Jokes revisited.

[AKM]

 

 

Edited August 20, 2024 by AKM

[AKM]

GTA V radio joke
 

 

[AKM]

More a riddle than a joke.  Answer in the spoiler below:

If you have 3, you have 3.

If you have 2, you have 2.

But if you have only 1, you have none.

What is it?
 

 

Spoiler

A choice.  Three options = 3 choices.  Two options = 2 choices.  One option = No choice at all.

 

Edited August 25, 2024 by AKM

[AKM]

If you wear a falconry glove to the park, and frantically look around the sky, everyone with a small dog will leave.

[sativa]

[AKM]

German knock knock joke:

"Knock, knock"
"Who is there?"
"VE VILL ASK ZE QVESTTIONS!!

Edited September 17, 2024 by AKM

[RedHeadAngel]

"Can anyone explain to me the need for one-hour photo finishing? You just saw the fucking thing! How can you possibly be nostalgic about a concept like a little while ago?"

 

- George Carlin

[AKM]

I told my wife I loved her, and she said "I love you more", and this was on my way to work.

5:30 in the morning, and she's already starting shit.

So it turns out that the proper response to that is not "Probably".

 

[AKM]

Lion and dog joke:
 

 

[RedHeadAngel]

What do you call a smart Nord?

 

Spoiler

A Nerd.

 

[AKM]

Do people with electric cars listen to AC/DC or something current?

[AKM]

 

[AKM]

Do you know why men are such impressive cooks?

Because with just two eggs and a sausage, they can fill a belly for 9 months.

(Yes, I know.  Incorrect.  Still funny.)

[Raven 54]

A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot.

They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in the bedroom, so the man asks his best friend to waft a towel while he and his wife make love.

Begrudgingly, the friend submits and says yes.

After 20 minutes of lovemaking, the woman is no closer to orgasm, so the friend wafting the towel recommends that they switch places. So the friend is now having sex with the woman while the husband wafts the towel.

After two minutes, the woman starts to tremble and lets out an incredible cry as she reaches the most intense orgasm she has ever had.

The husband looks at his friend, and proudly proclaims, "Now that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel."

 

[Raven 54]

 A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar. It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and Handjob $10.

He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

 

 

[Raven 54]

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"   (see spoiler)

 

Spoiler

She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

 

Edited October 13, 2024 by Raven 54

[AKM]

 

[Raven 54]

Spoiler

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? The man.

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.

What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

Edited October 14, 2024 by Raven 54

[Raven 54]

 

Spoiler

Life is like a penis... Often hard for no reason!

 

[Raven 54]

 If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

[Raven 54]

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?” The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.” The man replies, “Yeah, that’s the one!”

[Raven 54]

 Two men were talking.

"So, how's your sex life?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."

"Social Security sex?"

"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

[Raven 54]

What goes CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP?

An Amish drive-by shooting.

 

How did the Irish Jig get started?
Too much Guinness and not enough bathrooms!

 

Spoiler

What’s long, hard, and has to be done to please your partner?               Foreplay.

 

[Raven 54]

Why don’t vegans moan during sex?
They don’t want anyone to know they’re enjoying the meat.

[Raven 54]

What’s a 6.9?
A great thing ruined by a period.