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Hey, Fenrir again.  Last time I tackled a new dwemer ruin and started to double down on my search for ancient dwemer lore.  Now that there's not a war to fight I figured it's time to double-down on finding all of Skyrim's ancient mysteries.  Unfortunately for you, that involves reading skimming a lot of books, if I can actually find them. 

 

 

Last time I'd just enlisted Damien to help my Dwemer book search.  We teleported back to Riverwood and walked into the Sleeping Dragon Inn.

Duns was sitting on a bench across the room.  I tapped him on the shoulder, "I brought the deed to Hannah.  Here's the proof of payment."

 

"Marvelous!  It is good to know that the future of Frodnar and Dorthe has been secured.  Here is something for your trouble.  It is a rare work of philosophy I gladly share with you.  By the way if you are interested in learning more about philosophy I heard that Michael Sebastian of Bruma is in Skyrim," Duns replied,  "It seems he is residing in the Biosas Late, a cave inside Moss Mother Cavern."

 

 

He handed us books and payment and we headed outside onto the porch.  

 

Damien leaned on the arch while I traced my finger along my map.  Just feet from us was a torrential downpour, mist churning the scant few feet of safety.

"Really coming down out here," I said, following the roads with my thumb.

"Yeah, but do you want to stay here?  You see Delphine is here?" Damien asked.

 

 

"Eh, I wasn't really paying attention," I continued.

"I think the Blades and Companions went on sort of a joint expedition the border of Orsinium.  Some unusual dragon attacking travelers.  Anyway probably shouldn't concern ourselves with it.  That's what Bris said anyway."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, not exactly feigning interest, but trusting that the now stronger-than-ever Blades could take care of it, "Moss Mother..."

"I don't get why they would leave their leader out of it though," Damien commented.

"She probably has her reasons," I said, then turned my attention back to the task at hand, "You don't have a teleport for Northkeep or Little Vivec, do you?"

"Nope, sorry.  Only well traveled places have teleports usually and I've never been to either place," Damien replied.

 

"I bet we can make it to the Inn of Lost Souls by nightfall," I said.

Damien smirked a little, "I figured you'd say that.  I can fly us that far, at least."

 

We traveled down the old road toward Falkreath just above the ground and reached the Inn of Lost Souls.  Seeing it was getting a little late, we walked in the door.

Before we took off I'd been trying to talk about the new towns, but the rain was just too damn loud.  With it behind us, I continued, "Did you know they just recently restored Northkeep?  Used to be a town a couple hundred years ago.  Think it got destroyed in the Great War maybe."

 

"Oh really? that's mostly interesting," Damien said.

We looked to each other, looking around the Inn and seeing nobody.  No patrons, no Innkeeper.

 

I continued the conversation, trying to act nonchalant, "Only mildly?  There are like ten towns starting to rebuild since the Summerset invasion."

Breaking the aire of nonchalant, Damien asked, "Where is everybody?

"That's what I'm starting to wonder," I said back.

 

 

"I say we get the hell out of here and keep going," Damien said as I started to walk through adjacent rooms.

 

"Are you that freaked out by weirdness? I say we leave gold on the counter and rest up.  I'm bushed and my skivvies are soaked," I replied.

After a thorough search, I settled on a bed and laid on it, keeping my gold until I actually saw somebody to pay for the room.

 

 

"Suit yourself. I'm going to keep watching for ghosts," Damien said, then he took a seat in the chair across from the bed.

I was bushed, because I was out like a light in only moments.  It seemed like I'd just gotten to sleep when Damien shook me awake, "All right your turn."

 

 

"Never thought I'd be standing watch inside an Inn," I said.  I got up, put my armor on and walked out to the common room, intent on finding something to snack on and drink behind the bar.

As I turned to the bar I found a man casually walking there, "Hey you!"

He turned to face me, "Yeah?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Uhh...I'd like to rent a room."

At once the man's surly neutral attitude turned to a warm smile, "Sure thing.  It's yours for a day."

"Strange," I said, handing him the gold, but then I shrugged and said, "Well now I guess I can go back to sleep."

 

I immediately heard from the next room, "You son of a bitch."

I laughed out loud, knowing it was Damien.

 

"Hey wait, we're brothers you dipshit," I poked my head in the room.

 

"Well, you're an ass," Damien put a pillow over his head.

"I'm gonna go ahead, I think," I said, "Looks like the storm cleared."

 

"I can fly and catch up with you," Damien responded, muffled.  

I didn't need him for the moment.  I continued on down the road, taking in the sunrise over Lake Ilinalta.  I made it to Northkeep around 5 am.  It wasn't anything special, except that it'd been recently attacked by strange mollusk creatures. 

 

 

The Thane of the town (some small towns are watched over by Thanes by order of the Jarl) didn't have much to say about it.  They seemed to have it well in hand, so I use my Dwarven Hookshot to get onto the watchtower and looked out over the fields beyond.  I found Moss Mother and ventured the final stretch by my lonesome.

 

I found a man crouched in the overgrown brush by the cave's entrance, "Hello?  You!  Over here!  Please, I need help!"

As I approached, he continued, "Thank Kynareth for you stranger.  I'd almost given up hope of walking away from here."

"What's your name?"

"Valdr."

"What are you doing out here?" I asked.

 

He replied, "We tracked a bear to this den.  Good coin for those pelts.  We had the big sow cornered when they showed up.  Three of them out of nowhere.  Spriggans.  Niels went down before we even knew to run.  Ari died just inside.  I never even thought that things were real.  I may have lost a drop or two of blood.  Truth is I'm not going anywhere like this.   

He inhaled sharply, "Ah hurts to breathe."

 

"I may have a potion to spare," I replied, fishing through my equipment.

"I just need a little to get going," he said, and I handed him a weak healing potion.  He actually didn't look too bad.

"Much better thanks friend I wouldn't have lasted much longer without that."

I rolled my eyes.

 

"But now what I can't just walk away.  Not with my friends bodies in there being torn apart by those beasts," he said.

"Don't be foolish.  I'll do it," I replied.

"You'd really risk your life for a stranger's honor?"

I nodded, "I was passing through here for something deeper in the cave anyhow.  Going to need to clear out the spriggans and bears."

 

"I don't even know what to say thank you my friend i'll wait here," Valdr replied.

I set up a small fire and cooked breakfast, offering Valdr a little.  He seemed to get confused when he saw I was waiting, until I explained my brother was on his way.

 

Damien soared into view and set down.  I offered him a strip of bacon and he ate it hungrily.  While he chowed down I explained the situation.

"Finally caught up let's go bro," he said.

 

 

We stepped into the brush of the interior and it was so thick we couldn't see anything.  I perched up on a cliff nearby, and it was clear the beasts further in could already sense our presence.  I cast a cloud of bolts into the brush, clipping a Spriggan.  A deathly silence fell over the cave.  But I could hear movement.  

 

I swapped to my hand cannon and firebombs, knowing it'd probably prove useful against plant creatures.  The spriggan leapt out of the brush at me, but I blashed him right in the face with a bomb, finishing him off.  I exhaled, taking a look at Damien.

"You gonna help, right?" I asked.

"You had it well in hand.  I was watching what was coming next," Damien said, immediately shooting off an Elemental Blast that exploded about ten feet in front of me.  The brush was concealing a charging bear who'd almost eaten my face off!  The bear shook off the damage and reared up, but I was ready with a blast of my own to the bear's torso, nearly flattening the beast right there.  

Damien took another shot and finished him off.

 

"Good show," I said.

"Don't celebrate yet," Damien said, and we traded a couple shots with another bear.  

About this time I noticed birds flying past us.  As we finished off the second bear so many birds had gathered it was a veritable cloud of crows.  

"Since when are there a million birds in here?" I asked, "Seems unnatural!"

 

"Look!" Damien pointed to the opening into the larger cavern ahead of us and something like a massive tree creature with moose antlers, even bigger than an Ancient Spriggan was harrowing us, controlling the birds.

 

 

"What the hell is that thing?" I asked.

"I've been cataloguing otherworldly creatures, but I haven't seen this one yet," Damien replied.  While the birds were pecking at my head, the thing was blasting me with razor sharp leaves.  Between this and the brush that made it impossible to see, we silently agreed to beat a hasty retreat.  

 

"Everything alright?" Valdr asked.

"You never told me an even bigger creature than a Spriggan was in there!" I said.

"Well, uh, guess we never made it that far, friend," Valdr replied, "Going back in?"

I stroked my beard, "Yeah.  Got any ideas, D?"

"It seems to be affecting the overgrowth of the plants here.  Maybe if we go in there, burning a path in, we can weaken the thing, take it down with fire.  You got enough firebombs?" He asked.

"You kidding?  I still have a ton of supplies from the Aetherium dungeon, and I restocked bolts myself," I replied, loading a firebomb into my launcher.

 

"Alright, let's go!" Damien shouted as we rushed in.  I drew the thing's attention with firebombs while Damien channeled Flames, melting every square inch of greenery he could find.  He swept back and forth like a flamethrower.  I managed to slip into the bigger cave, still blasting and kiting the thing.  And suddenly, realizing he wasn't reaching me, he winked out.

 

"Where'd he go?" Damien asked as he caught up.

 

"Ah shit!" I shouted, the thing's massive vines exploding from the ground under us. 

 

 

I rolled to dodge out of the way, whipping around.  I started blasting, avoiding him but keeping his attention.  Damien definitely did more damage, alternating between Forbidden Sun and Elemental Blast, but I was doing my fair share.  I felt like I was escaping the razor leaves by the skin of my teeth as I dodged and weaved.  After several moments, one of my blasts knocked him to one knee and Damien charged a massive spell.  

 

 

Flamestrike blasted the thing with a line of exploding fireballs, and I got the final hit with another firebomb.  It toppled, and Damien ran forward to get a sample before it was all lost to flame.

 

 

"Got it!" He exclaimed, "Maybe Solaire can figure this one out."
"Oh, he's back?"

"He's been visiting often, reporting his findings.  His world's nearly collapsed so the College has kinda become his home away from home," Damien replied.

 

I looked around and found a small trapdoor that led to a deeper cave, and what we'd been here for in the first place - the Biosas Late.  An Inn for the reclusive.  Which, is a weird concept when you think about it.

The first floor seemed to be the guest rooms area, and the common room, while the basement had the tavern.  Also a weird concept.

We found Sebastian sitting in his room with his door open, just to the right of the front door.

 

 

"Hey uh..." I started, but before I could say anything, he cut me off.

"I knew this day would come.  I came here to find peace and now you bring me... trouble," he spoke to me over his shoulder, not even turning to look, "My name is Michael Sebastian.  I am a philosopher.  If it helps you, I'm willing to sell some books.  But that is where my help ends.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Spoken like a true philosopher," he said back, but added nothing to his statement.

After a moment of silence, I said, "I need help locating a book."

In a ponderously slow cadence, he replied, "The best help I can give you is not to help you at all.  Autonomy can never be forced it can merely be facilitated.  Although we are born, we can rise up claim our freedom and become masters..."

Was he trying to get me to leave by boring me out of the conversation?

I interjected, "But you could point me in the right direction?"

 

"I could.  There are many things I could do.  There are endless possibilities.  Endless possible worlds.  In some of them I have pointed you in the right direction.  And in this I do not point at all..."

Sensing this was getting me nowhere, I said, "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Hmmm...my mind is burdened," he replied, scratching his chin.

People are often apt to help you when you help them.

He continued, "Have you ever heard of a dwemer named Ludz?"

I shook my head.

"His name has faded away, but then it was more than three millennia ago that he lived."

"How can I help you?" I folded my arms.

"According to legend, Ludz was a close friend of Kagrenac, the dwemer engineer who defied the will of the gods themselves.  Their friendship, however, fell apart and the enmity between them grew.  In time they would despise each other.  I want to understand what lied at the root of their conflict.  They both believed in building an institution to educate young dwemer minds. Although Kagrenac was the architect and engineer, it was Ludz who worked out the philosophy behind it.  Rumors speak of a workshop in which Ludz worked meticulously on his ideas.  An academy made by Ludz himself as a contrast to Kagrenac's university.  I believe that the original plans for this university must lie in the mysterious academy of Ludz.  If you can find them for me, I would be very grateful."

He looked back at his book, perhaps hoping I would finally leave.

 

But I said, "Sure I will find those plans for you.  Do you have any idea where this academy is?"

"I have only heard rumors.  Some say it is in the coldest regions of Skyrim.  Some say the Throat of the World.  Some - Elswyer.  Some - Black Marsh.  There's this rumor Ludz was actually an Argonian.  But whatever the truth, all we know is that Ludz left hints in dwemer works of philosophy.  If you can find them you might find clues about where the academy is.  Other philosophers might know where these dwemer tomes reside."

 

I sighed.  What a vague and unhelpful statement.  The man probably knew I seemed like an adventurer type and gave me such an open-ended quest that I'd go away.  Truly, an unparalleled mind.

Sebastian added, "So you know if you do not find them, I can understand.  Some say those plans never went into fruition or they were never written.  All I have for you are these notes and this mysterious dwemer key.  I advise you to look for one of the ancient dwemer tomes.  Good luck."

 

I took the key and walked down to the bar, where Damien was already enjoying a drink.  I stood across the table from him.

 

 

"So what's the situation?" He asked.

"Essentially this guy likes to talk slowly but gives almost no actual information," I shook my head.

"He is a philosopher," Damien chuckled.

I laughed with him, sitting down, "What do you have against philosophers?"

"Same thing as you, I think.  You're a historian and engineer.  I'm into research and applied magic.  Both of them are practical applications for knowledge," Damien took a big drink.

"Well, I do see the reason for asking questions - why are we making the things we're making?  Sometimes, that's important," I replied.

"Yeah, but!  Some of these guys go way too far and never apply their tools of questioning to anything important," Damien added.

 

The man at the bar said, "Hey traveler, what's your name, what'll you have?"

"Fenrir.  I'll have what my brother is having, I guess.  Could use a break about now," I replied.

He came to the table quickly with a smooth draught of ale, "This's good.  I do have a lot of questions about a bar, in a secret cave.  How do you do business?"

"This here is the last resort.  A place where people who are wary of life come to relax.  We get a surprising amount of customers willing to pay top Septim for privacy.  I'm the Fat Joe.  Happy to serve you drinks, my friend," he replied.

Damien said, "I'll have another," as he finished his off.

When he walked away, I whispered, "THE Fat Joe, not just any old fat joe."

Damien and I chuckled to each other.  After we had a little break, we departed, looking around Moss Mother Cavern proper and finding a couple chests.  One - a massive one half-submersed in the dirt that held a lot of pricy knick-knacks but nothing particularly useful for us.  There were three priceless bows laying next to the chest as well.  Might even be able to display one of them in a museum. 

 

The other was another relic chest pointed out to us by a fairy.  I'd found another on the way to meet Duns Scotus the first time. 

 

We walked out of the cave and found Valdr waiting for us there with bated breath.

 

 

"It's done," I said.

He smiled big, "You had me worried when there were sounds of battle and it got quiet."

"There's a tavern down there," Damien blurted out.

Valdr blinked like we were crazy, "Well, either way, you've done my friends justice.  I want you to have this.  I know it isn't much, but it's important to me."

He handed me a dagger, "It was Ari's.  Said it brought her luck.  Come find me if you're ever in Falkreath.  You'll always be welcome at my door."

"Thanks friend.  It was no problem," I nodded.

As Valdr walked into the cave to gather their remains, Damien elbowed me, "Ya big damn hero."

I gently punched him in the shoulder as he laughed.

"Oh noes my only weakness, tiny punches," Damien chuckled again.

I smiled back.

"So I definitely need to go back to the college to see if there's any work for me, and get back on schedule with creating the Life waters.  Believe it or not, Auriel's Tear requires a lot of soaking and waiting.  Not a lot of actual stuff to do.  But I do need to change out the water every now and then.  Who am I kidding... I need to make sure the apprentices are doing it and catalogue the volume."

"I was going to check to see if Hannah had any more info yet," I replied.

"Grab on then," Damien said, and he used Recall to bring him to his room at the College.  

I walked down to Hannah, still in the library, and she had nothing new for me.  I browsed the books and found a few philosophy texts, but nothing to propel me forward.

 

 

Damien saw me about five minutes later.

"Hey, I should teach you how to teleport," Damien said.

I raised an eyebrow, "You think I can learn that?"

"Maybe.  I'm going to tell you about it and you can decide," Damien said, leading me to the Hall of Elements as he talked, something about needing room, "Teleportation is something they don't teach here anymore.  That's because at some point it was outlawed in the Empire, along with flight, spells that open locks, and a few other things like necromancy.  Of course, most of this was under one of the more crazed Emperors (not necromancy).  Jura struck down all those old decrees nobody remembers.  And of course, we're not part of the Empire anymore. All that aside, that just means it's not common knowledge anymore."

"Okay, why are you telling me this?" I asked as we opened the doors to the Hall of Elements.

"None of these things are all that difficult to do," Damien said, "Teleporting is like doing long division.  It's not high-level calculus.  It just takes a long time to work it out."

"For you it's like a five to ten second cast?" I asked.

He looked over the hall and said, "Perfect," when he saw the training area was free.

Damien turned back to me and walked backwards as he talked, "Yeah, but I've been teleporting for a while now.  Especially if you're very familiar with the space.  Oh, and you..."

He looked me up and down for a few seconds, "You're going to barely have enough magicka, looks like.  So if you mess it up a few times, here."

He dumped out a dozen magicka potions from his pack.

 

Then he went into lecture mode, "The typical teleportation spell is Apprentice level Conjuration.  You have to learn a separate spell for each location you want to move to, but they're pretty commonly mix-and-match with only the last step.  The biggest step."

The scant few students in the Hall of Elements had looked up from their books and were starting to gather behind me.

I smirked at my brother, "Impromptu class?"

He smiled back, "Sure.  The basic premise is the same as summoning any creature.  Fen, do you know any summon spells?"

"I did learn to summon those Aetherium spiders after the Aetherium mine.  Too cool to pass up," I replied.

"Alright," he took out a different scroll, Summon Wolf, "It is very possible to cast spells without the faintest idea of the inner workings of magic at all."

"What I do with my three or four spells I know," I chuckled.

"But if you approach it like a machine, it gets easy."

I scratched my beard, "Hmm... now you're speaking my language."

"A spell is like a program.  You tell it what to do, give it your magicka, and you get the result.  Most people don't know how to make new spells.  They just take the formula and hit the 'GO' button without understanding how it works," Damien continued.  Then he took out another scroll of 'Teleport: Solitude.'

Setting them side-by-side he pointed, "These runes mean to move a thing.  The one on the wolf is 'to me,' but on the Solitude one it has a set of coordinates."

"Does that one mean, 'me?" I asked.

"Yes.  You can see the Solitude one is {move a thing} {me} to {long list of coordinates}.  Whereas Summon wolf is {move a thing} {wolf} to {me} and it has some protection parts at the end so the wolf doesn't immediately attack you."

One of the students raised their hands, "But that is such a long list of runes for the coordinates."

I broke in, "I remember how you taught me the basics.  Whenever you cast a spell, you're letting the runes flow through your mind and expending magicka to make the effect work.  So whenever I want to move to Solitude I have to remember these -what is that?- thirty runes?"

"Yeah, well.  It's why full casters keep spellbooks," Damien said, "Scrolls are cheating.  You don't have to remember, but they're expended when you use them."

"I mean, couldn't I make a staff that just teleports me?"

"You wanna carry around twenty staves?" Damien chuckled.

"I want to try one!" One of the students said.

"Not this one," Damien smiled, "I'm going to show you the easiest Teleport spell.  Recall."

He traced out a list of four runes, then a sequence of six, "This is Mark.  This is Recall."

"It's that easy?"

"It's that easy," Damien said, "The set of four places a specific marker on a physical space."

He casted Mark, then he walked about twenty feet away.

He shouted, "Recall takes all the memorization out of Teleporting.  Do you see the sequence?"

I said back, "Looks like {move a thing} {me} to ... and then there's the sequence that is used in Mark."

"Boom," he casted Recall and appeared next to us again, "Easy."

The group clapped, "You guys give it a shot.  Just be careful not to Mark the same place as somebody else.  Or next to an object.  That's why we never ever rearrange in the College."

I placed my Mark and casted Recall.  It was easy.

 

"C'mon," he said, "You're going to try Solitude."

"What?  Now?" I asked.

"Unless you're too chicken to try it out," Damien smirked.  He knew how to push my buttons.

"You're on, devil-boy," I smirked back.

"I'm gonna make this real easy.  I'll hold up the scroll so you can have the sequence, but you cast with your own mind," Damien said, "And this."

He wound a rope around my right leg and his left.

"What's this?" He asked.

"For safety.  I'm holding the scroll, but I'm also going to be there if you send us to a bottomless void so I can just yank us out of the mouth of whatever," Damien explained.

Then he turned to the students, "Oh, and do not experiment with teleports.  And don't try it without supervision.  That's a good way to wind up dead.  Or up the creek without a paddle."

He turned to me, "Ready?"

I popped my neck, "As I'll ever be."

Damien held up the scroll on his chest so I could see it.  I charged magicka, went through the long sequence and BAMF we were gone.

Then we reappeared.

Damien handed me a potion, "Nice try."

"What happened?"

"We went to Apocrypha.  I snapped us back," Damien replied.

"WHAT?!" I exclaimed.

"S'ok.  It happened to me the first time too," he said.

The rest of the students, who'd already been considering trying teleportation on their own, were now immediately and fully against that idea.

Damien handed me a magicka potion, "It's alarming how similar the sequence of Apocrypha is to Solitude.  Only about seven differences."

"Oof.  All these squiggles look the same," I said, chugging the potion.

"Yeah, I know.  But you can do it."

And we went on like that... for a while.  By the time I'd gone through all his potions, the closest I'd gotten was teleporting us high into the air above Solitude...

"Why'd you snap us back?  We both have Cushioned!" I said.

"Knee-jerk reaction.  Just because we're immune doesn't mean it isn't scary."

"But you can fly!" I exclaimed.

Damen shrugged, "You keep the scroll.  I'll teleport us.  Need to get on the road."

I hung my head dejectedly as he unwrapped our legs.  I put my hand on his shoulder and we appeared in Solitude.  

It was late, and pouring.

 

 

We stepped into the Winking Skeever, and it was packed.

 

 

 

"Geez," I said, pushing my way through the crowd, "I can barely walk in here!"

We searched for a few minutes, but couldn't find Sticks-and-Stones, so I sat at a bench, "Hey bro come have a drink."

"Maybe later."

"Okay suit yourself," I said.

 

 

Damien yawned, "Where is a barmaid or innkeeper.  I am tired."

Emerging from the sea of bodies, the barmaid, Rina, asked, "You want a drink?"

I smirked at her tiredly.  She looked just as beat as the two of us, but here she was, grinding to make ends meet, "Hmm...maybe.  I'll have something top shelf.  Surprise me."

A wench in glasses appeared next to us with a tray full of drinks.  I smiled at the two of them, "I know it's busy right now.  They paying you alright?"

"Psh, nope!" Rina said, then laughed.  The wench went to get me something from the bar.

"I bet your legs are tired," I said.

"Why, because I've been running through your dreams?" She sneered slightly.

"No, I wasn't going to use a line.  I was just going to say there's room here for you if you want to sit down.  I won't tell anybody," I grinned.

 

She stared at me for a few seconds, looked me over, then finally said, "Okay, you've talked me into it."

She put her hand on my shoulder, then sat in my lap.

 

 

I blinked, "Not exactly what I had in mind..."

I looked to her low-cut dress, right in front of my face and said, "But not unwelcome."

She giggled.

Damien, who'd been standing by the hallway and scanning the crowd, said, "I think I can hear an Argonian upstairs.  We should maybe get what we came here for."

I threw up my hands, "Okay, okay.  You're right."

"I usually am," Damien smiled smugly over his shoulder.

 

I nodded to Rina, "Sorry hon, gotta get up.  How about setting us up a room for the night?"

She nodded and headed to a room as I handed her the coin, and some for the bottle coming my way, then I followed Damien upstairs and took the lead.

 

 

An Argonian woman looked over to us as we approached.

"You Sticks-and-Stones?" I asked.

"Aaah.  Another feeble-minded creature comes to Sticks-and-Stones to drink from her well of wisdom.  My books cost money.  Do you understand?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Of course.  Maybe you should read a book on how to talk to people."

 

"I doubt you understand," she said back.

My lip curled a bit.  What an asshole.

 

"I need help locating a book," I said, trying to be neutral.

 

"You need help with a lot don't you?  Finding your sweetroll, washing yourself, wiping your arse?" Sticks asked condescendingly.

"You..." I started angrily, but was cut off by the sound of Damien chuckling under his breath.

"What?" I turned to him.

"Don't worry about it.  Continue," Damien replied.

 

"I bet you have excellent sales numbers," I said flatly, "I am looking for Tractatus Logico Philosophicus."

 

 

"What would a savage such as yourself do with that book? Smack someone in the face with it?" She asked. 

"You do realize there is more in life than trying to bash each other's brains in?  With that attitude you will be dead and forgotten soon.  Dead and forgotten as the workers of Mzulft.

I sighed long, coming out more like a growl than anything. 

 

Not sure if she wasn't able to speak like a normal person or she really had no idea how dumb this looked...

 

"Only an idiot would make such grand generalizations about someone they don't know," I folded my arms.

Damien laughed again, "She's messing with you.  What intelligent person would just assume everyone around them is a dullard without any information?  That's the definition of stupid."

I turned to her and the look on her face told me she might not have been playing this game and really was a smug asshole.  But what Damien'd said made her change her expression, like she was now playing along and didn't want to look like an idiot.

I smirked at my brother.  Both smart, coming to different conclusions.

 

"I am looking for Forbidden Thoughts," I continued.

 

"You realize that the adjective 'forbidden' means that it should not be read by the feeble-minded.  Who am I kidding, you don't realize anything at all, do you?  Else you would understand that book is what we scholars call a basement book, meant to be read underground and in darkness.  But that makes no difference to the likes of you who live in a continuous flow of mental delusion."

Getting tired of this act, or demeanor, I said, "Yeah, okay whatever.  Is there anything I can help you with?

"To be honest I could use the help of a simple-minded creature.  Especially if the task at hand is detrimental to my intellect.  But for you, it might just offer an actual challenge have you ever heard of a book named the Lusty Argonian Maid?"

 

"Yes," I replied.

"You might be more erudite than I thought," she said.

"Really?  That was the thing that did it for you?  What do you want me to do?" I sighed.

"Now, I do not care for that book at all.  Written for the amusement of the common oaf, if you ask me.  But there is a unique version which has a misprint.  That version is quite valuable and I have acquired it recently.  However, the book is not in my possession yet.  The merchant who sold it to me requires me to come meet him in that revolting swamp they call a city, Morthal.  He won't go to Solitude, he said, too posh for him.  Disgusting figure.  Since you have offered your services, why don't you go to Morthal and fetch that book for me?"

 

"Sure, I'll be on my way.  I guess it takes someone of a lesser mind to cast Teleport spells to effortlessly move to a different place," I sneered.

Sticks actually smirked a little bit, and I wondered if she was looking for more of a back-and-forth in the future.  She said, "You might actually be of use to me.  Go find a merchant named Gottfried of Chorrol.  An old dimwitted simpleton.  He is in the Moorside Inn in Morthal.  Good luck."

 

Before I left, I took a look at her stock and bought a couple books that I'm sure were philosophical tomes that could lead me closer to reaching Ludz's college.