Cheating. What are the Virtues You Live By?

[dagobaking]

I don't think cheating is being selfish. It's cowardly. Don't have the balls to live up to your own claims.

 

There is zero to be jealous of there either. The subject has been studied. Committed couples have more sex, enjoy sex more, live longer and happier lives.

 

Cheating may look great in some fleeting moment. But, it really ends up being the douche-bag in the movies that ditches his buddies in the foxhole to try and save himself, only to be shot first.

[KoolHndLuke]

It's always such a treat to hear people say "Fuck no! I will never, ever cheat on my husband/wife!!!" and then through some leaked photos or something they are caught doing that very thing. Look, saying that cheaters are cowardly scum is judging people much too harshly. A great many people (and many great people) have strayed in their commitments and found a way to work through it and stay together in relationships in particular. People are people and (sh)it happens. So get over your sanctimonious bullshit already because it is tiring to read at this point. Try approaching the subject with an open mind for a change since it is usually the people with very rigid views in life that start fights and wars just to prove themselves right/force there beliefs on others.

 

No one should think themselves beyond temptation or be put on a pedestal like that. And if you truly love someone, then you will understand that they are human and thus prone to mistakes- even cheating.

[KoolHndLuke]

21 minutes ago, Alkpaz said:

Something like this KHL? 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

My aunt pretty much. She repeatedly told me she felt "lost" all the time because she was afraid of what people might think of her "true" personality. Don't know if she ever got over that. I haven't had a private convo with her since then. Funny thing is that I really can't imagine her ever cheating on my uncle because he has such an inflated ego and it would devastate the illusion of perfection about his family that he has busted his ass to create/maintain. But who knows? She has always been a very attractive woman.

[n1ghthaunter]

While I've never cheated and never intend to, hate the idea, I can't say I wouldn't eventually cave if the situation presented itself. I've been with my partner near 10 years since school yet I can count the number of times me and my partner have had sex in the last year with just my thumbs. still don't need more then 2 hands if I push out to 2 years. Her contraception really messed with her hormones and destroyed her sex drive leaving me to spend many an hour infront of the computer. ?

[GrimReaper]

2 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

It's always such a treat to hear people say "Fuck no! I will never, ever cheat on my husband/wife!!!" and then through some leaked photos or something they are caught doing that very thing. Look, saying that cheaters are cowardly scum is judging people much too harshly. A great many people (and many great people) have strayed in their commitments and found a way to work through it and stay together in relationships in particular. People are people and (sh)it happens. So get over your sanctimonious bullshit already because it is tiring to read at this point. Try approaching the subject with an open mind for a change since it is usually the people with very rigid views in life that start fights and wars just to prove themselves right/force there beliefs on others.

 

No one should think themselves beyond temptation or be put on a pedestal like that. And if you truly love someone, then you will understand that they are human and thus prone to mistakes- even cheating.

Well the negative connotation is in the word itself, 'cheating' isn't an exactly neutral term, you know. There are people who aren't interested in monogamous relationships, and that's fine IF you make that clear from the start. Cheating, by definition, is always a 'me first' mindset. Which is generally fine but not when others have to suffer for your well-being.

 

Cheating doesn't only apply to relationships. You can cheat and be cheated on in many different ways. For example, someone could ask you to lend them a hundred dollars and promising you to pay it back when it's possible and then simply not do it. Nobody in their right mind would call that a personality trait that needs to accepted and tolerated. We're social animals, so our brains are inherently wired to a sense of fairness but to a much higher degree than other species. People tend to perceive it a negative thing when someone breaks an agreement, especially if it happens for selfish reasons. You need a good reason to not do what you've said you'd do otherwise people are going to call you a moron and move on. Hint, 'I felt like it', 'I was bored' or 'I wanted to' are generally considered not to be very good reasons.

[Z0mBieP00Nani]

KoolHndLuke

If you find staying faithful to the person you are with difficult then perhaps committed relationships and or marriage are not for you (not that marriage is a particularly good idea in most countries these days anyway). On the other hand it's best not to get tangled up in someone else's pussy (or to put it politely, their wife), because that's potentially a good way to get shot.

 

From a moral perspective, do you really want something like that on your conscience, especially if your neighbor has never done ill towards you? That would kind of make you a dick wouldn't it? I mean unless you have no issue with being a dick, then I guess that's fine, fill your boots, but I'm just saying...

[Z0mBieP00Nani]

On 1/21/2019 at 5:32 PM, n1ghthaunter said:

While I've never cheated and never intend to, hate the idea, I can't say I wouldn't eventually cave if the situation presented itself. I've been with my partner near 10 years since school yet I can count the number of times me and my partner have had sex in the last year with just my thumbs. still don't need more then 2 hands if I push out to 2 years. Her contraception really messed with her hormones and destroyed her sex drive leaving me to spend many an hour infront of the computer. ?

"Her contraception really messed with her hormones and destroyed her sex drive"

 

Ah, is that the cold cup of diarrhea she poured into your ear?

 

The sad truth is you're not alone. A lot of married men wind up in "sexless marriages". The thing about chicks is, their sex drive is not as strong as a man's in the first place, there have been polls done to see who has the most sex, gay male couples, gay female couples, or strait couples, and by FAR the couples who have the most sex are the gay male couples, in fact lesbian couples reportedly have so little sex that there has been a term coined for it called "lesbian bed death", another interesting poll has shown that men apparently watch more porn after they are married. Women, generally speaking, do not care about sex the way that men do, throw in old age and whatever and you can see where this is going.

 

The really shitty part for you is, because you (presumably) married this person she has no incentive to give you sex anymore, it's not like you can just pick up and leave without consequence because she isn't keeping up her end of the deal.. I mean you could, but then you have to worry about loosing (worse case scenario) all of your shit including the roof over your head to a frankly, misandric family court system.

 

No, more than likely she's just bored with sex (or at least bored with having sex with you) but she just doesn't have the courage to come out and say it (I mean this may come as a shock, but courage is not really something women are known for, that's why so many are so passive aggressive, and why they expect you to read their mind). Granted I don't know much about your situation in particular (I'm assuming you're in your early to mid 30's at the very least), but that's probably what's actually going on.

 

Somehow though, I think you already know all of this deep down.

 

It's sad, "love" is a very sad thing. All of the pleasant feelings early on are really just bait for what is essentially enslavement, and once the chains are locked in place, the carrot is taken away.

[dagobaking]

 

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Look, saying that cheaters are cowardly scum is judging people much too harshly.

I judged the act. It is clearly a cowardly act.

 

True that a person might redeem themselves to some degree in some other ways. But, even Benjamin Franklin hasn't entirely been let off the hook. And if he can't dig himself out of that hole, who do you think can?

Quote

So get over your sanctimonious bullshit already because it is tiring to read at this point. Try approaching the subject with an open mind for a change since it is usually the people with very rigid views in life that start fights and wars just to prove themselves right/force there beliefs on others.

Calling out cheating for what it is does not make a person likelier to force their beliefs on anyone else. But, I think my earlier point still rings true: the person that cheats is the same one that you can't count on to control their fear and have your back when it really counts. Matters in friendship, business and yes, war.

 

But, don't feel forced upon. Feel free to explain how not verbally calling off a committed relationship before sleeping with someone else is something other than cowardice.

 

[Darkening Demise]

Cheating just gets you onto yet another episode of some show on Investigation Discovery.

 

Cheating is like suicide it's selfish and only hurts those around you.

Also if you want to fuck someone else, leave the person you're with. No reason to drag them along the way.

[KoolHndLuke]

5 hours ago, dagobaking said:

the person that cheats is the same one that you can't count on to control their fear and have your back when it really counts. Matters in friendship, business and yes, war.

Many a brave and otherwise noble soul has succumbed to the burning desire in their heart and loins friend- usually with whom they have coveted for a time. Forbidden fruit sometimes makes it so much sweeter for some. If you want to be the fool that underestimates them, then that may be your undoing. Maybe they respect you and yours, maybe they don't. The fact is that if you have something(s) that others may want, then at least some of them will try to take it by whatever means they feel might work and if your not looking for that or expect it even from those that you think you can trust, you are in for a very nasty surprise or two in life. But to think that you can determine a person's character so easily is sheer folly. Take conquering leaders for example, do you think they respected the marriage of anyone when they took a town or city? Were they cowards when they took a married woman (or man) into their beds? Were they thieves since the married woman or man supposedly belonged to someone else?

[dagobaking]

4 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Many a brave and otherwise noble soul has succumbed to the burning desire in their heart and loins friend- usually with whom they have coveted for a time.

By definition, someone who has wanted to do something for a long time but neglected that entire time to be honest to their wife about it is engaging in a cowardly act.

 

You wrote it yourself "otherwise noble". Similar to "also ran". Whatever other good they might do in life, you could never accurately say that they were a good husband.

4 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Forbidden fruit sometimes makes it so much sweeter for some. If you want to be the fool that underestimates them, then that may be your undoing.

Why would that be my undoing? There is a large number of people who don't have this weakness. It's not difficult to rely on more consistent people when it comes to relationships and business dealings.

 

If anything is going to be an undoing it will be trusting people who have proven to not be trustworthy.

4 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Maybe they respect you and yours, maybe they don't. The fact is that if you have something(s) that others may want, then at least some of them will try to take it by whatever means they feel might work and if your not looking for that or expect it even from those that you think you can trust, you are in for a very nasty surprise or two in life. But to think that you can determine a person's character so easily is sheer folly.

I didn't say that not cheating automatically makes a person good and reliable.

4 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Take conquering leaders for example, do you think they respected the marriage of anyone when they took a town or city? Were they cowards when they took a married woman (or man) into their beds? Were they thieves since the married woman or man supposedly belonged to someone else?

I'm pretty sure that "taking" a person into a bed isn't just cheating. That's rape.

 

Are you asking for points toward accepting cheating because you think rapists aren't cowards?

[KoolHndLuke]

14 hours ago, dagobaking said:

I'm pretty sure that "taking" a person into a bed isn't just cheating. That's rape.

 

Are you asking for points toward accepting cheating because you think rapists aren't cowards?

Following your logic, then anyone who has fantasies about cheating with someone's wife or husband or about rape for that matter are cowardly scum. Correct? Does this apply to everyone here on LL who likes those kinds of things in their game as well? Or would you like to change that very rigid, condescending opinion for the sake of not offending some people here that may or may not use your mods? 

 

And don't try to say that it only applies to people that act on those fantasies either. You were condemning the lot my friend.

[dagobaking]

20 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Following your logic, then anyone who has fantasies about cheating with someone's wife or husband or about rape for that matter are cowardly scum. Correct? Does this apply to everyone here on LL who likes those kinds of things in their game as well? Or would you like to change that very rigid, condescending opinion for the sake of not offending some people here that may or may not use your mods? 

 

And don't try to say that it only applies to people that act on those fantasies either. You were condemning the lot my friend.

Fantasizing about things that don't actually exist or that you have no intention of acting upon is not the same thing at all. I did not condemn that [though I do in fact think some fantasies are condemnable as well to be honest].

 

And am I reading this correctly that you think I should change my opinion just in case someone might be offended and not use my mod?

[KoolHndLuke]

6 minutes ago, dagobaking said:

Fantasizing about things that don't actually exist or that you have no intention of acting upon is not the same thing at all. I did not condemn that.

But you did. You said it is in their character to be cowardly and untrustworthy if anyone has ever committed adultery or rape. It would follow that anyone that has those fantasies are also such as you described- would it not?

[dagobaking]

1 minute ago, KoolHndLuke said:

But you did. You said it is in their character to be cowardly and untrustworthy if anyone has ever committed adultery or rape. It would follow that anyone that has those fantasies are also such as you described.

Not what I said. Read again.

 

It does not follow that fantasy is the same thing as acts. Just the opposite, someone resisting a tempting situation is an example of having willpower and strength.

 

And seriously, you trust rapists? With what?

[KoolHndLuke]

5 minutes ago, dagobaking said:

Not what I said. Read again.

No, your opinion and meaning are clear to me- as it would be to anyone else reading it. You can't judge the Fox for acting like a Fox. You are judging the Fox for being a Fox.

[dagobaking]

2 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

No, your opinion and meaning are clear to me- as it would be to anyone else reading it. You can't judge the Fox for acting like a Fox. You are judging the Fox for being a Fox.

What is clear here is that you are feeling a need to try and write my arguments for me.

 

Sorry. No. Fantasizing and actually committing a physical act are not the same thing at all.

 

And I think that is a pretty important point to maintain on this site. Because it leads right into the question of: Is this site about fiction and behavior that people may not condone in real life? Or, is it a guide book and encouragement for unethical if not illegal behavior?

[Z0mBieP00Nani]

On 1/21/2019 at 5:32 PM, n1ghthaunter said:

While I've never cheated and never intend to, hate the idea, I can't say I wouldn't eventually cave if the situation presented itself. I've been with my partner near 10 years since school yet I can count the number of times me and my partner have had sex in the last year with just my thumbs. still don't need more then 2 hands if I push out to 2 years. Her contraception really messed with her hormones and destroyed her sex drive leaving me to spend many an hour infront of the computer. ?

On 1/22/2019 at 1:06 AM, Z0mBieP00Nani said:

"Her contraception really messed with her hormones and destroyed her sex drive"

 

Ah, is that the cold cup of diarrhea she poured into your ear?

 

The sad truth is you're not alone. A lot of married men wind up in "sexless marriages". The thing about chicks is, their sex drive is not as strong as a man's in the first place, there have been polls done to see who has the most sex, gay male couples, gay female couples, or strait couples, and by FAR the couples who have the most sex are the gay male couples, in fact lesbian couples reportedly have so little sex that there has been a term coined for it called "lesbian bed death", another interesting poll has shown that men apparently watch more porn after they are married. Women, generally speaking, do not care about sex the way that men do, throw in old age and whatever and you can see where this is going.

 

The really shitty part for you is, because you (presumably) married this person she has no incentive to give you sex anymore, it's not like you can just pick up and leave without consequence because she isn't keeping up her end of the deal.. I mean you could, but then you have to worry about loosing (worse case scenario) all of your shit including the roof over your head to a frankly, misandric family court system.

 

No, more than likely she's just bored with sex (or at least bored with having sex with you) but she just doesn't have the courage to come out and say it (I mean this may come as a shock, but courage is not really something women are known for, that's why so many are so passive aggressive, and why they expect you to read their mind). Granted I don't know much about your situation in particular (I'm assuming you're in your early to mid 30's at the very least), but that's probably what's actually going on.

 

Somehow though, I think you already know all of this deep down.

 

It's sad, "love" is a very sad thing. All of the pleasant feelings early on are really just bait for what is essentially enslavement, and once the chains are locked in place, the carrot is taken away.

 

By they way, I would also add that if your wife ever comes to you with the idea of having an open marriage, that's when it's time to make plans for your departure, because what she is doing is shopping for a new dick, and chances are pretty good that she already has one in mind that she has been riding the whole time anyway. This is especially true for anyone who is in a committed relationship but isn't married, if you aren't swingers and that wasn't part of the deal to begin with, the lines "baby, I think we should see other people" or "I want an open relationship" should be met with, "I'm breaking up with you" or "we're done" or "get out", do not stay with a chick like that, and do not take her back.

 

If you're married, what you should do in that case is wait for her to find the new dick she's looking for and going steady with it, and then divorce her, or better yet let her divorce you. The reason I say this is because it can increase your chances of having a more reasonable divorce because she will feel that she has a safe place to land, and because of that she will be less likely to come after you for everything she can get, this is especially true if the new guy makes more money and has nicer things than you. Let him be the one to take that mistake off your hands, and after the fact...

 

DON'T GET MARRIED AGAIN!

 

Don't do it.

 

Don't be another dog returning to it's own vomit. Just don't do it.

 

That's ultimately why Robin Williams wound up leaning into a belt in his closet by the way (though hardly anyone wants to talk about that part).

[SameOldScum]

On 1/22/2019 at 12:37 AM, KoolHndLuke said:

1) Look, saying that cheaters are cowardly scum is judging people much too harshly. A great many people (and many great people) have strayed in their commitments and found a way to work through it and stay together in relationships in particular. People are people and (sh)it happens.

 

2) So get over your sanctimonious bullshit already because it is tiring to read at this point. Try approaching the subject with an open mind for a change since it is usually the people with very rigid views in life that start fights and wars just to prove themselves right/force there beliefs on others.

 

3) No one should think themselves beyond temptation or be put on a pedestal like that. And if you truly love someone, then you will understand that they are human and thus prone to mistakes- even cheating.

1) The cheaters themselves might not be cowardly scum (after all we're more complicated to be simply categorized by taking the act out of context), but the act itself is almost certainly cowardly, dishonest and generally pretty shitty behaviour. I despise cheating in the almost entirety of cases. The only exceptions might be for revenge (he/she cheated on you first and you're bitter about it), or if you find the terms of the relationship unbearable, provided however in both cases that you then leave your partner, period, no excuses. One or both of you have still committed a gross breach of trust and intimacy, a textbook betrayal, and there is no reason to continue being together, that'd be bullshitting each other and further shitting on the respect you may once have had, aside from the fact that it's insulting, to say the least. And whether many people of people of quality do it is irrelevant. No one's questioning the fact that we have needs, but being able to resist them is what we do or try to do. And if you can't resist a primal need to stick your dick in someone else when you're pledged to another, maybe you deserve neither.

 

2) I've heard people say that before, generally the most hypocritical ones. Those who condemn everything while actively doing it. I can understand why someone might cheat, and if provided the proper context I might even agree with them, but that doesn't change the fact that you still did it, and there are consequences for that. I've heard every and all kind of excuses, believe me, and they are almost always laughable, dishonest or sexist, and even the excuses I do understand or outright condone/approve of don't make the act itself look any better. It's still cheating, it's still betrayal, and it's not something to be taken lightly.

 

3) No one's questioning the fact that you have needs and that you get tempted. I've almost cheated on my (now ex) girlfriend too, I came really, really close, but I didn't. I still left her, because I thought it would be the right thing to do (I could explain my mental process, but I'd rather not, it's not something I'm very proud of). Thing is, yeah, even if it is indeed a mistake, it's still some pretty bad shit. Now there are people who condone cheating and forgive their partners, and if that works for them, fair enough. I do however think that there cannot be the same level of trust there might have been before. I don't think you can expect everyone to agree with your point for that exact reason: some people forgive a heinous act, some don't, and for very good reasons. Just because it's a mistake, doesn't mean you shouldn't suffer for it, or simply pay the consequences.

[KoolHndLuke]

Fine, I concede my arguments. It is quite evidently NOT a subject to be discussed or forgiven- even here on LL. In all honesty I have only cheated twice in my life and regret doing it both times because it cost me dearly and I did feel like shit for betraying their trust. You can look all you want, but don't touch is the lesson I learned. I will just lament that it seems that all the "good ones" are taken already and I should have been playing the field when I was much younger.

 

Thank you for everyone's responses regardless of your opinion on the subject. I do not think any less of anyone and hope they might extend me the same courtesy even if I was wrong.

 

Please lock the thread.

[dagobaking]

It's all good KoolHnd.

 

Nobody is perfect and I don't think anyone is saying not to forgive. That's different than suggesting that the act might not be bad. Your good heart knows the truth, so follow it!

[nonusnomeni]

must quote my cousin married for 75y

"she was give to me her virginity how i can cheat

she give me her youth and beauty how i can cheat

i am her first and last so she will be my first and last"

 

bigger slut (male or female) before marriage = lesser time before cheating happen (and it WILL happen)

 

 

 

 

[n1ghthaunter]

On 1/24/2019 at 4:38 AM, Z0mBieP00Nani said:

 

  Hide contents

 

 

 

By they way, I would also add that if your wife ever comes to you with the idea of having an open marriage, that's when it's time to make plans for your departure, because what she is doing is shopping for a new dick, and chances are pretty good that she already has one in mind that she has been riding the whole time anyway. This is especially true for anyone who is in a committed relationship but isn't married, if you aren't swingers and that wasn't part of the deal to begin with, the lines "baby, I think we should see other people" or "I want an open relationship" should be met with, "I'm breaking up with you" or "we're done" or "get out", do not stay with a chick like that, and do not take her back. 

 

If you're married, what you should do in that case is wait for her to find the new dick she's looking for and going steady with it, and then divorce her, or better yet let her divorce you. The reason I say this is because it can increase your chances of having a more reasonable divorce because she will feel that she has a safe place to land, and because of that she will be less likely to come after you for everything she can get, this is especially true if the new guy makes more money and has nicer things than you. Let him be the one to take that mistake off your hands, and after the fact...

  

DON'T GET MARRIED AGAIN!

 

Don't do it.

 

Don't be another dog returning to it's own vomit. Just don't do it.

 

That's ultimately why Robin Williams wound up leaning into a belt in his closet by the way (though hardly anyone wants to talk about that part).

 

A fair enough assumption on what info I gave and if things were heading that way I'd probably make similar decisions, I'd likely hold until I ended it with my partner before sleeping with another chick to keep the moral high ground over her and I know of one or two girls who would likely welcome the opportunity although I can't see that happening any time soon as some of your assumptions are fortunately not accurate.

 

 

Mid 20's, unmarried and while we do have a mortgage, she put down 2 thirds of the deposit last year and we set up a separate join account for our bills which we both pay into but keep our own respective accounts so I have my money, she has hers. So I'm not locked in to the relationship in any other way then the mortgage itself. Also we don't go out much so barring her job or our elderly neighbour drilling a glory hole into our cupboard and renting out access to that cupboard she does not have the opportunity to come across different D. So there is no opportunity for infidelity and it is pretty much just her drive and thus my sex life that's fucked. And for better or worse, I am 100% of her sexual experience with a partner.  She's never been with another man (or woman).

 

So going full circle I'm happy with most of my life and so when the option for cheating is there, I would like to think I wouldn't because of the ramifications to the rest of my life but at the same time I would likely have a weak resistance to anothers advances due to how little I've got in recent years.

[Clea Strange]

Messing around with someone who is taken is messed up and is crossing the line, that is just cowardly, disrespectful to the spouse of person you are messing around with. Very low if you think it is ok to go and 

get with someone who is taken. Not everyone cheats on their significant other, their are those who are loyal/faithful to who they are with and never stray. Not everyone goes around messing with someone elses spouse, because they are respectful and know better and don't cross that line. You have many people who are in a relationship that is just one person and that is it and are quite happy with that. Then you have those who are in a open relationship and just fine with that as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[2dk2c.2]

Do cheaters run around saying they cheat?

Once in a while I watch a game-show channel where they survey 100 people and you're supposed to guess the majority response.

Do priests tattle, 

Do men cheat and lie about it,

Do (whatever)

I'm gonna say "lower,"  Don.