Hey there, it's me, Destana.  Where was I in the story?  

 

I'd found out the name of the person trying to take down the Thieves' Guild.  

I fought once in the Arena, and was not going to do that in my present state.

I played a few Inns as a Bard, was not an official member yet.

I was a student at the College of Winterhold.  I have attended one class.

I have designs on becoming a Thane in Riften in the near future to get an actual house.

Most importantly, I was pregnant with the child of Sanguine, Daedric Lord of Debauchery.  Also, his adherent.  Spreading debauchery, but trying to keep myself safe.

Most pressing, though, I was kidnapped by some woman and three people were tied up in front of me.

 

“You’re safe.  Which is more than I can say about Grelod the Kind," the woman was sitting on top of a bookcase.

“You know about that?  I’m surprised you followed me all the way to Winterhold.”

“Half of Skyrim knows.  You killed the matron of an orphanage in cold blood.  Nobody saw you.  People are saying you’re a ghost. It was a good kill.  But there is a slight… problem.”

“Problem?”

“That Aretino boy was looking for the Dark Brotherhood.  Me and my associates. Grelod was a contract.  Now, you must repay the kill.” 

“Who?”

“Turn around.  I’ve collected these guests from…places.  Doesn’t matter from where.  There’s a contract out on one of them.  They can’t leave here alive.  You figure out which one.”

 

I went to the middle one first, a woman.

“Get these damn things off me!  If you’re going to kill me, go ahead!”  

I almost said, ‘Ok’ and just did it.  Customer service with a smile.  Reconsidering, I asked, “Why would someone want to kill you?  Just tell me what I want to know.”

“I’m a woman with six children with no husband.  You’re damn right if you think I’ve made enemies.”

I sighed, though I really wanted to kill her.  Next!

 

The khajit on the right. 

“Vasha, at your service.  Killer of fools, defiler of daughters.  If you don’t know my name, perhaps I will carve it on your corpse later.”

“You guys really don’t want to live, do you?” I asked, then said, “Why would someone want to have you killed?”

“I have many enemies.  If they didn’t, I’d take it as a personal insult.”

 

Still thinking, I moved to the nord man on the left.

“I’m Fultheim, a nobody.  Please, just let me go.”

“Why would somebody pay to have you killed?”

“Oh gods, I don’t want to die.”

“Just answer the question.”

“Well, I’m a sellsword and have been for many years.  I’m sure somebody would want me dead after all that.”

I sighed.  The khajit had been shouting insults from the other side of the room since I started with the man, so he was definitely dead.  Should I go for extra credit?  The sellsword seemed legit, though, who is to say who actually deserves death?  He might be a secret rapist racist.  The only reason I wasn’t considering the foul woman in the middle was her six kids, but that might be a lie as well.

I walked over to the khajit and slit his throat with a dagger.  There.

As I started to walk back the woman shouted at me to get the bonds off her again.  I slapped her in the side of the head.

“The Khajit and the mother.  Interesting choice,” the assassin said.

I raised an eyebrow, looking back at the woman.  Was she unconscious?  I didn’t hit her that hard.  Well, whatever.

“Who was the right answer?” I asked.

“Irrelevant.  You got a contract to kill and you killed.  Simple as that.  You’re free to go, but, why not take our relationship to the next level?”  She detailed the location of a hidden door on the southern end of Skyrim and gave me a password, if I was interested in joining.  The Dark Brotherhood.  Her name:  Astrid.  I got out of there immediately. 

 

I let out a long breath.  Had I really become that callous about murder?  Maybe Mephala or Molag Bal was a better fit for me than Sanguine.  Shaking it off, I looked at my map as I put some distance between me and that shack.

Not far from Dawnstar, I walked there.  I’d only gotten the chance to sleep for a few hours before they took me and it was just after dark now, so I played at then slept at the Inn.  I figured I should probably tie up a lot of loose ends before Morndas, I woke up very early, bought yet another horse, and rode down to Windhelm again.  I walked into the Palace of Kings to find the two men in their map room. 

Galmar turned, "Ulfric!  You owe me a drink!  She made it back alive.  You're definitely Stormcloak material.  Ready to take the oath?"

"Oath?" I asked.

"You swear fealty to Ulfric Stormcloak, future high king of Skyrim," Galmar replied.

"Alright.  I'll do it," I looked down at my still regular-looking belly.  Maybe this would help create a better future for this land that I was quickly making my permanent home.

He began, and I repeated, step-by-step, "I do swear my blood and honor to the service of Ulfric Stormcloak, Jarl of Windhelm and true High King of Skyrim.  As Talos is my witness, may this oath bind me to death and beyond even to my lord as to my fellow brothers and sisters in arms.  All hail the Stormcloaks, the true sons and daughters of Skyrim!"

I smiled.  It felt good.  

"Oh and here, you ought to look the part," Galmar handed me a set of Stormcloak armor.  I slid it into my pack, knowing I was just going to sell it later (not as good as what I have).

"Oh, and I have a mission coming up you'd be good at.  Somebody good in the field and resourceful, not like these milk-drinkers," Galmar chuckled.

"Are you on about the crown again?" Ulfric said from across the table, "I don't need a crown to be high king."

"But if you did have it, then it would legitimize your claim!" Galmar grinned.

"A crown doesn't make a king," Ulfric responded.

Galmar turned to me then, "I've found the final resting place of the Jagged Crown.  Can you believe it?"

I raised an eyebrow, like he expected me to know what that was.

"Korvanjund.  If old King Bargas is buried there, we're bound to run into trouble."

No explanation needed.  Dungeon crawling was one of my favorite and best skills.  Ulfric could have his old dusty crown as long as I got a cut of the gold and gems.  I walked out of the room thinking to myself, 'But, if I am truly ... protecting myself, should I not wear heavier armor?  Or maybe... I could carry a shield.  Heavy armor would just slow me down.'  I walked over to the barracks and picked up a Windhelm Guard Shield (same symbol as the Stormcloaks).  

"Ah yes, there we go," I nodded.  I figured it would take a few days for the Stormcloaks to get there - you know how armies are.  It was only a short ride but they'd spend a great deal of time getting equipped.  I decided to finish my errands.  I went south to the Dark Brotherhood sanctuary.  I would at least hear them out.  I took a carriage to Falkreath (played the Inn there) and went into the woods.  Eventually I searched out a black door with a skull on it.

"What is the music of life?" The door said.

Not the strangest thing I've seen, "Silence, my brother."  Brother door.  The brother of door.

"Welcome home," the door replied.

I walked in to find Astrid leaning against a post on the far side of the room.

"I got past your spooky door, what now?" I asked.

"Welcome, sister.  Now you join the family.  This is our sanctuary.  Get comfortable," she said.  I wasn't planning on resting just yet.  

"I'm going to arrange your first big job.  Before that, though, talk to Nazir.  He might have some smaller contracts to tide you over.  Here, have some new armor.  May it serve you well."

Another new suit of armor.  I took it, putting some of it in my bag but clumsily dropping some of it.

I blinked.  I picked up one of the boots and dropped it again.  Expecting a thud, it made no noise whatsoever.

My eyes glowed greedily as I stripped off my Thief Guild boots and threw them somewhere and put on the Dark Brotherhood boots.  Even the improved boots I stole from Vex weren't as good as these babies.  I slid on the gloves, hood and body armor as well.  I would keep robes for when I needed to do more spellcasting, but I figured the best defense would be not to be seen or heard.  

 

I walked into the next room and the members of the guild were talking.  Out of the crowd I picked up that Nazir was the Redguard.  

"So you're the newest member of our dwindling, dysfunctional family."

"Hi," I said, not sure what to make of these people.  Thievery I could understand, but killing was something I'd always needed to do, or did for a purpose.  But killing for the sake of killing?  Wait, do we get paid for this?

"I give you three days before you're dead.  Just like all the others," Nazir said.

"Got work for me?"

"Straight to the point.  I like it.  I have three," Nazir folded his arms, "I'll have more coming in from time to time to be completed at your leisure.  They're not going anywhere."

"People pay us for this, right?"

"Oh yes.  Sometimes exorbitant fees," Nazir handed me the dossiers, "Not these.  These are cheaper ones.  Gotta get your feet wet first."

Well, alright then.  As I turned to leave I noticed the guild members had already scattered to their own devices.  I walked to a set of stairs to try and see if any one of them had any tips, or training advice, or whatever.

But I found pause.  There was a strange pounding in my head, like a chant that stopped me in my tracks.  My vision began to blur.  Something was streaming from a wall nearby and I felt inexorably drawn to it.  I stepped forward, the chanting beating in my ears like thunderclaps.  Runes.  Ancient runes were written on this wall.  One set in particular, I could feel energy, knowledge pouring into me.  My skin covered in goosebumps and I felt a sudden exultation, like a heroic song playing in my heart.  A tear came to my eye as the energy faded.  Then there was silence.

 

"Krii...?" I said to myself, like I had learned something, but I had no idea what it meant.  If I had gained anything, I had no way to access this knowledge.  

I turned to Nazir, who'd been staring at me the whole time.

"You...okay?" He asked, "You started acting weird."

"I guess?" I asked, "Ever experienced something weird with this wall?"

"No, not really.  It's just a wall with some runes on it.  Pretty standard for ancient nord ruins.  This place was built inside of a small tomb," Nazir replied.  I got up and walked out, not sure what had just happened.

Astrid was standing in the entryway again.

"Got the contacts.  Be back in a few days," I said.

"Good luck," she said back, "Hey, before you go, want to learn a new skill?"

"Sure," I said sheepishly.

"Let's go to the bed in the next room."

"Ah, that kind of skill," I smirked.

"Well, it is easy to get a woman distracted during sex.  You can capitalize on this and take her out," Astrid replied.

"I know how to do this already, but, practice makes perfect," I smiled.

So, you know, we did the sex.  

When we were done she said, "If you want to practice on a man, you can go talk to Arnbjorn, my husband."

I raised an eyebrow, "You'd be okay with that?"

"Of course.  I have sex with quite a few people during missions.  It's just business," she said as she got her clothes back on.

I walked down to what looked like a forge where Arnbjorn was working.  A big meaty Nord man.  

"What do you want, beef roast?" He spat, not looking up from his work.

I stood there.  Very threatening.  I smirked a little, finding myself interested.  Wanting to ask the question I was about to even more.

"You're a new recruit.  I'm not going to bother learning your name now.  If that's all, go away," he said, hammering.

"Why're you so mad?" I spat.

"Look. If you're trying to get to know me - don't. I don't like you, and I never will. It's nothing personal. But... My wife trusts you, and I trust her judgment. So you can't be all bad. Here's all you need to know: I'm a werewolf. I like killing things. I love Astrid. I hate annoying people. And the color blue gives me a headache."  A werewolf?  Strangely enough, that had me even more intrigued.  I'd never seen one in the flesh before.

"Astrid said you could teach me something," I said, like I didn't know what I was asking.  Maybe the innocent act would entice him like a little lamb minding its own business.

He grinned, showing his teeth more than anything, "Okay.  Turn around."  He was finally watching me as he talked.  I did what he asked.  

He grabbed my hips and pulled down the brotherhood pants, touching my butt, "This what you had in mind?"

"I figured you'd teach me how to kill a man while fucking him," I smiled sweetly.

He blinked, "You do know what I am."

"Yes."

"Alright," he said, with a growl I felt something enter me.  Luckily, nobody else was in the big common room.  He was rough and we made some noise.

When we were done, I left.  It was time to ride my horse back to Riften.  I rode as fast as I could, doing my best to make good time, and reached it in the middle of the night on Loredas.  I slept in the guild bunkroom until Sundas morning.  I fenced with Tonilia and Ra'skaar then I reported in.  

"Morning, lass," Brynjolf said, "News from Gulum-Ei?"

"Karliah," I said between him and Mercer Frey and that seemed to do it.  Also distracting them from the fact that I'd not given one whit of information about the sneaky argonian.  

"She said meet her where it all began," I continued.

"Snow Veil Sanctum," he said, "This time, the two of us are going together."

I peered at my map really quick, "Hmm... I guess it's on the way..."  Between Windhelm and Winterhold.

"Then it's settled, I'll meet you there," Mercer said.

I popped topside for a few minutes to go to Mistveil Keep.  

"My Jarl, what does it take to be named a Thane of the Rift?" I asked.

"Members of the community will need to vouch for you.  At least five," Jarl Laila replied, "And if you take care of the Skooma ring around here, It wouldn't hurt your chances."

"Okay, where should I investigate?"

"Try the docks," Anuriel, the steward said from beside her.  

I asked myself if I had time for this.  I hefted my pack full of packrat garbage that I'd been accumulating since I came to Skyrim.  I looked through various poisons, potions and different types of skooma.  I eyed Leaf Skooma, which increased the speed and stamina of the imbiber, but was highly addictive.  I'm pregnant.  Can't do that.  So I put the bottle away.  No matter, I would need to use the natural drug to drive me forward:  adrenaline!  I clenched my fists, ready to take on the challenge of:  BECOMING THANE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE!

Okay.  Five people.  Skooma drug ring.  I AM SPEED! 

I sprinted to the marketplace.

"Hey you!  Yeah you!" I shouted, "You need help?"  At no one in particular.

"Bring me ten fire salts," Balimund said.

I dumped the contents of my pack on the ground and fished out fire salts, counting up to ten, "Done.  Vouch for me."

"Thanks!" Balimund shouted back, using them to light his forge even hotter.

"Who else needs help?" I shouted.

Ingun Black-Briar spoke up, "I could use some alchemical ingredients."

I threw an armful of alchemical garbage at her, "DONE!  VOUCH FOR ME!"

"Thanks?" Ingun replied, "Oh hey, some of this is what I needed."

"Next!"

Talen-Jei said, "I could use three flawless amethysts."

"May as well just ask for gold.  Here!" I chucked a sack of gems at him, "Vouch for me."

"Well, I would take money," Snilf, the beggar said.  I squinted at him.  I wondered if a beggar would count for this purpose, "Screw it.  Done!" I shouted as I threw a sack of 100 gold at him.

"One more!" I shouted. 

A man said back to me, "Would you stop screaming?  I could hear you clear from the stables.  I have half a mind to knock you out."

I raised an eyebrow.  Would punching this guy set me back, waste time, or propel me forward.

"100 gold says I can beat the pants off you!" I shouted back at him.

"Deal!" He was the stablemaster, Hofgrir Horse-crusher.

I crouched and by the time he'd put up his dukes, I was already laying into him.  I clocked him on the back of the head seventeen times, sending him to the street.  

"To the docks!" I shouted as I sprinted away.

"But... your money?" He shouted as I ran.

"Greet ~" Wujeeta started.

But I shouted over her, "Do you know anything about a Skooma ring?"

"Uh... well, I'm addicted to Skooma.  I'm going to lose my job ~"

"Stop.  Tell me exactly what I need to solve your problems," 

"A healing potion."

"Done," I handed her my worst healing potion, "Where do you get your supply?  Say it!  Say it fast!"  I got uncomfortably close to her.

"Talos Bones!" She yelled, "Sarthis Idren. He has some sort of a setup over at the Riften Warehouse. You can't get inside though. They've kept that place locked up tight since the war began."

I went back to the Jarl, "Found the Skooma.  In the warehouse."

"Here's the key!  Deal with it!" She said, throwing a key at me.  I caught it on my way out the door.

I drew my crossbow and started firing into the crowd of unsuspecting men, "Do not underestimate the power of an expecting mother who's on a timetable!"

When they got close, I pulled out sword and dagger and finished them off, "You won't poison my babies with your skooma!"

They were all mowed down quickly, then I traveled back to Mistveil Keep.

"Here's the information on the Skooma ring and I helped Snilf, Ingun, Balimund, Talen-Jei, Wujeeta and ... maybe Hofgrir?"

Laila Law-Giver blinked, "You were gone like, ten minutes."

"Thane?  Thane now??" I asked.

"Now you need to go get the Skooma den," the steward said.

I sighed, "Cragslane Cavern... it's on the way to Snow Veil Sanctum.  Which is on the way to the College of Winterhold."

It was still morning.  Could I do two dungeons with travel time in one day?  Best not zone out for this travel and actually get on my horse and book it.