Jokes revisited.

[megamantaray]

[ToJKa]

On 12/24/2019 at 5:54 PM, AKM said:

Dinosaur jokes:

Okay:

Spoiler

[2dk2c.2]

Back in the days before the internet was invented, 

there was a guy who made social climbers laugh.

I preferred "Benny Hill" and maybe "Elvira" but I wasn't one of their crowd.

Still, it's sad he's gone, and he should be mentioned, prolly will be, in some biggie thread.

[megamantaray]

4 minutes ago, 2dk2c.2 said:

Back in the days before the internet was invented, before "Bokeh" and "Pettifog" even,

there was a guy who made social climbers laugh.

I preferred "Benny Hill" and maybe "Elvira" but I wasn't one of their crowd.

Still, it's sad he's gone, and he should be mentioned, prolly will be, in some biggie thread.

Oh nooooo~

That reminds me :C

Spoiler

This really shouldn't be posted in a joke thread though!

Maybe we could have an In Memoriam thread for people to share things like this and remember those who shaped our childhoods like this.

Cos this ain't a joke.

I mean I'm not helping but.. y'know.

[Heroine HoneyCrotch]

Here's a pretty good one, it's from The Thing prequel movie, opening scene. Its a 3 minute clip but the joke's over halfway through the 2 minute, It's in Norwegian language, but there is subtitles and I think it adds to the joke being different language.   Edit: Joke starts 30 seconds in. 

 

 

[megamantaray]

Spoiler

This is pretty good for a dumb meme.

[2dk2c.2]

13 hours ago, megamantaray said:

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This is pretty good for a dumb meme.

It's prolly funny but I don't get it, would it be ok if you explained it? I'm really reaching and coming up with memes in my head, but none of them are funny either (yet)

[megamantaray]

41 minutes ago, 2dk2c.2 said:

It's prolly funny but I don't get it, would it be ok if you explained it? I'm really reaching and coming up with memes in my head, but none of them are funny either (yet)

It's just that in New Vegas two of the major factions are lead by people who look like the bottles.

One is a Caesar and the other is the NCR which are basically cowboys.

It's one of those jokes you gotta play the game to get since it's strictly referential as opposed to a general knowledge thing or wordplay.

[megamantaray]

I can't tell if this is ironic for the meme anymore.

Spoiler

Peak Social Justice is not knowing when something is satire.

[megamantaray]

I may have found the only funny Coronavirus meme.

Spoiler

 

[2dk2c.2]

I (OK I forgot why) but anyway I went to Reuters and googled "Illuminati,"

and a news story popped up, along with a disclaimer that they could not contact the Illuminati.

I LOL'd, and I never do that.

[AKM]

More riddles than jokes:
 

Spoiler

A horse walks a certain distance each day.  Two of its legs go 30 miles, while the other two go almost 31 miles.  The horse is normal, so how is this possible?

 

The horse operates a mill and travels in a circular clockwise direction. The two outside legs travel farther than the inside ones.

 

 

 

What is as big as an elephant, but weighs nothing?

 

Its shadow.

 

 

 

What wears a coat in winter and pants in the summer?

 

A dog.

 

 

 

A black dog is lying in an intersection in a town painted black.  No street lights are working due to a power failure.  A car with broken headlights drives toward the dog. but turns in time to avoid hitting him.  How did the driver see the dog?

 

It was daytime.

 

 

 

A woman stands on one side of a river, her cat on the other.  The woman calls to the cat, who immediately crosses the river without getting wet. without using a bridge or a boat.  How did the cat do it?

 

The river was frozen.

 

 

 

How do you spell cow in 13 letters?

 

SEE O DOUBLE YOU

 

 

 

If three cats eat three rats in three minutes, how long will it take 100 cats to eat 100 rats?

 

Three minutes.  One cat can eat one rat in three minutes, so 100 cats can eat 100 rats in three minutes.

 

 

 

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

 

A carrot.

 

 

 

A cat can jump 5 feet high but can't jump through a window that's 3 feet high.  Why not?

 

The window is closed.

 

 

From:  https://www.ranker.com/list/difficult-animal-riddles/ariel-kana?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=ac&pgid=1107254739340856&utm_campaign=difficult-animal-riddles&fbclid=IwAR0ELfjhwcETC7GAUJ5NJNGVhoMWR-Z_XNqreliM4eX_RrFkmXfk5982Tgo

 

 

[megamantaray]

1 minute ago, AKM said:

More riddles than jokes:

This one I found in a game:

"What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters."

Not much of a riddle but some people have a lot of trouble with it.

[2dk2c.2]

9 minutes ago, megamantaray said:

This one I found in a game:

"What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters."

Not much of a riddle but some people have a lot of trouble with it.

It isn't a question.

[megamantaray]

41 minutes ago, 2dk2c.2 said:

It isn't a question.

?

[legraf]

2 hours ago, AKM said:

More riddles than jokes:

A woman stands on one side of a river, her cat on the other.  The woman calls to the cat, who immediately crosses the river ...

Yeah, I call shenanigans.

[AKM]

Just now, legraf said:

Yeah, I call shenanigans.

Yeah, well....

[megamantaray]

3 hours ago, AKM said:

A cat can jump 5 feet high but can't jump through a window that's 3 feet high.  Why not?

 

The window is closed.

Yeah now that I think of it..

[megamantaray]

Not a joke at all but I love hentai titles.

[megamantaray]

Technically not a joke either but I giggled really hard.

[2dk2c.2]

"I'm full!!!"  said the poor old man who never ate much.

"Praise be!" said a hungry friend.

"No shit," said another.

The old man stopped smiling for a second and replied, 

"I'll let you know."

 

 

 

[2dk2c.2]

my tutorial of a game I might not like yet has this snarky letter.

It's not a joke but I thought it was cute enough to tickle your fancy.

I'm not even sure I'll *like* the game yet but they are starting off in the right direction.

[megamantaray]

27 minutes ago, 2dk2c.2 said:

my tutorial of a game I might not like yet has this snarky letter.

It's not a joke but I thought it was cute enough to tickle your fancy.

I'm not even sure I'll *like* the game yet but they are starting off in the right direction.

 

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Is that from the SCP-inspired game?
That makes sense, rubber ducks are an SCP and I believe there's a haunted ketchup bottle too.

There's also a lot of memetic and technology based SCPs that can cause problems.

I like how it's written though, that's funny.

[Psalam]

WARNING: BLACK HUMOR

 

(As seen on Facebook)

 

Shouldn't they wait to do the 2020 US Census until after the pandemic has run its course?

[nonusnomeni]

quarantine related:

 

hi neighbor where is your husband

in garden

wasnt see him there

well you need to dig some