What's on your mind?

[JimKhan]

Sometimes, all I can think about is how empty and lonely I feel. Life can really suck.

[GimmeBACON]

Working out in SF today... found out they have an, honest-to-god, poop patrol. I've also been told, there's genuine shoot-up stations and they give out free needles, but that's only part of what's on my mind.

 

Driving past one of the local schools, I saw those mobile classrooms, cheap and easy to manufacture, so long as you have property in mind and have like five workers, you could have one up in 1-2 days. Then I see lots that are closed off when businesses go belly-up just remain vacant for years upon years. I can't help but think that getting homeless off the streets and under psyche eval. would be more humane then drugging them up and leaving them in the gutters.

[KoolHndLuke]

I'm gonna try entering a science fiction writing contest. It has prizes for the three best entries and I think I have a decent shot at winning. I mean, what's an overactive imagination for? I've spent plenty of years being paranoid, now I want to use that for something. I got a name for a character so far and a working title "The Misadventures of Blaze N. Butlanceer". 

[RitualClarity]

1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

I'm gonna try entering a science fiction writing contest. It has prizes for the three best entries and I think I have a decent shot at winning. I mean, what's an overactive imagination for? I've spent plenty of years being paranoid, now I want to use that for something. I got a name for a character so far and a working title "The Misadventures of Blaze N. Butlanceer". 

I wish you the best of luck on this project.

who knows, in the future, we might  be reading your best sellers...

[Darkpig]

People seem to have this idea in the modding community that bigger is better but is bigger actually better? I kind of get where people are coming from given limited load orders and all that but there are small mods that are absolute gamechangers in terms of content. Is this something that is inevitable when it comes to design or am I correct in saying there is a place for small things?

[Ernest Lemmingway]

3 hours ago, Darkpig said:

or am I correct in saying there is a place for small things?

There's always a place for small things. Some of my fave mods are pretty small in terms of "new" content or items, change existing stuff, or just add to what's already there without adding all new things. More stuff means more ways for something to go horribly wrong if even one tiny little integer or script is incorrect.

[Darkpig]

3 hours ago, Ernest Lemmingway said:

There's always a place for small things. Some of my fave mods are pretty small in terms of "new" content or items, change existing stuff, or just add to what's already there without adding all new things. More stuff means more ways for something to go horribly wrong if even one tiny little integer or script is incorrect.

There are scripts to consider no doubt. I guess some people just can't keep the scope of their mod in their pants

Anyway there is also when people have these big ideas that they never finish. I sometimes I wonder if they would finish it if it were a smaller project. I guess that is something we will never know.

[FauxFurry]

7 hours ago, Darkpig said:

People seem to have this idea in the modding community that bigger is better but is bigger actually better? I kind of get where people are coming from given limited load orders and all that but there are small mods that are absolute gamechangers in terms of content. Is this something that is inevitable when it comes to design or am I correct in saying there is a place for small things?

There are plenty of highly endorsed mods on the Nexus which change a handful of gameplay elements and most mod users seem to only have a few mods in their load orders (usually mods which fix issues that the devs can't be bothered dealing with themselves) so you are neither off-base nor alone in thinking what you appear to be thinking. 

[ToJKa]

On 5/25/2019 at 4:03 AM, MrEsturk said:

What is it about USB plugs were sometimes they fit into their port as smooth as silk and other times they resist your effort to plug them in so fiercely you'd swear you're trying to pick a lock?

Simple:

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2011-10-04

[NitroHamlin]

Whenever my computer freezes for a second then blacks out my heart skips a beat, even though I know full well it's not something malicious that's happening to my computer the thought hangs at the back of my mind every time.

[Kendo 2]

Today, 4-6-2019 is the 15th anniversary of Marvin 'Killdozer' Heemeyer's Friday afternoon drive through the pleasant little town of Granby, Colorado.  Basically, the crooked city government and local business owners forced him out of business, just so that another business owner could get a concrete company built.  So Marvin did some building of his own; a homemade tank.  Then he drove it through the businesses and homes of everyone who had fucked him over.  He paid a visit to the police station and city hall as well.  No one was injured, but on that day Marvin took his own life.  Take a moment to remember a man who was pushed to the edge by people more powerful than himself.

 

 

[Darkpig]

My computer died. We will be holding a funeral at least until I get a new one. Sob.

[FauxFurry]

9 hours ago, Darkpig said:

My computer died. We will be holding a funeral at least until I get a new one. Sob.

As long as you hold on to your memories that you shared with it, it won't be all bad.

By that, I mean that you need to back up your data. As long as the contents of the hard drive(s) can be salvaged, it shouldn't be a total loss.

[Ernest Lemmingway]

5 hours ago, FauxFurry said:

By that, I mean that you need to back up your data. As long as the contents of the hard drive(s) can be salvaged, it shouldn't be a total loss.

I wish I had a dollar for every person who came crying to me because they didn't learn that lesson before it was too late.  I could retire tomorrow if I did!

[Darkpig]

3 hours ago, Ernest Lemmingway said:

I wish I had a dollar for every person who came crying to me because they didn't learn that lesson before it was too late.  I could retire tomorrow if I did!

No worries. I saved the porn.?

[Mr. Otaku]

7 hours ago, Darkpig said:

No worries. I saved the porn.?

Which is the most important piece of data. Porn always first, the rest after that. :DDDDD

[Atzmyrh]

Trying not to scream in pure unkempt agony because i just formatted my pc and reinstalling all the shit i had is gunna take a while. 

[Reginald_001]

The sole point of any political agenda, point, debate or course of action is: 'How do we spend the people's money'.

It was just a random thought, I don't like political debates.

I just figured that our money is the only leverage they really have.

 

Also: Wondering why the ending of the second affinity quest I'm making for Ivy makes me tear up, every frikkin' time and how can I translate that into the map and quest itself.

 

Also: Finally bought myself a 4K monitor but now my graphics card is too slow and I need to get a dedicated gaming machine in any case, which will put me in the same sort of rebuild-misery-hell as the poster above me.

 

 

[steelpanther24]

On 6/5/2019 at 1:14 PM, Reginald_001 said:

Also: Finally bought myself a 4K monitor but now my graphics card is too slow and I need to get a dedicated gaming machine in any case, which will put me in the same sort of rebuild-misery-hell as the poster above me.

 

Mind saying what GFX card you are using?  I am considering buying a 4k monitor, and a fancy mounting stand to expand to two monitors, on a swing stand to allow me to move them as needed.  

 

WRT your comment about what politics is, don't forget the first two rules:

1. Somewhere, somehow, lawyers gets paid.......always.

2.  Rules are for those without power. 

[porkybork]

 

ICH WILL!!! ?

[acursedsexaddict]

Sorry if this isn't what you meant by "what is on your mind", but I tend to be a ranter...

 

Are other people tolerant of pretty much anything, appreciating it for just existing, or am I just far too cynical for my own good? If the latter, how do I change, because it seems time and effort devoted to things I initially dislike do not seem to change my opinions. If the former, is there a niche of more pristine quality I am overlooking? All I want is to be happy, yet being happy seems to require the impossible. What determines enjoyment? How can others enjoy something I find absolutely abysmal? Why can't I change it, learn to appreciate it? Where is my niche?

 

I am a gamer without a game, endlessly searching for the one but finding each horribly flawed to the point it is too frustrating to say I really enjoyed it. Not small issues that I could ignore, major mechanics that get in the way. Tried Arena, found it horribly buggy due to memory errors. Tried Daggerfall, found it miserable to explore dungeons as it expected wall spamming. Tried Morrowind, hated the reading and the predictable nature of everything. Tried Oblivion, ended up with a lot of issues with fatigue due to a mixture of survival/sex mods that essentially makes things unplayable for any real periods of time. Sort of wondering if this has to do with Alternate Death, but that in turn makes me wonder how I can even hope to avoid it since that was the main way to randomize locations in Oblivion. Tried Skyrim, found the casualized sex mods to be too limited for my liking (specifically each one seems to force the scene to continue at the end of the length, as opposed to allowing you to avoid it, thus making running to avoid sex a sort of pointless task).

 

I find most games lack replay value due to them being the same thing over and over. So I look for procedural generation. Minecraft isn't really the answer, since there is a lack of goals there, and I feel there needs to be some greater goal or purpose for things. Combine this with a preference for sexual content and you end up with me hunting for procedurally generated games where you play as a female avoiding rape. Oblivion and Skyrim are open and random enough to work, but again the mechanics tend to not work.

 

So instead I have tried adult games. Tried Malise and the Machine, found I wasn't a fan of waiting for rare loot drops. Tried Erotic Trap Dungeon, found the game had too many invisible traps that prevented it from feeling fair. Tried Enlit3d's game, felt too easy since death had no consequences, I want some challenge. Tried Trap Quest, which would be great except the game is text based and that just gets to me after a while.

 

It is distressing. There are so many choices that could be sort of there for me, and yet I get bothered by things so much that I end up with nothing I can say I really enjoy. So instead I mostly sleep in my depression and search for that dream title to get me out of this slump. I would love to make a game, but numerous years of trying various 3d editors and I still feel like I cannot even figure out a basic tutorial for them. So I am stuck being too picky and being unable to just create myself, while at the same time wanting to lower my standards and being unsure how to do that.

 

On 5/31/2019 at 9:07 PM, JimKhan said:

Sometimes, all I can think about is how empty and lonely I feel. Life can really suck.

In a way, I guess you can say you can hopefully feel slightly less lonely by knowing other lonely and empty individuals are here. If the above is any representation, I tend to think a lot. Probably because all I have to do is think, I rarely have anything to even enjoy, nevertheless other people to enjoy things with.

[JimKhan]

2 minutes ago, acursedsexaddict said:

In a way, I guess you can say you can hopefully feel slightly less lonely by knowing other lonely and empty individuals are here. If the above is any representation, I tend to think a lot. Probably because all I have to do is think, I rarely have anything to even enjoy, nevertheless other people to enjoy things with.

Meh, I know there are lonely and empty people all over the world, the thought doesn't comfort me as much as it saddens me because I know how it feels. This thread was just an excuse for me to get that thought out so I can feel better, that's all. In the end, even if someone were to offer to help fill the void, I'd reject the offer, it's my place after all.

[acursedsexaddict]

1 minute ago, JimKhan said:

Meh, I know there are lonely and empty people all over the world, the thought doesn't comfort me as much as it saddens me because I know how it feels. This thread was just an excuse for me to get that thought out so I can feel better, that's all. In the end, even if someone were to offer to help fill the void, I'd reject the offer, it's my place after all.

Fair enough and I can entirely understand the feelings of pain in a way. I have a sort of weird empathy as well, where I end up pained by the people who get mocked for "being abnormal". Perhaps because I am abnormal and can thus relate more to the "strange", but I feel hurt and upset, almost feeling like the world is a worse place just because we cannot accept each other. I am not a happy person. One reason I don't have friends, I am too miserable for anyone to be around long term, as they hope to help but their advice often ends up being something I just cannot enjoy like "start a garden" or "just lift bro".

 

I hope you feel better by expressing yourself. I guess that is what the point of this place is. I guess it is a home for me of sorts, since I have depths of negativity to rant about. Not only am I not happy, but I see absolutely zero real reason to life and mostly just endure for the people around me. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, things just fall apart as time goes on, and it is all because I am too stuck up to even enjoy anything like everyone else.

 

From experience, it is good to reject the offers. Usually the people think of themselves as your "savior" and you as the inferior, setting up an unhealthy situation. Plus I don't really enjoy anything, so being dragged into what I hate doesn't really help. And people talking about things usually is problematic, as I sort of have a lot of triggers that can cause me to emotionally break down. I just think I wasn't really made to exist. Everything about me is conflicting, what can the point be? If nothing makes me happy and I can't really handle human conversation, what exactly am I even doing?

 

Anyway, I apologize for ranting... it is hard to stop when given the ability to type.

[ISNAN]

3 hours ago, acursedsexaddict said:

Sorry if this isn't what you meant by "what is on your mind", but I tend to be a ranter...

 

Are other people tolerant of pretty much anything, appreciating it for just existing, or am I just far too cynical for my own good? If the latter, how do I change, because it seems time and effort devoted to things I initially dislike do not seem to change my opinions. If the former, is there a niche of more pristine quality I am overlooking? All I want is to be happy, yet being happy seems to require the impossible. What determines enjoyment? How can others enjoy something I find absolutely abysmal? Why can't I change it, learn to appreciate it? Where is my niche?

 

It is distressing. There are so many choices that could be sort of there for me, and yet I get bothered by things so much that I end up with nothing I can say I really enjoy. So instead I mostly sleep in my depression and search for that dream title to get me out of this slump. I would love to make a game, but numerous years of trying various 3d editors and I still feel like I cannot even figure out a basic tutorial for them. So I am stuck being too picky and being unable to just create myself, while at the same time wanting to lower my standards and being unsure how to do that.

 

In a way, I guess you can say you can hopefully feel slightly less lonely by knowing other lonely and empty individuals are here. If the above is any representation, I tend to think a lot. Probably because all I have to do is think, I rarely have anything to even enjoy, nevertheless other people to enjoy things with.

Man, you sound like an INTJ or INFJ. Have you ever looked into the Miggs Breyer personality types? It would explain a lot. Especially not understanding why some people feel happy about things you despise (because they have a different personality type where their brain functions differently). Not being able to communicate your thoughts with people. Being cynical. Thinking deep about complex topics to the point where you come off as a genius or incredibly smart because people don't understand wtf you are talking about. Scrutinizing games to the point where it becomes unplayable because you see how it could be better. I bring this up because I'm the same way. Once I understood my type (INTJ), it was an "ah ha" moment for me. It put everything into perspective with me and how I view other people. It caused me to home in on the abilities that come with my type. It became my game. My game of life of self improvement. Which is the ultimate game to play tbh because you are only bettering yourself. Why build a character in a game to god like proportions when you can do it for yourself, even if it's in your own mind. That is all that matters at the end of the day anyway, how you feel while you are alive. 

 

We are only here for 76 spins around the Sun (life expectancy). The Earth has spun around the Sun 4 billion times, so 76 years is a small amount of time to enjoy it. The odds of being a human on Earth and not some animal or insect is astronomically low. You are one though. You are made of star dust because you are made up of heavy elements that only come from massive stars. So you are literally the universe looking back at itself with the ability to contemplate it's own existence. 76 spins doesn't like a whole lot of time to enjoy that kind of kind power. Don't worry about how people are or how screwed up life is because it will all end one day. Even IF this life was a 100% happy utopian Universe. It would still end, so no point in worry or caring what others think or being perturbed by the way they act. You wont be able to change it simply because there are 16 different personality types all thinking differently. If you are in fact an INTJ or INFJ, then you are one of the rarest types there are. Utilize that shit, work on your stats, and be the best character you can be in the game of life.

[acursedsexaddict]

7 hours ago, ISNAN said:

Man, you sound like an INTJ or INFJ. Have you ever looked into the Miggs Breyer personality types? It would explain a lot. Especially not understanding why some people feel happy about things you despise (because they have a different personality type where their brain functions differently). Not being able to communicate your thoughts with people. Being cynical. Thinking deep about complex topics to the point where you come off as a genius or incredibly smart because people don't understand wtf you are talking about. Scrutinizing games to the point where it becomes unplayable because you see how it could be better. I bring this up because I'm the same way. Once I understood my type (INTJ), it was an "ah ha" moment for me. It put everything into perspective with me and how I view other people. It caused me to home in on the abilities that come with my type. It became my game. My game of life of self improvement. Which is the ultimate game to play tbh because you are only bettering yourself. Why build a character in a game to god like proportions when you can do it for yourself, even if it's in your own mind. That is all that matters at the end of the day anyway, how you feel while you are alive. 

 

We are only here for 76 spins around the Sun (life expectancy). The Earth has spun around the Sun 4 billion times, so 76 years is a small amount of time to enjoy it. The odds of being a human on Earth and not some animal or insect is astronomically low. You are one though. You are made of star dust because you are made up of heavy elements that only come from massive stars. So you are literally the universe looking back at itself with the ability to contemplate it's own existence. 76 spins doesn't like a whole lot of time to enjoy that kind of kind power. Don't worry about how people are or how screwed up life is because it will all end one day. Even IF this life was a 100% happy utopian Universe. It would still end, so no point in worry or caring what others think or being perturbed by the way they act. You wont be able to change it simply because there are 16 different personality types all thinking differently. If you are in fact an INTJ or INFJ, then you are one of the rarest types there are. Utilize that shit, work on your stats, and be the best character you can be in the game of life.

I actually tried Myer Briggs. I have been sort of searching for my identity. While acceptance of the self makes sense, I need more information so that I can in turn hopefully figure out what would make me happy. I found that my type kept changing too much to hold any level of security. It usually bounced between INTP, INFP, ENFP, and ENTP. At some point, I started realizing that the types were inconsistent as it was almost based on mood more than anything. So I sought a more accurate form of measurement, which most would call "delusional". See, I found that individuals could be more accurately described by fictional characters, that a fictional character was almost a purified template of a cluster of individuals, and therefore could define said individuals. Of course, I couldn't find the one that fit me. Mostly it has just resulted in me trying to find a waifu as I feel said waifu would be representing my own identity, but then finding that the ones I have run across are alien to me and also have led to painful memories.

 

Funny you say INTJ or INFJ, since usually INFJ translated out to a certain anime girl, specifically Yuri from DDLC. One of the only ones that were compatible with Myer Briggs actually. I found myself quite different from her. See, the INFJ likes predictability, they like structure and avoiding challenge. They hold a certain level of mental pride and hate anything bursting their bubble. They love appeasing the world by bottling up their emotions, then lashing out because they were not appeased. I find it far more efficient to just be genuine. I may be a miserable individual, but at least I am who I say I am, even if my level of delusion can lead to people thinking me unbelievable. I find society as a whole is based on white lies and dishonesty that I cannot connect with, so INFJ is almost more intertwined with society and can blend in. They are the quiet ones, the bookworms, while I find I hate books and also tend to stand out because of how abnormal I am.

 

An INTJ on the other hand... my memory is perhaps bad on the definable traits about them. I do recall they are far more about impressing others, so that they would spend a lot of time looking nice when I find little purpose to blending in or being "normal". They seem to value maturity, which means they would almost deem basic entertainment as immature, which doesn't sound like me as my concept of making my own fun usually ends up being "immature".

 

Furthermore, I feel intrigued that an INTJ would find me like themselves. But if the world is definable by 12 types, and we share a sort of mental enjoyment as our brains are similar, then we should have some sort of direction we should enjoy. Much like the INFJ, I believe they like literature, and thus could enjoy things such as Morrowind or Trap Quest which I found sadly limiting. I also didn't think INTJ was that rare, they tend to be relatively common alongside INTP from what I recall on websites. They may be the rarest, but they find comfort online.

 

I also never really considered myself intelligent. As much as such would be a nice thing to have, I also fear having an ego. The mentally ill think they are sane after all. So I don't wish to be misled by assuming myself superior to others in mental faculties. But I find it intriguing that I am not alone with scrutinizing everything, in having similar mannerisms. In being told I am not alone for a change, as usually I tend to stand out and be that "autistic individual who is too weird for anyone to get along with".

 

But I do have to agree, games in the non-physical are mostly great for diversions since the true reality is not much in the way of enjoyment. I am not really sure where to go for self-improvement, since what I mostly need to improve on is just finding happiness and something to enjoy. Something to occupy my time. While it is great to think with the mind, at a certain point you need various stimuli, if just to escape the monotony inside your head. See, the head is predictable, you know what you think and therefore it becomes a relatively boring game to play.

 

It definitely makes sense that if there are different types, that it becomes fruitless to push so much energy on others, since the answer is just a separation of types. But at that point, I still am left with the question of what to enjoy. Focus on my strengths, but I am not sure if I have any real strengths. As said, I am almost cynical of my own mind itself, meaning even there I cannot find entertainment. Which is sort of ironic in its own way, since my mind should be made for me, except perhaps that is the flaw. By being made for me, I know what it entails, and knowing what it entails means there becomes often little point to traveling down it.