Why I removed Captured Dreams and my other mods..

[Kite4433]

First time poster here, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your mod Captured Dreams. One of my top 3 favorite mods infact. The story telling, the style, everything was top notch. I totally understand why you're doing this. Captured Dreams was a hugely popular mod and even despite issues I still enjoyed it immensely. You took down the files because you don't want to continue developing it and you don't want other people to continue it. You don't owe me or anyone anything and I understand wanting to stop development on such a popular mod as it is a large time and energy commitment. I'm sorry to hear about your health problems and I wish you the best.

 

I understand making a point that the mod is dead by taking down the files. However a lot of us really enjoyed it. Is there anyway you would consider reuploading the files for posterity basically. With the caveat and FULL disclosure that this mod is now AS-IS not to be modified, no longer supported and NOT to be continued in any way without the author's express permission? Basically whats there is there and it will NOT be continued. There are still many other mods that have soft integration with CD as well. I'm really kicking myself because while I did download the mod I did not download the Skyrim SSE files that would enable me to run it on SSE bugs and all. The SSE conversion files by blyss4226 are what I need. Many of us really enjoyed your mod and it saddens me to see it taken away forever. Please consider what I've had to say, thank you.

[zenetx]

I don't know how much you care about the words of someone you've never seen or even remember talking to, but I trully wish all your Dreams come true.

 

Take care friend.

[KuroDesu]

I am deeply sorry to hear that you are suffering severe health issues. I have personally greatly enjoyed CD and would continue to miss the good times that it has brought me. Thank you for the great work!

Mental health issues are truly severe problems that destroys a person over time, so I totally understand and respect the decision you have made. Though you have mentioned that the condition are unlikely to improve, I truly hope that in the future the community would see you turn positive again!

[DM_5]

I am sorry to hear that life has been so hard for you, Veladarius. I hope that in time you can recover and return to modding, if you want.

 

Thank you for all the hard work you put into CD and the Skyrim modding scene!

[Stev333125]

Hey there dude, I just wanted to let you know a few things. You're not alone in your struggle: I myself suffer from schizophrenia, as well as depression and anxiety. I really enjoyed your mods and was looking forward to more updates, but not at the expense of your health. Take care of yourself, and I hope to talk to you again on this site.

[DarmanSejuk]

On 8/26/2019 at 2:24 AM, Veladarius said:

As far as my mental health it is likely not going to change. The only anti-depressant that works for me also causes anxiety and previous medications I have taken have done permanent damage to me (physically and mentally). Right now my choice with the anti-depressant is take 1 dose a day (currently doing) and have the swings in mood be slower but depression is a lot worse or take 2 doses a day and have the mood swings more often, more physical side effects and possibly have anxiety attacks just sitting at home instead of just when I leave the house but have the depression be a bit less severe.

 

In the past year and a half I have tried over a dozen different medications, more than double that in the last four. My psychiatrist (works for a university both in their hospital and sees patients individually and is a senior doctor there) has exhausted the medications that are used to treat my conditions as well as ones that are not made specifically for my problems but have some effect on them and has said that I am pretty much stuck where I am. I am considered completely disabled and unable to work and collect Social Security Disability (I would rather be working as I can easily make 2x - 3x what I get from it but it pays the mortgage). I take things day by day and do what I need to to get through to the next, it is what it is.

I have a friend that's having the same issues. I hope that you find something to help. 

[SabrinaPurple]

So sad to see Captured Dreams go! I really enjoyed the mod and it was one of my favorites, but I understand your reasons and modding Skyrim can be a bitch and limitations to the engine might get in the way. Thank you so much Veladarius! It's also sad to hear that you struggle with your mental health, and the medications you get have bad side effects. I feel really bad for you, and your health should always come first so don't worry about modding anytime soon, just do it when you feel like it. Thank you so much for your great mods and I wish you the best Veladarius!

[whatto51]

Your mod is great, you gave us many happy hours, but it's nothing compared to your health. The only reason to hope it will be back is it would mean you're good. I wish you the best, for your health and your happiness.

Thank you for everything

[zhangjianfeimakarlow]

On 2019/8/26 at PM5点24分, Veladarius said:

就我的心理健康而言，它可能不会改变。对我有效的唯一抗抑郁剂也引起焦虑，我服用过的药物对我造成了永久性伤害（身体和精神上）。现在我选择服用抗抑郁药每天服用1剂（目前正在服用）并且情绪波动较慢但抑郁情绪较差或每天服用2剂，情绪波动较多，身体侧面较多只是坐在家里，而不仅仅是当我离开房子，但抑郁症有点不那么严重时，可能会产生焦虑症。

 

在过去的一年半中，我尝试过十几种不同的药物，比过去四种药物的两倍多。我的精神科医生（在他们的医院为一所大学工作并且单独看病人并且是那里的高级医生）已经用尽了用于治疗我的病症的药物以及那些不是专门针对我的问题而且对我的问题有所影响的药物。他们并说我几乎陷入了困境。我被认为是完全残疾，无法工作和收集社会保障残疾（我宁愿工作，因为我可以很容易地赚取2x - 3倍我得到的，但它支付抵押贷款）。我日复一日地做事，做我需要的东西来接通下一个，就是这样。

Maybe you may not continue to work, but I wish you good health. If there is no better choice, you can try Chinese medicine. Local treatment is expensive but long, but with few side effects. No matter what treatment method, the most important thing is to have an optimistic attitude.

[Lyreal]

Sad to hear that @BVeladarius, I...We wish you the best for your health and that you find a cure for your BPAD whatever that will be.

 

But why dont you - just an idea- dont you give your mods up to adoption? Im sure here are many who would like to take care about them.

[t.ara]

Hello Veladarius.

 

You know for best that this "action" is NOT necessary.

I like to see your MOD beside all the other stuff as well for a download.

Not important how GOOD or BAD a mod is, it´s a sort of art-if we make LITTLE small things, or if we do create a MONSTER-MOD like we have with 

DD Captured Dreams, DD-family, SexLab, Maria-Eden and all the 100´s ,....and far more.

CD is a monument of LL and I would please you to let it alive.

 

But I would not like to see for example ZAP (my versions) going offline.

It´s artwork-all this around here is very sensitive artwork and this page (LL) helps your work, to be alive for probably a lot of years.

Pull off the head of the sable and simply return.

If you can not answer to the questions and problems inside the thread, let others give an answer. 

You always have been with the most personal help in that thread-that was crazy.

 

The things you made now rest onto your computer.....maybe on another server....even in that case,

if you do NOTHING any more your work is HIGHLY POPULAR, you trashed work-your work, work of your past.

 

And if you can really not come back, (because of your health?!)

let me know if you´d like to have your mod´s location and maybe some textures/assets as a memorial for the community inside of the ZAP-WORLD.

It would be amazing to build up a "virtual"  Captured Dreams-ISLAND for you.

 

 

 

This here:

 

 ..."It was time to remove them and let others take their place and there are some very promising ones out there. My mods will not be coming back and I want them to stay gone, their time has passed."

 

..., this statement is a result of a wrong conclusion and leads into this sad action.

Your artwork is not outdated. Absolutely NOT.

Skyrim SE-support is something for modders, who like to port your mod-it´s a "show-version of skyrim for the PS4". I would not notice this a 1/1000-part of a second for that request to port it to SE.

I do not see any mod that can reach the quality of CD-"...there´s something "promising"... " is a nice guest from you, really nice;-)

 

[Veladarius]

With the state the last version of CD was in (last several really) there were a number of core mechanics that were broken or easily broken (especially if people's scripting environment was in poor shape due to errors and such) and things that Skyrim could not handle well (force greets being the biggest cause of issues and was 100% Skyrim). The list of things I need ed to fix, change or update was well over 2 pages in notepad (with 1 item per line). I felt that it was just hanging there twisting in the wind and I was developing a lot of negative feelings about it and my other mods (most of which were not even working right with DD v3 for me personally with a minimal mod list).

 

 

The only offer of assistance was some time ago to help update device scripts ()which I accepted and told what I needed) and never heard back from them again.

 

As for letting it go, I can't. I have put too much of myself into this - the whole blood, sweat and tears thing but the last major update was made when my mother went into hospice care and passed away less than a week later and that update was all I had to keep me together.

 

 

IF (and this is a really, really big IF). IF I can get my head together enough to start modding again I would start over with CD and rebuild it from the ground up but there would be a lot of changes.

[mindydoll]

First I'm sorry for your lost.  Thank you so much for the work you have done. I love captured dreams and your other mods. I hope things get better for you.

[DarkRose]

thanks Vel for your great mods. they were a lot of fun to play and had great storytelling. CD was always in my plays. i miss you. take care of you and get better and may your wishes come true

[genjurooo]

Feels bad man. I still have it activated.

[radbomber]

Sorry to hear about your predicament. Thank you for all of your work and hoping you the best. 

[kodamant]

your stuff was a godsend. i hope you overcome whatever challenges your having in your life, no matter how long it takes! CD will allays hold a place on my load order if i can help it

[Vexxi]

I don't know how much of a welcome a post from someone that literally just lurks and looks for mods will be received, but I am saddened to see you go. I struggle with depression as well, but not this severely. That said, I understand, even if only a little. I wish upon you good health, and hopefully advancements in mental healthcare will happen enough to a point where you can lead a better life some day. Stay strong, aye? And thanks for the amazing mods.

[Harvald]

We'll miss you, we already miss you.  And I especially cause you do things I can't do, I nearly can't understand how they work. i wouldn't even understand your notepad notes. But please don't remove your mods. There is more art in, than even you can imagine and I can recognize art if iI see it. I saw many moddrs go and the knowlege that disapeard with them. Leave the mods so that the younger ones can even learn how to do it. 

 

I wish you all the best and please do not feel pressured, because this was not my intention. We are waiting for you and we are here. Good luck and find a better day every day.

[Mathrue]

Congratulations on taking a decisive attitude. CD is a really charming mod with a strong narrative; like others, I still have it in my load order. But the world is figuratively and literally much bigger than Skyrim, and there are surely many other parts of your life you can focus on that will bring you more joy than CD does now. ❤️ Meanwhile, unlike the other valiant modders in this thread I bored myself to death after 2 hours of tutorials, so I'll just pray for a worthy successor to CD, for TES6 if it can't make it in time for this generation.

[DoctorFateMX]

Dude, I am sorry to see you go. But if you need to take some time off (however long that might be) then you need time off. Relax, disconnect (or maybe just play some games and let others do the modding). I personally want to thank you for your mods, especially CD, which is one of my favourite mods. You are responsible for adding a couple of hundred hours to my Skyrim playtime  , and they have been very enjoyable. 

I truly hope to see you around the forums in the future, even if it is as a regular user. 

Best of luck and know you and your work are appreciated. 

 

Doc Fate

[pnutz78]

Hi Vel,

 

I am really sorry to hear about the state of your health and I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart. Your mod was the first kinky mod I ever played on skyrim, really got me into the DD side of things big time so many years ago. The immersion of the relationship with the master was really very, very well crafted. I do struggle myself with depression and anxiety attacks and at some point had to quit my job and make some fundamental changes to my life. While medication continues to play a role it was no the factor that helped me finding a new equilibrium in my life. If opportunity presents itself to step back from some of your daily routines and make some major changes to your day-to-day, do it- it may be a liberating experience. Thank you very much for all the wonderful times you gave to many so players for so many years.

[Yuni]

Could we have JUST "cock cages for devious devices" back? That one worked fine and it was the only adaptation of Vivi's cock cages for DD I can find, Vivi even links directly to the deleted mod in their own mod description. Or at least let someone else upkeep it, it's a very simple adaptation, and LoversLab does give the option to just let the community or anyone else upkeep/have ownership of a mod. Maybe even let Vivi have stewardship?

I know it works fine, because I still USE it, with Devious Devices version 4.3a, or what have you. I'm just terrified that if my hard drive dies it will go with it, so I have it backed up on Mega.

[Loveryus]

On 8/22/2019 at 3:56 PM, Veladarius said:

depression and anxiety.

Hi Veladarius, when I played Skyrim with all the kinky rape mods intensely I realized that I started to connected sex with violence and started to shiver uncontrollably when real girls were close to me and flirting. Since I stay away from these (mostly) and do sports I feel much better. I have more realistic beauty standards and don't hate myself as much as I used to at the time. Even that shivering problem is gone. You probably know more about this than me. Just wanted to share my experience with porn addiction. As you can see I still don't have it under control as I'm browsing LL and commenting on this. ?

[ritalmao]

just let someone else take over those mods