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About this blog

Well, here it is.  The story of the snarky badass reluctant Dragonborn who's lived in Skyrim for fifteen years.

Come along as I feed my most rabid addiction: exploration and adventure.  And, I guess, solving other people's problems in the least heroic ways possible.

 

This is my story.  Destana Stormblade.  Once a prisoner, a slave.  Once a refugee from Hammerfell.  

Now, Queen of Skyrim!  Master thief.  Assassin.  Mage.  Vampire Lord.  Sometimes, sex-object.  Lover of Sanguine, Ulfric Stormcloak and Serana of Volkihar.  Mother of Runa Septim, Damien Guevenne, and Fenrir Stormcloak.  Grandmother to Oddvar, Kintyra and Sinidar.  

Entries in this blog

Entry 1: Being "Handled"

Hey, it's me, Destana.  Ongoing recount of some of the more interesting stories from my travels in Skyrim.  I showed up to Riften to try and join the Thieves' Guild on a friend's suggestion.   "Halt!" The first gate guard said.  He looked at his buddy, though I couldn't tell his expression through the helmet. "Yes?"  I asked. "Dressed rather shabbily, aren't you?  Are you some kind of prisoner or something?" He asked. "No.  Just poor.  Trying to get into the city.  Let m

Entry 3: Bad to Worse

Hey, it's me Destana.  I just wanted to have an aside for a minute.  This is one of the worst parts of my journey.  I was abused, I was downtrodden.  Generally a bad time.  Skyrim will chew you up and spit you out if you let it.  I think this contributed to me being as hard as I am now.  Probably contributed to me being an amoral asshole absolute killer too.  To continue my story...   Day 0: The Evening in Jail The guards all took turns beating me with whips and fucking me.  What

Entry 76: Sexcapades in Valenwood

Hey, it's Destana.  We're currently invading Valenwood.  Of the main cities, we hold Arenthia [Cyrodiil got it] and Woodhearth [Skyrim got it].  I keep calling it Arentina, which is unfortunate.     The morning after our planning meeting, Jura and Galachad (Sir Galahad Maynard) led a small strike force to the front gates of Falinesti while Runa, Roheisa and I snuck in the side.  It was surrounded by a creek on at least one side, which didn't provide a lot of protection again

Entry 2: I really HATE Solitude

Hey, it's me, Destana.   You know what's not great for long trips?  Being drunk.  After being assigned some of the farthest-away jobs by Vex and Delvin, I decided it would be a good idea to drown some of my sorrows at the Bee and Barb.  I note the wenches and the bard dressed in revealing Noctournal's Gown, and pick up a job to find the missing wenches.  Sure, if I run into them.  At this point I'm surprised Keerava will serve me, as I did make her pay her debts.  But she does after so

Entry 7: Debauchery

Hey, it's me again, Destana.  At this point in my quest, I was pretty plugged in to the Thieves' Guild.  They had my back, and I was getting pretty damn proficient at lockpicking, sneaking and stealing.  And no slouch at stabbing and shooting.  As long as I got the drop on someone I usually didn't have much trouble with them.    I felt like I took the long way around, and did a bunch before I even really got started with the guild.  And now this was going to be a test to go to Aringlow

Introduction, my backstory ramblings. (And my mods for this playthrough).

Hey, it's me, Destana.  Not sure where to begin.  So I'll just dive in.   I was born out of a Civil War, but not the one you think.  Everybody knows about the Great War and the White-Gold Concordat.  Elvish bastards.  I am *technically* a worshipper of Satakal, but he is eerily similar to Alduin.  I'm not down with him destroying the world.  On the other hand, Talos is my boy.  Now THAT's something to aspire to.  A man that became a god.  Another reason to stronkly dislike the Aldmeri

Entry 75: Team Skyrim World Police

This is Destana again.  For the sake of brevity, I'm going to be telling a lot of the story.  Even the parts I'm not there for (as described to me later by various sources).  We set out from Solitude on the 17th of First Seed, 216 with the fleet and airship.  When we were out in the deep blue ocean, the airship peeled off to meet the small body of ships coming out of Daggerfall and Wayrest.  They hadn't contributed as much as Skyrim, but this was our war.  The kids went with the airship to meet

Entry 70: Almost Buying the Farm

Hey, it's Destana again.  The last entry caught me up with Runa, Fenrir and Damien.  I did a lot of fighting and some sexual healing via the Sisterhood of Dibella.  Damien and I met up with Fenrir and Valiana in Bruma after they'd been waiting there for a few days (and they fought off the siege a little bit).  Point of order:  I understand what Runa raved about when she said the Jerall View Inn was so good.   Damien and I walked in on Fenrir preparing to soak.  Apparently Sofia was sle

Entry 4: Maybe It's Not All Bad

Hey, it's me, Destana.  Over the last few weeks I've been beaten down a lot.  That's not about to end, but it is about to get better.   So there I was, suspended in the slave auction, people bidding over me like a piece of meat.  After quite a few rounds I was purchased by a person named "Owner."  Later I would find out her name was Octava.  As soon as I was unchained, there was a flash and I awoke in a dungeon.  Not a keeping people captive dungeon, but the adventuring kind.  Still na

Entry 69: Sexual Healing

Hey everybody.  This is Destana!  A couple months ago we won a war against the Thalmor, and since then we've been gearing up for an invasion.  I've been mostly taking a break while the kids go around Tamriel.    So far, Fenrir traveled to Elswyer and got the Khajiit rebels on our side (and scored an airship). Damien became Hero of Daggerfall and, I guess... made a lot of the things in the present possible?  Also he got a new house.  Sounds kinda un-contributive when I put it

Entry 71: Think Like A Thief

Hey, it's Destana.  Today I ventured into the depths of the Hall of Initiation.  This is a place fraught with puzzles, with not a lot of conflict.  I was told to think like a thief.    So I walked up to the dais with a teleporter, and behind me a small opening appeared, with a Grey Fox bust.  When I touched it, a pillar of light appeared on the dais.  I ventured inside.  I was taken to a long pathway high above the countryside.  Venturing further, I found a room with treasure and a loc

Entry 68: Double Princess'ed

Hey, this is Runa.  Recently I got some new weapons and fought Molag Bal with Boethiah's help.  Morag Sethius was killed in the blast and we (Calleius, Jura and I) made our way back to Quintus' camp, meeting up with Rigmor, Sethri, Quintus and Camaeus.  Sorella and Casius left with his crew and I was surprised to find Chancellor Blackwell, waiting for us, ready to discuss terms.     Rigmor and I sat at the table.  I said, "You took a risk coming here, Blackwell." "I hav

Entry 46: Capture the Dragonborn (CTD)

Hey, it's Destana.  I woke up early to hover over the hills and witness the barrier coming down.    On my way I fought three dragons, who all seemed to be working in tandem and taunting me the whole way, but I'm a pro at this point.    I also saw a strange giant shelled beast, a deer made out of plants, and a tribe of goblins.  Damien said more and more strange creatures would be slipping into our world.      Damien had picked Solaire's brain abo

Entry 23: What would being a Daughter-in-law of Coldharbour get me?

Hey, it's Destana.  Serana and I just walked into the Soul Cairn.  It was a sad, purple landscape.    We traveled across the land for a while, fighting bonemen, until we came to a structure.  Valerica was inside, hidden by a barrier. "Mother!" Serana said. "Maker!  Serana!  Then I must've failed.  Your father found out how to decipher the prophecy, didn't he?" She asked. "No.  We're going to fulfill the prophecy our way, not his," Serana replied. "You've brought a s

Entry 5: Revenge Crimes

Hey, it's Destana again.  Despite having a generally bad time in Solitude, I decided to go back.  You know those times when something goes really right (even against very bad odds) for somebody who's completely mad and they judge it to be the will of the gods that they performed the action that led them down that path?  This could've been that moment for me.  In a sense.  This is a stealth mission.    When I woke up (it was before the farmer and his wife awoke) I threw on my gauntlets

Entry 82: Dragonchild(ren)

Hey, it's Runa.  I want to say our winning against the Thalmor was sweet, but as I walked the battlefield the night after, I think the term 'bittersweet' would be more apt.    Our dead, their dead, they all piled up.  Too many to dig graves for.  So they were burned.  Well, until it rained.  I found Galmar talking with Brutus Brutalis about old times.  They were both old timers, though Brutus had aged well.  I had a suspicion they'd fed him life water just so they could torture him for

Entry 27: Runa's Better Brotherhood of Old Resurrection Forever!

Hi!  This is Runa!  I'm the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, and we're trying to recruit.  A job I'm super-excited to do my best at!  My mom asked me to talk about what has been going on for the past few weeks with the Dark Brotherhood while she gathered the moot and looked for Elder Scrolls.   While Nazir worked on gathering new recruits, I spoke with the Night Mother.  She spoke a little while about the Dark Brotherhood being as strong as it ever was, to which I listened intently. 

Entry 32: Seeking Companionship

Disclaimer:  this is that entry I warned you about.  I tried to keep it tame.   Hey, it's Destana.  I was going to let Runa talk a little bit and catch us up more on her dealings with the Dark Brotherhood, and what she's been doing in Bruma, but... maybe next time.  I was finishing my tour of the holds to inform them of Alduin's death, and now to tell them about the barrier falling... and to plan a strategy.    Here is my off the cuff to-do list: - Finish my tour of the

Entry 38: Going Native

Hey, it’s Destana.  Last time I joined the Forsworn.  My goal here is to make peace with the Reachmen and put an end to this neverending war.  My ulterior motive to trying to make the Forsworn a full part of Skyrim is having them to help us fight the Thalmor in the coming invasion.  It’s day 10 of 14 (til my wedding with Ulfric) and of 30ish (until the time imbalance corrects itself and the Thalmor attack). I woke up again, after having gotten my last tattoo from a Forsworn tattoo lady, abo

Entry 37: Becoming the Beast

Destana again.  Things are heating up.  Last time I freed the companions from their curse.     Time to check the old list. List: - Tour of the holds. - Get Stronger.  (Forever ongoing) - Get the Forsworn.  Better Nord than Thalmor. - Marry Ulfric, become Queen and him High King, unify Skyrim.  Wedding date is 6 days (it’s day 8). - Study the Eye of Magnus.  (Damien). - Ready the holds for war.  (Fenrir and Ulfric). - Go to Cyrodiil and either: Tr

Entry 73: The Gods Must Be Assholes

Hi.  This is Runa.  Its been a while.  A little break before the end of my mom's Grey Cowl adventure.  This story happens completely before my mom went to the Alik'r Desert. (It's the very end of Sun's Dawn).  Last time I told the story, my little group fought their way to the Imperial Palace.  When Ariel Sethius attacked me, Jura killed him, making him the new Emperor.  We were immediately heralded into the new titles by Blackwell, and they wrote letters to the other nations about the coronatio

Entry 29: The Fated Hour

Hey, it's Destana again.  Last time, I got ready to call Odaviing and fight him and find out where Alduin is hiding, but decided I would take care of the vampire problem first.    With both Elder Scrolls, I headed back into Castle Volkihar and found the Moth Priest, Dexion Evicus.  And I noticed he has a blindfold on.  He said, "I'm sorry, I won't be able to read another Elder Scroll for you.  I'm afraid in my haste to read the first scroll, I neglected the time I needed to prepare.  T

Entry 20: Helgen Harder - Nothing Lasts Forever (Except Me)

Hey, it's me, Destana.  Last time I took a few days helping the Keepers of Haatu (Imperial independent freedom fighters hunting Thalmor) get some support from the Stormcloaks, my old boys.  Marcus Jannus is set to start hiring builders to rebuild Helgen as soon as I finish mustering forces.  I'm on a timetable for my next Dark Brotherhood mission - kill the Gourmet then kill the Emperor.  This is probably going to shake up the whole province a lot and potentially the whole continent.  Get ready!

Entry 6: Hunted, I guess

Hey, it's me, Destana.  After my second trip to Solitude, I felt like I could take on all of Nirn.  I figured I could scope out Windhelm, do a smaller amount of crime, and go back to Riften and finally get somewhere with the Thieves' Guild.   I cut straight through the wilderness, as is my way.  You know, nature is beautiful.  The peace.  The solitude.  Miles away from civilization.  Nobody to tell you you're wrong.  Nobody can find you.  I remember being on a cliff in a forest somewhe

Entry 9: Nesting

Hey, it's me.  Destana.  Big news from last time.  I was pregnant.  Time counter: about three months in Skyrim.   I decided I would find what I believed to be Sanguine's human form, Sam Guevenne.  So I went to Rorikstead, which I'd been blathering about in my drunken state.  I bought a horse from the Markarth stables and headed out, avoiding all uninteresting conflict.  I got to Rorikstead after having traveled through the night and put up in the Frostfruit Inn for the night, after pla

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