DudyDude Posted February 16, 2022 Posted February 16, 2022 Don't get me wrong. I like loverslab a lot. It's a great way to get the erotic mods for the games we all love, but am I the only one that doesn't have a real sex life? Porn and erotic gaming just seems like a failing attempt to solve real world love-failure and lonliness, at least for me. I guess I'm asking, is anyone else here in the same boat? Lonely IRL? Lacking a significant other? Coping with it through porn? From what I read, it seems like a lot of folks in this community actually have a thriving IRL sex life. Is there anyone like me though? Bored and alone? Sorry for being a downer.
xxwynterxx Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 18 minutes ago, DudyDude said: Oh definitely, been really hard on me lately (thinking about not having a partner) I've been single for 3 years now with tons of failed attempts and situationships. It does not feel good lol; especially for a hopeless romantic like me.
DudyDude Posted February 17, 2022 Author Posted February 17, 2022 4 minutes ago, xxwynterxx said: I feel you. I had a girl back in highschool that I would hold and she would hold me. We'd makeout too, but honestly, it was just nice having a partner. Someone to relate to and do life with. People say things like, "You just got to get out there." That's the thing though, it just seems like trying to "win over" a girl just gets you the wrong type of girl. It's got to be natural. A friend or coworker. Someone you know as a friend or acquaintance, before you can take it to the next level. That's how I see it at least. Not working out in the long run, but I'm also scared of getting a disease if I go balls to the wall "out there" you know? Sometimes that feels like the only way the world throws you a girl though.
Idyll Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 I might not be the target of this query but if you allow my tongue to slip... Spoiler I've friends in situations not so dissimilar to yours and I've helped some of them find a match with some questions like: - Is love a required feature for your relationship? Spoiler Whether it is important for love to be part of your sexual interractions or not will define how tricky it'll be for you to find someone to warm your bed - naturally, it's tougher to get a match if there's love involved and at the opposite of love there's a greater deal of sex to be found in "casual to moderate" relationships. - How common do you consider your tastes? Spoiler Whether or not your tastes are widespread will help find someone willing to perform the things you might want to do. I like to think mine are hard to beat but I've been impressed a few times. - Do you know someone who might be interested in a relationship such as you seek? Otherwise, are you willing to get to know people in order to widen your candidate selection? Spoiler Whether you already have a few candidates who might be interested in you enough to spicen up your sex life or if you're willing to make new acquaintances to that end. - Are you willing to explore new avenues or ones you have only touched slightly but found interest in? Spoiler My more adventurous friends as well as myself have had more success than those otherwise and there's also a certain fun to be had in trying things your partner(s) might like that you don't find all that attractive initially. - Are you willing to present yourself in a more erotic/romantic light? Spoiler Whether you make yourself appear "flirtatious" in a lovely way, let us say. If you do, it's likely that you seek "casual to moderate" relations as you'll find sluts similar to myself or superficial individuals who you might want to avoid for reasons usually obvious upon meeting. If you seek love, then put an emphasis on the romantic aspect of your nuptial parade and if it's the case that you seek love, then you'll also likely want to direct those charms at specific people - everybody's got charms of their own, don't think otherwise lest you'll decrease the quality of your displayed image. Those are some of the questions I've come up with after my experiences for my friends who sought to have a less dreary "sexual landscape" - granted, they won't work in every case but they should help one define that which they seek in a more accurate manner so as to ease future mating endeavours. If I was to put some hastily stitched together stats, I'd say it's something like a six or seven out of ten of my friends who I've quizzed that found success with these questions answered. And about diseases, I like to think I'm not the only bunny out there who takes care of herself so there might be hope. Besides, if you reach the bed with someone and you see some atrocities you can always leave yourself out of it and say goodbye. Usually, nothing keeps you from "trying out the demo" to get an idea.
landess Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 I stopped to say 'Hello' because you're lonely. Me? I have not any attachments and it took over half a lifetime to achieve this miracle of freedom. Once you get tired of doing for others, day in - day out, it's truly amazing to do it for yourself.
IBAGadget Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 As a fellow 'hopeless romantic' who has been single for far more than half of the last 32 years, I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I'm also pretty much an introvert, so 'getting out there' is just not really an option for me. Am I alone? Hell yes. Am I lonely? Sometimes, most definitely.
Z0mBieP00Nani Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 Lonely? Sometimes.. You certainly aren't the only one in that boat though, not by a long shot. It's not really your fault though. Feminism, social media (online dating in particular), and mass SIMPing has made most chicks pretty much undateable/unapproachable anyway, either their standards are too high, their sense of self worth is WAY over inflated (and that's across the board, from the undeniably ugly to the genuinely most attractive chicks), and/or they are just rather unpleasant to be around for any length of time in general. On the flip side though you have a lot of men who don't know how to be men anymore, so both sides have been sabotaged by the evolutionary mismatch we find ourselves in. When the prize isn't really worth chasing anyway what else is there to do? Sex and relationships is kind of like going without jacking off for an extended period, once you choke the vomit out of the chicken, once you get the sex, or once you get into the relationship the thrill is more or less over, that is things hit a "climax" shortly after, and then you are just as bored and sometimes lonely as you were before (usually). What you're dealing with right now is a grass is always greener type of deal, it's not greener though, in fact it can be worse because a relationship can be work whether you're happy in it or not. At least when you're alone all you have to worry about is yourself, and that can be a lot easier and a lot cheaper to deal with. Just my two cents anyway.
sonia82sarkar Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 Yo, bro. I feel you. I am alone but I am hardly lonely. I have friends on rl, social media and in gaming clans. And we are not limited to 'hi-hello.' (if you catch my drift.) My point is, socialize. (Even if it does not lead to s*x) S*x has become a meme now these days... Intimacy and company, are more valued. Beside look at this way, I set rules of my engagements and I enjoy control over my life with impunity. You can too. So, if you feel lonely, just get your homies over the net. Play a game or do some conversation over philosophy or heck go do some (e)RP... It'll do good for your mood. And if you don't have homies over the net, just come here and start a thread! ? ?
AKM Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 No, you're not alone, by far. Remember, when you look at all the seemingly sexually active profiles talking, about it, etc., that this a "social" platform on the internet, and just like most (dare I say 'all'?) social platforms on the internet, it's about making yourself look good to others. Whether it's the truth or not is irrelevant. I'm reminded of what our high school sex ed instructors said: 'If you're getting sex, and you start talking about it, you're not likely to be getting it for much longer!' Those who discuss the most intimate aspects of their partner's life in public generally find that they don't have a partner for very long once they find out. Many people make themselves feel better by making sure that they (try) to make others feel worse, as well. Yes, I too use this stuff as an escape from reality, realizing that some of the stuff I do thanks to LL mods couldn't be done in the real world (at least not legally where I'm from). For me, the reality is simple: Modded games, while infinitely less fulfilling than the real thing must be, are also infinitely safer. So I choose to be alone. It sucks, and I'll never have the loving relationship I really want, but given the way the world is today, and what I saw of the actions of both sexes growing up, what I want isn't available anymore in large enough numbers for me to have a reasonable chance of finding it. I might have, but I'd expend my whole lifetime in even attempting to do so. No thanks. There are other things I'd rather do with my time. It's a loss, but I find other ways to make my life worth living. It no longer involves the opposite sex. Oh, and there's a BIG difference between being alone and being lonely. You should really try to figure out those differences. It'll make your life better, I'm sure. Generally socially unacceptable statements about the whys of why I choose to be alone in the spoiler. Spoiler The old bullshit statement "Who hurt you?" comes to mind. The answer is 'everyone', because pain is just part of the dating experience, even if you're "successful" at it. The question regarding that is 'Is the possibility of pleasure worth all this pain?'. For me, the answer was 'No'. And then there are the risks involved with modern dating. Everything from getting physical waayyy too soon, to the chemical processes that causes, to the very high likelihood of getting involved with the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Been there, done that. General lack of accountability for previous actions, again, on the part of both parties. The social change to accept as normal behaviours that in the past would be disqualifying due to the high risk those actions impose on the other mate. That's to say nothing of the legal side. What happens when you get involved and they say something happened? Are THEY believed? Are YOU believed? I won't go into detail here, but again, it's a matter of safety over trying and maybe, possibly, infanticimally, getting what I really want, instead of the far more likely outcome of, again (and again, and again, and again ad nauseam ) 'failure'. Personally, I could probably have pushed through the constant failures if the legal ramifications of failure weren't so damn high. It's been going on for enough years and with enough strength that I know that there's no way that's going to change sufficiently in my lifetime, never mind my reproductive window. Recognizing that statements can be made retroactively was the final nail in the coffin. I don't need to be involving myself with people knowing that they can come back at me in 30 years, when I've worked my ass off and acquired something worth taking. I'm not blind to what goes on. Lacking a significant other has long since become a by-choice option for me. I wanted what I wanted, but even while recognizing that humans are human and thus imperfect, I realized that the likelihood of finding anyone even close to what I want in today's world was so small that in searching, I was wasting my time. Too many people out there who have a 'me, Me, ME!!!' mentality, and absolutely zero concept of how much work a relationship takes, or that any of that effort is worth taking, especially when a "replacement" is just a swipe away. So it's just me, and a few close (enough) friends, and that's it. But it's also peace and quiet. I get to run my life the way I want. No negotiation, no nothing. Someone either fits into my life or they don't, period.
KoolHndLuke Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 4 hours ago, DudyDude said: Don't get me wrong. I like loverslab a lot. It's a great way to get the erotic mods for the games we all love, but am I the only one that doesn't have a real sex life? Porn and erotic gaming just seems like a failing attempt to solve real world love-failure and lonliness, at least for me. I guess I'm asking, is anyone else here in the same boat? Lonely IRL? Lacking a significant other? Coping with it through porn? From what I read, it seems like a lot of folks in this community actually have a thriving IRL sex life. Is there anyone like me though? Bored and alone? Sorry for being a downer. Take the real thing when you can get it, but... don't go throwing away the porn and stuff right off for anybody. I still turn to my games/porn to get a nut pretty often even while in relationships. Just something about it that a love or sex partner can't touch imo. Also... be careful what you wish for.
Idyll Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 Just now, KoolHndLuke said: Take the real thing when you can get it, but... don't go throwing away the porn and stuff right off for anybody. I still turn to my games/porn to get a nut pretty often even while in relationships. Just something about it that a love or sex partner can't touch imo. Exactly, it's a different kind of intimacy from sex and it's self-gratifying, I always treat it like a treat. I masturbate even regardless of all the sex I get, I call that something someone else can't achieve "being better served by one's own self" - regardless of how good the sex is, there's an itch that it won't scratch.
Splendor Solis Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 You're not alone. I was home schooled so I didn't have the opportunity to get a girlfriend growing up. Went through college and still couldn't even make a single friend. Tried the usual stuff like joining clubs, getting in shape and dressing well, etc, but it didn't work out. It's hard to get the ball rolling on a social life because there's no reason for a girl to choose you over a better looking guy with plenty of life experiences. It's like trying to become a Duke when you're not born into nobility: You have to get there through pure strength, and even then you're still a bit of a pariah among the blue bloods, It sucks, but it's not like the fairness police are going to knock on your door and hand you things because you "deserve" them. All you can do is suck it up, ignore the past, and focus on the future.
pixlcrying Posted February 17, 2022 Posted February 17, 2022 Keep going, you will find somebody one day :)
an angel of blood Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 On 2/16/2022 at 7:00 PM, Z0mBieP00Nani said: It's not really your fault though. Feminism, social media (online dating in particular), and mass SIMPing has made most chicks pretty much undateable/unapproachable anyway, either their standards are too high, their sense of self worth is WAY over inflated (and that's across the board, from the undeniably ugly to the genuinely most attractive chicks), and/or they are just rather unpleasant to be around for any length of time in general. On the flip side though you have a lot of men who don't know how to be men anymore, so both sides have been sabotaged by the evolutionary mismatch we find ourselves in. this hasn't been my experience at all, most women seem really interested in dating and are both really insecure and quite nice to be around, though of course there's always unpleasant people to be found for sure. do you mean that women are learning not to tolerate disrespect and harassment/abuse...? cause i have noticed we take a lot less of that bullshit than in the past.
DudyDude Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 You guys have no idea how much your responses mean to me. Thank you. I love this community!
worik Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 I had never expected to find a new home for myself. Because I wasn't interested, I wasn't looking and I didn't want to look at all. It took me really by surprise.
Z0mBieP00Nani Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 17 hours ago, submissive miss tris said: this hasn't been my experience at all, most women seem really interested in dating and are both really insecure and quite nice to be around, though of course there's always unpleasant people to be found for sure. do you mean that women are learning not to tolerate disrespect and harassment/abuse...? cause i have noticed we take a lot less of that bullshit than in the past. I'm sure there are plenty of women who are interested in seriously dating.. the top 20% of guys. Or at least that's the kind of picture dating apps and Tiktok consistently paint. In real life things are a bit different, standards are a bit lower or in other words women don't seem to be as picky, and this is probably because they don't have an entire country's worth of potential matches to choose from, ranging from the hottest guys to the cringiest, at their finger tips as opposed to whoever is around them on a day to day basis in real life. Too many choices tends to lead to indecision, and that is true across the board. The guys on dating apps are primarily there to smash and dash anyway, they aren't looking for commitment and they definitely aren't looking to get involved with some other man's progeny. I know from observation and personal experience that women like to play psychological games in relationships (they like to "shit test"), I realize this is probably less true depending on who we are talking about but that seems to be more of the exception and not the rule, unfortunately. The games are what make them intolerable to be around, and can eventually end up driving men away, especially men with other options.
Idyll Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Z0mBieP00Nani said: I'm sure there are plenty of women who are interested in seriously dating.. the top 20% of guys. Or at least that's the kind of picture dating apps and Tiktok consistently paint. In real life things are a bit different, standards are a bit lower or in other words women don't seem to be as picky, and this is probably because they don't have an entire country's worth of potential matches to choose from, ranging from the hottest guys to the cringiest, at their finger tips as opposed to whoever is around them on a day to day basis in real life. Too many choices tends to lead to indecision, and that is true across the board. The guys on dating apps are primarily there to smash and dash anyway, they aren't looking for commitment and they definitely aren't looking to get involved with some other man's progeny. I know from observation and personal experience that women like to play psychological games in relationships (they like to "shit test"), I realize this is probably less true depending on who we are talking about but that seems to be more of the exception and not the rule, unfortunately. The games are what make them intolerable to be around, and can eventually end up driving men away, especially men with other options. I'll go tell some of my friends they're exceptional then. ? Seriously, though, I have to agree that online dating is subpar to meeting people in the flesh in many ways, it's a saddening sight. Like you said, men tend to have simple goals when using such matchmaking resources and also tend to stay open to the possibilities surrounding them; females, though, usually seek princes slated in silver, laden with gold and adorned with jewels - their dream partner, someone that most of the time doesn't exist. The problem in my opinion lies with their tendency to focus on the seemingly perfect match that's across the country or world and not see the happy lives they could build with perfectly fine candidates they may already know - however average, strange or otherwise - that are right besides them due to them developping severe cases of tunnel vision.
arliel Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 I think, try not to stress too much trying to find someone. Judging by your earlier comments, you seem to want a genuine connection, and that's great. Just hold out and keep going about it the way you feel is best. In the meantime, do what sonia82sarker said, just hang out with people, live life, whatever. It may feel futile now, but hey, you don't know what will happen in the future. Heck, my dad was 39 when he married, with my mom 16 years younger... lol Anyway, like AKM said, "...there's a BIG difference between being alone and being lonely." May not be the same concept as what you are experiencing, but I have definitely felt loneliness... while in a "relationship". Together for 6 years with someone, and we barely talked, so I knew little about him. Also rarely intimate (both romantically and sexually) and anytime we were, I was usually the one initiating. Last 2 years, he straight up avoided me. If I got near, he leaned away. And of course, no intimacy whatsoever during this time. Makes one feel rediculously lonely. What I'm trying to say is, I think you got a good method and a good plan for eventually finding the right person. Jumping into the wrong relationship just because you don't want to be alone, will likely make you feel worse in the end. it may not seem like much from a random stranger (especially on here... haha), but I wish you luck. Hope you find the one for you, and, hopefully without too much heartbreak as well.
thaclone Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 Am I alone? Yes Am I lonely? No (I have enough friends, to not feel lonely) Did I have sex? Yes Do I need/want sex? No... if there is an oportunity it's okay... if not, it's okay as well Do I watch porn/games/etc Yes and it's very much fun and I would never give it up
Guest Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 The answer is yes, in many ways. On 2/17/2022 at 12:50 AM, DudyDude said: Don't get me wrong. I like loverslab a lot. It's a great way to get the erotic mods for the games we all love, but am I the only one that doesn't have a real sex life? Porn and erotic gaming just seems like a failing attempt to solve real world love-failure and lonliness, at least for me. I guess I'm asking, is anyone else here in the same boat? Lonely IRL? Lacking a significant other? Coping with it through porn? From what I read, it seems like a lot of folks in this community actually have a thriving IRL sex life. Is there anyone like me though? Bored and alone? Sorry for being a downer. Tho I don't really play any sex mods anymore or care too much about sex, maybe due past traumas or just simply dunno, its not for me, I enjoy intimacy, I guess. I can't really cope with anything honestly ?, porn does nothing, sex mods are just for story creating in my mind I guess, thats not really do anything either. 14 hours ago, Z0mBieP00Nani said: I'm sure there are plenty of women who are interested in seriously dating.. the top 20% of guys. Or at least that's the kind of picture dating apps and Tiktok consistently paint. In real life things are a bit different, standards are a bit lower or in other words women don't seem to be as picky, and this is probably because they don't have an entire country's worth of potential matches to choose from, ranging from the hottest guys to the cringiest, at their finger tips as opposed to whoever is around them on a day to day basis in real life. Too many choices tends to lead to indecision, and that is true across the board. The guys on dating apps are primarily there to smash and dash anyway, they aren't looking for commitment and they definitely aren't looking to get involved with some other man's progeny. I know from observation and personal experience that women like to play psychological games in relationships (they like to "shit test"), I realize this is probably less true depending on who we are talking about but that seems to be more of the exception and not the rule, unfortunately. The games are what make them intolerable to be around, and can eventually end up driving men away, especially men with other options. What exactly the top 20% mean anyway? 13 hours ago, Idyll said: I'll go tell some of my friends they're exceptional then. ? Seriously, though, I have to agree that online dating is subpar to meeting people in the flesh in many ways, it's a saddening sight. Like you said, men tend to have simple goals when using such matchmaking resources and also tend to stay open to the possibilities surrounding them; females, though, usually seek princes slated in silver, laden with gold and adorned with jewels - their dream partner, someone that most of the time doesn't exist. The problem in my opinion lies with their tendency to focus on the seemingly perfect match that's across the country or world and not see the happy lives they could build with perfectly fine candidates they may already know - however average, strange or otherwise - that are right besides them due to them developping severe cases of tunnel vision. I don't think they are, I know a lot people who have success with the apps, heck even my friend who usually struggles the most still get matches. flesh meeting has an advantage to able guess what kind of person they are, seeing a random ass profile without bio is not really xd help on that.
Idyll Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 3 hours ago, Resdayn said: I don't think they are, I know a lot people who have success with the apps, heck even my friend who usually struggles the most still get matches. flesh meeting has an advantage to able guess what kind of person they are, seeing a random ass profile without bio is not really xd help on that. I don't mean to say it's entirely unsuccessful, I'm rather speaking of the sizeable chunk of people that tend to live their lives either denying reality to some extent and/or showing excessive pride hence releasing toxicity, being superficial either way. I too am acquainted with quite a few people who found happiness through such apps, sometimes long-lasting, sometimes short-lived - I even had some successful moments on them myself. It's my fault for writing it in a generalizing manner but what I meant was to mention the great many who fail to use dating apps for what they are: dating apps where you meet people, not a market where you custom order your ideal partner. That's just sad since, like I said, they don't realize their surrounding's potential and instead suffer from seeking love with usually nothing to show for their searches.
Z0mBieP00Nani Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 On 2/18/2022 at 4:16 PM, Idyll said: I'll go tell some of my friends they're exceptional then. ? Seriously, though, I have to agree that online dating is subpar to meeting people in the flesh in many ways, it's a saddening sight. Like you said, men tend to have simple goals when using such matchmaking resources and also tend to stay open to the possibilities surrounding them; females, though, usually seek princes slated in silver, laden with gold and adorned with jewels - their dream partner, someone that most of the time doesn't exist. The problem in my opinion lies with their tendency to focus on the seemingly perfect match that's across the country or world and not see the happy lives they could build with perfectly fine candidates they may already know - however average, strange or otherwise - that are right besides them due to them developping severe cases of tunnel vision. With dating apps the number one most important thing you can put in your bio (as a male) is "6 feet tall" or something positive about your height, and everything else comes after that. On dating apps everything is more or less done based on looks (because really nobody has time to sit and read through literally hundreds of bios), so your bio doesn't really matter. That means that if you're a 10 - 8 in looks as a man (a "Chad" basically) you are probably going to be getting most of the attention and everything below that will be getting practically no attention from any of the women on there (and this is evidenced by the fact that an average looking woman can get 200 - 300+ matches within a week while most guys are lucky to get a few a month). So yes, very narrow, and to be fair guys are doing the same kind of thing, though they are willing to be a lot less picky about it, and this includes the guys at the very top. On top of that there is social media in general, let's say for example that a girl finds a guy she likes, a coworker or something, and maybe he's of average looks with a few flaws here and there, but the girl also has a number of social media accounts that she likes to show her new man off on. That guy is now going to be scrutinized by all of the people on that girl's social media accounts (including any SIMPs who may want to get with her, but don't have a chance) and the opinions of those people in the comments section are likely going to start having an affect on the way she feels about her new boyfriend, and then what do you think is going to happen? She's probably going to start taking that out on her new boyfriend, thinking he's not good enough (when really there is, for the sake of argument, nothing wrong with the guy at all). Social media is basically another way for women to receive constant validation and approval from friends, family, and complete strangers (which in most cases only serves to give them an unrealistic sense importance), it's to the point now where male attention is not really welcome online or in real life because there is an over saturation of it. On 2/19/2022 at 5:38 AM, Resdayn said: What exactly the top 20% mean anyway? Roughly, 6 feet tall (or really anything 5' 10" and above), good looks, good body (in shape or fit, not grossly overweight), big dick, and well off (money, status, material things), and more or less in that order. It is also important for a guy to have, at the very least, good social skills, and at the very most, "game" or an awareness of how to impress a woman and keep her impressed.
Deso561PL Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 I've used to be active here, but not anymore. I feel like i'm an ghost here for some people.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.