enough time make some coffee, go back and properly enjoy all of the chapters that I've missed.  And oh boy, what a ride! ?

 

The Blood Frenzy chapters were filled with primal, predatory energy.  Even though we've seen quite a few bloody scenarios before, there was something almost hypnotic in watching Nora and Thomas massacre the entire castle. Special mention should go to your choice of the white dress that she wears during those scenes and how it slowly gets covered more in more in blood. ?

 

I really like the way you portray Thomas, especially in the Blood Oath chapter. At times it feels like he's the one with the most humanity left in him in your universe.  He definitely feels remorse for killing innocent people and his supplication pose in front of Molag's fountain was heartbreaking.  Also - excellent work on the torture scenes in his flashback.  They truly showed the sadistic, merciless side of Lenora. ?

 

The Mind Games twist with Harkon was pretty unexpected and in my opinion - masterfully executed.  Of course Lenora would set everything up.  I get the feeling that her line " Maybe I just enjoy watching you get f*cked" was less of a statement about the physical aspect of what Nora was doing and more of a foreshadowing of the events to come, seeing that she really did attempt to destroy Nora shortly afterwards. ?  And on a side note it's always personally amusing for me to be reminded of the fact that Harkon is an ancient, powerful and manipulative jerk of a vampire, since he is so different in my own universe ?

 

Of course all of the following chapters turned into a real drama-mystery.  With the Duchess conducting her own investigation, Harkon and Nora working out the terms of their deal and Thomas using sex as a distraction to steal the letter the suspense was increasing by the moment. I love how you manage to finally turn everything against Lenora and have all of her manipulations backfire. From what I understood between Duchess and Harkon's interaction they are speaking a form of Slovak language?  Something about Lenora being a greedy girl and a mention of Queen Isabella ?.

Lenora losing a half of her body was especially brutal, by the way, but pretty well-deserved after everything she's done.

 

Loved all of the effects and cinematic shots.  The screens are as gorgeous as ever and the story is equal parts intriguing, bloody and very much vampire-like.

Thank you for sharing your work with us! ?

A well done end to a great chapter! I really enjoyed the ups and downs throughout chapter 10. The uncertainty with the stakes put up was really fun to read. I do wish the language was translated though maybe in parenthesis or something, but not a big deal. However, Nora not receiving any consequences seemed a bit of character for Diana. She spent all this time seeking justice and the truth, but when Thomas very obviously just said he did it to cover for Nora, she just accepts that?

 

But either way, this was a phenomenal chapter over all! Great work

Congratulations on finishing the chapter.

Good to see Nora isn't getting the stake after all of that, ?

On 10/9/2021 at 10:38 AM, EvalovesEP said:

> First, great thriller story. Compliments

> Second, although being very evil and hating Nora, I felt sorry seeing Cheyne dead.

> Third, although Thomas lied to protect Nora, I still don't like him.

> Fourth: sex scene at the end is great. which reminds me: you promised me to see more lesbian scenes in one of your earlier stories. SO, LESBIAN SEX - WHEN?

 

Overall impression:

 

Thank you very much!

The next lesbian scene will be in Chapter 11 Section 3 and also a bit in section 5.

 

 

On 10/9/2021 at 10:50 AM, Nonseen said:

Great story
Keep going

Honestly i like more than sex scanes in general. ( P.S.: you doing great job about sex scanes too! )

 

Thank you very much! 

 

On 10/9/2021 at 12:18 PM, Jay-Omms said:

Ooooo Nice Murder Mystery Vibes in this chapter and plus the ol bait and switch. Well Done ... What language were they speaking Nosferatu? 

 

It was Czech but just google translate czech. I found it too hard to come up with my own language so I just chose a language I assumed few people would speak and that sounds somewhat European. 

 

On 10/9/2021 at 12:18 PM, Jay-Omms said:

Overall great chapter...  Lenora isn't half the woman Nora is. Lenora seems to only gotten halfway before she parted halfway. Has gotten only halfway in life with half an execution.... Her plan was half ass. I half to say she was... ok ok no more jokes.   

She is/was far higher in the vampire society ladder than Nora. 

Her plan was ok, she just assumed people were following the same principles she does.

 

On 10/9/2021 at 12:30 PM, HM1919 said:

Now that was a trial, alright! Very well done, without a doubt. And Thomas is such a sneaky one. Sneaky and circumspect. To pocket the incriminating letter right after getting thrashed by Vasil. Also, if the original Skyrim - Hakon would have been half as scary as the Duchess was here... ouch!

 

Thanks, I also don't like the original Harkon I was trying to give him a bit more color in this chapter.

 

On 10/9/2021 at 12:30 PM, HM1919 said:

One question though: Was the language change (first spoiler, after the duchess pulls out the letter) in the dialog intentional, like what you did in the Hammerfell-Part? Because some of the lines are certainly not english.

 

Yes it was intentional. Since we are following the story mostly through Nora's eyes it makes sense that she doesn't understand things that are not meant for her to be understood. Harkon and the Duchess clearly switched languages in order to not be understood and talk amongst themselves. 

 

On 10/9/2021 at 12:30 PM, HM1919 said:

Story was still easy to follow.

The sceen between Nora and Thomas was almost... touching. And hot. Possibly the most caring sex-sceen between the two that we have seen thus far.

Overall a very worthy final part of this chapter!

 

Thank you very much! 

Well, the whole arc was just amazing, and I have to say - "well played Thomas".
And yes, exceptional work, Alter!

On 10/9/2021 at 2:10 PM, Tirloque said:

Excellent conclusion to the tenth chapter, with a double (and well thought) twist to suddenly turn the tables. And that done with you usual graphical quality, and even some action to conclude it. Brutal chapter overall (apparently vampire lords are not to be messed with O_o), yet most satisfying in a lot of aspects, since the previous one had prepared us to a shameful exile for Nora.

Thank you!

 

 

On 10/9/2021 at 2:10 PM, Tirloque said:

The antique language part felt a bit long however, as it's only afterwards that we understand its aim. Also, the semi-vampire lord transformation from the duchess effects lacked clarity, you conceal more than you actually show.

 

We also saw some of her transformation in chapter 7 Section 10. It's playing of the vampire mist trope to make her a bit different from the usual bat like demon like appearance of for example Nora. 

 

On 10/9/2021 at 2:10 PM, Tirloque said:

And some recurrent typos (you're grace -> your grace) are to be mentioned. Yet, nothing significant enough to deter from the cleverness of the entertainment you staged for us since the start of the chapter. ?

 

Thank you very much!

 

On 10/9/2021 at 2:10 PM, Tirloque said:

 

 

«  I vryau andeficastood avarythunigo. 

                 I hope they weren't talking about me, no.

 

                  Still I'm very glad Thomas stayed loyal to Nora, 'cause even if she's very bad, she didn't deserve to end jailed at a dentists' prison. ⛪ »

 

You're right! And I think you also called out the bluff a couple of entries ago already.

 

On 10/9/2021 at 2:30 PM, HM1919 said:

p.s. Just had a second look at the chapter. And now I am wondering what the deal is with Diana's horns. Are they just part of her vampire lord form?

 

 

Yes it's part of her vampire lord appearance kinda misty creepy.

 

On 10/9/2021 at 2:30 PM, HM1919 said:

Or is it similar to Nora's situation. If I am not mistaken, such horns where thought of as signs of favor from Molag Bal. 

 

That's just a believe amongst vampires. Basically some vampires grow horns while others don't. So drawing connections to Molag Bal makes sense in the vampire world view.

 

On 10/9/2021 at 2:30 PM, HM1919 said:

Also: can vampires re-grow legs or a tongue? They can recover from major wounds, as we have seen in past chapters. For example, Nora who was badly (sun)burned after her duel with Eric, yet still recovered quickly thanks to consuming enough blood.

 

Yes They can regrow everything as long as their heart is still intact and they are not dead in any other way (such as burning or bleeding to death).

 

20 hours ago, Devianna said:

So I've finally had enough time make some coffee, go back and properly enjoy all of the chapters that I've missed.  And oh boy, what a ride! ?

 

The Blood Frenzy chapters were filled with primal, predatory energy.  Even though we've seen quite a few bloody scenarios before, there was something almost hypnotic in watching Nora and Thomas massacre the entire castle. Special mention should go to your choice of the white dress that she wears during those scenes and how it slowly gets covered more in more in blood. ?

 

Good to hear from you again.

Yeah, whenever she is wearing white things get bloody as this is the best color to show blood on clothes^^.

 

20 hours ago, Devianna said:

I really like the way you portray Thomas, especially in the Blood Oath chapter. At times it feels like he's the one with the most humanity left in him in your universe.  He definitely feels remorse for killing innocent people and his supplication pose in front of Molag's fountain was heartbreaking.  Also - excellent work on the torture scenes in his flashback.  They truly showed the sadistic, merciless side of Lenora. ?

 

Thank you! And you are right that was exactly the intention.

 

20 hours ago, Devianna said:

The Mind Games twist with Harkon was pretty unexpected and in my opinion - masterfully executed.  Of course Lenora would set everything up.  I get the feeling that her line " Maybe I just enjoy watching you get f*cked" was less of a statement about the physical aspect of what Nora was doing and more of a foreshadowing of the events to come, seeing that she really did attempt to destroy Nora shortly afterwards. ?  And on a side note it's always personally amusing for me to be reminded of the fact that Harkon is an ancient, powerful and manipulative jerk of a vampire, since he is so different in my own universe ?

 

Of course all of the following chapters turned into a real drama-mystery.  With the Duchess conducting her own investigation, Harkon and Nora working out the terms of their deal and Thomas using sex as a distraction to steal the letter the suspense was increasing by the moment. I love how you manage to finally turn everything against Lenora and have all of her manipulations backfire. From what I understood between Duchess and Harkon's interaction they are speaking a form of Slovak language?  Something about Lenora being a greedy girl and a mention of Queen Isabella ?.

Lenora losing a half of her body was especially brutal, by the way, but pretty well-deserved after everything she's done.

 

Loved all of the effects and cinematic shots.  The screens are as gorgeous as ever and the story is equal parts intriguing, bloody and very much vampire-like.

Thank you for sharing your work with us! ?

 

Thank you very much Devianna!

 

19 hours ago, Collygon said:

A well done end to a great chapter! I really enjoyed the ups and downs throughout chapter 10. The uncertainty with the stakes put up was really fun to read. I do wish the language was translated though maybe in parenthesis or something, but not a big deal.

 

We don't have an omniscient narrator and we are mostly seeing things through Nora's and Thomas' eyes sometimes you just know that something is discussed, but you don't know what. What was discussed between them was not meant to be understood by Thomas or Nora. 

 

 

19 hours ago, Collygon said:

However, Nora not receiving any consequences seemed a bit of character for Diana. She spent all this time seeking justice and the truth, but when Thomas very obviously just said he did it to cover for Nora, she just accepts that?

 

The whole situation is complicated cause everyone (Nora, Thomas, Lenora, Vasil) bares some responsibility in what happened. With Lenora and Vasil instigating and starting everything for personal gain and Thomas and Nora executing the murder in the end.

However Nora was also the one that called on the Duchess and told her what was going on. In the end, without her Lenora would have been successful with her plan. So that certainly works in her favor. 

Thomas on the other hand bares much more responsibility. The Duchess and Queen Isabella knew something was going on and they previously sent Thomas to murder Lenora to prevent the murder and the events that happened in this chapter. (Section 3, the flashback) He failed and lied to the queen about his failure and chose to help Lenora instead. (The only way for him to not be killed in that situation)...

So in the end it comes down to how you judge the responsibly of everyone and how you judge the mitigating circumstances of Nora calling on the Duchess and telling her the truth. 

In the end she knew the Truth already when coming to the castle she just couldn't prove it. 

 

19 hours ago, Collygon said:

But either way, this was a phenomenal chapter over all! Great work

 

Thank you very much!

 

12 hours ago, Myst42 said:

Congratulations on finishing the chapter.

Good to see Nora isn't getting the stake after all of that, ?

 

Thank you! We'll we're not done with the fallout of the murder, so who knows...

 

4 minutes ago, Crw said:

Well, the whole arc was just amazing, and I have to say - "well played Thomas".
And yes, exceptional work, Alter!

 

Thank you very much, glad you like it!

1 hour ago, Alter Native said:

The whole situation is complicated cause everyone (Nora, Thomas, Lenora, Vasil) bares some responsibility in what happened. With Lenora and Vasil instigating and starting everything for personal gain and Thomas and Nora executing the murder in the end.

However Nora was also the one that called on the Duchess and told her what was going on. In the end, without her Lenora would have been successful with her plan. So that certainly works in her favor. 

Thomas on the other hand bares much more responsibility. The Duchess and Queen Isabella knew something was going on and they previously sent Thomas to murder Lenora to prevent the murder and the events that happened in this chapter. (Section 3, the flashback) He failed and lied to the queen about his failure and chose to help Lenora instead. (The only way for him to not be killed in that situation)...

So in the end it comes down to how you judge the responsibly of everyone and how you judge the mitigating circumstances of Nora calling on the Duchess and telling her the truth. 

In the end she knew the Truth already when coming to the castle she just couldn't prove it.

Thank you for the explanation. And I suppose Nora wasn't without punishment at all, since she was the only one imprisoned at the beginning as well.

 

1 hour ago, Alter Native said:

We don't have an omniscient narrator and we are mostly seeing things through Nora's and Thomas' eyes sometimes you just know that something is discussed, but you don't know what. What was discussed between them was not meant to be understood by Thomas or Nora.

Very good point, I didn't even consider that. Nicely done!

yeah! more story more interest! I love your dark world's story and Lore! it's what keeps me reading it every 3 weeks!