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Why and when do we lie?


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>According to Webster's dictionary definition of lie is: to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression.

 

> Before I met my Ivy, I used to lie because I wanted to leave very good impression(s) about me. Telling the lie was normal to me and I didn't see anything wrong about it. When she and I became lovers she told me that I should stop lying because she loves me as I am and that the lie actually degrading me as a person. It was very difficult for me to stop lying, but by the time I became like her: always telling the truth no matter how much it cost. When I met my Prince, I was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't a liar. When he didn't want to tell the truth he was either silent or said: " I don't want to talk about it." Now, seeing many friends of mine using the lie to cover or hide the truth about their mistakes or mischief I have seen the consequences of their lying. When I asked them why did they lie, they simply said: "I had to. If she/he found out what I did, I am dead meat." I did a small research. I compared the number of told lies with telling the truth and I found out that telling the truth was less painful than telling the lie. But, still, many people think that telling the lies is less painful so they categorized the lie: justified lie, needed lie, good lie and so on and so on.  Now since I told you about the people I know in my country, I would like to know what do you think about it? I have read some international researches but I do not trust numbers about honest and liar people.

> Thank you for participation.

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Depends what the lie is i suppose, when one of your friends shows you a drawing their kid made do you honestly say its crap or do you sugar coat the response to what the rose tinted parent themselves feel (i.e. its a good effort, i can see they tried hard etc)

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Just now, pinky6225 said:

Depends what the lie is i suppose, when one of your friends shows you a drawing their kid made do you honestly say its crap or do you sugar coat the response to what the rose tinted parent themselves feel (i.e. its a good effort, i can see they tried hard etc)

 

> I don't say anything or here is what I said when my husband's friend showed me the picture of his two daughters. In my opinion, they were ugly. So I only said: "mmmm. Thank you for showing me the picture but I didn't say anything about their look."

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Let me start with an admission: when you can look at me you can tell when I'm lying. You don't need to be a card sharp to know when I'm bluffing. I say that because for me, agreeing with the previous posts, would be simply making a virtue of necessity. I simply don't lie (in person) because I know I'll never get away with it.

 

That being said, I believe that there are times when a lie is the appropriate way to handle a situation. Admittedly, those situations are few and far between but they most certainly exist. Take a few of these common questions that men get asked by their significant other:

     Does this make me look fat?

     How was that meal I worked so hard on to cook for you?

     How would you like to have your in-laws over this weekend?

     Would you like to go dress shopping (or other shopping) with me?

 

I believe that there are plenty of other, similar situations, when it is virtuous to swallow one's pride (along with one's honesty) and simply tell someone what they want to hear. Now, if I could only get away with it! ?

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18 minutes ago, Heroine HoneyCrotch said:

One of my favorite subjects. We learn to lie when we are toddlers.

 

>That is true. My mom and dad always told the true to each other. I grew up in such environment and yet I knew how to lie although I didn't have opportunity to hear the lie.

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1 minute ago, EvalovesEP said:

 

> I don't say anything or here is what I said when my husband's friend showed me the picture of his two daughters. In my opinion, they were ugly. So I only said: "mmmm. Thank you for showing me the picture but I didn't say anything about their look."

 

That could work but it would depend on what they asked, i doubt if asked a direct question "what do you think to my two daughters clothes in this picture?" the silent option would work

 

Is evading/omitting really that much different from lying?

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, pinky6225 said:

 

That could work but it would depend on what they asked, i doubt if asked a direct question "what do you think to my two daughters clothes in this picture?" the silent option would work

 

Is evading/omitting really that much different from lying?

 

> Almost everyone expect (nice) reaction about their loved ones. Why? I learned to know whom I could tell the true and to whom not. :) 

> Yes, the lie becomes "alive" when it is spoken. The problem is when "silence" is interpreted as a lie! I disagree with that attitude because Webster's dictionary clearly says: definition of lie is: to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression. It doesn't say anything about being silent. :)

Edited by EvalovesEP
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9 minutes ago, Psalam said:

Let me start with an admission: when you can look at me you can tell when I'm lying. You don't need to be a card sharp to know when I'm bluffing. I say that because for me, agreeing with the previous posts, would be simply making a virtue of necessity. I simply don't lie (in person) because I know I'll never get away with it.

 

That being said, I believe that there are times when a lie is the appropriate way to handle a situation. Admittedly, those situations are few and far between but they most certainly exist. Take a few of these common questions that men get asked by their significant other:

     Does this make me look fat?

     How was that meal I worked so hard on to cook for you?

     How would you like to have your in-laws over this weekend?

     Would you like to go dress shopping (or other shopping) with me?

 

I believe that there are plenty of other, similar situations, when it is virtuous to swallow one's pride (along with one's honesty) and simply tell someone what they want to hear. Now, if I could only get away with it! ?

 

> There are millions of such situations in which mostly people lie to be polite. We learned to tell the true. For instance: My mom made a cherry pie for my Prince because she knows he likes it almost the same as the lemon pie. It wasn't sweet enough for him and when she asked him how did he like cherry pie he said: "It could be sweeter, mom." Did my mom get offended? Noooo. She accepted his opinion because she is mature lady. Did it change their relationship? No, it helped my mom to make sure she adds more sugar in next cherry pie she makes for him. :)

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7 minutes ago, EvalovesEP said:

 

> Almost everyone expect (nice) reaction about their loved ones. Why? I learned to know whom I could tell the true and to whom not. :) 

> Yes, the lie becomes "alive" when it is spoken. The problem is when "silence" is interpreted as a lie! I disagree with that attitude because Webster's dictionary clearly says: definition of lie is: to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression. It doesn't say anything about being silent. :)

 

Thats because your being literal, if you evade a question or omit details from the answer with "intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression" is the important part about the meaning of the word the bit thats mentions "statement" or "intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression"

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On a serious note, there are different types of lies and motivations behind lies.

 

-Sometimes in a group setting people feel like laughing at a friend's joke even if it wasn't that funny because they don't wanna put them in an awkward position.

 

-Sometimes people lie about the reasons they're late for an event to either not get much flak (if an office scenario) or not seem inconsiderate (if social scenario).

 

-Sometimes people lie out of malicious reasons like starting rumors about others or gaslighting two people to fight amongst each other for personal gain.

 

-Sometimes it's simply an act of embellishing true events through small fragmented lies.

 

-Sometimes people also lie through omission, very prevalent in reactionary politics to push for some bigoted agenda.

 

-Sometimes people lie to themselves in order to cling to some harmful stuff, like an abusive relationship for example by hoping things will magically get better later.

 

In any case, people lie at various degrees for various reasons and it's all over the place. Best not to fret over things and be as honest as you can be, a white lie here and there doesn't hurt but to not make it into a habit is the real factor to avoid. Some people use "i'm honest" as an excuse to act like complete asshole dipshits with no regard for basic social respect or politeness so that's also something to look out against and keep clear of.

 

That's about it.

Edited by Mr. Otaku
Typo Strikes again!
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3 minutes ago, pinky6225 said:

 

Thats because your being literal, if you evade a question or omit details from the answer with "intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression" is the important part about the meaning of the word the bit thats mentions "statement" or "intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression"

> I apologize, but didn't understand your point well. Will you be kind and simplify it for me? Please?

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3 minutes ago, Mr. Otaku said:

On a serious note, there are different types of lies and motivations behind lies.

 

-Sometimes in a group setting people feel like laughing at a friend's joke even if it wasn't that funny because they don't wanna put them in an awkward position.

 

-Sometimes people lie about the reasons they're late for an event to either not get much flak (if an office scenario) or not seem inconsiderate (if social scenario).

 

-Sometimes people like out of malicious reasons like starting rumors about others or gaslighting two people to fight amongst each other.

 

-Sometimes it's simply an act of embellishing true events through small fragmented lies.

 

-Sometimes people also lie through omission, very prevalent in reactionary politics to push for some bigoted agenda.

 

-Sometimes people lie to themselves in order to cling to some harmful stuff, like an abusive relationship for example by hoping things will magically get better later.

 

In any case, people lie at various degrees for various reasons and it's all over the place. Best not to fret over things and be as honest as you can be, a white lie ever and there doesn't hurt but to not make it into a habit is the real factor. Some people use "i'm honest" as an excuse to act like complete asshole dipshits with no regard for basic social respect or politeness so that's also something to look out against and keep clear of.

 

That's about it.

> Love your exposition very much. Thank you. It proves again that people are basically liars no matter where they live. :)

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1 minute ago, EvalovesEP said:

> Love your exposition very much. Thank you. It proves again that people are basically liars no matter where they live. :)

More or less. Intent is what makes the real difference at the end and it decides the degree of the lie itself.

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9 minutes ago, EvalovesEP said:

> I apologize, but didn't understand your point well. Will you be kind and simplify it for me? Please?

 

Okay, scenario you work with someone called Fred, Fred has gone to the shop, he did not tell you but left you a note explaining he was going to the shop

 

Your boss comes along and asks you if Fred said where he was going, you reply "I've not spoken with Fred today" which is literally correct as you haven't spoken to him

 

So is that a lie? as you do know the real answer to the question - fred has gone to the shop

 

Edited by pinky6225
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Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, pinky6225 said:

 

Okay, scenario you work with someone called Fred, Fred has gone to the shop, he did not tell you but left you a note explaining he was going to the shop

 

Your boss comes along and asks you if Fred said where he was going, you reply "I've not spoken with Fred today" which is literally correct as you haven't spoken to him

 

So is that a lie? as you do know the real answer to the question - fred has gone to the shop

 

> I would tell the true because he didn't write: "Don't tell anyone" in the note. If he wrote that in the note I would say to the boss: "Fred told me where he is going, but I can't tell you ... when he comes back, ask him yourself."

Edited by EvalovesEP
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Somewhere I read children below 5 years can't lie. The reason is to make a lie you need to make an assumption what your counterpart expects, how he/she may react, what she/he will buy or not. So you need a lot of empathy to successfully lie. Children below 5 years haven't a brain developed that far  to do such complex task, simultaniously in seconds.

 

So, if I understand well, this means lying is something for intelligent people and it's strongly dependent on your abilities f.e. in empathy - to recognize what ypur counterpart is willing to believe - so to judge people's character, but also to judge plausibility of a story and logic of causalities in a glimpse of an eye.

 

So if politicians always lie but are always elected again - this should mean nothing else than they are very intelligent people.

 

And maybe with lying you even can train yourself in understanding other people.  

 

So this could mean, people need to lie to train certain social abilities.

Edited by GregorSamsa
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And then - telling a good story about my sex life I always got a lot of laughs when we were sitting together around the campfire. No one did really care it was a story from my imaginary sex life.

 

If a story is fun - do you really always judge it's value by its truthness? Can you build your life entirely and solely on truth? How about to coquet? 

 

You can put a presurre on your feelings by asking you everyday . is my love true? Am I really sincere? You can even kill feelings by demanding truth. Like trampling on colorfull flowers. Truth often is confused with clearness, purity, strictness, This or that, true or false, nothing in between.

 

But sometimes feelings are dirty. And confusing. But still true. 

Edited by GregorSamsa
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 I miss my girlfriend so much because we used to be so very open about everything. She was dying, you see, from her third cancer and I couldn't have lied to her if I'd wanted to. I feel kind of bad that I did tell a few little lies at the beginning of our relationship while getting to know her, but after I did I never lied again. The lying comes from insecurity I'm pretty sure from most people and then there are those that just lie to get what they want. I usually can spot them right off since I used to be the biggest liar. Why did I change? Because I didn't like the person in the mirror simple as... in fact I came to loathe that person and vowed to be as truthful as possible from that point on. The lies don't just hurt others, they degrade you as a human being and it's an awful label to try and live down when people know that about you.

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You have quite interesting topics, i have to say.

 

So what about lying.

I think that lying is a defense mechanism that we have. Thinking of situation where you would always tell the truth could be embarrassing and lead to people not respecting you or loosing friends.


If we are in relationships, honesty is virtue. This is the place, the person, you want to be honest. There maybe still things you do want to be too much forthcoming as they maybe hurtful to the other.
But if you are in the real world, lying may aid you. Depending where you live, it maybe a necessity.

 

To be brutal honest will make you vulnerable to others.

 

I used to be very open if someone asked me about things like my past, parents etc.. But i never got the same depth of openness from the other. So i am learned to not share that much anymore.

Today i think that people want to take advantage of me if i give them information about my self.

So i'll be honest to other people but do not share everything about my self. In that is a lot of obfuscation as i need to hide some aspects of myself.
This is different with a partner where i want to be honest and vulnerable because the person is important to you.

 

And saying nothing maybe ok. This is better than lying. Am i obligated to share everything to everyone if asked? I think this is a difficult decision.

 

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21 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

 I miss my girlfriend so much because we used to be so very open about everything. She was dying, you see, from her third cancer and I couldn't have lied to her if I'd wanted to. I feel kind of bad that I did tell a few little lies at the beginning of our relationship while getting to know her, but after I did I never lied again. The lying comes from insecurity I'm pretty sure from most people and then there are those that just lie to get what they want. I usually can spot them right off since I used to be the biggest liar. Why did I change? Because I didn't like the person in the mirror simple as... in fact I came to loathe that person and vowed to be as truthful as possible from that point on. The lies don't just hurt others, they degrade you as a human being and it's an awful label to try and live down when people know that about you.

You sir, are a good person.

Very sorry for you loss. 

 

Have to say, i am very bad in face reading. If you see the person and see the face you probably can tell if the person is honest or hiding something. I am more guided by the gut feeling.

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