Questions About BDSM

[Leon0803]

10 hours ago, cloudstorm37 said:

Having issues with devious devices. I have the devious devices mod and did all the requirements for it like get all needed mods running FNIS and ever creating the meshes in body slide 2 but still only half of the Devious devices are actually visible, I read somewhere where you can disable certain pieces, I also tried that, atm all I can see is Gags, Masks, arm binder,  vibrators, and circle heels, all of these work fine if you need more info ill be on here for a while so PLEASE HELP.

I dont think this is the right place to ask for modsupport.

[Trash Metal Barbie]

haha thats the most laughable notion ever , i dont think i could ever do policing xD

[Trash Metal Barbie]

but in denying the request to be a moderator that would in equal measure be disobedient...

[Trash Metal Barbie]

I didn't volunteer, it was asked of me haha :')

[Leon0803]

I dont think your sexual preferences should be equal to your possibilitys on this forum.

[BloodberrySmoothie]

1 hour ago, Punga said:

Um, what? 

only because she's a sub in the sheets doesn't mean that she can't be a moderator here.

 

[JackBikwik]

And just because she's a sub doesn't mean she's your sub.  People who prefer to be sexually submissive can be confident, competent and even dominant in their every day lives.  It doesn't mean they want random people questioning their competency and authority. The only thing a person's sexual preferences tells you about them is their sexual preferences.  

[Trash Metal Barbie]

Nope it doesnt,  but,  I find your attitude arrogant,  cocky and mildly egotistical and certainly not one I would willingly bow down to, I do not live my life 24/7 as a submissive,  I have tendencies I like to act upon given the correct individual or circumstance however if I chose to let it dictate my life I'd never get anything done. Maybe it's poor communication on your part or lack of having an open mind to the concept that people may not be as black and white in their persona as your opinions dictate?  We are after all,  all different.

[JackBikwik]

Punga--Your blatant disrespect for other humans beings and basic ignorance toward BDSM does you no credit.  I am a dom.  That doesn't mean I feel the need to dominate everyone and anyone in my life.  I'm quite happy to follow orders in my work life and submit to authority within a mutually beneficial social construct.  But I am unquestioningly dominant in a sexual context.  A person who is unable to be anything but dominant in all roles is simply insecure and overbearing.

 

Tifa--Couldn't put it better.  One of the biggest skills a sub must learn and cultivate is how to make and maintain boundaries.  That means being able to be firm and decisive when necessary.  Subs are not pushovers, by nature.  Submission is freely given and carefully managed by a person who must, by necessity, be emotionally and mentally mature and know how to say "no".  It's not at all surprising that someone with that fortitude would be able to manage a moderator position quite well.

[Trash Metal Barbie]

Tbh i find nothing overly clear cut as it were, my current partner / dom had curiosity about bdsm but no practical experience and as his normal self is a gent and very compassionate,  it's all about self development and learning what you can and can't act upon and an appropriate time to do so, his biggest hurdle was learning that I was actually ok as he didn't want to hurt me in a manner that was actually emotionally damaging as it felt quite wrong to him at the beginning. From my side that's not a problem as it translates to the fact I'm safe amd with someone who cares about my well being on top of being brilliantly kinky :')

[BloodberrySmoothie]

17 hours ago, Punga said:

Nonsense.

That's like saying a donkey can be a racing horse. It's just not in their nature. 

Also, just because he/she is not my sub, does not make him/her a dom.

Just because you think you are a dom you don't have the right to be disrespectful towards any sub. I know you are entirely new to this, but your dismissive attitude is not only lacking any kind of respect but it is potentially dangerous to any sub that has the misfortune of being in your care. Please read up on the true meaning of being a dominant and look towards our more experienced doms for guidance on how to do things properly or you'll seriously get someone hurt.

[Trash Metal Barbie]

It's all going rather deep rather fast,  technically it would depend on an individuals lifestyle / bdsm related "relationship" as to rights etc for example if one lives 24/7 as a sub it's actually forbidden to make eye contact with another dom let alone speak to one unless granted permission by ones own dom, but in equal measure that doesn't give another dom a right to the aforementioned doms sub without said doms consent,  which In turn back pedals to the initial core of bdsm being "consent".  The further you delve into it as a lifestyle the more complex it effectively becomes.

[JackBikwik]

Your egotistical ignorance is just funny at this point.  I pity any sub who has the misfortune of crossing your path.  Thankfully, most are wise enough to know your type when they see it.

[BloodberrySmoothie]

Don't you think you are the one unable to communicate properly, if everyone "misunderstands" you?

 

You have been nothing but dismissive and disregarding towards the subs here and let me tell you, no matter how deep rooted submissive someone is, if they have even one ounce of self-respect, they will not be shoved around by someone like you. We might not choose to be leaders of a nation, but we sure as hell are can stand up for the things important to us and being a moderator on a forum is in no way outside of a subs capabilities.

 

Your idea about subs is complete fanatasy and therefore dangerous to any real human. Tifa, Jack and Leon have been nothing but patient and mature about your behaviour and you are lucky to still be here, so you might want to rethink some things when there are people here who can teach you how to have a safe bdsm relationship.

[JackBikwik]

7 hours ago, Inte said:

So calling a complete BDSM newbie, ignorant towards BDSM does you credit?

He's making claims that he's completely pulling out of his ass that have no basis in reality.  He's also refusing to accept correction from literally everyone here.  The appropriate response is derision.

 

Quote

You hold yourself as an experienced Dom, but you have certainly not shown that here. 

 

I don't have to show it to anyone but my partners.  My disclosure of my sexual habits was only given in the context that it has nothing to do with who a person is in any other situation.  So, clearly, I can't "show that here" since that is not the context of this interaction.  Regardless, I wouldn't need to know anything about BDSM to rightfully call out erroneous and abusive behavior.  Why you would choose to defend someone who has no interest in learning or approaching people on even footing is beyond me.

 

The point is moot, anyway, as I'm sure Leon will have lost patience with the entire thread by the time he sees it.

[Leon0803]

I Removed Punga from this Club as i see  (as most of you do aswell) his behaviour as harmful for our Club and its principles.

 

Once again, i do not tolerate persons to be lowerd to their Sexual preferences, if anyone has problems with that, they might aswell leave this club.

 

Also id like to remind you,

Tifa Lockheart

 

 

 

that as a moderator you should also have the privilidges to remove posts/users that by your opinion violate the core principles of this club.

 

 I hope this conversation can go on in a civilized manner again and i apologize for this incident.

[Trash Metal Barbie]

I let it slide as you can't educate anyone by blindly banning them,  you're the boss aha :')

[Inte]

WTF happen? 

@Leon0803 you deleted @Punga's posts and then you banned him/her? And for what? Having an opinion? Great leadership right there. 

While you were banning @Punga you forgot to change your club's name to 'The Schutzstaffel Club', because this is a club I want nothing to do with. 

Don't bother banning me as well, I am leaving and I will delete my own posts. 

 

PS: That's is a big NO to your invitation to become a moderator here. 

[Leon0803]

as i already stated, i wont tolerate behaviour that  attacks members of this community based on their sexual preferences.

[Dinosaurus]

On 2/1/2018 at 6:09 PM, Inte said:

WTF happen? 

@Leon0803 you deleted @Punga's posts and then you banned him/her? And for what? Having an opinion? Great leadership right there. 

While you were banning @Punga you forgot to change your club's name to 'The Schutzstaffel Club', because this is a club I want nothing to do with. 

Don't bother banning me as well, I am leaving and I will delete my own posts. 

 

PS: That's is a big NO to your invitation to become a moderator here. 

i know i just joined this club, and so maybe i shouldn't speak out about the Punga stuff. i had read-along with the conversation even before i was part of the club and saw some of the things Punga was saying.

 

On 2/1/2018 at 6:45 AM, Tifa Lockheart said:

I let it slide as you can't educate anyone by blindly banning them,  you're the boss aha :')

i understood what Tifa meant there, with being unable to teach someone who is banned. i also understood why Leon might have banned Punga.

 

i also think i understand you being upset at the banning, particularly if Punga was something of a friend to you. Or if you are sensitive about feeling people's voices are being stifled when they have an unpopular opinion.

 

But... i saw earlier that Punga admitted to being "new" to the scene. So it seemed strange, to me, for someone who admitted to being "new" to also present their opinion as some sort of Final Word. It's like me going to an Oncologist seminar and saying "Look, i admit i have no experience with cancer. i've studied nothing of cancer. However all my life i've had these fantasies about being a cancer doctor. Plus i've watched Scrubs on tv, and read some books featuring doctors. So, i can say with authority that X type of Oncologist doesn't exist. And *this* is how cancer treatment should happen. i know the rest of you have dedicated the last 5, or 10, or 20 years to researching cancer, but my newbie opinion is actually the correct one."

 

i dunno. i don't want to make you upset, even tho i don't even know you. Nor do i want to start any kind of fight with you. Just, surely you can see how Punga out right saying "Switches don't exist", is as offensive as saying "Bisexual people" don't exist. Or even "Gay people don't exist". Or heck even "Kink people don't exist. People who think they are into kink just haven't found a good enough vanilla partner to show them how satisfying vanilla sex can be." It's extremely invalidating to tell someone they do not exist. It's offensive too, to tell people who may be in their 40s or 50s and been involved in the lifestyle possibly longer than Punga has been *alive* that their 30-year odyssey of self-exploration and examination is invalid.

 

Now, Punga saying "i do not want to be involved with a Switch because i personally find that unattractive." Is completely appropriate. Or even Punga saying "i have a hard time believing (and understanding how) someone can be both dominant and submissive. It's hard to wrap my head around how someone can possess two seemingly opposing personality qualities." But to outright try to invalidate the way someone else identifies is disrespectful in the extreme. Even people who identify as dominant people do not have to be dismissive of other people, you know?

 

Similarly Punga seemed to suggest 'true" submissive people can't have power in any facet of their lives without it being somehow false. Or without it somehow being dangerous to any dominate they submit to, because anything short of 100% submissiveness in every aspect of their lives is somehow interferring with wiitwd. Which is of course offensive and invalidating to all submissive people who hold important career positions, or leader positions in their local community (and *enjoy* those positions of authority in that aspect of their lives). It attempts to invalidate submissives who hold power in their relationship outside of the bedroom (as tho that sub and dom are dangerous-pretenders because they don't do the whole 24/7 thing). It really is a bit like Punga thinks the only "real" bdsm is TPE 24/7 stuff, which is the *rarer* thing, rather than the norm in real life (tho erotica and sexy video game mods might make you think it's the norm).

 

But.. maybe Punga is young,(?) or maybe Punga is role playing out a fantasy where respecting other people at a basic human level doesn't exist. Or maybe Punga was just being silly, but his sense of humour came across wrong online? Or maybe it really is Punga's new-ness showing through?

 

i think many people here could accept/respect Punga saying "i'm new and i don't get Switches!!" or.. "i love the idea/fantasy of conquering a Switch and making him/her entirely subservient to me".. or.. "i've personally known some Switches who ultimately primarily craved submission over dominance". There are even probably people here that would agree with that last one. i've definitely known Switches who i suspected were *ultimately* just looking to submit to the right person, and give up their "dominant" side entirely. However, i've also met people who are 60+ years old and been involved in bdsm since before i was born.. and they identify as Switches. i'm not going to suggest all these people are "morons" who in 30+ years of bdsm lifestyle experience learned nothing about who they really are and what they really want.

 

People are complicated and complex. BDSM relationships are complex and unique to the various people involved. There is no great absolute (except maybe consent-consent-consent). It is not so simple to reduce all Switches to "submissive in disguise", and someone (particularly someone New) should have enough personal humility to be able to admit that. Even the most Dom-ly-est Dom/mes in Dom-town should be able to do that without feeling like that makes them weak.

 

~

i also do not like people to have their voices silenced entirely, but i also think all sides of discussions should come to the discussion with the intention of being respectful of other people. i thought people were patient with Punga at first, without Punga seeming to pause and consider he could be wrong about some of his strong-views and opinions. Certainly someone *new* (even on the D-type side) should consider any wisdom in the words of people who might be more experienced without dismissing them outright. Again, not saying Punga or anyone else has to *agree* with someone with more experience, but just to listen and try to see if there is something there to learn.

 

That said, of course a beginner can sometimes bring a refreshing voice to the room and have new ideas and thoughts that brighten up a place or give people with more experience something to think about too. It can flow both ways. But generally speaking, it would seem one needs to be the student before one is the professor. Which is *not* the same as saying dominant people must be submissive first.

[BloodberrySmoothie]

@Dinosaurus thanks for voicing your opinion, just letting you know that Inte left the club, so they will probably be unable to read your post.

 

We all agree that silencing someone should not ever be the first course of action, but it was very clear from the very beginning that some people were not willing to be respectful and completely set in their ways even though they were completely inexperienced. It is not about any opinion on things, but how these things were expressed.

This behaviour is potentially dangerous and the only way to protect our members is by banning these people. Sadly, we can't do more.

[Leon0803]

I dont ban people for acting critical against decissions or Opinions

 

but i ban someone if i notice Sexism, or degrading someone onto their sexual preferences.

and if someone threatens new members by altering their view on BDSM (Disagreeing on the fact that consent is key for example)

 

in this case

 

 he said that the "Switch" (someone who is both Submissive and Dominant in times) just hasnt found out what he likes.

 

which i see threatend other members possibility to find their own Likings, and as i personaly have met around 60 people who called theirself beeing a switch, i warned him that such a statement is simply wrong

 

After that, Punga pulled a member down that i gave Moderator rights, for beeing submissive and on his opinion declaring her unsuitable for leading due to what she likes in bed, which i think if this was the only infriction, couldv been handeld with a warning.

 

But it was obvious that punga wouldv gone on with "opinions" that blure real bdsm from new inexperienced members.

 

I understand if Members like Inte decide to leave, but i decided to put the safety of the members infront of the Personal right to say whatever shit someone wants to say.

 

This shouldnt discurrage anyone from asking Questions, but rather point out that if someone keeps continuesly attacking members on personal views

like:

Person A "yeah im Switch"

Punga: "no switches dont exist, you just cant decide"

 

or

 

Moderator: "Yeah, im a Submissive person in bed"

Punga: "yeah, then you cant be a Moderator because its only natural for you to be submissive"

 

that there will be consequences for such members.

[JackBikwik]

And hey, maybe if you can't handle the boundaries and respect required to be part of a BDSM forum community, you can't handle the boundaries and respect required in BDSM. 

[Leon0803]

On 2/15/2018 at 8:49 PM, JackBikwik said:

And hey, maybe if you can't handle the boundaries and respect required to be part of a BDSM forum community, you can't handle the boundaries and respect required in BDSM. 

true ^^

[D4ndrone]

Hello everyone !

 

I assume this is an old forum and that my post is not likely to be seen...ever..

 

Anyway, i'd like to ask a societal/philosophical/whatever question : 

 

Can you recognize someone's sexual preference (sub or dom in that very case) by just looking at them ?

 

I've read before what you were saying about switches and comportment in life being different than in bed (obvious to me, but "obvious" is relative). But as i know some tricks to recognize gay people just by looking at their behavior, i'd like to know if there could be an equivalence here. I know it doesn't work every times, but as i'm a bit shy,  i find really important to read messages that can be said without speaking.

 

Yours.