Why I removed Captured Dreams and my other mods..

[Veladarius]

I feel I owe people an explanation as to why I did this. I know a lot of people liked the mods, supported them (even in the state they were in) and are disappointed that they are gone. It was not an easy decision for me but one that I felt needed done for a number of reasons.

 

Personally my mental state and health has pretty much killed any desire or ability to work on the mods (and they needed a lot of work to get them current and working better).  Medications have not worked and some have damaged my physical health and I am still currently considered disabled and unable to work. My Psychiatrist has exhausted every possible medication to try and has also determined that I am not Bi-Polar as we had originally thought for one reason - I do not have the 'positive' or 'happy' times that people with Bi-Polar get in addition to the down times so I only have the negative, he thinks it is a connection between my depression and anxiety. I had been working on rebuilding the Manor Slave portion and was on the 5th rebuild when I finally gave up (over a year ago). Each time I became more and more discouraged until I had nothing left. From then up until June I barely played Skyrim as it held very little interest for me any more. In June I built a new PC, moved the drive containing my Steam directory and all of my mods and such to the new pc and still have not even finished resetting things in my mod manager (it was on a different drive so I have to redo some things in it). I have set up Fallout 4 as I had gotten into playing it out of habit and still do (just over 6300 hours at this point) and don't use any adult mods or quest mods either.

I won't go into the drama (public or private) as it is over and there is no need to bring it up. What happened happened and I take responsibility for my role in it all.

 

As far as the state of Captured Dreams and the other mods go regarding DD itself, all of them needed updating to v4.x. The easiest way for this to happen would be a TESVEdit script that could copy a script and its properties to selected items. My other option was to rebuild the Inventory devices by building one of each item type then copying it to replace the other Inventory items of that type. Either of those would require updating of a lot of the properties for each device especially the custom ones. Rebuilding the items would also mean updating the properties on all of the scripts that called on them directly. With close to 200 items (I believe, I don't remember the exact count any more) it is a lot of tedious and boring work. Most all of them, even running v3, still have problems that needed fixing regarding the devices.

Another issue with Captured Dreams is Skyrim itself, particularly with force greets. I figured out why CD would try and repeat scenes that ended in a force greet, for anyone who is having issues with them still the problem is that if there is ANY player dialogue options on screen when the transition from the force greet dialogue to the next part then it will repeat as Skyrim does not detect that the scene containing the force greet ended properly and will replay the scene from the start. The transition in Property Slave from the mine to the smithy, particularly when going from the barracks basement to the smithy itself there is a line of dialogue that does not clear on its own. It can be manually cleared by hitting enter at any point before the move to the smithy happens at which point it will work fine. I was able to repeat this reliably but could not find a fix for it. Other force greet endings move too fast or enable the player controls before Skyrim detects that it ended and why when controls are disabled you go wandering off as Skyrim wants to go and end it properly but generally can't. There are several hundred force greets in CD and if scenes and dialogue worked in Skyrim as they do in FO4 this issue would never happen. Yes only having 4 dialogue options sucks but there are ways around it. I had considered doing something for FO4 but was in full burnout at that point.
 

For the Masses needed rebuilt completely - again. I came up with a system so it handled npc's one at a time to eliminate the shock of having dozens (possibly hundreds) of calls for DD to equip devices on people. The reason why it is script intensive  is because there is no easy way to pull keywords from devices, it actually has to place an item there and call on the object itself (at least that is how it worked when I used it last) and several methods of checking devices or finding them requires this (especially when working with the 'Generic' functions. Of course when you have to cycle through various objects it takes a lot of time to do, multiply this times however many npc's are getting items and it can bring things to a crawl or kill your game completely. Since it works whenever a cell is loaded that has npc's that need devices even if it isn't adding items it can still cause stutters. As a side note I use the Dev Aveza airship mod and constantly had it stop due to lag spikes (it has a threshold of 100ms) and was constantly getting stopped even though I ran 60 fps while flying. Disabling FtM reduced the issue slightly but it turned out that SOS gave it just enough of a spike to stop it (around a 120ms spike from about 40ms). I had to alter the Dev Aveza mod to disable the threshold stoppage, I get a slight pause every so often but it works very well otherwise.

 

 

 

It has bugged me for some time that I left the mods in the states they were in, I was hoping to fix them but I had been deluding myself for the last year as they would not be fixed. I had issues with them using v3 even knowing all the places that there were issues and how to generally work around them. I can't imagine how bad it could get with mixing v3 and v4 scripts especially with SSE (well I can a bit from the frustration of people posting their problems, most of which I knew of and had posted workarounds before). I felt the mods (CD in particular) were holding back development of DD and other DD mods. It was time to remove them and let others take their place and there are some very promising ones out there. My mods will not be coming back and I want them to stay gone, their time has passed.

 

 

I want to thank everyone that has supported me from the start, both modders and players, with their help and encouragement.

 

Thank you all,

Veladarius

[Laura]

Thank you for everything. You gave us something amazing.

I learnt most of what I know about modding from you. Without you, my mod wouldn't exist.

 

Thank you so much. I wish you the best. ❤️

[Gräfin Zeppelin]

I dont know what to say but I wanted to let you know I read what you posted. Thanks alot for your efforts, in my case Captured Dreams particular and I wish you well.

[Slorm]

Long time no speak, but thank you for all the work you put into CD Veladarius. I truly hope that things improve for you and wish you all the very best for the future.

 

Those of us with long memories will never forget you and your wonderful contributions to the mods here.

[Mez13a]

Dang, I just heard high praise of your Captured Dreams mod when I was asking around for good lewd quest mods. Well, hope you change your mind someday. Have a good one.

[Kimy]

I makes me sad to see you go. Captured Dreams was the mod that got me interested in DD back then, and I have been a fan of it ever since. I am not even sure I'd have stayed on LL for long, had it not literally captured me. It was way ahead of its time and you deserve all the kudos in the world for making it, and putting so much love into it. Thank you!

 

I wish you all the best!

Kimy

[BeardedBear]

Very sad to read this! I really like CD, and it's sad it has come to this, but I do understand you. Thank you very much for all your great, hard work! It's been appreciated greatly! 
One can always hope you some day find your way back to Captured Dreams! I Would love to see it as you intended it to be!

Best of wishes!

[Notserious80]

I agree with all the posters, sad to hear this but i fully understand. I have been batteling deppresion for my entire life too and finaly decided to ask for help. I have kinda the same problem. No highs just lows so i got diagnosed with Dysthymic Disorder. If you havent heard of it it might fit your symptoms. Anyways just wanted to say i hope you will get better and good luck!

[Huckleberry]

I am so sorry to read of your health troubles and hope that you find some peace and happiness.  Though I have been away from LL for the past few months, I adore this community and respect the immense part your mods have played in creating and supporting it.  Thank you for all your kindness and words of encouragement.  Your scene building will continue to be an inspiration to me as I complete my work. Be well.

[vevan]

thank you for anything you did, and hope you get better. I will miss captured dreams but it's time let it go.

[Lenae_Oyen]

Keanu reeves was asked his opinions on death. I believe what he said was "I know that the ones who love us, will miss us". 
By burning down the house in this way, by deleting your legacy, killing your baby, you have achieved in making the community that adored your work, miss it. 

Beyond that, I know not what you have or will accomplish with this action. But best wishes to your future. Your content showed me that LL content could rise to have context and frame stories, and buggy or not it was absolutely excellent. Thank you for sharing it with us in th epast, though I miss the opportunity to experience it once more in the future.

[demonryupriest]

Well shoot...I was just coming to see if I had the most up to date texture file because of an error on the missives when I found this...Hate to see you go, but I completely understand where you're coming from. Take care, hopefully we'll see you again someday!

[Calich]

Just have to say thanks. Captured Dreams was one of my all time favorites.

[Tacoma]

I don't want to sound insensitive, and I respect your decision to remove them, but would it be possible to make them open source so someone can continue the mod if they feel like it? It seems like a lot of work might go to waste is all, maybe someone would be willing to go through the process of updating them?
just a thought. Your health comes before your mod so I wont blame you if you decide against it.
thanks for the great mod m8. good luck with whatever comes next.

[guyver]

damn that was unexpected.

i just loved your Captured Dreams mod, the story was one of the most "clean" and fun to experience for a bdsm junkie like me and the display shop was the cherry on the cake.

 

thanks for everything, you will truly be missed here.

[Khe]

I miss da shop. had to uninstall because it caused lots of issues with its bugs. sadcat. but I understand how depression can be. I can't offer any advice other than what worked for me...with me, my problem was fructose malabsorbtion. if food had fructose, it got stuck in my bloodstream and degraded the serotonin precursor. end result: incapable of happiness. thus, any depressing stuff snowballed hard. So...you could try cutting anything with fructose (table sugar, corn syrup etc) out of your diet. it may help, or it may do absolutely nothing. I don't know any specifics about your condition, so I cant help any more than this. wish you da best. big hugs. be well!

[sfeile]

Sorry to hear about your health issues. You did awesome work and I for one really appreciated it. Hope things turn around and get better for you.

[nufndash]

I remember my first experience modding skyrim, I had downloaded CD and all the requirements and heading down the road past the Mill I saw the shop in game for the first time.  My game was never modded before so seeing something different was like playing a totally different game.  I walked up the hill and entered the shop not really sure what to expect, I had not put any "adult" material in any of my games up to this point.  I was blown away and things changed forever.  I have you to thank for that and I deeply appreciate all your work.  I have also fought with depression and I know how evasive and destructive it can be.  I can control it, but I can't cure it.  I truly hope the best for you.  I'm sure if there comes a time you want to come back, you will be welcomed with open arms.  Please take care of yourself and thank you for everything.

[dorkulon]

Captured Dreams was one of the major reasons I bothered with Devious Devices; not many other mods really used it to full effect.

 

I hope your state of being improves; take care of yourself.

[Veladarius]

On 8/24/2019 at 8:49 PM, Legohon2 said:

I don't want to sound insensitive, and I respect your decision to remove them, but would it be possible to make them open source so someone can continue the mod if they feel like it? It seems like a lot of work might go to waste is all, maybe someone would be willing to go through the process of updating them?
just a thought. Your health comes before your mod so I wont blame you if you decide against it.
thanks for the great mod m8. good luck with whatever comes next.

Just updating the items is a huge undertaking as there are well over 100 devices (closer to 200 I think) that need rescripted (quest items need the scripts tweaked, standard items need the new scripts added and both will need the properties filled), Manor Slave needs rebuilt. I have much of it done except the hardest part, the mechanics and dialogue that run the quest (rebuilt 5 different times since the last update, kept running into issues). Customer Assist 02 needs the core rebuilt as does Chaste Spouse (can share the same basic mechanics though). Parts of Property Slave need tweaked to work better. Elisif quest needs some work to ensure that it advances properly. The encounters with Ariasha and Rayani need rebuilt and expanded. The two new quests in Manor Slave need linked into it. Other quests needs tweaks and such done here and there. There are other issues that can't be fixed because they are caused by how Skyrim works, I have done all I can to mitigate the issues but they can still happen (force greet issue is the major one).

 

Most modders that are proficient with DD, building advanced dialogue, scenes and AI packages and can do major scripting generally already have their own projects they are working on. Also, this project is rather personal to me so I won't just hand it over and let them do what they want, things need to be how I want them to (how they are scripted and such are not an issue but how the quests flow and the dialogue and such has be the way I want it).

[Veladarius]

As far as my mental health it is likely not going to change. The only anti-depressant that works for me also causes anxiety and previous medications I have taken have done permanent damage to me (physically and mentally). Right now my choice with the anti-depressant is take 1 dose a day (currently doing) and have the swings in mood be slower but depression is a lot worse or take 2 doses a day and have the mood swings more often, more physical side effects and possibly have anxiety attacks just sitting at home instead of just when I leave the house but have the depression be a bit less severe.

 

In the past year and a half I have tried over a dozen different medications, more than double that in the last four. My psychiatrist (works for a university both in their hospital and sees patients individually and is a senior doctor there) has exhausted the medications that are used to treat my conditions as well as ones that are not made specifically for my problems but have some effect on them and has said that I am pretty much stuck where I am. I am considered completely disabled and unable to work and collect Social Security Disability (I would rather be working as I can easily make 2x - 3x what I get from it but it pays the mortgage). I take things day by day and do what I need to to get through to the next, it is what it is.

[johnicarus]

It was a honor having you here. I do hope that you change your mind and leave us the most recent copies of your work as many users here (myself included) still use it with earlier versions of DD. Still, they are your mods so you are free to do what want with them.

 

Anyways, best of luck moving on!

[andagain]

Hi Veladarius, thank you for this mod.

 

I hope you don't delete all your source files or work. One day maybe someone you can trust and endorse may want to pick up the mantle for this mod and make you proud. It is nice knowing you made something that leaves a lasting impression, fond memories and is embraced by a community. Sad to see it go.

 

I will miss all of your personality that you put into this mod and hope you find can find a way through your troubles. 

[Lenae_Oyen]

8 hours ago, andagain said:

Hi Veladarius, thank you for this mod.

 

I hope you don't delete all your source files or work. One day maybe someone you can trust and endorse may want to pick up the mantle for this mod and make you proud. It is nice knowing you made something that leaves a lasting impression, fond memories and is embraced by a community. Sad to see it go.

 

I will miss all of your personality that you put into this mod and hope you find can find a way through your troubles. 

Or learn from it. Sure there's a lot there that could inspire the future. Maybe Veladarius might find some purpose in doing a little mod consulting? Way less of a commitment then trying to keep a mod up and running, especially one with dependencies that require constant upkeep. 

[Zoey McKenzie]

Thank you for creating such an amazing mod, @Veladarius. It's one of the best mods I've ever had the pleasure of playing with, and I have some of my fondest memories playing Skyrim with that mod.