Overall, your story is quite funny (with the staging helping making the humor even more striking), the technical execution is good (screenshots colors, poses and expressions), the comic bubbles makes it even more pleasant to read. The plot also features hints at the start and unravels slowly, which is good.

However :

• It's quite short : this is not Tumblr, don't be afraid to go for longer entries, 6 images each seems way too short. To give you an idea, typical length for stories is more around 50 images each, and some seasoned storytellers regularly go around 100-150 images each. You don't need to get to those lengths, but keep in mind that the further below 50 the shorter it'll feel for the readers, and farther above 100 the longer they may think it is. Which length you wish to attain is up to you (even 25-30 would be fine), but the more you know about it, the better.
• Technically, I've noticed the dimensions of your images is quite variable, which may not be good for immersion purposes. Also, as you're using LL's uploader, you'll be limited in space available, and larger images do eat quite a lot of it. So I think it might be better to go on capturing all your screens at a high resolutions (like 1920x1080), but then either cropping them or downsizing them (or both) to a constant resolution (like 1440 x 900 or 1600 x 900). That way you won't break the immersion, and will save bandwidth for entries with more images. You'll find tutorials here if you want more info about this. 
• From the comic point of view, careful about the reading order. Most readers will start reading bubbles from top to bottom and from left to right. So if you place the first bubble of a dialog top right, and the second one top left, they will start by the second one and that will confuse them.

Regardless, hoping to read more about Kiki's adventures.

Malicia : « Go on, Kiki ! Don't let that Dibella gal ruin your fun, she's just being jealous, yes ! ? »

5 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Overall, your story is quite funny (with the staging helping making the humor even more striking), the technical execution is good (screenshots colors, poses and expressions), the comic bubbles makes it even more pleasant to read. The plot also features hints at the start and unravels slowly, which is good.

However :

• It's quite short : this is not Tumblr, don't be afraid to go for longer entries, 6 images each seems way too short. To give you an idea, typical length for stories is more around 50 images each, and some seasoned storytellers regularly go around 100-150 images each. You don't need to get to those lengths, but keep in mind that the further below 50 the shorter it'll feel for the readers, and farther above 100 the longer they may think it is. Which length you wish to attain is up to you (even 25-30 would be fine), but the more you know about it, the better.
• Technically, I've noticed the dimensions of your images is quite variable, which may not be good for immersion purposes. Also, as you're using LL's uploader, you'll be limited in space available, and larger images do eat quite a lot of it. So I think it might be better to go on capturing all your screens at a high resolutions (like 1920x1080), but then either cropping them or downsizing them (or both) to a constant resolution (like 1440 x 900 or 1600 x 900). That way you won't break the immersion, and will save bandwidth for entries with more images. You'll find tutorials here if you want more info about this. 
• From the comic point of view, careful about the reading order. Most readers will start reading bubbles from top to bottom and from left to right. So if you place the first bubble of a dialog top right, and the second one top left, they will start by the second one and that will confuse them.

 

Regardless, hoping to read more about Kiki's adventures.

 

Malicia : « Go on, Kiki ! Don't let that Dibella gal ruin your fun, she's just being jealous, yes ! ? »

Thank you for your advice, it is extremely helpful. I will try a different picture hosting service so I don't run out of space here on LL.  (That's one of the reasons the pictures had different dimensions - I was trying to save space T__T ). As for the entries length - I am still trying to find out what works best with Kiki's story, considering the way it's written.

Will have to work on those speech bubbles as well! ^_^;;;

And of course, I'm glad you are enjoying the story.

So far it's quite funny ?

On ‎1‎/‎7‎/‎2019 at 8:18 AM, Devianna said:

From the comic point of view, careful about the reading order.

Agreed with Tir on this point, I always read from left to right, top to bottom, so sometimes I find myself reading out of order.

That said, I love chat bubbles in the pictures like this, as opposed to outside the pic, so bravo!

I also love the ENB and your clever use of interior lighting.

Sure hope she gets her dry spell sorted out soon ?