Being a Guard

July 25, 2016

NOTE: I consider this mod completed. I have no plans to make further changes, other than fixing any bugs which may be reported.

This is a silly, cheesy, non-immersive, sex-filled little romp for gay men. It totally breaks immersion! If that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, don't download it. I won't make it more serious; there are abundant other mods like that.

Start the quest going by speaking to any guard in Whiterun (within the city).

While I have done my best to try to not break the vanilla game, this might still happen. So I recommend this mod for those who have completed the vanilla game, or who (like me) have stopped playing it entirely.

Required
This mod requires all the ones below - along with their requirements.

"Before the Storm" must be completed, or use a mod that removes the quest, such as Skyrim Unbound. You also need to have enough male guards available. Up to 4 are needed, depending.

Recommended

Fuz Ro D-oh Silent Voice
CoP Whiterun
Paradise City for Vanilla Skyrim
Expanded Towns and Cities
Plastered Farmhouses
Grimoas Almighty Talos Statue Replacer
SkyHunks or Masculinized Level Lists (not both)
Helmets Begone
No Naked Comments
My Home is Your Home and/or a follower mod

Possible Conflicts
Anything that drastically alters the interiors of the Whiterun guard barracks or jail, Riverwood Sleeping Giant Inn, the river edge between Riverwood and Half-Moon Mill, near North Shriekwind Bastion.

Translations

French - by floranais

Credits

Static dishes and food resource, by Tamira
Ready Clutter and Furnishings, by Lilith

Troubleshooting

First, please note that there are a few points in the mod where you have to wait before the story will progress. These, however, are usually clearly indicated either by dialog (an NPC will tell you you have to wait for a certain time), or via quest objective. In the few cases where there is no indication, just wait a bit...

Also note that some choices made in dialog will lead the entire story to terminate - such as a negative response to the captain asking if you're sure you want to join the guards (during "First Guard Duty"), or declining to marry Ulrorn. This is intentional.

The mod has been extensively tested with SexLab anims, plus NASP and M2M. All sex amins trigger correctly. However, should one fail for you at any point, the code should still proceed.

If the story gets stuck for you at any point, then find out where it got stuck before asking in the support thread, please. Each quest in the mod will output a line to console (and papyrus) as soon as it starts. This line contains the internal name of the quest, such as: G__Part5. So open console, and then type:


player.sqs [name of quest]

to find how far along the quest got. That information will help a lot if reporting a problem.

The list below correlates the displayed name of each quest, with the internal name. End stages indicate affermative responses, when applicable.
"Joining the Guards" - G__Part1 - End at stg 100
"First Guard Duty" - G__Part2 - End at stg 100
"Learning the Ropes" - G__Part3 - End at stg 100
"Riverwood" - G__Part4 - End at stg 200
"A Guard in Distress" - G__Part5 - End at stg 110
"The Best Cheese" - G__Part6 - End at stg 130
"Pointlessness" - G__Part7 - End at stg 50
"The Big Day" - G__Part8 - End at stg 200
"The Big Day Prep" - G__Part8_Pre - End at stg 30
"Devu Vu" - G__Part9 - End at stg 110
"Honeymoon" - G__Part10 - YES at stg 200 / NO at stg 250

Afterword

When I started this mod, the plan was the create a "normal" sex-filled mod for gay men. The player would become a guard, do the boring things that guards in the game do, and have tons of sex.

Things started to change when I had the idea of having the courier turn up, but without anything to deliver. Someone (the mod developer, clearly) had fucked up and sent him for nothing. On top of that, Ulrorn, took on a life of his own. His immersion-breaking conversation just flowed. The mod went from serious, to totally silly, very quickly after that. I went back and changed a few bits in earlier parts to make the transition from "serious" to "silly" a bit less jarring.

I also decided to poke fun at the game in general, gamers, and mods. Like for example the part called "Pointlessness", which takes aim at mods which seem to send you chasing all round Skyrim for no real reason other than... making you run round pointlessly.

I am very well aware that some won't like this. I won't apologize. I won't change it. Making this mod was the most fun I've had since I started modding. If you don't like it, uninstall it and move on. For those who do like it, you will end up with a husband and a potential follower - and hopefully have a laugh or two along the way.

NOTE: This mod is released under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike. In other words, feel free to make changes to the mod in any way you like, and upload the changed version. You do not need to ask permission. If you do so, you must credit me, and your version must be free. Further, you also need to credit any other mods used as resources, including those used in my original. Your own creation must in turn be released under these same conditions.

Standard Disclaimer

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Nap was here. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. If the flow controls supplied are not installed, this unit will not operate properly. Keep out of reach of children. When this set is used with other equipment, if the picture is not stable or the buzz sound is heard, try to change the mutual position of relevant equipment or take enough distance between them. This unit not labeled for retail sale. Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalanine. Close cover before striking. Mind the gap. No merchantability expressed or implied. Parental discretion is advised. Sold as a novelty item only. Although robust enough for general use, adventures into the esoteric periphery may reveal unexpected quirks. Not available in stores. May cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Vitamins A, D, E, and K have been added. Not designed or intended for use in on-line control of aircraft, air traffic, aircraft navigation or aircraft communications; or in the design, construction, operation or maintenance of any nuclear facility. Container may explode if heated. May contain traces of various nuts and seeds.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Submitter

ffabris
Submitted

07/25/2016
Category

Quests
Requires

See description
Special Edition Compatible

BrimstoneOmega · July 26, 2016

Hi there, I have a silly question that that I hope doesn't; offend you, but I was wondering if I can use a female PC to play this mod? Sounds like a fun quest/mod to try out, but I usually play as a female in my game. If not I'm totally cool with making a guy to play this (I tend to make new characters every week or so anyways), just a question of if it will break things as a girl.

July 26, 2016

Hi there, I have a silly question that that I hope doesn't; offend you, but I was wondering if I can use a female PC to play this mod? Sounds like a fun quest/mod to try out, but I usually play as a female in my game. If not I'm totally cool with making a guy to play this (I tend to make new characters every week or so anyways), just a question of if it will break things as a girl.

You can yes - I didn't include any limitation (eg, the quest will still start up just fine). However, the all dialog, scenes, etc, assume a male player.

BrimstoneOmega · July 26, 2016

Right on, thank you sir, looking forward to trying this out, I'll let you know what I think

July 26, 2016

OK then. To repeat what's on the d/l page, the mod is NOT immersive. You have been warned!

lionrow · July 26, 2016

Hello! Thanks for the mod, but i have some issue. First quest ends . "Joining the Guards" And i am stuck. As i understand i have to go talk to the captain and there are no dialogues...

Schrymp · July 26, 2016

So, M2M is both required and recommended? I'm only asking because I can't install M2M without saves CTD-ing (my own fault) and I noticed it wasn't a master.

Also, would Humorous Naked Comments work as well as No Naked Comments? It replaces the usual naked comments and makes male NPCs say things like "By Ysmir! That's impressive!" and females comment on the size of your... hammer. And similar.

White Banshee · July 26, 2016

Because of my complete ignorance in these matters, may I ask why the Unofficial Skyrim Legendary Edition Patch is almost always required? I mean, it is a big file which causes embarassment to my machine added to other mods. And the other thing is that it almost overwrites all my game in English while it's not. So, is it really so mandatory? Couldn'it it be just an useful option? Sorry, it's just out of curiosity.

4onen · July 26, 2016

Because of my complete ignorance in these matters, may I ask why the Unofficial Skyrim Legendary Edition Patch is almost always required? I mean, it is a big file which causes embarassment to my machine added to other mods. And the other thing is that it almost overwrites all my game in English while it's not. So, is it really so mandatory? Couldn'it it be just an useful option? Sorry, it's just out of curiosity.

People require USLEEP because USLEEP fixes tons of bugs in the game and lots of people use it. If they weren't to make it a requirement, their own mods might break on USLEEP setups or -- worse -- break USLEEP.

Basically, it's the classic problem of incompatibility.

White Banshee · July 26, 2016

Ah, I see. Thank you!

welli · July 26, 2016

hey mr fabris. great idea as usual. lots of fun. just one bug at this point,

between quest 6 and 7, cheese(part6) ends with the captain saying he will arrange our marriage, dismisses ulrorn and says to me i have something for you meanwhile, and he walks away. quest cheese ends, and then nothing. its been a week in game time, no courrier.

i checked in console , all part G__Part6 stage completed to 210, except stage 200. i then tried to kickstart setstage G__part7 10 to 50, nothing either.

did i break my game again lol, or you have a suggestion maybe?

July 26, 2016

Hello! Thanks for the mod, but i have some issue. First quest ends . "Joining the Guards" And i am stuck. As i understand i have to go talk to the captain and there are no dialogues...

Hum. See the Troubleshooting section on the download page; please use the guide there to find out exactly where you're stuck. Has the second part started at all? (G__Part2) If not, that likely means that the mod cannot fill aliases ... and that section don't need many. Most likely cause would be no male guards in the Whiterun dungeon.

So, M2M is both required and recommended? I'm only asking because I can't install M2M without saves CTD-ing (my own fault) and I noticed it wasn't a master.

Also, would Humorous Naked Comments work as well as No Naked Comments? It replaces the usual naked comments and makes male NPCs say things like "By Ysmir! That's impressive!" and females comment on the size of your... hammer. And similar.

You can do with M2M because yes, it isn't a master. However, one sex scene is hard coded to use an M2M animation. Once you get to it, the sex act simply will fail if you don't have M2M installed.

As for the naked comments mod, use any you like, or none at all. I recommended that one because you wind up being naked a lot and comments might become annoying.

Because of my complete ignorance in these matters, may I ask why the Unofficial Skyrim Legendary Edition Patch is almost always required? I mean, it is a big file which causes embarassment to my machine added to other mods. And the other thing is that it almost overwrites all my game in English while it's not. So, is it really so mandatory? Couldn'it it be just an useful option? Sorry, it's just out of curiosity.

4onen gave a far better answer than I could have. I'll add one thing: when I start a mod, I always add USLEEP as a master, right at the start. Then when I am finished, I run my mod through TES5Edit, and do "Clean Masters". That removes any master that isn't referenced. Therefore, if my mod doesn't touch anything that USLEEP fixes, it will be removed as a master. If it isn't removed, then my mod is changing something that USLEEP fixed, and so remains.

hey mr fabris. great idea as usual. lots of fun. just one bug at this point,

between quest 6 and 7, cheese(part6) ends with the captain saying he will arrange our marriage, dismisses ulrorn and says to me i have something for you meanwhile, and he walks away. quest cheese ends, and then nothing. its been a week in game time, no courrier.

i checked in console , all part G__Part6 stage completed to 210, except stage 200. i then tried to kickstart setstage G__part7 10 to 50, nothing either.

did i break my game again lol, or you have a suggestion maybe?

Check if part7 even starts, please. If it doesn't, then again, unfilled aliases, and again, likely a guard. No male living uninjured guards in Rorikstead.

Part6 stage 200 will only complete if you said no to Ulrorn. If you said yes, it is skipped. So that's fine.

welli · July 26, 2016

hey mr fabris. great idea as usual. lots of fun. just one bug at this point,

between quest 6 and 7, cheese(part6) ends with the captain saying he will arrange our marriage, dismisses ulrorn and says to me i have something for you meanwhile, and he walks away. quest cheese ends, and then nothing. its been a week in game time, no courrier.

i checked in console , all part G__Part6 stage completed to 210, except stage 200. i then tried to kickstart setstage G__part7 10 to 50, nothing either.

did i break my game again lol, or you have a suggestion maybe?

Check if part7 even starts, please. If it doesn't, then again, unfilled aliases, and again, likely a guard. No male living uninjured guards in Rorikstead.

Part6 stage 200 will only complete if you said no to Ulrorn. If you said yes, it is skipped. So that's fine.

Possibly my own fault then, some of those guards are futa. will investigate further. and no, part 7 couldnt be kickstarted, none of the stage activate anything. the aliases referred to might be futa guards. again, my own fault. sorry.

mmakx · July 26, 2016

Hi! Great mod! I really wish to try it out. :shy:

But unfortunatly I can't start the quest.
At game start I recieve the notification that mod is installed but Whiterun guards don't have necessary dialogue options.
I checked quest stage progress and G__PART1 stage 0 is 0. I tried to put quest stages further by using console but there is still no dialogue options.

July 26, 2016

Possibly my own fault then, some of those guards are futa. will investigate further. and no, part 7 couldnt be kickstarted, none of the stage activate anything. the aliases referred to might be futa guards. again, my own fault. sorry.

No sorry needed! Yeah, I guess that futa are considered as female by the vanilla game.

Hi! Great mod! I really wish to try it out.

But unfortunatly I can't start the quest.

At game start I recieve the notification that mod is installed but Whiterun guards don't have necessary dialogue options.

I checked quest stage progress and G__PART1 stage 0 is 0. I tried to put quest stages further by using console but there is still no dialogue options.

If Part1 won't start, then possible reasons:

No Whiterun Captain available (this mod will use either Caius or Sinmir, depending on who conrols Whiterun)
some other mod has changed the location ID of the guard barracks
not enough male guards in the barracks (2 are required, not sleeping)
bed designated for the player not available (moved/removed by some other mod)
chest next to the bed unavailable (see above)

welli · July 26, 2016

Hi! Great mod! I really wish to try it out.

But unfortunatly I can't start the quest.

At game start I recieve the notification that mod is installed but Whiterun guards don't have necessary dialogue options.

I checked quest stage progress and G__PART1 stage 0 is 0. I tried to put quest stages further by using console but there is still no dialogue options.

i had a similar problem , after completing Before the storm, the mod wouldn't start even with setstage. i made a save and quit, deinstalled the mod, loaded again, made a new save, quit again, reinstall the mod and it all worked fine. even with half the guard being futa on my install, it worked tru the first six quest no problem. it also works with my girl and futa test char.

Schrymp · July 26, 2016

You can do with M2M because yes, it isn't a master. However, one sex scene is hard coded to use an M2M animation. Once you get to it, the sex act simply will fail if you don't have M2M installed.

As for the naked comments mod, use any you like, or none at all. I recommended that one because you wind up being naked a lot and comments might become annoying.

Suspicions confirmed - thanks.

July 26, 2016

i had a similar problem , after completing Before the storm, the mod wouldn't start even with setstage. i made a save and quit, deinstalled the mod, loaded again, made a new save, quit again, reinstall the mod and it all worked fine. even with half the guard being futa on my install, it worked tru the first six quest no problem. it also works with my girl and futa test char.

Just to note... the reason that "Before the Storm" needs to be completed, is that there are no guards at Riverwood till then. "Riverwood" - G__Part4 - needs one such (male) guard. Part1 doesn't. Nor does Part6, since Rorikstead always has guards (in the base game, at least).

However, overall, the mod should be started after "Before the Storm", or you'll get stuck at Part4. But for issues with Part1 or Part6, "Before the Storm" is not relevant.

Suspicions confirmed - thanks.

Welcome

*Tweens* · July 26, 2016

Yaaaa! You got it finished! Looks fabulous. But then, It's made by you; so of course it would be.

July 26, 2016

Yaaaa! You got it finished! Looks fabulous. But then, It's made by you; so of course it would be.

:blush: Thank you!

Mylor41 · July 27, 2016

Should I start a new game for it?

July 27, 2016

Should I start a new game for it?

Not needed, no.

mmakx · July 27, 2016

i had a similar problem , after completing Before the storm, the mod wouldn't start even with setstage. i made a save and quit, deinstalled the mod, loaded again, made a new save, quit again, reinstall the mod and it all worked fine. even with half the guard being futa on my install, it worked tru the first six quest no problem. it also works with my girl and futa test char.

It didn't help unfortunately

If Part1 won't start, then possible reasons:

No Whiterun Captain available (this mod will use either Caius or Sinmir, depending on who conrols Whiterun)

some other mod has changed the location ID of the guard barracks

not enough male guards in the barracks (2 are required, not sleeping)

bed designated for the player not available (moved/removed by some other mod)

chest next to the bed unavailable (see above)

Captain Caius is available

Location ID is the same

I use your SkyHunks mode so there is quite enough guards

Player bed presents (I checked it by moving quest further through console)

The chest is also available

Thre quest does not start but continues by using console so part2 starts correctly after setting part1 stage 100 but dialogue options still don't appear.

I tried to disable some mod which might affect guards dialogues but no success.

In my papirus I found this:

G__Part1 Start

[07/27/2016 - 12:51:14PM] Error: Cannot call IsDisabled() on a None object, aborting function call

stack:

[G__Utils (BE005902)].g__utils.Restoreactor() - "G__Utils.psc" Line 301

[G__Part1 (BE005901)].G__Part1.SetupQuest() - "G__Part1.psc" Line 201