Hey, it's me, Destana.  I was alone again.  Flying on the back of a dragon.  Damn the birds, I wish I could fly!  Odahviing touched down in Skuldafn and left me there to fend for myself.

 

So there I was, at the cusp of one of my greatest victories, or maybe one of my greatest challenges, entirely alone.  As I approached the bridge I was stealthy, picking off two weak draugr lookouts with arrows.  I turned right, finding two mid-level and two very tough draugr in the distance, to which I gave them a few arrows.  The two tough ones didn't see, so I walked closer, and a dragon flew overhead.  I Dragonrended him, and he landed.  I used the great stone pillars to shield myself from his fire breath and widdled him down with melee until he was finished.  I crept over toward the first hard draugr and shot him - luring him toward the cliff.  I hid behind a pillar and when he came I shouted him off the cliff.  His friend came over to investigate and I snuck up behind him and gave him a good stab then melee'd him down.

 

A little further up the path another dragon appeared, which I again Dragonrended, but peppered this one with arrows, keeping my distance, until he also died.  In front of me were stairs leading up then to the left, which I presumed led to the temple.  I decided on not taking the straight path and used rope arrows to climb onto the platform on the right.  Unfortunately, one of the draugr spotted me at the last moment and charged at me.  I shouted him off the platform to the bottom of the stairs, but the noise and commotion alerted all the other draugr between me and the temple.  And these were the mid-level draugr, with tough ones in the distance starting to head this way.  I ducked behind a stone outcropping - sensing I would have a large fight on my hands and transformed into Vampire Lord.

 

I waited for one of them to near and leapt out like a coiled viper, slashing him with my claws a few times.  Then I hovered, blasting my opponents with Blood Storm.  

"FUS - RO - DAhhhh!" A draugr shouted, staggering me out of my spell.  Then another.  I darted aside.  Then another draugr used the shout, and another.  They were peppering me with Unrelenting Force as they got near, nearly stagger-locking me from doing anything. 

"Fucking seriously?!" My demonic voice growled as I was pushed and staggered near the ledge, "Could you fucking stop?"

 

I ducked behind the outcropping again, charging up a Blood Storm, then I jumped out as it finished casting and drained the nearest draugr to death (gods, I'm so glad I developed the ability to vampire drain draugr and constructs).  They assaulted me again, but I used the terrain to split them up and pick them off one by one.  Finally I reached a nordic structure and stayed in my Lord form, pushing forward.  From there it was the same deal, though some weaker draugr got added to the mix that just served as lifeblood for me to absorb.  The mid-range ones once again annoyed the crap out of me with Unrelenting Force and I had to power through.  There was a puzzle, then another thing with lowering a bridge.  But, I just leapt across the chasm instead of going through the trouble of figuring how to lower the bridge (my amazing jumping plus also having semi-useful wings).  

 

Unfortunately, when I got to a puzzle door, I had to shift back to my normal form to look at the tiny symbols on the Diamond Claw the Draugr Lord dropped.  I inserted the claw and continued to the end.  I stayed in human form, using stealth again for the last bit (and found a word wall).  I came out of the structure, realizing I had traveled to the top of a huge wide tower.  None of the draugr saw me, so I picked off the first and second one as before, sneak attacking with my bow. 

 

This drew the attention of a nearby Draugr Lord.  Rounding the corner, "FUS -," he started, but I was ready.

"FUS - RO - DAH!" I replied quickly, blowing him off the tower.  I peeked my head around the corner, seeing more weak draugr, which I picked off with my bow.  

It was then that I got shot.  Several skeletons and draugr were shooting at me from the highest level, so I flattened myself against the wall.  I guess the shouting and death had finally urged them to get their act together and use some strategy.  I was still near the door that I'd entered from.  I turned the corner again, trying to bait them into going around and coming down the stairs after me.  It worked, and then I walked back around, fired some rope arrows and climbed the sheer rock face.  When I got to the top, several of the draugr had reached where I was and in revenge, I shouted an Unrelenting Force, blowing them off the tower.  

 

I was on the platform with the portal now.  I stealthily worked my way around the outside of the tower, picking off the remaining draugr.  I could see a dragon priest near the portal, and I didn't want to be disturbed while fighting him.  Luckily, he hadn't seen me yet.  I kissed the Nerevarine's Bow that gave me short bursts invisibility and made me hard to keep track of.  I turned to the Dragon Priest, first taking careful aim and plugging him square in the chest. 

 

He turned, starting to cast a spell, and I responded with, "TIID!," slowing time.

Though my body was slowed a bit, it wasn't as slow as everything else.  I loaded arrow after arrow and fired, getting four arrows in the air before any of them reached him.  When time resumed, he was pin-cushioned with an avalanche of arrows.  At this point, his Storm Atronach he'd been casting floated toward me and he ran for the staff planted in front of the portal.  I drew Dawnfang and the Blade of Woe and laid into the Atronach.  He was fairly slow and lumbering.  And by the time I cut him down, the Dragon Priest had grabbed his staff and started casting area frost spells.  

 

But thirty seconds had passed.  

"TIID!" I shouted again, sprinting.  Before he could blink I was in the Dragon Priest's face.  He tried casting spells to rebuff me, but his movements were so slow I easily got behind him twice.  When Slow Time wore off, he was nearly dead.  He casted a ward, backing away slowly.  I dropped my melee weapons and took out my bow again, shooting him twice rapidly.  Dead.  I looted him for the mask and the staff, then activated and stepped through the portal.  

 

On to Sovngarde!  I materialized in a great, misty plain with a path before me.  I took a breath, taking in the landscape.  Even obscured, it was beautiful here.  I could see Shor's hall far, far in the distance, so I started to walk through the mist.  I kept to the path.  Before long I came across a Stormcloak soldier.  He explained to me that he'd been lost in the mist for some time.  Alduin'd been hunting mortal souls. 

"Follow me.  I'll guide you to Shor's hall," I said.  But not ten steps down the path, Alduin swooped from the mist and snatched him.  I growled, going into a run now.  After a little while, staying with the path, the mist cleared before me and I could see it.  Across a chasm, bridged by a massive monstrous spine was the Hall of Valor.

 

"Hold!" A man shouted, stepping out from between the two shoulder blades.  He seemed to be glowing a little and I stepped up to the shirt-less man.  I blinked as I got closer, and had to legitimately look up to see his eyeline.  The man was a mountain, maybe seven feet tall and built like a statue.  I smirked, wondering about proportions of other things.

"What brings you, wayfarer grim, to wander here, in Sovngarde, souls-end, Shor's gift to honored dead?" 

"I'm here to kill Alduin.  Once and for all," I grinned, "Who are you?"

"I am Tsun.  You pursue a fateful errand.  No few have chafed to face the Worm since he set his soul-snare here at Sovngarde's threshhold," the man said.  He had such an old-worldy way of speaking.

"May I enter?" I asked, a bit meekly in this living titan's presence, and the enormity of what lay beyond.  But then realizing I was supposed to be a powerful warrior (I mean, I am) I said more firmly, "I seek to enter the hall of Valor!"

He continued, "No shade are you, as usually here passes, but living, you are the land of the dead.  By what right do you request entry?"

I scratched my head.  What right does a thief, assassin, vampire, slave, mage, really have to enter a place for heroic warriors.  

"I'm going to answer your question with a question.  Do you judge if the dead are worthy to get in here?"

Tsun's piercing eyes looked me over, "I am gifted the power to judge each person's worthiness as a warrior, yes."

"So I guess if I lied to you and said I fought a bear with my bare hands, or I won a thousand battles and always acted honorably, you'd be able to see right through my deception, wouldn't you?"

Tsun's face was like stone, showing no emotion.  Finally he said, "You are dragonborn, that much I can see without being told.  Though a few of your decisions and.... associations have me questioning if you would return here given the natural course of your lifetime.  You started the Empire down a path of ruin."

"I know.  I know.  Don't you think I feel bad about all the innocent people who will die because of my stupid decision to buy into that Imperial plot," I sighed.  It actually hurt a little bit coming from Tsun, even though I'd just met him.  He didn't seem like an asshole.

"Really, the number of daedric princes you've had dealings with is astonishing.  Hermaeus Mora..."

"That dude is gross and I didn't agree to anything!" I said.

"Molag Bal..."

"Yeah, well, I didn't do him any favors.  I'm just borrowing his power until he comes to collect, if that ever happens," I said.

"Noctournal..."

"In my defense, I was a young thief and impressionable!"

"Boethiah..."

"That dude is just annoying," I replied.

"Malacath..." He continued as if reading off a list popping into his head.

"Hey, I thwarted that guy's plans.  No deal there!" I said, as if that would plead my case any more.

"And there's Sanguine!"

"He's not so bad.  He's actually a pretty cool guy if you ever meet him," I said.

"Worry not.  Your entrance to the hall has already been allowed by Ysgramor," he said, his stone face cracking a bit of a smile.

"You... you were just messing with me?" I asked, "I should slap you."

"One final thing.  Living or dead, by decree of Shor, none may pass this perilous bridge till I judge them worth by the warrior's test," Tsun started to take the maul off his back.

"Now you're talking," I said, drawing my sword and dagger.  

 

We fought for a few minutes, his raw power outdoing me in some places, and my superior speed outdoing him in others.  He used Unrelenting Force a few times, and when I tried it back on him he didn't even budge.  I switched to using Slow Time to further magnify the difference in speed. 

 

Finally he put away his hammer, "Its been an age since I had a fight like that one.  I find you worthy."

"Thanks, big guy," I slapped him on the side as I walked past, and felt like I was smacking a wall of granite.  Godsdamn!

"It is long since one of the living entered here.  May Shor's favor follow you and your errand," he nodded to me.

I walked down the spine and opened the doors, stepping inside to a grand meal hall, bustling with warriors of all kinds.  Like something from a Jarl's Palace, but on an amazing scale.  I walked down the massive stone steps to the table and a blond, bearded man turned to me.  He stood just a bit taller than me and had a deep, commanding voice.

 

"Welcome!" Some how I knew, this was Ysgramor.  He wore his armor from life, through not the crown I've heard so much about.

"Our door has stood empty since Alduin first set his soul-snare here.  But three await your word to loose their fury upon the perilous foe," he said.

Three warriors; an old man, a young man and a woman stepped over from the crowd that had paid little attention to me.

"Gormlaith the Fearless, glad-hearted in battle; Hakon the valiant, heavy-handed warrior; Felldir the Old, far-seeing and grim," Ysgramor continued.

"Hey!" I shouted, "It's you guys!  You're the three that invented Dragonrend!  I watched you fight Alduin through the time-wound.  Good to know you've been here all this time, in paradise."

Gormlaith, the woman patted me on the shoulder, "Sister.  Long have I awaited this day.  The world eater will eat our blades this day."

"Hey, sidebar, is this food edible for living humans?" I asked Ysgramor.

"Eat and drink your fill," Ysgramor said. 

"Don't worry.  I won't be long," I sat at the table and grabbed a big ham and some mead, "You've waited thousands of years, what's five more minutes?" 

I swear I hadn't eaten in months.  You know, because as a vampire I only need blood and occasional sleep to survive.  But I'd forgotten how GOOD food is.  Or maybe that was just because this was Sovngarde food.  And the mead!

A man in gray robes sat across from me, drinking some ale, "Greetings."

"Hi.  Who are you?" I asked between bites.

"I am Jurgen Windcaller," he said.

"No shit?  You're a pretty big deal to the greybeards."

"My disciples follow a difficult path - the Way of the Voice is neither wide, nor easy."

"I can't say I'm 100% on board with your ways.  I mean, Tiber Septim never would've done what he'd done if not for straying.  Same for me.  But, you know, we'll see if I'm able to do what I came to do."

"To battle!" I heard somebody yelling.  I realized the three champions had been talking amongst themselves this whole time and were now rushing out the front doors. 

"I guess we're doing this now!" I dropped my plate and cup, "Sorry, gotta run!"

 

I charged outside and caught up to them on the bridge.  They stopped at the other end, facing the fog.  

 

"No way we can fight a dragon in this mist!" Felldir said.

"Clear skies!" Gormlaith said, taking the lead, "Combine our shouts!"

"LOK - VAH - KOOR!" I shouted, and the three followed in unison, clearing the way around us.  Having many years to train together has its benefits.

"VEN - MUL - RIIK!" An ominous voice replied, and the mist returned.

"AGAIN!" Gormlaith shouted, and this time the four of us used Clear Skies in near unison, blasting the mist away.

Alduin shouted it back, however.

"Does this fiend's power know no end?" Hakon asked.

Felldir reponded, "Once more, his strength falters!"

We shouted once more and the mist was cleared.

There was a foreboding silence, then an all-too-familiar roar.  Alduin perched on the mountain before us, "You should not have come here, Dragonborn."

I drew my bow and aimed a Stalhrim arrow at his head, "I should say the same to you.  You have no right to plague this land.  Get the hell out of my heaven!"

I let an arrow fly, but he jumped, swooping out of the way.  He called up a fire storm, and swept past us as he blasted fire. 

 

I turned as he swooped and shouted, "JOOR!"  But he wasn't as easily hit the time.  He swooped again, and he landed between the group, by choice.  The first thing he did was turn toward me and blast me with fire, nearly immediately melting me.  I chugged a first resist potion and an ultimate healing I'd gotten from Skuldafn, and got behind one of the pillar-like bones.  He turned to the heroes and began to rip through them.  I would need to go about this strategically.  Since he was grounded, I threw one word of Dragonrend from my hiding spot, keeping him grounded.  I then threw out one word of Slow Time so I could get to him quickly.  I began slashing him in the back and he swiped at Felldir, throwing him to the wind.  Aldin slapped me with his tail, knocking me down.  When I got up again, he had turned back toward me and blasted me with frost breath.  I chugged cold resist and another ultimate healing, dodging and sprinting away.

 

"Gods!" I shouted, "I can't get close to him!" 

Gormlaith and Hakon were keeping him busy, but also seemed not to be doing positive damage.

"Wait," I said to myself, "That's the solution!"  

"JOOR!" I shouted the first word of Dragonrend again, like I was shouting, 'Mortal' as an insult.

Then I sprinted in the opposite direction.  He turned to me blasting me with what looked like steam, but I was at my maximum bow range now.  Pretty damn far away.  I strafed him, taking turns running, firing arrows and hitting him with the first word of Dragonrend.  I was... kiting!  You know, flying him like a kite.  It took several moments of this, and he even turned his attention away from me in frustration to claw at the others again, and I put the last arrow in his head.

 

Alduin roared in pain, and the same strange soul-energy suffused him as when I killed other dragons.  But he clawed at life, like he wasn't giving up.  A hole opened up in the sky and, roaring as he did, Alduin shattered into a hundred pieces, his body and soul being drawn into the portal.

 

All returned to calm.  It was done.  I fell to my knees.  

"YEAH!" I shouted.

There was much cheering.  

Tsun walked over from where he'd been perching, "When you're ready to return to the mortal world, I can assist you."

"Definitely not yet," I said, "Wait, you were watching the whole time?  Give us a hand next time."

Gormlaith chuckled, "They will sing of this day for all of history.  What we've done here is incredible."

"Yeah, I have a lot I want to do here before I leave, now that there's not immediate danger anymore."

"Such as?  For as much as it is a heaven, feasting gets a little old after a thousand years," Hakon asked.

"Well, as for what I want to do first," I pointed at Tsun.

He stared at me for a few seconds, "Oh.  Oh!  That would be frowned upon by Ysgramor."

"Don't worry, he'll get his turn," I said.  It sounded a lot more whorish when I said it out loud, "C'mon big guy.  How long has it been?"

"Gods, I have no idea," he replied.

"Maybe we can help get these boys into the mood?" I said to Gormlaith.

She stared at me for a few seconds, then said, "You know, I never would've done something like this back in my day.  But I'm bored.  Sure."

We stripped off our armor, kissing and touching, and then tribbing right in front of them.  We got into a sixty-nine position.

 

It seemed Felldir was standing at Tsun's place on the bridge, keeping a lookout.

Finally Hakon and Tsun started stripping when Gormlaith was about spent.  I was right, though, Tsun's dick was about 11 inches and thick.  Felldir helped me to my feet, then started to rub all over me and kiss my body.  Then Tsun came at me from behind, doing the same.  Soon they turned me around and Tsun entered me from the front as I laid my head back on Felldir's shoulder, and he slid into my ass.  They went on fucking for a while, until Felldir finished inside me.  Then Tsun turned me over and entered doggystyle.  It seemed like a very long time passed as he continued.  He laid me down in the grass and entered again.  And as he laid over me, his frame absolutely engulfed mine. 

 

After another while, he got off me and said, "Sorry about this.  It takes me a lot of work."

I shook my head, "No bother.  I mean, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fuck a normal man again, but... that's okay."

He stroked himself vigorously.  After a bit, I just kneeled in front of him, pushing my boobs out as I folded my arms behind my back, "How about this?  Good target?" 

That did it.  He groaned and spilled his seed all over my face and chest.  I sighed in relief, redressing and leading the rest of the group inside.  The doors were locked, but I've not met a door I can't get open (even in Sovngarde, apparently).  

"Show's over, guys," I said as I entered, "The world eater is dead."

Cheering and feasting ensued.  I started to think about it and there's no way a place with men and women eternally preparing for war and living in heaven together would not fuck.  So I imagined everybody here was in on it, except poor Tsun, who rarely got to leave his post.

 

In total, I stayed there about five days.  Ysgramor did indeed get his turn.  Like a real man, he lifted me off the ground and held me as he thrusted.  I don't remember a lot of the other encounters, though I did sample quite a few people, all of the mead and ale, and a lot of food.  

 

Godsdammit, I deserved a little vacation after what I'd done in the past few weeks.  

 

Anyway, when I was ready I talked to Tsun and he shouted me back to the mortal plane.  I appeared on Paarthurnax's mountain, and I was face-to-face with dozens of dragons.  "Alduin dilon!" They were shouting.

 

Paarthurnax was perched on the peak nearby.  As I walked over, he said, "It is done!  The Eldest is no more.  He who came before all others, and has always been."

"What's all this?"

"They come to mourn, and vie for control."

"You don't sound very happy.  A bittersweet victory?"

"No, I am not.  Alduin was once the crown of our father's creation.  You did what was necessary.  He flew far from the path of right action in his arrogance.  But I cannot celebrate his fall.  He was my brother once.  This world will never be the same."

"Still, this world is safe," I reassured him.

"Perhaps.  At least it will continue to exist," Paarthurnax replied, "As you said, the next world will have to take care of itself.  But I forget myself.  You have won a mighty victory!  One that will echo through the ages!  Savor your triumph, Dovahkiin.  This is not the last of what you will write upon the currents of Time.  Goraan!"

 

"You know, the Blades wanted me to kill you," I said.

"They are wise not to trust me.  Onikaan ni ov.  I would not trust another dovah."

"Why shouldn't they trust you?" I asked.

"Dov wahfaan fah rel.  We were made to dominate.  The will to power in in our blood.  You feel it in yourself do you not?" Paarthurnax asked.

"Maybe," I said, pondering what I'd asked the moot for now in a new light.

"I can be trusted, I can tell you this.  But they do not.  And that is a wise choice.  I have overcome my nature through long study of the Way of the Voice.  What is better - to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"

"Damn, that's some quotable shit," I smirked.

"Seems as though you've made your choice," he said.

"Yeah, I was never going to kill you.  You are clearly my favorite dragon," I smiled.

 

He shouted to the assembled dragons now, "Many of the dova are now scattered across Keizaal.  Without Alduin's lordship, they may yet bow to the vahzen... rightness of my Thu'um.  But willing or no, they will hear it!"

And the dragons started to fly circles around the mountain, finding this a challenge.  They scattered to the winds, and Paarthurnax looked down at me once more, "Farewell, Dovahkiin!"

 

As they dispersed, another dragon landed.

"Odahviing!" I yelled, "Here to claim your place as my third favorite dragon?"

"Third?" He asked, "Prudah wundunne wah Wuth Gein.  I came to wish the old one luck in his quest.  I doubt many will wish to exchange Alduin's lordship for Paarthurnax's peaceful 'Way of the Voice.'  As for myself, you've proven your mastery twice over.  Thuri, Dovahkiin.  I gladly acknowledge the power of your Thu'um.  Call me and I shall come to your aid."

"Alright, dragon buddy," I chuckled.  He didn't seem amused, and flew off before I could say another word. 

 

I figured I needed to visit a couple people before I headed to Volkihar, and they were on the way.  

I went to the temple on the way down the mountain. 

"I was starting to wonder if you would return.  I can see it on your face.  Is it truly done?" Arngeir asked.

"I went to Sovngarde and killed him.  Funny though, I didn't absorb his soul.  He broke apart and was swallowed up by some portal," I said.

"Perhaps the rules don't apply to one such as him.  Perhaps he was sent back to his father, Akatosh.  Perhaps he will return again someday and this will begin again."

"Who's to say," I said rhethorically, figuring I would go ahead and burn this bridge between them, "You know the Blades wanted me to kill Paarthurnax."

"Bloodthirsty barbarians.  Now you see why I warned you against them!"

"Relax.  He's helped me a great deal and there's no way I could do that.  Is it true he was Alduin's ally?"

"Yes.  But understand - during the days of Alduin's rule, all dragons were his allies.  There was nothing else they could be," Arngeir explained, "Paarthurnax was the one who rebelled first.  And he taught men Thu'um."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kill Paarthurnax," I restated.

"Kyraneth has placed the voice of wisdom within you, dragonborn," he said.

 

Next I traveled to Sky Haven Temple.

"She's here!" Delphine shouted, "I was starting to wonder if you were coming back.  We heard the news from Whiterun - that you left on the back of a dragon!  A little showy, even for you.  But it seems you have good news?"

"I used Alduin's portal to Sovngarde and killed him," I smiled.

"When you walked into my Inn, I never imagined...." she said.

"Oh and one more thing.  About Paarthurnax," I started.

"Make your choice.  You're either with us or against us," Delphine said.

"I'm not going to kill him."

"But he helped Alduin enslave our ancestors.  He may have betrayed Alduin in the end, but we can't trust him."

Esbern chimed in, "Justice can be harsh.  But it is still justice.  Paarthurnax deserves to die.  He was the author of many atrocities during the Dragon War - crimes great enough to be remembered for thousand of years.  Nothing he did can excuse or expiate his previous deeds."

"All the same, I'm not going to kill him," I said.

"Dragonborn," Delphine said, "That's not your decision to make.  He needs to answer for his crimes."

"Gee," I folded my arms, "I remember what happened all those times when people told me I had to do things.  But is this just revenge?  I thought the Blades were better than this."

"The atrocities are unforgivable.  This isn't about revenge," Delphine said.

"We wouldn't be here if not for him," I said.

"Are you so blind to let that dragon manipulate you into this?  Letting him live is dangerous."

"You're getting awfully black and white all of the sudden.  I'm a vampire, wanna kill me too, like the Dawnguard?  You know, having someone like Serana is really going to help the vampire masses to be under control now.  And my thoughts are the same with Paarthurnax.  He's overcome his nature.  I don't know if you've noticed, but there are at least a few dozen dragons left in Skyrim."

Delphine exhaled.

So I continued, "Well, is the dragonborn in authority over the blades or not?  Did the Blades question the authority of Reman Cyrodiil or Tiber Septim this way?"

"Those were different times." 

"Paarthurnax literally taught Tiber Septim the Way of the Voice.  The same guy," I was starting to get angry now, "Is this what the blades have become?  The greybeards said you were bloodthirsty barbarians and I'm inclined to agree."

"How dare you?" Delphine said. 

"How dare I?" I growled, "I'm not killing him and that's final.  And neither will you!"

"You're not going to stop us from meting out justice!" Delphine yelled at me.

Oh, you wanna shout, huh?

"Dreh ni fus bahi!" The temple started to rumble.  That was some sort of garbled half-shout, and didn't really do anything, but it was a sufficient scare-tactic.

Delphine blinked, realizing she was poking a bear now, "By the gods.  I have no desire to die here today.  Very well.  I will follow your orders, though it is against my better judgment."

"Thank you," I said, exhaling, "I figured you'd see it my way.  I still value your judgment and support.  I just think everybody is wrong sometimes."

I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to use the dragon-killing katana on any of that adventure.  Bah!

 

Finally, I traveled to Castle Volkihar.  Wow, I thought.  They'd really cleaned up this place in only a few days.  The same nobles were there, eating a meal, though there weren't human bodies and bones strewn around.  It was more dignified.  I looked around, and Serana was leaning against a pillar to my right.  She was looking right at me, like she was frozen.  She put her hand over her mouth, tears welling up.

"Serana!  I did it!" I shouted as I walked over to her.

"I... " she started, tripping over her words, "I thought you were dead."

"What the hell took so long?" She asked.

"Sovngarde is big enough.  I took me a day to trek across it, and I had to rest after fighting that world-ending evil.  But only a few days.  Five, tops," I said, "But speaking of that, you have done a LOT since I've been gone."

"Five days?" She said to herself.

The expression on her face could only be described as confusion.

"You've been gone... for five months," she said.

"...... Wait what?" I asked.