Atreyu Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 My problem is not having anyone to share those affections with and no idea how to meet them.
AKM Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Lots of us have that problem. In many cases, it stems directly from being in a rut. Doing the same thing, every day. Gotta change the routine. Go places. Do things. With people. There are a lot of lonely people out there, most of whom share the same basic issue of not doing what it takes to get what they say they're after. Who won't take a chance, even when the opportunity is presented to them. They sometimes simply won't see an opportunity for what it is until it's too late. Where I live, there's a local mini-newspaper that regularly posts events. Say there's nothing to do, and then look at that thing. There's all kinds of stuff to do, maybe it's not something you're super interested in, but, hey, you might meet someone. Here's another secret. Many people look for potential partners with similar interests. I don't know about you, but if my spouse were interested in all the same things I were, we'd spend wayyy too much time together. And if she did the same work I did, it would quickly lead to very limited conversations. "Perfect" is altogether not. Something many, particularly young people, forget. All that "Oh I want to spend so much time with him/her". Yeah, great. His/her company will get awful old, awful fast if you spend that much time together.
Pixie-K Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Personally, I enjoy dating, but I think I enjoy single life too much. Even in Skyrim I don't "marry" because it gives me a feeling of being "tied down" ....But then again, any serious relationships I've been in, it was usually me being breadwinner while he sits around being a piece of shit. It made me feel like I was playing mom to him.
AKM Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Personally, I enjoy dating Suit yourself! I find it to be a waste of time and especially money I don't have to spare on someone who in all likelihood will walk away. Yep, I've a rather negative opinion of dating. As I've said elsewhere, marriage changes a relationship. I think you're "tied down" feeling hits the nail on the head as to exactly how and why.
Pixie-K Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I find it to be a waste of time and especially money Haha I guess I failed to mention that I'm never the one paying, even if I demand that I pay. Even when I go to a club or bar alone, there's more than one person trying to buy for me. Recently an older gentleman decided he'd pay for a whole bottle of Grey Goose not even a whole 5 minutes after I walked in and sat down. Little did he know that I can hold my liquor with the best and not a mead hall in Skyrim wouldn't drink to my name
Atreyu Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I think the rut I'm stuck in is being stuck in my parents' house and not being able to afford an apartment. I'm trying to find a better job.
gvman3670 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 My problem is not having anyone to share those affections with and no idea how to meet them. Leave the house for starters. Socializing is the ONLY way to meet people. Computers, internet and games don't help much in that regard. Go to the bar, get "lubed up" with some alcohol, and start socializing with anyone who'll talk to you. Years ago I was always curious how a good friend of mine was able to score with as many women as he did. Like a couple a week or more. He told me the secret. He merely asked ever girl he saw if they wanted to fuck. I tried it myself and I must admit that it does work, and at least to some degree or another for anyone that uses this method. Some guys may score on 1 out of 3 and others on 1 out of 20, but even 1 out of 20 is better than not scoring at all!
Atreyu Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I don't drink and all that will do is give me a bad reputation and probably bruised balls from all the kicks I'd suffer.
deathparade Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I don't have any luck with anyone eitherCould be because i am an introvert...Related image:
gvman3670 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I don't drink and all that will do is give me a bad reputation and probably bruised balls from all the kicks I'd suffer. Come on, man! With that attitude you're gonna' be stuck forever right where you are at right now. Something's gotta' change since you yourself said that what you're doing isn't working. Now get out there and socialize. There really isn't any other option. And you don't have to get shitfaced drunk. I've found that the guy who can keep his shit together best at bar closing time is the guy who's mostly likely to get laid. There you go...free advice that took forever to learn firsthand!
Atreyu Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Must be nice to not have the fear of rumors spreading about you.
Kamen Rider Kuuga Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Yet you're fine with admitting stuff on the Internet... where rumors spread faster and turn vicious much faster. The fuck.
AKM Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Yeah, I agree there, you could fear what other people think. Or you could be like me, and say "I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, it's my bloody life, I'll live it the way I see fit." Must you really care what others think of you that much? Is it really going to affect your job, your possibilities of getting a better one, etc and so on all that much? And do you really want the barfly anyway??
Atreyu Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Ok, first off, what's a barfly? And you don't know how I am offline, but you would understand if you did. Anyway, yes I am admitting this stuff online because noone here knows anyone important in my area for it to make a difference. Besides that, this isn't my normal online name. If any rumors did spread, it would be contained on this site. If my real online name was questioned, I could just deny it. It's rumors in the REAL world spreading that I worry about.
AKM Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 As I've heard it a "barfly" is a person who hangs around bars looking for a new someone to go home with every night. Don't know for certain, as I don't frequent bars. Just not my scene. Notice my first sentience in the last post, though. I've been in public service professionally, and still am in public service voluntarily. Believe me, I have some idea of the importance of where the "Who cares" ends, and the "it's not reality, it's others' perception of what they think is real that matters" begins. It's an extension of the "guilty until proven innocent, and even then it doesn't matter because the seed of doubt has been sown and you'll never berid of it" mentality in this country. Just one more reason to hide under a rock and let others' perceptions guide who you are. I've been that way in the past, still am to some extent, am really surprised I found the wherewithall to get an account on this website, never mind post, and that's just the way it is. You want that sort of relationship, you must open yourself up to pain, and rumors, and etc and go through a lot of the previous before finding the "right one", or even a "compatible one". You must decide which is more important to you, finding that person you're happy with, or keeping everyone else happy. Point: You'll never keep everyone happy. Try to please everyone, and you'll please few, least of all yourself.
Atreyu Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 All of that leads me to a dead end, because I don't know how it can be any other way. I want to be happy AND not judged.
xartom Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Never saw Valentine's day as being something so important relationship wise but minus my immediate needs and philosophizing I don't care for much. The day after next is stomach ache day thanks to those candy sales. I can understand the pain of isolation but why dwell on it? I'm sure there are other things going well that can be used to address this problem eventually. As for me, I don't feel ready to date right now, have my own issues and imperfections to learn to deal with. Perhaps its like that for you too in your fear of being judged, it'll definitely take time to get over it. Things are bad right now, it's difficult to find work, so don't feel so bad, there's millions of lonely broke folk out there like you. Brokeness does help lead to loneliness (too broke for transport costs to see friends/go on dates/whatever). If you have access to transport imo you can still date; I'm sure there's people that will overlook living at home. If you can afford hobbies try meeting people through those if, not you could try setting up something with someone from or around your workplace. I wouldn't suggest craiglist though, that place is scary.
Atreyu Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 I would try setting something up if I knew they were interested. But I don't even know what interest looks like. From what I can tell, nothing you mentioned is possible.
gvman3670 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Must be nice to not have the fear of rumors spreading about you. Rumors? You're worried that someone would spread rumors that you're out socializing and getitng laid? Maybe even finding someone to connect with for a long haul? Those are rumors you should be able to live with. Unless you're living in an Amish community of course! You don't REALLY think being a normal person is rumor worthy, do you?
Atreyu Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Yes, I'm worried about at best being labeled an untrustworthy jiggalo. And what's wrong about people knowing I'm a normal person?
gvman3670 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Yes, I'm worried about at best being labeled an untrustworthy jiggalo. And what's wrong about people knowing I'm a normal person? Ummm, a "normal person" goes out and socializes, and most times makes connections with other people. Sitting around worrying about what people might say or think, especially in this case, isn't normal at all. It's rather odd actually. In fact, most normal people would think you're quite odd for not socializing and not having a good time. Life is short. Don't forget to actually live it.
AKM Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I've heard, and seen second hand, that one of the best ways to get anything, jobs, girlfriends, etc, is the let people know that you're looking. Sure, most people are in the end in it for themselves, but there are generally those capable and very willing to help others. Helping others feels good. By letting other people know what you're looking for, be it a job, or a girlfriend or whatever, you're expanding your base of looking. Tell yourself, that's one person. Tell someone else, and they may keep it in the back of their mind, and they may tell someone else who tells someone else, and so on. Pretty soon, you may find that the "rumor mill" is working for you, rather than against you. You never know when someone you mentioned to in passing that "Hey, I'm looking for a girlfriend" will run across someone else they know and think "Wait a minute, so-and-so said he was looking, and she might be a great fit. Do you know so-and-so? Seems like he might be your type, might want to meet him and find out". You've never met this woman, and never would have if it weren't for telling someone you were looking. The second hand? My parents met exactly this way. A mutual friend who said to one "Hey, I know so-and-so, and I think you two would get along really well. Forty or so years later, I think they were absolutely right. There are those who will be unhappy with various aspects of your life. I walked away from a very good woman a year and a half ago for a similar reason. Something society said "you should have X by Y time", well I don't have X, she did. While she wasn't thrilled, we kept talking. Various reasons, including that one, made me decide that continuing the relationship wasn't worth it. I've since very foolishly decided that any further pursuit with another woman will result in the same outcome until I take care of having X. While X is nice, it's not mandatory, and I know it.
Parky Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 When you are happy with yourself and treat others well, you be surprised how many people will want to be around you. If you doubt yourself, the people who like to put others down will be happy to help put you down. Nothing in life is without risk, that's just the way it is. I also highly recommend learning ballroom/Latin dancing. A great way to meet others and to learn social skills. that's how I meet my wife, not to mention quite a few other eligible candidates.
ТigегШооd Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Just up your game & remember: the 1st & most important prerequisite in finding a suitable woman is: CAN-SHE-COOK!? Jokes aside, I'm gonna have to disagree with the good people on this thread, relying on friends to spread the word that you "are looking" may well be your demise if you're after a hot, pretty & smart woman, as they will try to shut you down & try to grab her for themselves. Remember "Homo homini lupus" or "Man is a wolf to man". You say "I want to be happy AND not judged." Not possible, everyone, especially women, will always judge you. I shit you not they can literally tell how much testosterone & semen you got just by looking at your face. ps: You can find pretty smart girls at universities; and no matter how tempting it may be, never go for whores, or girls who fall too easily on their back!
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