How do I turn a girl down politely?

[AwfulArchdemon]

I work a lot, and I've bitched about it a million times, to many members. I always encounter certain people while working. One of them is a girl, who likes me a great deal. This idea is never going to happen in a million years, under any circumstances.

 

However...there ARE some powerful circumstances here!

 

I'm a 6 foot tall white guy, 190 lbs. My admirer is a big black chick, 5' 10, 235 lbs, solid muscle. If you compare our families, you'll find there's nothing similar about them, whatsoever, even if we were all the same exact color (my disclaimer). No bigger mismatch has been made since Michael Bolton and rock and roll (Blackjack).

 

I'll tell it in riddle form, to keep it interesting:

 

The powerful circumstances are:

 

Her whole family shows up where I work. One of the mothers' daughters is "married" (long story that I'm not telling) to this guy. Keep "this guy" in mind.

 

The girl he's "married" to has a sister. That's the girl that can't get enough of me (she stayed where I work for 8 hours the other day).

 

 

I'm about to go to college. "This guy", along with the rest of the family, just adores the idea of me and her hooking up.

 

"This guy", also happens to do the job placement for the college I'm about to go to...

 

 

SO.....how do I keep him on good terms with me, while keeping her away from my ?? (politely)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've seen Norbit. No Raspusha for me, thanks.  .................(runs way screaming!)

 

 

 

 

I need a female  point-of-view here, to save my ass.

Thank you in advance for your help, as I'll be watching this thread diligently  for important answers. I need advice, and fast!

 

AwfulArchdemon 

[Kendo 2]

The 'this guy' angle is a bit of a snag but nothing SHE can't overcome once you scare her off.

 

Ask her out for dinner and then cancel on her.  Do this twice.  Ask her out a third time and be prepared for her to accept.  Make it a day time date and have her MEET YOU THERE.  Take her to lunch someplace cheap (not fast food but a real sit-down resaurant).  Have some of your friends lined up and ready to call your cell DURING THE MEAL. "I really have to take this call" and THEN have the cell conversation at the table like she isn't there.  Stage one of the conversations so that you end up doing something with someone else later that day.  This is your 'out'.  (Another good trick is to take the news paper and read a few articles while you're waiting for the food to come.)

 

When the bill comes pull out your wallet, lay out enough cash to pay for YOUR MEAL and your half of the tip.  Push the cash and the bill across the table to her and say "Can you take care of that, I have to go to the restroom."  Leave her sitting there.  Once you're out of the restaurant and back on the street BURP "Ah that was a nice one" and be sure to pick your nose and that she SEES YOU DOING IT.  Now you can safely say your goodbyes (you have someplace else to be, remember?)  IF she wants to see you again (doubtful) just smile and give a "Yeah, sure whatever." as you turn to leave.  DO NOT LOOK BACK AT HER.

 

In other words, treat her like she's one of your casual guy friends.

 

And a female point of view on this will get you nothing but deeper in.  TRUST ME on that one.  You're going to have to trick this girl into thinking that her losing interest was HER IDEA.

[Jayce Dimmer]

Or just turn her down. Fuck lying; honesty is hard to come by these day.

[ds64]

how to turn down a girl...

 

 

 

I didn't find that sentence in my encyclopedia....

LOL

 

 

 

The 'this guy' angle is a bit of a snag but nothing SHE can't overcome once you scare her off.

 

Ask her out for dinner and then cancel on her.  Do this twice.  Ask her out a third time and be prepared for her to accept.  Make it a day time date and have her MEET YOU THERE.  Take her to lunch someplace cheap (not fast food but a real sit-down resaurant).  Have some of your friends lined up and ready to call your cell DURING THE MEAL. "I really have to take this call" and THEN have the cell conversation at the table like she isn't there.  Stage one of the conversations so that you end up doing something with someone else later that day.  This is your 'out'.  (Another good trick is to take the news paper and read a few articles while you're waiting for the food to come.)

 

When the bill comes pull out your wallet, lay out enough cash to pay for YOUR MEAL and your half of the tip.  Push the cash and the bill across the table to her and say "Can you take care of that, I have to go to the restroom."  Leave her sitting there.  Once you're out of the restaurant and back on the street BURP "Ah that was a nice one" and be sure to pick your nose and that she SEES YOU DOING IT.  Now you can safely say your goodbyes (you have someplace else to be, remember?)  IF she wants to see you again (doubtful) just smile and give a "Yeah, sure whatever." as you turn to leave.  DO NOT LOOK BACK AT HER.

 

In other words, treat her like she's one of your casual guy friends.

 

And a female point of view on this will get you nothing but deeper in.  TRUST ME on that one.  You're going to have to trick this girl into thinking that her losing interest was HER IDEA.

 

 

well.. I agreed that make the girl to think that she losing interest for the guy herself is a way... but... Isn't that a little bit harsh?... 

I prefer with just tell her the truth...

Or... she is that stubborn??

 

[CoxcombCornking]

Honesty truly is the best policy.

You just need to go directly to the real source of your dilemma. The job placement guy. Explain it ALL to him.

That said.......if you feel you cannot talk to him, you will need to "politely" lie your ass off;

or in the very least, put the young lady off for the next X number years of your education. (not gonna happen)

 

[insert standard disclaimer here]

If you just want to shake her off, get her to back away on her own.

1. Repeatedly, do something slightly unsightly, decidedly unhygienic or just nasty.

2. Show her your vast porn, action figure, and comic book collections. (If you have none of these, borrow them from someone.)

3. Have a trusted female friend stop by and regularly give you nice fat wet kisses on the mouth, in her presence.

4. Have a trusted MALE friend stop by and regularly give you nice fat wet kisses on the mouth, in her presence.

5. Fake a medical condition.

When all else fails.....you yourself can always go and find her another suitor; one that will appreciate her attention more than you do.

In absolute seriousness, good luck with this awkward scene.

[Kendo 2]

Probably depends on which of the seven classical female types she is.

 

Polite honesty is always an option.  "Listen, you're a very sweet girl but right now I have too much going on.  My job is killing me.  I'm starting school and I really need to focus on where I'll be after graduation, etc."

 

Depending on her level of desire and her personality type there will most likely be three results:

1) She accepts it for what it is and moves on.

2) She 'understands'.  This means she's not giving up and you wasted your breath.

3) She goes ape and you are now on her shit list.  This is BAD, as she will mostly likely start with passive-aggressive sabotage and then shift into full-blown revenge mode.

[PandaSong]

If it were me, I'd rather have someone tell me something along the lines of, "Thank you, I really appreciate you having an interest in me. You are a great/good person and I'm really glad we're friends (if you are, anyways) but I don't think we'd work out, I'm sorry."  Insert a few more lines, and if you are pretty sure that you aren't going to hook up with anyone anytime soon.. then just mention that you aren't looking and that you really only want to stay friends.

 

Honesty is a lot better in these cases, because lying and such will come back and bite you in the ass unless you're very very careful. All it takes is one slip!

[windpl]

All depends from her, there is no such thing like polite rejection. It always hurt and it is up to her how she react to it.

[Mephisto_VI]

Those that I have clicked like I agree with and this comes after being in a similar position you are in AwfulArchdemon.  I received similar advice from my female friends.  I only partially agree with windpl though.  Yes it will hurt and is up to her as to how to react.  I disagree though that there is no such thing like polite rejection.  If put bluntly, that's not polite, but being honest without saying things like "you're a muscle bound beast and i'm not interested because i'm afraid you'll crush me" or anything even close to it and you can still retain respect from her and "that guy".  Also, you can point out the relationship between the two of them if needed and say something like you do not want to take advantage of that and would rather earn it on your own instead of feeling like you'd be taking advantage of BOTH of them.

[Koko.Hekmatyar]

All depends from here, there is no such thing like polite rejection. It always hurt and it is up to her how she react to it.

This!! Don't lie or try cheap tricks to make her loose interest just be honest with her.

 

He said it already but I'll say it again for good measure there is no truly polite way to reject someone be they male or female it's going to hurt them regardless.

 

P.s. about the other guy and his current employment. I wouldn't worry about it to much, if he used his position to hurt your chances because you rejected her you could take legal action and if it was proven that he did abuse his position more then likely he would loose his job and never be able to find work in that field again. Blacklisted as it were.

[...0...]

Only girl i can get is my avatar and she do everything i want, my true obedient slave

 

Just be honest tell her the truth problem prolly solved.

[johneb]

Each time you meet her fart as loudly as possible.  Letting a little drool hang from your chin would probably help ,too.

[AKM]

I've been on both sides of the fence with this.  Every time, the "thanks but no thanks" was done as privately as possible.  Unless you really can't judge her likely reaction, I'd recommend the same.  It tends to hurt less when it's up to you to tell or not tell about it, rather than everyone and their brother seeing it.  Of course, it's not their business, either.

[AwfulArchdemon]

Wow. I went to sleep, and woke up to 12 replies. 

Half of these answers are cold as ice (Kendo's especially ). While they may be funny as hell, I won't be staging a miserable date, picking my nose, farting loudly right in front of her, or telling her she's a monster. Remember the part about being polite? I've known the whole family for 2 years. This girl basically knows everything about me; what I like and dislike, what music I like, my hobbies, my favorite foods, what car I drive (which makes things worse), my mother, my musical talents, she knows many things. That said, I can't be mean. She already knows it's not the way I am.

 

I can't really pretend to be any way but the way I am. I've tried telling her that I'm going to college soon, and that I want to concentrate on nothing but that, but it only made her try harder.

 

She's not as nasty as I made her sound. She's okay, but she's also nice (even though she already said she'd smack me if I dated someone else), or nice-ish, so I need to be mister sensitive here.

 

I kind of ignore her attempts, but it's not always possible. Sometimes she makes sure she has my full attention before asking me out. We do NOT make a "cute couple". Hence, the Norbit reference. Where's my Kate?

 

Hard to tell who's male and female just by looking at the profile names, but it appears that I've gotten responses from the fellas. I'd prefer to hear a lady give advice, before I decide on a route. The sooner I get this figured out, the easier I'll sleep. This girl stays until my shift ends, and I work 12 hour shifts, so I see her a lot.

 

One important thing I forgot to mention: When I work, the TV is always on Music Choice (Comcast). They have music playing 24/7. This is where I dig my grave deeper. Any time a Bruno Mars song plays, I lose control of my actions. I can't help myself. I always turn the song up, and sing along to it. Emotionally. Turns out, I can sing (and play) his music well. I jam out every time. I cannot help it. If you've ever heard his music, you know what his voice does to the ladies.

 

Imagine her response when I start jamming to Grenade...

 

I probably should have mentioned that part before. I know I know...my own stupid fault. There are nothing but women there all the time, so it's all eyes on me when I jam out to BM. It might sound awesome, but this ain't no beauty pageant. These ladies are in there 40's, 50's, 60's, and even 70's. I work in the ghetto, so use your imagination. This is why I don't really think about consequences when I jam. But when she's there, it's a different story. A D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T  S-T-O-R-Y. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she fell in love with me.

 

Maybe I can find a pretend girlfriend, but that would contradict the whole "not looking for anyone right now" thing. Plus, she might kick both our asses.

 

Heeeeelp!!

[germ]

You hang out on this website, and ask losers who play sex  video games for advice. You might want to take her up on her offer and bust some nuts. Or get a life and talk about this with real people, don't  you have any friends? If the guy who works at the college is petty enough to screw you over based on what you  did or didn't do with his sister or whoever she is, your probably screwed either way you go with it.

 

 I'm not into fat girls myself, but my advice would be bust some nuts for awhile. Then once your in the school, dump the broad and stop talking to her and her family.  Or you could just be a grown up and say, hey, I'm not into you, so stop stalking me.

[windpl]

You hang out on this website, and ask losers who play sex  video games for advice. You might want to take her up on her offer and bust some nuts. Or get a life and talk about this with real people, don't  you have any friends? If the guy who works at the college is petty enough to screw you over based on what you  did or didn't do with his sister or whoever she is, your probably screwed either way you go with it.

 

 I'm not into fat girls myself, but my advice would be bust some nuts for awhile. Then once your in the school, dump the broad and stop talking to her and her family.  Or you could just be a grown up and say, hey, I'm not into you, so stop stalking me.

 

Oh look on this bright lad.

Now, now I will leave this site if you come with me at get pregnant in 24h then give birth in next 24h, rinse and repeat.

Then I will use you for few more kinks, then I will have no need for such mods

[LordJerle]

Chocolate softens the blow pretty well.

[Emily]

Simple, You leave her alone at gas stations.   Joke Joke. It's instant kill to any relationship.

 

The easy way is to make honest excuses.

Like You're not ready committing for the relationship under logical reason like to focus on study, career Or other important endeavor.

Remember though once you have done this, There are chances that the girl will be in relation with another boy in the future.

 

Unlike Boys, Girls Does not Wait if they are already determined to be in relations.

Thing is When boys married. They called it "Settle Down". For girls, it's "A Beginning".

 

[AwfulArchdemon]

@germ:

Why are you here? Another "loser who plays sex video games"? Maybe you should "get a life", and find something better to do with your time than bashing people simply for asking for advice.

LL has the best community I've ever seen. Of course I'll ask them. Just because they play games like this, doesn't mean they don't have good advice, and it doesn't mean they don't have lives, or friends. Afterall, you're a member too. Show some respect. If you can't, show some silence.

I asked my friends about this already, but they're guys. It's always 1 of 2 answers: Make up a lie (which I did, didn't work, she's persistant), or just a simple "Fuck her". I don't wanna fuck her. I'm not into 1-nighters, contrary to popular belief that all guys like to bang 'em and leave 'em. Banging would leave me in a worse situation. "Busting nuts" is bad in this situation.

 

@LordJerle:

I will keep that in mind. 

 

@Emily:

I tried that route. She knows I want to concentrate on studying. I told her it's a really bad time for me to be getting into any kind of relationship. I've been single for years. I would certainly not choose to hook up with someone 2 months before college starts. Not if I stayed single this long. Really bad timing. Also, not attracted to her in the least.  She's there every day of the year. She knows I don't want to, but she also knows that she does want to. It's really more of a her thing. She offered sex at 1st (blatantly, and publicly), but I believe she wants much more. She'll stay there until 6 a.m., if I'm still there.

[Emily]

This won't be just about Women.

In later future, especially on workplace you'll might even have unwanted Men or women interfering your career & political standing.

 

Like the gas station, The most bold deal breaker is when you're on leaving the girl behind in the lonely, Unaware/Aware and dish served cold. Simply give them, your sincere ignorance.

 

This are obviously, the permanent last resort - In case subtlety fails.

[Guest Spikes]

You just have to stall indefinitely. Allready told her you're concentrating on your studies and stuff, work etc. You know her a long time, you are semi good friends, that's where you drew the line. She wants more, that's her problem. Why get into the whole " shove her politely" thing, since she probably know you ain't into her.

 

If her brother ever comes and ask if you like her or not, in serious mode, just say you see her as a good friend. A good friend that you wouldn't wanna hurt in any way so you prefer to keep it that way.He will get it. worse that can happen is him telling her and she A. she stops B. continues the same way, but you made your statement, so you're on the clear. If the dude is bitch enough to get pissed cause you don't wanna fuck his sister, he should call for professional help. He's probably thrilled to see you making up with his sister, cause he's amused with how unmatched you are but that is way far from being shity to you cause you don't do her.

 

All in all i don't see it as a huge problem. If she comes and asks, you telling her you see her as a friend. If not, you don't have to do shit. Being friend with her is actually good for you, brother considering. And if you know his and her mom, that's golden. They mess you up, you taking it to the big Boss, good moms are pretty strict about their kids behaviour.

 

Second option: Male whore for 2+ months. 

[nonusnomeni]

put her into friend zone

tell her you are so nice i wish i have girlfriend like you

 

edit

women's do that all the time and men do not have right to be mad

so why women's should be mad if we talk about equality

[Koko.Hekmatyar]

put her into friend zone

tell her you are so nice i wish i have girlfriend like you

That can backfire on men depending on the woman's personality and I'm a prime example of that. If someone who I liked said "they wished they had a girlfriend like me" my response would be something like  "Why settle for someone who is like me when you can have me if you would just ask me out"

[AwfulArchdemon]

We're not actually friends. I've never hung out with any of them. She is a customer, and so is her whole family. They've been going to where I work for 2 years. That's what I meant when I said I've known them for 2 years.

 

Oh about the "good mothers have strict rules" thing...she's not a good mother. I know how bad that sounds, but I don't say these things for no reason. She does nothing for anyone but herself, and corrupts her kids. If her kids, or her kids' kids need to speak to their parents, they have to go to the most dangerous street in our city, in the dark, and knock on our door to talk to them, because they're all always at my work place. What's worse, the mother has 26 motherfuck*ng grandkids (RIDICULOUS!), so if they all want this to happen, I'm up Shit Creek, without a paddle.

 

I like what I'm hearing from Spikes. I go back to work tomorrow, so that might be the time to execute "Operation Get Away From ME (Please)". (sigh) Here we go...

 

@Junko, I agree. The last thing I'll be doing is telling her that I want someone like her.

 

@nonusnomeni: You're right, they DO do that. Nothing pisses me off more.

 

 

IMO, guys are meant to hook up with girls, and girls are meant to hook up with guys. Go ahead...try to be friends. If you find them attractive, or they find you attractive, then you've got an emotional rollercoaster on your hands. A disaster, just waiting to happen. If a guy's nice to you, and wants to hang out with you, or call you, or anything like that, he wants you. Period. Being "friends" with someone you know likes you is cruel. Cut it out!!

[Nonsense667]

IMO, guys are meant to hook up with girls, and girls are meant to hook up with guys. Go ahead...try to be friends. If you find them attractive, or they find you attractive, then you've got an emotional rollercoaster on your hands. A disaster, just waiting to happen. If a guy's nice to you, and wants to hang out with you, or call you, or anything like that, he wants you. Period. Being "friends" with someone you know likes you is cruel. Cut it out!!

 

Sometimes you can't have some things. That's okay. There is nothing wrong with a relationship developing to another branch than what might have happened. I say this as someone with friends who are women. Some are in relationships. Some are not. Am I attracted them? Yup, I'm attracted to a lot of women. And you know what? I'm okay with being friends with them, it sure as hell isn't "cruel" of them to do that to me. In fact, it's quite wonderful.

I'm nice to people because I try to be a decent human being.

 

The most important thing is to simply be... emotionally flexible? Bah. I feel that's far too cold a term for it. I don't know. Just view people as human beings first, not as their gender. I'm not saying don't see their gender, we all do that. But just because I'm friends with someone, and they are a woman, doesn't mean I'm hurting because I don't get to fuck her. I'm friends with her. That's great, and that's all I need from her. If one day, one of these female friends was like "hey, I'm interested in more" I might be like "okay" for some of them. For some of them maybe not. It's all based on the individual. Hell. I think I'm just rambling without a goal or purpose now. 

 

But yeah. Women who are friends with me who I find attractive: don't cut it out. You are more to me than just a goal, a prize, a trophy, or a conquest. You are a human being, and I value you as such.