Parky Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Some are for funny, others are for marrying, never, never confuse the two. Also don't be to picky, my wife is nothing like who I thought I would be with, but she a great cook, good humour , good mom and can dance (not to mention a great singer)
panthercom Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 You have to get up off your ass and out into the world. Do volunteer work, take some classes at your local community college, join a hiking club, if you're religious join a church or whatever house of worship that suits your fancy that has a lot of members your age, take dancing lessons, join a hiking club. If you hang out in bars you'll just meet a bunch of people who drink too much. If you're a decent person you may get introduced to someone's friend or relative, so be friendly with people outside your age group too. A few words of advice from Johnny Rotten "You got a problem?, the problem is you!"
AKM Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Social dance/ballroom is an awesome option, just make sure it's not a static group or it'll go stale. People are almost certainly in a receptive mood, at least more than usual, at a dance. It's good exercise, too.
GrimReaper Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 You're trying to hard and at the same time you don't do anything. Having a girlfriend doesn't enable a magical bond between you and her, she's just another human. Don't put women on pedestals, be yourself, socialize. There is no failsafe solution to meeting people you might end up liking. Oh, and don't chase after girls just because you want a girlfriend, getting a girlfriend just for the sake of having one isn't going to work. Be open minded and don't romanticise every woman who speaks to you. Some might be interested in you, some might not be. They don't own you anything just like you don't own them anything. Finding a girlfriend doesn't start with the thought "will you be my girlfriend" it start's with "I actually enjoy the company of that person!".
Atreyu Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I've done swing dancing before. It only started hurting more, the more I attended.
AKM Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Yeah, I tried swing once. Once. Never again. My dance of choice has been, and probably always will be English Country Dancing. Kinda, sorta square dancing, kinda sorta line. Depends on the dance. Think Contra, only a bit slower. Contra's nice, too, when you're young enough to handle it. That can be some fast paced dancing. Best for the 20's crowd. The best thing about the group I've attended is that it's more about having a good time than getting everything perfect. Heck, we had a guy who regularly danced in our demonstrations in DC who wasn't terribly good at following the dance. Meh. Who cares, it's about fun and if we aren't that picky such that this guy was doing demonstrations, it shows the crowd that it is about fun, not perfection. Country Dance and Song Society. Many good groups there, all over the U.S. Great concentration in New England, if you happen to be there. http://www.cdss.org/
Atreyu Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Let me try to elaborate my situation, and sorry if it's in white. It's mainly a copy/paste of an email I just sent: I can't find a place to live. Women have no interest in me. People at work seem to want me gone. Meanwhile I'm surrounded by people flaunting their happiness in my face. Even last night, one of the manager's that I actually think is pretty cool in general bought a small box of condoms. Not that along with necessities like food and stuff. Just a small pack of maybe 3 condoms. And she's someone where if the situations were different, I wouldn't mind dating, myself. And she treated it like it was normal, when she's fully aware of my situation. That right there ruined my entire night. At my best, I was an unfeeling machine last night. I even declined eggs my mom offered to make me this morning. If I were not a Christian, I would be slitting my wrist right now. I need help and don't know where to get it. I can't afford professional help as I'm trying to save up to move into low income housing. Now I'm not a flight risk. I will never kill myself. Not like I really need to. I feel dead inside already. Killing myself would just be redundant. All it would accomplish is sending me to hell. Now I know some people have it "worse". But look at it from my perspective. All my life, I've never really had support. Not from my peers, not from my parents. The early childhood I remember involved my dad working nights with a little piece of me dying inside every time I watched him drive off. And my mom spent the evening's sleeping with the neighbors with me in the same room. At school, I'd have very little friends, and running from bullies every day. No girls liked me. Though in 1st-2nd grade, it didn't stop me from chasing a bunch of them all over the school grounds. After a few trips to the principal's office, I stopped........and I haven't chased any since to this day. And if I tried(not literally), I'm nearly kicked out of the church I was in at the time. I've never been as sharp as a lot of people. I confuse a lot. I scatterbrain easily. I wouldn't even know what a woman's interest in a man looks like, except for when I was about 14, but I didn't see that until about 3 years ago. I'm now 30. Now picture living that life, and being surrounded by other people who have their life together with their own families while being quite younger than you. Even watching some women you might otherwise have a chance with, given the circumstance, get easily snatched away by some new guy who just got hired. Having any asking out for a date to be rejected flat out. I spoilered it, in case the onslaught of drama within might make people complain about me and get me in trouble with the mods/admin. So read at your own risk. Now I edited some of that to be appropriate for this forum, but that's pretty much my situation. Any fresh thoughts?
Spartan 363 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I fully understand your problem, I was just like you when I was in high school. please forgive me for some harsh, but true words that are meant to encourage you, not put you down. please bare with me and you can vastly improve your outlook in life, I was in the same rut for years too, I know that pain too well, it hurts at times when I reflect on it as my childhood was not very pleasant, despite me even racing motocross, I was antisocial. First and foremost, I understand you are antisocial where you're the guy standing in the corner of the class room, sits by themselves at the cafeteria and usually is picked last when it comes to team choices in Physical Education class. I was once that very person since my entire childhood going into my freshman year at high school. I have ADHD and I'm somewhat autistic and when I was in middle school and such, I would try to inch closer to the group of kids that were talking and such, but then they would stop because the weird kid is near them and give me funny looks until I left them. Even when I did manage to just drift into the pack of kids talking, when they asked me things, I was usually oblivious to what they were talking about because I was so worried and focused on what to say to introduce myself that I would get lost in thought and look like an idiot in front of everyone. Even the rare times you make a girl laugh because they think you cracked a joke, you drop the ball because you can't follow up. I was rejected many times and actually never had a Valentine until I was a junior in high school. I even bought a stuff animal, chocolates and such 3 times before and I was rejected on that day for those 3 times I bought those things for girls I liked. I know the pain you are feeling very well, you just want to end it all and watch the world burn. That's your first and biggest flaw, you think too much of yourself and you catch feelings too easily. I can tell you your face looks like a flea with clown makeup on just joking around and you'll most likely break down and cry thinking I meant it for real. Women do not like wimps, it's ok to be a sensitive guy, I'm one, but when you let small petty feelings like watching someone buy a box of condoms disturb you, you are catching feelings too easily. You lack testosterone and you need to work out at a gym, or even at home and run around the block to help with that. Doing that, you will also gain confidence in yourself as you see the results of your body and it also reflects on your personality. Confidence is key to successfully having women want you around them and make them want you. Women love to see weakness in men and they exploit that in general and that's where other men tend to exploit that weakness and make you look like a fool when they either snatch the girl away from you simply by interrupting whatever conversation you managed to start and take her away without an afterthought about you or the girl out right rejects you and moves on without even saying goodbye to you. What I did to rectify this very flaw was just read all sorts of books from science fiction to mystery, drama, romance and such. Also, do read bullshit like People's magazine so you at least know what's going on in the entertainment world even though you don't give a dam in general, this serves as ice breakers or even for those times where you normally don't know what to say, just blurt out that Justin Bieber is a fag and that only pre-pubescent girls love his trashy music for example and hope the judge throws the entire book at him and he gets deported back to Canada since he's on a work Visa in the USA and a single Felony can get a normal immigrant deported and that celebrities like him are no exception to the law. Whew, that was a lot of bullshit to know, but sure works wonders for when you don't have a thing to say or want to keep the conversation going or even to make her laugh if you can deliver it right. Reading helped me improve my social skill as I learned to word play (ie: spit game) and that helped me avoid those awkward situations where you are the weirdo and instead can make you the comedian that makes people laugh and think you're a funny person in a good way or just simply go along with the flow of the vibe at the moment. Also, listening or at least knowing the artist and song names of music you don't normally listen to but is mainstream like hip hop for example is another good way to avoid being confused when girls say a line as they love one liners from songs on the radio and it's good to know where they came from and you can follow up with other lyrics of the same song and you can make her appreciate you more for knowing what song she likes and such. Also, knowing your movies, even ones you don't watch is good to know as they are one of the most talked about subjects in general conversations in both regular social men and women. You can even memorize one liners from movies like "Who left the Fridge Open?" -Tropic Thunder Line and people can laugh at it and look at you in a positive light. Now, moving on, the second flaw you have is you care too much what people think of you. I was just like that that I would try and come up with one liners that were corny and just were a waste of time. Today, I don't give a fuck what others think of me as they don't pay my bills, they don't feed me, they don't bathe me, they don't drive for me, they don't do shit for you, fuck em. Now, before you become the trigger happy cowboy, I do suggest you be open minded and humble, being good to folks is a good way to gain friends from both genders. Just avoid letting petty drama get to your head. I have many female friends now that I can go to and ask for advice on female matters and I don't even think about these girls I know in a sexual way or such, just like your typical guy friend. Here are these pictures, they are very true and good to live by too. Following this, you will overcome one of your biggest fears. You can have a few beers and sit down with friends, you don't have to get hammered either, just a few to make you feel good. Now, onto the most important issue of your depression, talking to girls. This one is actually easier than you think it is, it's not rocket science. I as mentioned earlier, don't be a wimp that catches feelings because you were rejected, even the best of players get rejected, it's normal for men and even women to get rejected. You just move on from that and take the experience you learned and try to improve upon it, but also take into account in trying to find those with similar interest as you. Also, be confident in yourself, if you show you are weak and vulnerable and want people to pity you, DON'T! There are very twisted and egotistic women and men that will make fun of you once they exploit that weakness. Just don't give a fuck what they think of you if they don't know you. Even if they do know you like your coworkers, they ignore them and move on with your day, the less drama you have to deal with, the happier you are. A good way to strike conversations with women is to talk to them causally like you would with your family members, friends and such, just treat that women like any other person and not dick ride them, girls are very good are detecting that and that leads to rejection quicker. Good topics to talk about is the weather, sports teams, games, movies, music and such. It's also very important that you let them talk and finish what they are saying, be the listener at first and add to what they are talking about. Do ask what they are interested in like movies, hobbies and such, after they say so, you can then talk about your, don't talk too much either, keep it short, but enough for them to understand. Never brag about anything, women are turned off by that and showing off is usually frowned upon by regular down to Earth girls. Do try to avoid gold diggers and whores, if it's too good to be true, you reject them, trust me, it;s one of the best feeling in the world when you out right reject a girl. You should also play hard to catch if she begins to flirt with you, make her want you, use those silly movie one liners to make her laugh and such. Be creative and do study all those topics so that at least you are knowledgeable in those areas as you won't be seen as the freak and at least knows what the general population is into, even if you don't like it yourself, just do it for the sake of fitting in better without worry of being out of place. The more secluded you are to yourself, the more weary people will be of you, so try to be an outgoing person without being an obnoxious moron and you're good to go. Last but not least, be yourself, well, not your gloomy self, but happy, try to be the optimistic guy, motivate others in need and girls do take notice and see you care for others more so than yourself and that's one of the best things in beginning a relationship as they see you will care for them. For relationships, don't rush it, get to know the girl first, as time goes on, then decide to stay as friends or move up a notch. It's normal to go through multiple relationships today, none are perfect, you will also gain valuable experience from dating different girls and use that to narrow your search for the right one. Then hit homerun and feel like a man, lol. It's a good idea to get out of your house, no use using this advice if you're a hermit in your room all the time, get out there and explore the world. You can even simply walk around your neighborhood and/or mall. Exercise, walk a dog if you have one, hang out with your friends, try meeting people at libraries, malls and even grocery stores. You can still be a gamer and such like we all are but try and get out there to make new friends, try new things and you will eventually find a girl to fuck and such. You don't have to be the millionaire with Lambos and such to impress a girl, just being an intellectual humble person that like to interact with others is good enough despite even being broke, you at least have a job, so that's a plus for a relationship as real girls will like you for the person you are, not what you are made off. Bottom line: Man up, don't catch feelings over petty things, be a listener, learn diverse topics, even things you don't like, don't over think on what to say, learn to except rejection and not give a fuck in what others think about you, it's your life, not theirs. Good luck man.
AKM Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I've had people tell me (my flight instructor to be exact) that I needed an attitude adjustment. Why? Because I was approaching the situation as "Can I do this?" rather than "I can do this!". Best figured out before getting in the airplane. Same goes here. You have to think positive to be positive. The happy people flaunting it? I suspect that's just happy people oozing happiness and positivity. It happens, just as unhappy people (like you seem to be) ooze unhappiness and negativity. Very few people want to be around negativity and unhappiness. Tends to put clouds on their day. Speaking of cloudy, rainy days: "Oh, it's gray and rainy" Choices: A. Boo hoo it's an ugly day. B. Yay! The crops are getting the water they need, and I don't have to spend money watering them. Find the silver lining. "Being surrounded by others who have their own families at younger." Yep, that's my best friend. I spend an evening at his place almost every weekend, with his child. Guess what I found? I'm not a children person. I go there for talks with him, and am okay with the child, but not spectacular. What have I learned? Family is nice, but it's probably not something I'm interested in; and I'm no good with children. "...easily snatched away by some new guy who just got hired". What are you looking at the women at work for? Really, work is the last place you should be looking for relationships. If (when) a relationship fails, it's like school, in that you still have to be around that person. The difference is that unlike school, in the work environment, the owners don't need the drama that leads to a reduction in productivity. The standard response is that one of you has to go. Guess who normally gets the "Nice knowing you. Goodbye!" (or at least get inconvenienced by getting transferred to another branch)? You guessed it, the guy. If you happen to find someone you like at work, great, but save any asking out for after you've moved on and are working for another company. That way, if it fails, you go your separate ways, and that's that. "Just a small pack of maybe 3 condoms. " Okay, she's getting laid. Good for her (I guess). But small pack of 3? She's not getting laid much. Condoms are like anything else, they get old and wear out, even by just sitting around. 3 could well be the "just in case" pack that most women likely carry, as a lot of men out there apparently don't think enough to bring their own and expect the woman to have them. It might be that she's not getting laid at all. A lot of times things are not at all as they seem on the surface. How about reading it like this: "She thinks enough of herself to take what measures she can to protect herself from possible diseases"? Sounds pretty respectable to me. Treating such an event like it was normal? Of course she did. Why? Because it is normal for a lot of people. " I even declined eggs my mom offered to make me this morning. " and you say you don't have support? Okay, so you're 30 and it sounds like you're living with your mom. You know what that tells me? It tells me that despite what you might think, you do have support. You're mother loves you. That's support. Plenty of people out there who got the boot from their parents at 18, or sent off to college and told "don't come back". Failure is going to happen a lot more than success. How to keep it from getting you down? Treat it not as a failure but as a learning opportunity. A "what happened and why, and what could have been done differently". One guy I knew went on interviews weather he needed a job or not, to keep the skills up. The last interview I went on, I made a horrendous mistake, knew it right away, and filed it away as a "don't do that again!" You could likely treat dating the same way. See a woman that's even remotely interesting? Chat her up, as the British say. Don't even think of this as leading to asking her out, just talk. Hell, I got into a conversation with a cashier the other day, not my type of woman -at all-, but we had a good interesting conversation, and it made me realize just how long it had been since I'd just had a talk with anyone like that. It's practice, and you'll need a lot of practice to obtain perfection. I agree with most of Spartan's advice, except maybe the learning about stuff you don't like. Surface knowledge, sure, like knowing who the idiot is, but there's no need to immerse yourself in a subject that you have no interest in. That's just wasting your time and basically making you someone you're not. Plenty of times I've seen what people call "news", scoffed, and walked away. If people are going to like you, they should like you for who you are, but it's kinda hard to like someone who is gloomy. Yesterday, I helped my friend move some stuff for a lifelong friend of his. I know her (we went to grade school together), but we weren't close at all. Still, after all day moving, we went back to his place and sat around and talked. Four people, her fiance was there, and guess who felt like the third wheel? Yup. Four people and yet I feel like the third wheel? Huh? I realized that I just didn't belong there, and while the whole "Oh, we're getting together tomorrow to hang out" was extended to me, I recognized it as half hearted, and was not at all surprised when the promised "we'll call" never materialized. Was I disappointed? A little. Do I let it bother me? Not at all. Hell, I told my friend that night "This is probably the last time I'll ever see her". Most likely true. So what? No big deal.
Atreyu Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Not that this is anyone's fault, but you clearly have no idea what kind of place this is, or the life I live. Granted, a lot of it is sound advice, and may even work if my situation was different. But none of it gives me any real hope. I have a block in my head which keeps me from doing any of that. And it's been there all my life. I don't know how to get rid of it. It would have to be forced out by someone else who knows what they're doing. By the way, I have worked out at the gym before. I ended up with a pretty nice build too. But it did nothing for me. Though I'd like to go back to the gym, I have neither the time, the money, nor the hope that it will change anything. This may sound weird, but watch the latest episode of My Little Pony, Maud Pie. I thought I had a personality similar to Fluttershy, but I discovered that I was more like Pinkie Pie's sister.
eAthena Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Pfff All we need is our 2D Girls they will never leave ous fk real girls all they do is talk -.-.
eAthena Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Pfff All we need is our 2D Girls they will never leave ous fk real girls all they do is talk -.-.
Sweatington Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I have a block in my head which keeps me from doing any of that. And it's been there all my life. I don't know how to get rid of it. One word: Meditation.
Atreyu Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 All that does is make me bored and make my ankles hurt.
Sweatington Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 All that does is make me bored and make my ankles hurt. Then you haven't done it enough/or doing it wrong. Why does your ankles hurt? you know you can meditate by even lying down in bed? you don't HAVE to sit in the traditional crossed legs stance.
maybenexttime Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Being single isn't THAT bad. I haven't been in a relationship since I first came to college. Relationships can be finicky, distracting and short. By no means am I discouraging you to not to pursue a relationship. But sometimes you just have to let it happen. Actually I think a lot of relationship occur that way anyway.
Atreyu Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 I don't know how to let it happen. I've been alive for 30 years with nothing happening. Shouldn't it have happened by now?
Sweatington Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Dunno what tips to give you that hasn't allready been said. Only got this left tbh.
maybenexttime Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I don't know how to let it happen. I've been alive for 30 years with nothing happening. Shouldn't it have happened by now? Well maybe than you might have to try I guess, I can't speak for everyone. Honestly, self evaluating yourself, is there anything that you can think of that may turn off a girl. Examples include bad habits, the way you dress, job, etc
Monsto Brukes Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Anyone else as miserable as I am on this most dreaded of days? I just got off work from walmart as a cashier checking out happy people buying heart shaped boxes and giant "love" cards, not to mention dozens of roses by which a couple have poked my hand with thorns. Plus on the way home, hearing the local rock station at some porn shop giving away a bunch of sex toys to those same happy couple who've been married 25 - 30 years. And now here I sit, hoping for some good news in the mail, but not holding my breath. Anyone else feeling (not "ever felt", but currently feeling) my pain? I know I'm tardy to this. . . but . . . giant cardboard hearts, prepacked mass produced candy and cheap chinese sex toys are not the hallmarks of a "good" relationship. want to meet more/different people? move to a different department. If your walmart is anything like the ones around here there's probably 300 ppl on payroll. There's probably people in other departments that you've never even seen let alone met. Move to a different department, stuff a sock in your pants, and meet chicks. It's a numbers game. I knew a guy, lived in miami... during the summer, when there's all kinds of parties on the beach etc, he'd walk up n down, chatting up females then after a couple minutes "you wanna fuck?" . . . he said the most he'd ever asked in one night was 12. And I knew the guy too . . . decidedly average looking. Not saying you have to do that, but the point is that if you want to be in the game, you gotta be in the game. I've told my sons "the woe is me shit ain't gonna get you laid." of course it's not about getting laid, it's about being with someone, and they knew that. . . but I was just making the point by being funny. Unless you're a 700lb neckbeard that uses pachouli deodorant, you got just as much chance as the next guy.
Atreyu Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Actually, I'm a 6'1" 200lb clean shaven guy with chiseled Scandinavian features(not my words either) whom still sports a frame developed from at least a year of lifting weights even after it's been a year since I last laid on a bench. But a lot of good that's done me. I still don't even get a second glance from women and I easily blend into the background and I often startle my coworkers because they didn't even know I was there.
ratrace Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 You're depressed, depression is the result of not achieving much. Your knowledge, wisdom and thoughtfulness is admirable.
Myst42 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Damn it is a sad sad life... Fuck that! Exactly that... Screw them happy couples! None of them even knows what love is anyway All they do is last a few months and then they break up If they're "lucky" they get married have children and then have a divorce cause they cant's stand each other Rubbing their ephemeral happiness to the faces of forever alone people (from now on F.A.P. - Sorry, no pun ill intended ) Shame on them You know... there are more F.A.P that you could count on. Millions of F.A.P all over the world If only they could find each other and note they are lonely too... It's not a easy matter But depression is not the way either People... they can SMELL needy If you're looking, you'll never find Stop caring and they'll come to you Wrong people are by the millions, only a few right ones. Not loosing hope and not looking needy and maybe one day things will work out Falling into depression and self-pity will only sink you more It's only with a positive attitude you can rise from the ashes It's not guaranteed you'll get laid right now. But at least it's not guaranteed your kill yourself. Depression ends inevitably in that. Hope at least gives you a chance. Look at LL Thousands of gamers. a lot of them lonely too, and a lot of them with some very sick sexual fetishes Meaning even the most weird of weirdos can have a place in the world Some claim to be women. some may be true, some may apply to the internet rule "there are no women on the internet" In the end, who the fuck cares? But the fact is lonely women DO exist On the internet is easy to find these people. On RL its a bit more complicated. But if freaks can find ourselves on a virtual space, it means that somewhere out in the real world, there are other freaks too Don't loose hope or you'll end in mysery
Atreyu Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Trying to make sense of that and can't. if you're in a prison that's been welded together around, and you have a perfect view of the world, how can you help but despair in the fact there's nothing that can be done? You want to break out of there, but the bars are welded in place with no doors or locks. That's what I have in my head. It's a block that impenetrable. The only way I know is to get professional help that I can't afford.
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