Jokes revisited.

[Reginald_001]

[Psalam]

I apologize if this has already been posted. I heard it from a patient this morning.

 

Hillary Clinton to Donald Trump: If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.

 

Donald Trump to Hillary Clinton: If I were your husband I'd drink it!

[ToJKa]

On 9/26/2019 at 6:01 AM, AKM said:

What do you call a blind deer?

 

No eye deer.  ("No idea", in piss poor Southern U.S. accent.)

If anyone likes poor puns like that, you'll love Pearls Before Swine.

https://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2019/10/13

[Reginald_001]

 

[Reginald_001]

[Reginald_001]

If only there were a kind of cap that could keep the sun out of your eyes....

 

[2dk2c.2]

On 10/28/2019 at 3:09 PM, Reginald_001 said:

what IS that, a tandy?

What happened to the OP, the Jamaican (argentinian?) and anyone else fun to read? Did they post "offensive" content....or did the party move to another bar?

I'm so bummed.

 

[Reginald_001]

[Reginald_001]

[Reginald_001]

[Reginald_001]

I was watching TBBT and pasued to pee. Paused at a perfect time..

 

[Reginald_001]

[Psalam]

My wife just read this quotation to me:

 

"The problem with quoting things from off the internet is that you can't be certain of the source."

--- Abraham Lincoln

[Psalam]

Heard on the radio:

 

A camel, a cow and a donkey walk into a bar and sit down. The camel orders a glass of milk and so does the cow. The donkey, on the other hand, orders 5 shots of whiskey. After consuming their drinks the donkey goes berserk and starts to tear the place up. The bartender then goes up to the camel and the cow and says, "All right you camel-toed milk-drinkers, get your drunken ass out of here!"

[AKM]

[Reginald_001]

Well played.. well played..

 

[2dk2c.2]

On 11/29/2019 at 1:15 PM, Reginald_001 said:

Well played.. well played..

 

That was no joke, that was art (thank you, Google) https://mymodernmet.com/odeith-illusion-art/

I swear this place is getting too subtext-y for me to follow much anymore.

 

 

[Halstrom]

A guy sees a sign outside a farm "Talking Dog for Sale $20"
Intrigued by this he drives in and asks the farmer if the sign is true.
"It sure is"
"Can I see him?"
"Yeah he is over there under the tractor, black and white bitza"
The guy finds the dog under the tractor and asks "Is it true you can talk?"
The dog replies "Yeah I certainly can"
"Oh wow, so umm how come you are on a farm?"
"Well as a pup I was trained in a Russian circus to play Cluedo and Scrabble before working as assistant ringmaster for a time before I got an offer from the American Government who taught me English working for the CIA"
"Holy crap you speak Russian too?"
"Da, and 11 other languages, I just didn't have the mouth and tougue for Scottish though."
"Wow!"
"After I went deep undercover for 2 years to locate Bin Laden, I left the military and did a year world touring as a back ground vocalist in Cats before coming here to relax in the country and semi-retire. But I'm looking for something new again now."
"Awesome, I'll be back in a minute."
The guy rushes up to the farmer and hands him $20 and says "SOLD!"
The farmer replied "Yep he is all yours."
"How come you are selling him so cheap though?"
"He's lazy and useless, also a complete bullshit artist, he's never left the farm."

[ToJKa]

Two wind turbines stand on a hill. One asks the other: so, what kind of music do you like? The other answers: i'm a big metal fan.

[winny257]

foreword: wool = hair
an African man in the hotel Order themselves a prostitute, She starts to undress, first the top part, he looks under his arms, sees no hair and says nothing wool.
then she takes off her panties, he looks again and say again, nothing wool.
she looks puzzled and say to him, what do you want actually, do you want to fuck or knitting?

[2dk2c.2]

 

 

 

 

 und so weiter ,https://www.boredpanda.com/translation-fails

 

 

[megamantaray]

10 minutes ago, 2dk2c.2 said:

<snip>

There's a bunch of subreddits for these. I looooooooooooove broken English signs and bootleg stuff.

This one isn't even broken English it's just great.

 

[AKM]

Not really a joke, but it sorta comes off as one:
 

[2dk2c.2]

1 hour ago, AKM said:

Not really a joke, but it sorta comes off as one:

 

I asked google "wtf" and came up with something called "OC anon" which is subtext for anti-sjw hate groups (or I read too much into the non existence)

and all of this is so four-years ago.

a n y w a y, um, Oh! I found a cool picture:

https://derpibooru.org/2218162

 

[megamantaray]

2 hours ago, 2dk2c.2 said:

<snip>

Isn't OC Anon just what people call OCs for 4Chan since everyone's anonymous?

OC meaning Original Character, which is basically giving them an avatar.