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Chapter 1 - Section 1 - Legacy Version


Alter Native

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This blog post contains the archived version of the very the first entry of Blood and Pleasure of January 2017 and is now replaced by the remade version

 

Story Overview

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A complete summary of all available chapters of this story as well as short character summaries can be found here.

 

 

Chapter 1 Section 1 - Legacy Version

 

 

 

 

 


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Edited by Alter Native

5 Comments


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Right off the bat... why does it say "Shortly after dawn" when it's at night in the first scene?  Typo?

 

Aside from that, I must say this is honestly your weakest section thus far, for a simple reason.  You're moving much too quickly.  The entire section of Nora regaining her memories should have been shown.  Finding the castle should have been shown.  There's a saying in this form of media: show, don't tell.  I had no investment on this Ritual of Rebirth because there's no context to it.  I'm more left with questions, like "did she need to be naked?" "What does the ritual actually do?"  "Why has no vampire survived it?"

 

I'm not trying to upset you, but rather give you constructive criticism on where you can improve.  

 

Edit by Alter Native: This comment is referring to the old entry of Chapter 1 Section 5 that has been merged with Section 4.

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On 1/21/2017 at 11:33 AM, TheVoid said:

Right off the bat... why does it say "Shortly after dawn" when it's at night in the first scene?  Typo?

 

Aside from that, I must say this is honestly your weakest section thus far, for a simple reason.  You're moving much too quickly.  The entire section of Nora regaining her memories should have been shown.  Finding the castle should have been shown.  There's a saying in this form of media: show, don't tell.  I had no investment on this Ritual of Rebirth because there's no context to it.  I'm more left with questions, like "did she need to be naked?" "What does the ritual actually do?"  "Why has no vampire survived it?"

 

I'm not trying to upset you, but rather give you constructive criticism on where you can improve.  

I disagree. I think the pacing is fine as it is right now, and honestly, some things don't really need to be shown. Had this been animated, I would agree with you, but as it's not, I don't think EVERYTHING needed to be shown. It would be a bit too much and some things are a bit obvious (for example, she knew where Harkon's castle is because she is a subject of his, and anyone who has played Dawnguard knows where it is, therefore her journey there was not  needed to be shown).

 

As for the ritual, I think that's pretty self explanatory. It's all in it's name really, plus the conversation prior to it was illuminating enough.

 

Edit by Alter Native: This comment is referring to the old entry of Chapter 1 Section 5 that has been merged with Section 4.

Link to comment

Why do i have the feeling that the blood will all flow into the dead girl by tub?

 

Edit by Alter Native: This comment is referring to the old entry of Chapter 1 Section 5 that has been merged with Section 4.

Link to comment
On 1/21/2017 at 3:45 PM, KillinCuzICan said:

 

On 1/21/2017 at 11:33 AM, TheVoid said:

Right off the bat... why does it say "Shortly after dawn" when it's at night in the first scene?  Typo?

 

Aside from that, I must say this is honestly your weakest section thus far, for a simple reason.  You're moving much too quickly.  The entire section of Nora regaining her memories should have been shown.  Finding the castle should have been shown.  There's a saying in this form of media: show, don't tell.  I had no investment on this Ritual of Rebirth because there's no context to it.  I'm more left with questions, like "did she need to be naked?" "What does the ritual actually do?"  "Why has no vampire survived it?"

 

I'm not trying to upset you, but rather give you constructive criticism on where you can improve.  

I disagree. I think the pacing is fine as it is right now, and honestly, some things don't really need to be shown. Had this been animated, I would agree with you, but as it's not, I don't think EVERYTHING needed to be shown. It would be a bit too much and some things are a bit obvious (for example, she knew where Harkon's castle is because she is a subject of his, and anyone who has played Dawnguard knows where it is, therefore her journey there was not  needed to be shown).

 

As for the ritual, I think that's pretty self explanatory. It's all in it's name really, plus the conversation prior to it was illuminating enough.

 

 

Thanks for your comments guys. 

@ TheVoid: When I wrote "shortly after dawn" I meant the first minutes of the night after sunset. As I wrote in the very first section English is not my first language and I see now how "dawn" describes the time of sunrise and not sunset.

In German, my first language we mostly use the same word (Dämmerung) for the time of both sunset and sunrise.

But thanks, I'm going to change that.

 

I agree with the rest of your comment as well. This chapter was the weakest of the story so far and yes I moved to quickly. In an earlier version Nora and Meara (the elf girl from the last section) become friends and the elf helped her regaining her memories and finding the castle. 

 

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There was even an additional scene where Nora murders some innocent people to drink their blood, like in the published section and Marea is shocked by her brutality. The sceenshots of these scene are quiet bad though.

 

I am well aware of the issues you pointed out and I agree 100% with you. I captured the whole chapter 1 more then a year ago and did the writing much later. During writing I decided to cut the whole friendship thing mostly because it aligns badly with the content to come and because I was missing sceenshots.

When I noticed some of the issues the technical effort of capturing new scenes was just not worth it to me (different ENB, deinstalled Mods...).

The current version is basically a short version of what was originally planned and in my opinion still acceptable with the explanation that KillinCuzICan gave.

 

That being said, I am not done with the ritual. She is not just going to open her eyes in the next section and the story moves on. The whole purpose of this episode is to conclude the falmer/necromancer story as well as setting up future episodes. 

 

Edit by Alter Native: This comment is referring to the old entry of Chapter 1 Section 5 that has been merged with Section 4.

Link to comment

I believe you did a great job, I read the points u made and I agree with you. I think perhaps future chapter will have better screenshots but still. I understood everything that happend.

 

Was only a little confused about her being a Falmer and a Vampire.

 

Edit by Alter Native: This comment is referring to the old entry of Chapter 1 Section 5 that has been merged with Section 4.

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