(Windhelm)

Satsuki: Mmmm, traveling is nice and all.

Satsuki: But its nice to be back home in Windhelm.

Satsuki: It was nice to see Emily though.

Satsuki: Hopefully she didn't think i came on too strong with that.

Satsuki: I can't believe i said that to a woman i've only known for a few days, she's really nice.

Satsuki: Also that last night was nice too, she was so forceful.

Satsuki: I didn't know you could make love in that kind of pos-!

Satsuki: Hmmm, is that?

Satsuki: Oh Talos, its a body.

Satsuki: What happened to this poor guy.

Satsuki: Don't worry sir, i'll make sure i catch your killer.

Satsuki: I need to tell the guards.

Satsuki: They will kno-!!!!

Satsuki: What in Oblivion!!!

Satsuki: What happened there!

Satsuki: By the gods, this isn't good!

Satsuki: Dear Talos, what on Nirn happened here, who could have done this.

Satsuki: There's so many of them too.

Satsuki: They seem pretty wounded, but who we-
Windhelm Guard: Hold it right there!

Windhelm Guard: Please st- Oh, Ms.Tomoko, hello.
Satsuki: O-Oh, hello there Sir.

Satsuki: What happened here, who are these guys?
Windhelm Guard: They were guards.
Satsuki: Oh no, was there a dragon attack.
Windhelm Guard: Oh there was but that's not what killed most of these guys.

Satsuki: Then who was it.
Windhelm Guard: *sigh*..........the Dragonborn.

Satsuki: The Dragonborn, i don't understand.

Windhelm Guard: The Dragonborn has a grudge against us due to the treatment of non-nords in this city, so we often come into conflict with him as well as Ms.Heavy-Iron for the same reason.
Satsuki: I see.....wait Emily....nevermind.

Satsuki: So is that why he killed them all in cold blood like this.
Windhelm Guard: Oh no, that's not the reason.

Windhelm Guard: He killed them because they were being really stupid.
Satsuki: I don't get it, what did they do.
Windhelm Guard: Well you see, two days ago the Dragonborn passed through.

(2 Days Earlier)

(The White Phial)
ther1pper: you sure?

Quintus: Yes, i'm 100% sure.

Quintus: it'll only be worth 67 septims

ther1pper: But i made it myself
Quintus: I could tell, there was bark in it.

ther1pper: really, i thought i got all that out.
Quintus: Sorry, can't go higher than that.

Quintus: i could if you add some other saps and remove the bark.
ther1pper: I see, then perhaps i

*Loud Roar*

Quintus: What in Talos name was that!

ther1pper: *sigh* a very big pest.

ther1pper: excuse me i have to go take care of something.
Quintus: what the dragon!
ther1pper: yes.

Quintus: shouldn't you let the guards do it or the dragonborn.
ther1pper: don't you remember um.....
Quintus: Quintus.
ther1pper: yes, Quintus.

ther1pper: I am the Dragonborn.
*steps out door*

ther1pper: alright, so what level of bullshit am i dealing with today.

ther1pper: *sarcastic tone* OH GOOD!

ther1pper: A fucking Nether Dragon!

ther1pper: alright you piece of shit.

ther1pper: DIE!!!
*Dragon Roars*

ther1pper: come at M-!

ther1pper: Don't you turn invisible you fuckin twat!

ther1pper: There you are!

ther1pper: *Inhale* Joor *Exhale* ZAH FRUL!!!

ther1pper: That's right land!

ther1pper: I got you now invisabitch!

ther1pper: i'm gonna carve you into a-

Windhelm Guard 1: Halt in the name of the Jarl.
ther1pper: Huh?

ther1pper: what are you talking about?

Windhelm Guard 1: Shut up criminal scum, you have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people,

Windhelm Guard 1: what say you in your defense.
ther1pper: dude there's a fucking dragon, let me through.

Windhelm Guard 1: i don't care, what do you say.
ther1pper: LET ME THROUGH!!!

Windhelm Guard 2: Hey is that the guy who stole that taffy!
Windhelm Guard 1: Yes it is, Alert everyone!

Windhelm Guard 2: i'm on it.
ther1pper: you can't be serious!


ther1pper: YOU WERE SERIOUS!!!

*Dragon Roaring in background*
ther1pper: GUYS, THERE IS A MOTHER FUCKING DRAGON FLYING AROUND THE CITY BLASTING PEOPLE TO BITS!!!

ther1pper: HOW IS THAT NOT YOUR FIRST PRIORITY!!!
Windhelm Guard 1: Shut up, i've heard about you and your honeyed words

Windhelm Guard 5: Yeah shut up scum.
Windhelm Guard 3: Face the consequences.

Windhelm Guard 7: Justice!
ther1pper: please Mara.

ther1pper: give me strength.

ther1pper: *inhales* okay

ther1pper: maybe we started off what with me yelling at you and all.

ther1pper: Hello, my name is #$@$##@ ##$@#, also known as the Dragonborn.

ther1pper: see that dragon above us, i was literally born to kill that thing.
*Dragon Roars*

ther1pper: and if you don't let me go to take care of it, everyone you know and love will die.

ther1pper: so what do you say, let me go and kill this thing then we can solve this whole taffy business, what you say.

Windhelm Guard 1: I say come quietly.

Windhelm Guard 1: or face the Jarl's justice.
ther1pper: *Long inhale*

ther1pper: *whispering to self* Mara i tried.

ther1pper: okay new deal, you'll let me go and in exchange i'll show you and your fellow guards sovrngarde in a way you've never seen before.

ther1pper: You get what i'm saying?

Windhelm Guard 1: No i.....wait.

Windhelm Guard 1: Ooooooh.

ther1pper: Oooooooh.

Windhelm Guard 1: i get what your saying.
ther1pper: good, wait....why did you shealth you wea-

Windhelm Guard 1: Hear that brothers and sisters, this guys gonna show us Sovrngarde like no other
ther1pper: wait what?

Windhelm Guard 3: really him.
Windhelm Guard 7: no way.

Windhelm Guard 4: oh a dovankin
Windhelm Guard 6: that redguard slut was fun so a redguard man must me nice too.
ther1pper: i don't think you guys understood me.

Windhelm Guard 1: Oh we know what you mean.

Windhelm Guard 1: we know what you mean completely Hehehe.
ther1pper: Ahahah, ah man, i gotta tell ya.

ther1pper: I don't think you do.

(5 minutes later)
(Sardi's used Wares)

*Sound of armor, shields, clothing, and weapons dropping on the ground*

ther1pper: ........................................
Revyn: .............................................

Revyn: Uh.....i don't think i have the money to-

ther1pper: just give me anything, i really need to go.

ther1pper: thanks, have a good day.
Revyn: Yeah.....come back anytime.

Revyn: *sniffing*

Revyn: *more sniffing* oh Azura.

Revyn: They shit themselves.

Satsuki: Why would they would they go after him instead of a dragon, especially one that could turn invisible.

Windhelm Guard: I don't know, but it got them killed.
Satuski: I see.

Satsuki: Then i'll go after him imminently.

Windhelm Guard: I appreciate the sentiment and your sense of Justice Ms.Tomoko.

Windhelm Guard: But these guys were assholes, i can't say any one of them isn't worth avenging.
Satsuki: Even so, i can't just let it slide.

Windhelm: Please do, I've lived in this city too long to see people like you die trying to avenge people like this, and besides he left two days ago without telling anyone where he was going.

Windhelm Guard: I doubt he's even in a nearby region.

(Winterhold Hold)

ther1pper: Finally, okay Winterhold College.

ther1pper: Lets see if you can provide me with some answers.

You do that.

This is taking laziness to the next level