Jokes revisited.

[Wandering_Mania]

Modern day feminism. It's a complete joke in itself. Need I say more?

[AKM]

[AKM]

I love the phrase 'bear with me' because it means either 'be patient' or 'the zoo heist was a success'.

[AKM]

A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks him if he has any baggage. The photon says, " No, I'm traveling light."

[Wandering_Mania]

3 hours ago, AKM said:

A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks him if he has any baggage. The photon says, " No, I'm traveling light."

That's a 'Dad joke' if I ever heard one. And here's some more:

 

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

What did one hat say to the other? "You go on ahead."

[AKM]

A woman who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody of her child.  

The child didn't look surprised at all.

[Count Chocula]

16 minutes ago, AKM said:

A woman who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody of her child.  

The child didn't look surprised at all.

Is that because botox prevents a person from looking surprised? I don't get it.

 

In any event, 7 days without a pun makes one weak.

[AKM]

9 minutes ago, chocula said:

Is that because botox prevents a person from looking surprised? I don't get it.

 

In any event, 7 days without a pun makes one weak.

As I understand it, Botox destroys the muscles' ability to contract.  It is that contraction of the muscles that causes wrinkles in the first place.  But, that is also how facial expressions are made.  So yes, Botox destroys the ability to form wrinkles, but at the same time can restrict the facial movement required for facial expression.

Don't quote me on the specifics, though.

Therefore, of course the kid didn't look surprised - she couldn't look surprised as she was physically unable to due to the Botox injections which destroyed the muscles required for making facial expressions.

[Count Chocula]

This was presented to me at the bottom of the login screen on my Windows 11 computer.

 

Tokyo Quiz

First Question

What is the capital of Japan?

 

Not really a joke, more of a head scratcher.

[RedHeadAngel]

Interviewer: So, why should we hire you as our reverse-psychologist?

 

Me: You shouldn't.

 

Interviewer: ...

Edited June 22, 2025 by RedHeadAngel

[Count Chocula]

My friend was kidnapped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him.

[AKM]

On 6/21/2025 at 9:42 PM, chocula said:

This was presented to me at the bottom of the login screen on my Windows 11 computer.

 

Tokyo Quiz

First Question

What is the capital of Japan?

 

Not really a joke, more of a head scratcher.

Maybe the answer was the old imperial capital of Kyoto?


So y'all telling me y'all don't talk to at least 15 people a day?  Close friends, family, xyz???

If 15 people talk to me in one day, I'll cut my phone off.

[Count Chocula]

56 minutes ago, AKM said:

So y'all telling me y'all don't talk to at least 15 people a day?  Close friends, family, xyz???

If 15 people talk to me in one day, I'll cut my phone off.

Yeah, I don't talk to 15 people in a day. I generally talk to zero people in a day on the phone.

 

What about the cannibal who passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?

[Wandering_Mania]

On 6/22/2025 at 12:59 AM, chocula said:

My friend was kidnapped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him.

What'd they do? Turn him into another mime? That's pretty 'unspeakable'.

 

But seriously. A chicken starts to cross a road...

Spoiler

Roadkill!

 

 

4 hours ago, AKM said:

So y'all telling me y'all don't talk to at least 15 people a day?

And if I get to talk to 1 person a month... That's a 'good month'.

[AKM]

9 hours ago, Wandering_Mania said:

And if I get to talk to 1 person a month... That's a 'good month'.

Must be nice.  I'm leaning that way, slowly.  The main issue is the problem of self reliance.  TOTAL self reliance, that is.  It's dangerous to go alone.  You are MUCH better off in a group, whether your gang be a local group or the government, and the bigger the better.  Individualism is nice - right up until the point where a bigger group comes looking for someone to pick on.  When that happens (and it will, eventually), you do NOT want to be alone.


Joke?  Sure:

My old mentality and how it's screwing up the new way I without question MUST do things now.  I'll get there, eventually.  Change is difficult.

Edited June 23, 2025 by AKM

[Wandering_Mania]

16 hours ago, AKM said:

Must be nice.

Not really. As Sir Francis Bacon once said:

"Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."

 

But that's another topic, for another thread, for another day.

 

So here's a joke that is on topic, for this thread, for today:

 

Three pregnant women chat during a birthing class: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. The brunette guesses, “I’ll have a boy because my husband was on top.” The redhead adds, “I’ll probably have a girl since I was on top.” Confused, the blonde says:

Spoiler

“Well, I guess I’ll have a puppy then…”

 

[Count Chocula]

Tomorrow will be muggy.

 

Followed by Tuggy, Weggy, Thurggy and Friggy.

[AKM]

[Count Chocula]

Several people were kidnapped by a group of mimes. They were never heard from again.

[AKM]

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks "Is this stool taken?"

 

[Count Chocula]

What disease do you have if you have spots on your face? The measles. Spots on your knees? The kneesles.

[Glennwood Road Ent.]

Got a joke for y'all 

 

The Williams Brothers: we're going to build our own cooling church at Texas during the freezing rain. 

[Count Chocula]

An old Steven Wright joke: My friend is an announcer on an AM radio station. When we drive through a tunnel, you can't hear his voice

[Z0mBieP00Nani]

[Count Chocula]

From Codsworth (although he didn't make it up). A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks "Any luggage?" Photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."