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Addressing name calling between sexes. How do we keep relationships kinky but not toxic?


Darkpig

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I said I'd make a thread about this and gosh darn it I'm doing it. Anyways my thought is that hurting women for no good reason is bad and hurting men for no good reason is also bad. Maybe we should stop hurting each other I mean unless that is your kink in which case anything goes.

 

Truth is society is still getting used to females having the same rights as men. In the same vein society is still getting used to females having the same consequences when females infringe on the rights of others.

 

What tips do you have when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex while respecting the rights of both sides? I'm talking about strangers, coworkers, family, friends and especially lovers. As always dating is a risky business so a healthy bit of caution is necessary when going into it whether you are a man or a woman. As always addressing similarities and differences will help in a relationship with a spouse of well any kind really. I may as well get the obvious down.

 

When it comes to men and women men are generally bigger and stronger than women while women are all around more attractive to the human eye. The size of the testicles are also different with women's being smaller than men's. The breast area is more sensitive than men's and more often than not bigger.

 

Since I am by no means a writing guru the OP may change in the future. 

Edited by Darkpig
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  • Darkpig changed the title to Addressing name calling between sexes. How do we keep relationships kinky but not toxic?

 > I do not seek equality and female rights. I expect to be respected and accepted as human being. I am not lower being than any male. If I love my husband and respect him I expect the same. I believe that women and men aren't rivals but they supplement each other. Who is whose sex toy is the matter of agreement, not subordination by force. :)

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6 minutes ago, EvalovesEP said:

 > I do not seek equality and female rights. I expect to be respected and accepted as human being. I am not lower being than any male. If I love my husband and respect him I expect the same. I believe that women and men aren't rivals but they supplement each other. Who is whose sex toy is the matter of agreement, not subordination by force. :)

Okay so not necessarily female rights but human rights as a female. Does that sound about right? If so maybe academics could use this to make sure the rights of both sexes are met.

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Had these discussions with my gf recently and I do have to say that I respect her immensely for her intelligence, knowledge, and generally well grounded opinion on everything under the sun. I mean she has been telling me things the last months about engineering, computer design and repair, programming, psychology, philosophy, medicine, travel, other cultures, etc. that I did not know.... and I thought I knew a good amount already. Literally not one subject she had not devoted study and reflection to. And sex? Yeah, she's pretty much seen and done it all with men and women. I fucking pale in comparison to this awesome person who just also happens to be a very attractive woman.

 

So to answer the OP, I would just say "fuck all that noise" about men or women *blah blah blah* and try to get to know people without any silly preconceptions.

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7 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Had these discussions with my gf recently and I do have to say that I respect her immensely for her intelligence, knowledge, and generally well grounded opinion on everything under the sun. I mean she has been telling me things the last months about engineering, computer design and repair, programming, psychology, philosophy, medicine, travel, other cultures, etc. that I did not know.... and I thought I knew a good amount already. Literally not one subject she had not devoted study and reflection to. And sex? Yeah, she's pretty much seen and done it all with men and women. I fucking pale in comparison to this awesome person who just also happens to be a very attractive woman.

 

So to answer the OP, I would just say "fuck all that noise" about men or women *blah blah blah* and try to get to know people without any silly preconceptions.

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2 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

> I do not seek equality and female rights. I expect to be respected and accepted as human being. I am not lower being than any male. If I love my husband and respect him I expect the same. I believe that women and men aren't rivals but they supplement each other. Who is whose sex toy is the matter of agreement, not subordination by force. :)

Did I write this??? 👍

 

To the topic......

 

In general, people seek out similar types, be it as couples (or more), as social groups, etc. Problems arise when those outside of the group decide their way is the only way and all should abide by their way of thought, and so force their belief system on others.

 

There are those who know how to offend, and choose to do so, as it gives them a twisted sense of happiness to belittle others. Unfortunately, they do not like to group together and leave the rest of us alone, but seek out those who prefer serenity so they can disrupt it.

 

 

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1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Had these discussions with my gf recently and I do have to say that I respect her immensely for her intelligence, knowledge, and generally well grounded opinion on everything under the sun. I mean she has been telling me things the last months about engineering, computer design and repair, programming, psychology, philosophy, medicine, travel, other cultures, etc. that I did not know.... and I thought I knew a good amount already. Literally not one subject she had not devoted study and reflection to. And sex? Yeah, she's pretty much seen and done it all with men and women. I fucking pale in comparison to this awesome person who just also happens to be a very attractive woman.

 

So to answer the OP, I would just say "fuck all that noise" about men or women *blah blah blah* and try to get to know people without any silly preconceptions.

I was going to write about what wonderful ideas these were. How they echo my own thoughts. They reminded me about my sisters and how intelligent they are. Then I thought, when did my sister start going out with KoolHndLuke?

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11 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Had these discussions with my gf recently and I do have to say that I respect her immensely for her intelligence, knowledge, and generally well grounded opinion on everything under the sun. I mean she has been telling me things the last months about engineering, computer design and repair, programming, psychology, philosophy, medicine, travel, other cultures, etc. that I did not know.... and I thought I knew a good amount already. Literally not one subject she had not devoted study and reflection to. And sex? Yeah, she's pretty much seen and done it all with men and women. I fucking pale in comparison to this awesome person who just also happens to be a very attractive woman.

 

So to answer the OP, I would just say "fuck all that noise" about men or women *blah blah blah* and try to get to know people without any silly preconceptions.

That is very much what it is. Noise. Often times people complaining this or that use or create labels to complain on behalf of their entitled ass because they are so high on themselves they don't realize or care that they are infringing on the rights of others. But then again scientists also make labels to classify specimens and such.

 

So is noise good or bad? I hear about people who are trying to take a label with negative connotations and flipping it on it's head. For example I heard the creator of Pepe the Frog is trying to reclaim their cartoon as something about love rather than hate.

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36 minutes ago, Darkpig said:

label with negative connotations and flipping it on it's head

You mean like turning a pagan holiday into new religious one? Worked for them, so why not anyone else? The whole point of doing that both now and then is to sway popular opinion in order to have more control or for personal gain. Think of it like marketing ideas. Science, when it's purely analytical (as it should be), just uses labels to organize their findings and figure out the relationships between things.

 

So one is about spreading beliefs and the other is for finding facts. Up to each of us to figure out which is doing what, not just what someone tells you lol. The problems arise when most people just subscribe to or reject an idea without giving it any serious consideration.

 

 

 

 

Edited by KoolHndLuke
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17 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

You mean like turning a pagan holiday into new religious one? Worked for them, so why not anyone else? The whole point of doing that both now and then is to sway popular opinion in order to have more control or for personal gain. Think of it like marketing ideas. Science, when it's purely analytical (as it should be), just uses labels to organize their findings and figure out the relationships between things.

 

So one is about spreading beliefs and the other is for finding facts. Up to you to figure out which is doing what, lol.

Maybe we can talk about religions in a private chat or something because they are well interesting🤪I'll put it like that. But discussions like that are also against the rules😭

 

Anyways. Hate groups do love pulling numbers out of their asses it is true. It is about control in many ways. I mean where would we be without picket sign holders? There are many groups vying for power so one particular group doesn't hold too much power. If that sounds familiar then yeah you're right it is society. It is messy but it is also found in science too. If one scientist doesn't like another scientist's findings they fight those findings using logic but a person's logic is not perfect and thus some are more logical than others with flat earthers being the lowest tier. Picket signs don't hold a lot but they are enough to hold basic snippets of common sense. Signs such as "hurting men for no good reason is bad" is basic knowledge but you would be surprised how many people still don't get it. They are simply educating the public and countering false claims like "hurting people is okay as long as they are a man". With the examples listed the same could be said if you replaced the word "man" with "woman".

 

The more I look at it the more it sounds like these people are janitors trying to clean up the feces of other people pooping in the hallway. Then again I suppose blanket statements like "hurting people for no good reason is bad" might just work but what do you classify as "people?"😝 As you said noise.

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1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

 

So one is about spreading beliefs and the other is for finding facts. Up to each of us to figure out which is doing what, not just what someone tells you lol. The problems arise when most people just subscribe to or reject an idea without giving it any serious consideration.

 

 

> Indeed and as we say in our country : "Jedna lasta ne čini proljeće" (One swallow does not make a spring ). Universalism and generalization aren't good and they usually comes out of superstition and poorly informed people who willingly reject any other possibility in order to defend their belief and experience presenting themselves as ever-suffering victims.

Edited by EvalovesEP
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5 hours ago, Darkpig said:

That is very much what it is. Noise. Often times people complaining this or that use or create labels to complain on behalf of their entitled ass because they are so high on themselves they don't realize or care that they are infringing on the rights of others. But then again scientists also make labels to classify specimens and such.

 

So is noise good or bad? I hear about people who are trying to take a label with negative connotations and flipping it on it's head. For example I heard the creator of Pepe the Frog is trying to reclaim their cartoon as something about love rather than hate.

> Imo noise is never good especially in the form that it comes on forums. In our country and culture bikers are always related to drugs, alcohol, violence, sex and bad women. Why? Because people saw it in the movies. But the three of us met many bikers who are completely opposite than those labeled ones. As I said in one of my threads that I stupidly erased because certain idiots made me angry: loving sex doesn't make a woman a slut or a whore which is common primitive label in certain circles and societies. Primitive classification of any type of man or a woman based on single or few negative experiences is always wrong and leads to common rejection by community, not to acceptance. Take nationalism, various phobias and racism for example. I am a parent but my husband and wife will never teach our children to hate or reject homosexuals, blacks and so on and so on. The hating list is getting longer and longer because people do not solving problems but stirring them up adding more hatred on hatred ..... Gee..... am I pissed off now. I should better stop :)

Edited by EvalovesEP
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36 minutes ago, EvalovesEP said:

I should better stop

Speaking about the EU, it is a created situation by some interested parties, why it's common or not in some countries. But that goes straight in the direction of the no-politics policy here in LL.

Though if you are interested in the sociology mechanics behind that (and which are utilized), you could use e.g. this wikipedia article as a starting point to read it up a bit.

Edited by worik
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9 minutes ago, worik said:

Speaking about the EU, it is a created situation by some interested parties, why it's common or not in some countries. But that goes straight in the direction of the no-politics policy here in LL.

Though if you are interested in the sociology mechanics behind that (and which are utilized), you could use e.g. this wikipedia article as a starting point to read it up a bit.

> Thanks, I don't need to read about more shit since there are plenty of them in my city and country. :)

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sorry if i may sound like a troll ( not my intentions ) .

 

I do not see any special fight between men and women .  I do not see any respect between people . 

i see only respect from fear , or for interest : human behave seems to me just animal ( oops i am a human ! ) .

often love push to try understanding , discussing with the other . but just look around , people are fighting ( men , women ) for nonsense .

feminist are fighting for female rights , but in this world we hardly respect the human civic rights . ( not adding animal rights ! )

 

and i would like to know the secret ingredient not to hurt to much and to give some little sense to me and humanity to try to understand each other ( relationship or not  ) .

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1 hour ago, coolfreaky said:

sorry if i may sound like a troll ( not my intentions ) .

 

I do not see any special fight between men and women .  I do not see any respect between people . 

i see only respect from fear , or for interest : human behave seems to me just animal ( oops i am a human ! ) .

often love push to try understanding , discussing with the other . but just look around , people are fighting ( men , women ) for nonsense .

feminist are fighting for female rights , but in this world we hardly respect the human civic rights . ( not adding animal rights ! )

 

and i would like to know the secret ingredient not to hurt to much and to give some little sense to me and humanity to try to understand each other ( relationship or not  ) .

Not at all.

 

Fear mongering is easy which is why so many people take jobs as anchor men(and women) but finding actual solutions to things actually takes effort which is what the world really needs. Now fear is a response when something goes wrong and as much as people like to think they are soulless robots fear still remains relevant to this very day so unless that something is addressed fear will continue. As with any group of people, making calm, thought out decisions become harder as the dumb ideas fly out faster than the smart ones therefore conflict and fear is the result. Speaking of conflict where I live competition is the norm where everybody is looking out for themselves first and foremost so one could say they encourage conflict of a sort. I'm not saying that is a bad thing nor am I saying it is a good thing. Thankfully It isn't a violent conflict as the use of force is monopolized by government but rather a conflict of ideas which can lead to either a healthy discussion or something more toxic. 

 

The secret ingredient is compromise but if people keep infringing on the rights of others well then conflict is inevitable. I have heard the internet has drastically increased conflict which is both good and bad. I can see that moderators will likely crack down on people in the future to keep discussions civil. If we're lucky the world will be better organized in the future to keep dumb ideas in check. I'll throw a few potential solutions out there:

We could make it so scientists, journalists and lawmakers will have to jump through a few more hoops to get recognition at least by the the academic community.

As I said before good moderators are always welcome and we will need a lot of them.

Teaching people everything about history will help stop people from repeating dumb ideas.

 

And that is about it. Does two paragraphs warrant a wall of text warning?

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Depending on where you live, I don't see society as still "getting used to" women's rights. They've been a thing for a long time (even in various ancient societies). Where I live, I see a bunch of entitled people taking advantage of others that don't want to look like they're being "sexists" or "misogynists" and using it to gain power over others while they manipulate others into actively believing the nonsense they preach to reinforce their grasp on said power. They're being a perpetually "squeaky wheel" and we've been dumb enough to keep "giving them grease" despite still squeaking instead of getting rid of them. 

 

Men and women, as @EvalovesEP said, are two sides of the same coin. On a purely fundamental level they are the same, but they each have unique attributes that are meant to compliment and support the other, which are academically known as "Gender Roles". There are some things a woman can do that a man simply can't (or will at least have a generally harder time doing) and vice-versa. Like it or not, men need women AND women need men; they balance each other in ways that cannot be replaced. This applies to many aspects of life, some of which you might not realize. At the end of the day, in the grand scheme, one cannot survive without the other. This will remain true until humanity ceases to exist.

 

Ultimately, we just need to treat each other with respect. "Treat others the way you wish to be treated."

Edited by NymphoElf
Misunderstood part of the OP's question
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13 hours ago, NymphoElf said:

Men and women, as @EvalovesEP said, are two sides of the same coin. On a purely fundamental level they are the same, but they each have unique attributes that are meant to compliment and support the other, which are academically known as "Gender Roles". There are some things a woman can do that a man simply can't (or will at least have a generally harder time doing) and vice-versa. Like it or not, men need women AND women need men; they balance each other in ways that cannot be replaced. This applies to many aspects of life, some of which you might not realize. At the end of the day, in the grand scheme, one cannot survive without the other. This will remain true until humanity ceases to exist.

 

Ultimately, we just need to treat each other with respect. "Treat others the way you wish to be treated."

I vaguely remember a Greek philosopher had the same idea about roles in a society. To that I challenge you to think outside the box. Now this may be an extreme example but what role would a man have if his penis was cut off? What would be his role now?

3 hours ago, stingray1995 said:

But what if I disrespect myself and wish to be treated with disrespect?

That would be a kink. Do I get a prize? Maybe a spanking or two?

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20 hours ago, Darkpig said:

I vaguely remember a Greek philosopher had the same idea about roles in a society. To that I challenge you to think outside the box. Now this may be an extreme example but what role would a man have if his penis was cut off? What would be his role now?

You're focusing on the sexual aspect. There's societal and emotional aspects men and women serve beyond reproduction. You're the one thinking "inside" a box, not me. 

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