Jokes revisited.

[Hepar]

On 7/6/2025 at 9:02 PM, Count Chocula said:

From Codsworth (although he didn't make it up). A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks "Any luggage?" Photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

"Why does a duck have tail feathers? 

 

...

 

To cover its buttquack."

 

 

Edited September 20, 2025 by Hepar

[sativa]

[Count Chocula]

More Codsworth. Relationships are like algebra. You look at your X and try to figure out Y.

[Glennwood Road Ent.]

 

Barack Obama: "I'm currently in jail doing 25 years for treason in interfering with 2009 New Flyer Low Floor Restyled Transit Buses in Minnesota during the - 35° snowy weather."

 

Donald Trump: "Barack Obama needs to keep his mouth shut for allowing Haitians building 425 acres of shanty town in Maui County, HI." 

[AKM]

Grandpa lived to be 106.  What was his secret?
 

 

[AKM]

Scientists got bored after watching the earth turn for 24 hours.

So they called it a day.

[AKM]

Scientists recorded the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

[AKM]

"The longest fart joke, ever":
 

 

[Grey Cloud]

I'd never heard of this guy.

 

Don't know what is wrong with the embedded display - shows then doesn't show - but the YT link works.

 

 

Edited September 4, 2025 by Grey Cloud

[Hepar]

old but good, most of his is

[ramrod126]

Not necessarily a joke per se but I laughed pretty hard at it.

 

 

 

[Hepar]

[Mari Rin]

Here's something else I don't understand: motivational videos, motivational books. What are they? Why does everyone suddenly need extra motivation? It's so simple. You either want it or you don't. What's the catch?

Besides, if you were motivated enough to go to the store and buy this book, maybe you're already motivated enough that you don't need the book anymore. Put it down, tell the clerk, "F*** off, I'm motivated!" and go home. 

By George Carlin

[AKM]

What's worse than a box full of snakes?

A box that was supposed to be full of snakes.

[AKM]

The FDA just approved a new drug for lesbians.
 

 

[Hepar]

[AKM]

What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope?

They kaleidoscope.

 

 

My wife had terrible headaches whenever I cooked with wheat, barley or rice.

 

She was really suffering from my grains.

Edited September 24, 2025 by AKM

[Hepar]

I used to smoke cigarettes and whenever I ran out I would bum off of someone outside a bar. My proposition would be "Three jokes for a smoke?" which worked EVERY time, without fail. So here they are. I quit smoking several years ago so I guess it's time to pass them on. The last one comes in three parts. (you may have heard some of these already)

 

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is several tons and the other is just a little lighter."

 

"How do you tell the difference between a girl ant and a boy ant? Drop an ant in water and if it floats, it's a buoyant." 

 

"What do call a cow with three legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you a call a cow with two legs? You MOM!"

[AKM]

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.

I M LIVID

 

 

 

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

Edited September 25, 2025 by AKM

[Mari Rin]

The main reason Santa is so funny is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

[AKM]

I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

 

 

 

Me: Mom, let me introduce my girlfriend.

Mom: You couldn't find anything better?

Me: Leave me alone, I love her.

Mom: Shut up! I was speaking to her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 27, 2025 by AKM

[Mari Rin]

I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Why should prostitution be illegal? Selling is legal. Sex is legal. Why is selling sex illegal?

[Mari Rin]

a ministry of prostitution could appear... although if you look at it from the other side, it seems like it already exists... it just has different names.

[AKM]

I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company.

I am now the main stakeholder.

[AKM]

We tried to rid the internet of Star Trek jokes.

But found it was a huge enterprise.

 

 

 

 

 

I would tell you a good chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

 

 

The pidgins are staging a coo.

 

I gave up playing poker at the laundromat.  I kept having to fold.

 

 

 

Obviously, it is the short girls who are the most stubborn.  I mean, look at them.  They even refused to grow.


 

 

 

 

Edited October 6, 2025 by AKM