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Chapter Two: Fires of Greenwall


Exjordanary

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Spoiler

 

"Holy shit!  Medici was right, he had to have known this book was special.  It's filled with spells, and potions."

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"At least I think so.  Most of it's in some other language, so it really could just be a cookbook, but the pictures are rather informative"

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"I think the language might be Aldmeris actually-"

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"Who's there!"

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Spoiler

 

"Micah?  What are you doing here?"

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"Your mother sent me Alicia."

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"What!  No!  I'm not going back!  She can't make me, and neither can you!"

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"Relax Alicia, I'm not here to drag you back, your mother told me you were leaving and asked me to go with you to keep you safe."

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"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself Micah."

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"I know you are, if it's what you want I'll turn around and go back to Riften."

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"Well since you're already out here and all I suppose you can stay, wanna sit down by the fire?"

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Spoiler

 

"So what about being a guard?"

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"I turned in my arms and armor, and resigned, it's not like I'm needed, there hasn't been war in Skyrim in over a hundred years, I don't want to spend my whole life as a guard against sweet roll thieves."

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"It's much more safe inside the hold, being a sweet roll guard, you get hurt out here."

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"So could you, yet you're here, why'd you want to leave?"

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"I couldn't stand being locked up inside the city walls for any longer.  Maybe one day I'll settle down somewhere safe and stop moving but I want to see the world first."

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"Kind of always felt the same, wish I'd had the courage to leave on my own."

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"It is pretty exciting being out here."

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"You know I have always liked you, ever since we were kids."

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"Oh."

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"Oh?"

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"I think I might just go on to bed Micah, I suppose I'll-"

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"Alicia."

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Spoiler

 

"Micah-"

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"Micah I've never-"

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"Shh I'll be gentle, now put me in your mouth, do what feels right."

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"Alicia"

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"Go slow."

"I'll be gentle."

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"Oh Micah"

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"Yes Micah!"

"Alicia!"

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Spoiler

 

"I'll be on watch, goodnight Alicia."

"Goodnight Micah."

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4 Comments


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Definitely a jump in quality already over the first chapter! ? 

 

Facelight improved the visual quality alot on its own. Alicia looks much better! Which brings us to the second point: With facelight I can see that you definitely put more work into the facial expressions. Nice job there. It definitely helps. Like I could see just how surprised she was when Micah showed up. 

 

Spoiler

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Nice little tender love scene. I really like the images you chose to use. One little suggestion to help liven that up a bit might be adding a bit of text beneath some. Are Alicia and Micah making any noises? Moaning at all? That sort of thing? You've done it with a few with their words and those are great, but maybe adding a bit more to make it more than just a line of static sex shots.

 

I would look into Swiftstep's suggestion as well. It should help with the glowing lines on their bodies. 

 

Overall I'm enjoying this. I like the characters, the dialogue is solid, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next! Good job! ?

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I agree with Lexi!

Good job and definitely an improvement over the previous chapter.

Keep it up, I like where this is going.

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There's a kind of initiatory feel to this chapter, for the characters (Alicia and Micah are discovering themselves as well as the outer world), but strangely enough to you as well, since you are discovering the depths of screenarchery and storytelling. Dialogue and scenario-wise, nothing to say this time, the protagonists do seem like being consistent with themselves. I do still think that making the characters open their lips when talking (by using MFG, and typing "mfg phoneme 0 40" for example when they say something with an "A" would definitely be a nice improvement for future chapters. Pleasant read, nonetheless ! ?

 

Malicia : « I knew they were gonna honey-honey, yes. I hope they're very happy and very satisfied with it. ? »

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