Hey, it's me.  Destana.  Big news from last time.  I was pregnant.  Time counter: about three months in Skyrim.

 

I decided I would find what I believed to be Sanguine's human form, Sam Guevenne.  So I went to Rorikstead, which I'd been blathering about in my drunken state.  I bought a horse from the Markarth stables and headed out, avoiding all uninteresting conflict.  I got to Rorikstead after having traveled through the night and put up in the Frostfruit Inn for the night, after playing a set on my lute.  Got some food and drink, then went in search of ... whatever it was I needed to find here that I'd done wrong.

 

It didn't take me long for someone to recognize me.

"Hey, you!" A man yelled, "You've got a lot of nerve showing yourself in this town again. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm sorry," I said, I was wondering if he'd remember me, but obviously I'd transgressed against him pretty fiercely.  

"Sorry's not good enough! Not while my Gleda is still out there, alone and afraid. You kidnapped her and sold her to that Giant."

"Did I say anything about where I left a staff?" I asked.  I remembered Sam had said something about the Sanguine Rose (name of the staff and the picture still tattooed on my butt).

"You mentioned something like that... when you were running off with my goat! Tell you what - you bring back my goat, and maybe I'll give a damn about your staff," he replied.

"Help me retrace my steps and I'll pay you for the goat," I offered him a sac of septims.

"Nope.  1000 gold," he replied.

"A thousand??" I shouted.  I pulled out a bigger sack and handed it over, sighing.  The East Empire's money floweth.  

"Fine, but I'll still be missing my Gleda. Doubt I'll ever have a prize winning goat again. Most of what you said was gibberish but you left a note. The only bit I could read was 'after repaying Ysolda in Whiterun."

So I took my horse and rode to Whiterun as fast as I could travel.  Took the better part of the day.  At nightfall, I found Ysolda.  

"So, you're finally back. Look, I've been patient, but you still owe me," she said, immediately recognizing me.

"Owe you??" I said harshly, figuring I was going to go broke pursuing this venture.  

"Aw, what's wrong? Did the engagement fall through? Look, how about we call it even, as long as you bring back the wedding ring? That's really a shame - I was so looking forward to the wedding. You said you'd have all the most interesting guests," she replied.

"Do you know what I did with it?  Things are kinda fuzzy.  Also three months will do that."

"You went right to give it to your fiancée! Don't you even remember where you left him? And after you told me that sweet story of how the two of you met in Witchmist Grove! I can see why he left you."

"That's pretty harsh.  And I was very drunk," I considered my options.  This time maybe I could appeal to her sympathy without actually spending more money, "I just need to get to the wedding. Please..."

"You must have had a wild night if you can't remember that. But I suppose everyone gets the jitters before their wedding. And I did say you could take a bit of time paying me back. You said the ceremony was going to be at Morvunskar. Don't forget..."

 

I walked away.  Thinking to myself, I realized that my 'con' was actually me being sincere.  I actually wanted to find Sanguine.  I had put on a mask to play pretend that was my own face.  I smiled silently, walking towards the gate and my horse again.  Wait, what is Morvunskar?  I took out my log and map.  Actually, not far from here.  I rode there and dismounted far enough away. 

 

I said to myself, "I wonder if with illusion magic I could sneak past all the bandits or necromancers or monsters here.  I should really consider learning more magic than the basic handful of spells I know.  Make me a better thief."  

I know not every engagement with enemies needs to be described, so, suffice to say, I'm just going to say I overcame this area (mostly through sneaking).  What I remember is some banter between bandits and a necromancer who talked to herself.  Eventually I found a portal, just hanging out in the ruin.  It transported me to a version of Sanguine's realm.  This time, I imagined it was fully dialed down to the lowest level.  I mean, I was still stripped naked, my clothes in my pack from the get-go.  I walked through the green grass and trees and found where all the torture devices and cages were a nice table, chairs and some food and drink there.  Probably a dozen men were there, and as I looked between them, noticed that they were not only wearing the same thing, but looked like copies of one another.  No Sanguine.  I looked between them.  The calm that'd fallen over the group ended, and they started to drink and eat again.

 

What would Sanguine do (WWSD)?  Spread debauchery.

 

"Who are you guys?"

"Just a bunch of commoners.  Don't concern yourself with us," the one nearest me said.

"Well uh..." I pondered, "Want to have... group sex?"

"How many we talking, here?" One of the other ones said, with the same exact voice.

"I dunno, I guess..." I mentally counted them to be seven, now that I was paying attention, "Four on one, then three on one?  That seems pretty even."

The four nearest me got up, and I had my answer.  As they surrounded me, a figure turned the corner from the woods, in his Sam guise.

He stopped for a minute, watching before he approached. 

"Oh, no, don't stop on my account.  Enjoy," he smiled, "Of course you found me out.  I was beginning to think you wouldn't make it."

"Did you say..." I trailed off as one of the 'commoners' went down on me while the others were using their six hands to fondle me, "You needed something to repair the staff, by the way?"

"Oh, you can throw all that out," he chuckled, "We're waaay past that stage in our relationship.  This was meant as an introduction before you came to the more... risque version of this place.  But, I mean, this does have it's own joys.  Please, go ahead.  I can talk while you sample the pleasures."

"Who..." I gasped as two of them sandwiched me between them, rubbing both ends for penetration, "Who are these guys?  This is super weird."

"Don't worry too much about it.  Bearer of my staff," Sanguine dismissed his disguise, this time in full daedric armor, and he sat on his throne to continue watching us.

"Be honest," I moaned in between my words as they began to thrust.  Four-on-one.

"Why did you choose me?" I asked between breaths.

"I don't always think my decisions through. But you... you're going places. Maybe a little influence from your old uncle Sanguine could help adjust your course a bit..."

"Please...don't...call yourself... an uncle," I gasped.  A few minutes of thrusting and the group let me down.

"So you're all in, then?" He asked.

"All... in," I smirked, weakly standing up.  Then I realized I had the three more who were now approaching me, "Talos bones."

"Could you... think of curses that use my name, now that you're my adherent?"  He asked.  

"Sanguine's sack!" I shouted as I was taken again.  He clapped, "Bravo!"

It was about a half hour of fun and then I reappeared in Morvunskar, sticky enough that I needed a bath.  I immediately cursed to myself.  He'd sent me back and I hadn't even accomplished what I wanted to.  Still, maybe he knew already and was just messing with me.

 

"Okay, maybe if I go back the other way," I said to myself.  But as I got outside, I considered something.  He wants me out here, spreading the word.  I don't really want to live in Oblivion, either, nice as it may seem with him.  I don't actually have a house that is good enough for a child to live in.  Not going to have a baby in the sewers.  The problem, as I understand it, is there are limited parcels for houses in the cities as they stand.  The people who own property are either the recipients of generational wealth (their grandfather owned it, etc) or they're politically connected and can either afford to buy the one or two vacant houses in the hold (possibly afffordable) or buy land and build their own (which was definitely out of my price range).  In order to command that amount of clout, I would need to be made a thane of a hold.  Most likely, Riften would be my best bet.  Maybe Maven could make it happen if I did a few more jobs for her.

 

Or an easier solution for the time being: maybe one of the guilds has actual living space.  Not the Pit Fighters, Thieves, or Bards which I was already a member of.  They all have common rooms.  I doubted the Companions did for their new members.  But the College of Winterhold!  That was a possibility.  I would just need to demonstrate the basic aptitude for magic and maybe I could weasel my way in.  I mean, I know like, six spells.  I'd always wanted to study magic.

 

So I traveled back to Windhelm (slept awhile in the Inn while I was there).  I told Aventus that I'd done his job.  As much as it made me feel bad that I did it, it made the kid happy.  I'd already seen letters going out to people advertising a revitalized adoption program set in motion by Constance, the younger woman at the orphanage.  So, I guess I did some good, if a little heavy-handed with my actions.   I then took the carriage to Winterhold, not wanting to tempt fate on the road.  I arrived early in the morning and decided I would go ahead and talk to admissions, or whatever they had.  When I got off the carriage I stepped into the middle of a blizzard.  I walked through town, avoiding any distractions, and came upon the bridge.

 

A mage from the college, Faralda, blocked my path, "What are your intentions in approaching the college of Winterhold?"

"Uhh..." I thought about the least murderhobo response, "I just wanted to have a look around inside."

"Ha! Humor is often in short supply here. But I sense that perhaps you're after more than just that," she replied, "How about a small test?"

"Test?"

"Yeah.  Cast a healing spell on me."

I frowned a little.  The only healing spell I knew healed myself.  I shrugged.

"A newbie, huh?  30 gold and I'll teach it to you."

"Done," I smirked.  Drop in the bucket. 

She showed me how to basically modify the self healing spell to heal her, and I cast it.  I get how some wizards just want to learn all the magic, because I felt that drive to collect them all at that moment.  I smiled, and she stepped aside.

"Go talk to Mirabelle.  She should be in the courtyard.  You should be able to get a tour and be able to make it to class if you hurry.  I'm Faralda, by the way," she waved.

"You mean that was the whole entrance exam?"
"That's it," Faralda replied, "You'd be amazed how many people can't make it this far.  The fact that you picked up a few spells on your own speaks volumes."

Godsdamn I could get used to all this praise.  I marched over to Mirabelle, who seemed to be just taking care of everything.  Handing out orders, directing people (even those older than her). 

A damned Thalmor wizard was talking to her.

"I believe I've made myself rather clear," she said to him, "You are a guest here.  We'll not bow to your demands like the Empire."

"Yes, of course," he replied snidely and walked off.

She turned to me and said, "Welcome to the college.  Are you here for a tour?  Did you speak with Faralda?"

I nodded emphatically.

"Alright, we can make this quick so you can join the Alteration class in about an hour... in the Hall of Elements," Mirabelle walked briskly and explained as quickly as she could.  She led me to a tower with a circle of rooms, "And here is your room.  First on the right."

I blinked.  It was that easy.  I opened the door and found enough room for a person to live and work and study.  When I turned, Mirabelle was gone.  I actually wanted to learn about magic, so I sped off to the Hall to find an older man getting ready to start his lecture.  Tolfdir, the Alteration master.

 

"Welcome!" Tolfdir shouted, "We were just about to begin.  The first thing to understand about magic is by its very nature, it's volatile and dangerous.  Unless you can control it, it will destroy you."

Brelyna, A female student said, "We all understand that."

"Of course, my dear," Tolfdir replied, "You all possess some innate ability in magic.  True control, mastery, takes years."

J'jargo, A khajit replied, "What are we waiting for?  Let's get started."

"Please, please.  Your ambition must be tempered with caution..." Tolfdir started.

A male student, Onmund interrupted him, "We've only just arrived.  You have no idea what any of us are capable of."  

I looked at them with disdain.  Tolfdir was a sweet aged man and they were showing him a lot of disrespect.  

"Maybe give us a chance to show what we can do," Onmund continued.

"You've been quiet so far, what do you think?" Tolfdir turned towards me.

"I think people should listen and learn when possible," I paused to let my rebuke take effect, then I said, "I think showing practical knowledge is good.  Obviously some people here are masters already."

"Alright, I suppose we can try something," Tolfdir responded, "We'll start with a ward.  I'll teach you all a ward which you can use to block spells."

He turned to me, "Would you mind helping me with a demonstration?  Are you familiar with wards?"

I pursed my lips, "Honestly, I don't know any alteration."

"That's alright.  I can teach you a basic ward for this purpose," he replied.  He spent a few moments teaching me the hand motions and methods of casting it, then moved to an opposite pedestal.  

"Ready?" He asked.

I put my left hand out, firing up a Lesser Ward.  Not too bad.  For like 5 seconds, then I dropped it as I was out of magicka.

"You have to keep the ward up.  I wouldn't want to hurt you." 

I could feel them chuckling at me under their breath.  High crust brats.  I kept my right hand open and held a magicka potion.  I put up the ward again, as some magicka had come back.

Tolfdir blasted me with a firebolt, which was cancelled by the ward.  I didn't need the potion so I put it away.

"Excellent start.  Please continue practicing with wards," Tolfdir said, "I suggest we take a field trip.  The college has excavated the ruin of Saarthal nearby.  We should venture there tomorrow morning."

"But professor!  It's Fredas!"

"OH, right you are, right you are!  We'll pick this back up on Morndas.  Don't forget, Saarthal, bright and early at sunrise on Morndas," Tolfdir said, dismissing the class.  

I went to the circle that held my room, and of course, I couldn't help but snoop around a little bit and see if anything valuable was just lying around.  Behind people's locked doors.

After about an hour I returned to my room.  J'zargo was in the circle, looking at a book as he walked.

"Hey," I said.

"No time for talk.  Need to get ahead," he said.

"Quite the gunner," I folded my arms, "You guys should show some respect.  He may be old, but he's a vast wealth of knowledge."

"Peh, I need to get stronger now.  I've no time to waste with this, or you," J'zargo didn't even look up at me, "Where do you hail from?  The streets?  You'd probably not even make a good fucktoy for J'zargo."

"Are you kidding?  I'd make an excellent fucktoy!" I said back.  Wait.

"Let us put that to the test then!" He shut his book, finally looking up to me.  I backed up, stepping into my room, and he shut the door behind us.

"Okay, I guess," I said, committing to this spreading debauchery thing.

There was a nice rug to insulate my back from the stone floor.  It was cold outside.

"You seem to be excited to be here," I said when we finished.

"Yes, J'zargo wishes to find things to make him a powerful mage.  Hopefully small things that fit inside pockets that won't be missed."

I smirked, "A cat after my own heart."

He went back to his studies, and I wondered what I should do for the time being.  It was only a few days.  Sanguine could wait.  And I was pregnant, but not *that* pregnant.  I poked around the school for a few hours, buying various tomes and learning a few more novice spells before settling on making Illusion my primary school of focus (for obvious reasons).  I was flipping through my quest log when I realized that dumb job the Stormcloaks gave me was just north of here.  I went to Tolfdir and bought a very specific tome - a spell that protected me from exposure.  I gathered some wood, got a wool cloak, walked to the tallest tower on the northern end of the College and looked down at the Sea of Ghosts.  I could see the island the Ice Wraiths would be on, though this was going to be a bit of a trek.  I casted the Warmth spell, drank a Cold Resist potion, then I did what any normal human being would do, I jumped.  I landed in the icy water below and swam to shore.  Immediately I took out wood from my pack and built a campfire, drying myself off.  It took a few minutes but I was okay.  I traveled north, jumping from icy island to island, making sure not to go in the water again.  

 

"What the fuck is that?" I saw a figure in the sky, looking like a distant bird, or other kind of flying creature, but it vanished as soon as it appeared.  I shook my head.  

 

I reached the marked place on my map and decided it was a good time to practice what I'd learned.  Sneaking (as always) I shot a Firebolt at the first Ice Wraith I saw, and I immediately realized I was not so great at magic yet.  It took the blast and angry, came right for me.  I drew Dragon's Oath and changed to Flames on my offhand.  I slashed at the thing, pelting it with fire, until it went down.  I wondered then if there was a way to sneak attack with spells - or at least cast them quieter.  Whatever.  I touched the Serpent's Stone while I was there.  Then I collected what the Stormcloaks wanted (for another day to turn in) and made my way back to the college.  It was late afternoon, as the wood gathering and preparation took longer than the trip, and I decided I would go ahead to bed.

 

I did not wake up in the college.