All in all this flashback was awsome! Good job! ?

It was so sensual that it hurt a little. ? But it's just amazing. ^_^ 
Exquisite work, lighting, details and emotions, everything is up to par. ^_^

A wonderful story, well played, well wrote and well screenshotted. Nice work Alter

Aria: Ah the fun of being Immortal

Yvonne's turning did not feel unsatisfying at all. In fact, I loved that first spoiler. The emotion was incredible. Nora has never expressed that type of vulnerability before; I was moved. Ethan's appearance really pushed that as well. Nora is cast as this all powerful vampire, which she totally is, but Ethan's presence lowered that a bit, which felt very real. 

The best part about this chapter so far was how we were able to see Nora in a new light. I'm excited to see what more you have planned; my expectations are up! Keep it up, Alter!

I'm dissapointed honestly with that turning, it turned from intriguing to not too much one. ?

All build up and seeing Nora actually turning someone to her bloodline, this was anti climatic.

I enjoyed this arc, but the ending put a not a sweet taste to my mouth. ?

Anyway not everyone can like all story decisions, probably some disagreed with my ones too in my stories

Quote

by not showing the conversation between Yvonne and Ethan that left him so impressed that he turned Yvonne. Writing dialog is already kind of hard to me... and a scene like this is very difficult to get and feel right.

That could even work with one shot and one sentence that they spend quite much together or something, would helped the hint for this moment and made less well, with this it was just random.

I understand, making shots for your story is not easy and even hard, not counting the writing, but this cheesing hurted the ending somewhat

I liked the turning decision, and I dug Ethan, he was great!

I also dug the bloody tears, I suppose I never thought about the fact that the only liquid in her would be blood!

Also digging Lenora, GROWWWLLL! ?

Great work !

13 hours ago, bodabira 01 said:

All in all this flashback was awsome! Good job! ?

Thanks!

13 hours ago, Crw said:

It was so sensual that it hurt a little. ? But it's just amazing. ^_^ 
Exquisite work, lighting, details and emotions, everything is up to par. ^_^

Thank you very much Crw!

8 hours ago, Agent Tex said:

A wonderful story, well played, well wrote and well screenshotted. Nice work Alter

 

Aria: Ah the fun of being Immortal

Thanks, the writing is still by far the biggest area I have to improve on, I realized that again when I read through parts of this entry again before uploading it yesterday. 

7 hours ago, Collygon said:

Yvonne's turning did not feel unsatisfying at all. In fact, I loved that first spoiler. The emotion was incredible. Nora has never expressed that type of vulnerability before; I was moved. Ethan's appearance really pushed that as well. Nora is cast as this all powerful vampire, which she totally is, but Ethan's presence lowered that a bit, which felt very real. 

 

The best part about this chapter so far was how we were able to see Nora in a new light. I'm excited to see what more you have planned; my expectations are up! Keep it up, Alter!

Thank you, I'm really glad you liked it and the turning twist. 

In some  way these flashbacks are my version of "side stories" or "different protagonists" and allow me to do interesting stuff and explore new things without having to set up a whole new character. Red headed Nora would have probably never fallen in love with human Yvonne as the age and experience difference wouldn't make for a realistic relationship (imo) but for this young version of Nora (~50) it's perfectly reasonable.

7 hours ago, Resdayn said:

I'm dissapointed honestly with that turning, it turned from intriguing to not too much one. ?

 

All build up and seeing Nora actually turning someone to her bloodline, this was anti climatic.

 

I enjoyed this arc, but the ending put a not a sweet taste to my mouth. ?

 

Anyway not everyone can like all story decisions, probably some disagreed with my ones too in my stories

 

That could even work with one shot and one sentence that they spend quite much together or something, would helped the hint for this moment and made less well, with this it was just random.

 

I understand, making shots for your story is not easy and even hard, not counting the writing, but this cheesing hurted the ending somewhat

Sorry to have you disappointed, I was already assuming that some people would dislike that outcome.

I right from the beginning it was clear to me that Nora would not turn Yvonne, I didn't want Yvonne to be Nora's daughter. Besides Nora turning Yvonne was the expected outcome and I wanted to invert expectations. Of course you have to do that properly and set up everything right. Also non of my characters get completely what they want, there are always some side effects and turmoils.

So there is a hint that something like "impressive Nora" when Ethan makes a comment about Yvonne, after they had extensive dialogue off screen, which is supposed to set his turning up a bit, but I don't see them having a long friendship before that.

6 hours ago, WANOBI12 said:

I liked the turning decision, and I dug Ethan, he was great!

I also dug the bloody tears, I suppose I never thought about the fact that the only liquid in her would be blood!

Also digging Lenora, GROWWWLLL! ?

Great work !

Thank you, I think the blood tears are a common vampire trope and on one hand I don't like using common tropes too much, but on the other hand normal tears don't feel right. 

Besides dark red tears are better visible on pop out more, so that's also a plus,

Playing it safe I see... I understand the difficulty making writing decisions which may lead to unexpected changes at some costs like with the inverting of expectations leading to some cuts of story tension, emotion and build up can be tough like what lead to what happened here. At least that what gives me problems even writing this comment was trouble to come up with that's why I do emotes.  But you did well and can always make up for it if you feel the need to do so.

4 hours ago, Jayomms said:

Playing it safe I see... I understand the difficulty making writing decisions which may lead to unexpected changes at some costs like with the inverting of expectations leading to some cuts of story tension, emotion and build up can be tough like what lead to what happened here. At least that what gives me problems even writing this comment was trouble to come up with that's why I do emotes.  But you did well and can always make up for it if you feel the need to do so.

Thanks! 

Another problem is the splitting of the story in several entries that get released over a longer period of time, which makes setting up stuff even harder, especially when it comes to smaller details and hints.

Glad you liked it though 

I love your story and it's getting better and better with every new chapter but could you please avoid using dark fonts because I'm colorblind and it's really hard to read the text on the black background? Everything else is 10/10 ?

9 hours ago, ajelic said:

I love your story and it's getting better and better with every new chapter but could you please avoid using dark fonts because I'm colorblind and it's really hard to read the text on the black background? Everything else is 10/10 ?

 

Dark colors are even hard to read as a non colorblind person due to their low contrast with the black, but I was running out of colors, since I had my 6 persons on the table + Kristoff and Fina that are in the room and all the characters of the flashback that ideally had different colors.

But tbh. I never thought about how my style of coloring dialogue might effect people with colorblindness. I know there are different types of colorblindness and I always assumed the main problem is to tell similar colors (or rather similar wavelength) like green and yellow apart, which might cause a lot of problems with the my style of dialogue.

Thanks for your feedback! I'll keep that in mind and see what I can do.

Good Old Nora up to her old tricks again! I wonder if there was any Compulsion going on in that Scene with Cuvier  i have my Theories  

So we're getting a chapter 7, yay ! ? Anyway, liked how this part turned quite unexpectedly, with Nora not being able to turn Yvonne, and Yvonne then seeking revenge. Blood effects were convincing, scenario's dots connected, it was interesting relationship-wise and as good as ever graphically. Also interested in the vampire birth lore in your setting. Good job ! ?

Malicia : « Hi-i♪, Amelie ! Mr Native told me that you had no curtains, and that that made Nora very upset, you see ?

Take a look here  ->

Marvelous work, as always (I don't know if you work as a professional designer/story writer, but if you don't - you should. You are incredibly talented. ?) I really enjoyed the twist with Nora and Yvonne. Having Nora turn her would've been too straightforward and expected by the reader. Will we get a chance to see glimpses of Yvonne and Ethan's relationship?

On 2/14/2019 at 9:06 PM, xGHoSTx said:

Good Old Nora up to her old tricks again! I wonder if there was any Compulsion going on in that Scene with Cuvier  i have my Theories  

Thanks, I wasn't sure if that inherit request was a bit too much, the conclusion of the whole Euphoria arc relied on the promise made in Chapter 6 Section 4, "I work for you against an unkown favor" which was already a bit cheesy.

On 2/15/2019 at 8:37 AM, Tirloque said:

So we're getting a chapter 7, yay ! ? Anyway, liked how this part turned quite unexpectedly, with Nora not being able to turn Yvonne, and Yvonne then seeking revenge. Blood effects were convincing, scenario's dots connected, it was interesting relationship-wise and as good as ever graphically. Also interested in the vampire birth lore in your setting. Good job ! ?

 

Malicia : « Hi-i♪, Amelie ! Mr Native told me that you had no curtains, and that that made Nora very upset, you see ?

Take a look here  ->

  Reveal hidden contents

It's very classy, and very affordable ; so it'll be perfect for your room, yes. ? »

 

 

Thank you Tirloque! 

 

Amelie: "We even nice curtains in some parts of the castle, you even picked the right curtains in Mistress' favorite color. But she still doesn't like the windows in this room... right now half the wall in her bedroom is missing as she's supposed to get new windows there with differently shaped curtains.

You also have to understand that curtains are very important for Mistress, because she really doesn't like daylight... you see?"

 



 

 



 

10 hours ago, Devianna said:

Marvelous work, as always (I don't know if you work as a professional designer/story writer, but if you don't - you should. You are incredibly talented. ?) I really enjoyed the twist with Nora and Yvonne. Having Nora turn her would've been too straightforward and expected by the reader. Will we get a chance to see glimpses of Yvonne and Ethan's relationship?

Thank you Devianna! 

I don't think I earn that complement and I'm even close to being good enough to do something like this professionally, especially the story and writing part (and I also wouldn't want to).

I work in a completely different field and use this storytelling as a hobby to get out of my usual workflow and methods. 

Yes there will be a short glimpse at how Yvonne's life looks now in Chapter 6 Section 10.

Actually, based on the inner logic, it was logical that she didn't turn Yvonne into a vampire

as you wrote yourself -> "I didn't want to make Nora a single mother"

someone who has never faced the dilemma of such a decision himself - will never be able to understand - that there is no "right" or "wrong" here