Oh hell, your story is wonderful! I really do love the 1st person narration that you've made, it really brings a lot of feeling of complicity to what's happening there.
Everyone can take some beautiful screenshots, but to relate a truly fascinating story from this - for this you need effort and skill. 
Great job ^_^

18 minutes ago, Crw said:

Oh hell, your story is wonderful! I really do love the 1st person narration that you've made, it really brings a lot of feeling of complicity to what's happening there.
Everyone can take some beautiful screenshots, but to relate a truly fascinating story from this - for this you need effort and skill. 
Great job ^_^

Thank you so much! You're making me blush. ? 

This has been a lot of fun so far and, as someone who's native story telling medium is written narrative its been really cool to spread my wings and try something new. And it's been just awesome to receive the support and encouragement I have so far! 

I love Thora. She's been my main PC in some form or another since 11/11/11 and it's been really fun bringing her story to life in a new and interesting way! 

I'm really glad you're enjoying her tale!

Very well written. You've mentioned being used to pure text formats, and it shows not only in the captions and dialogues (of which style seems impeccable), but also regarding the scenario as Thora's situation and past experiences do combine to create her protective behavior towards Freyda (which leads to her endorsing a prostitute role). The screens are also quite colorful, and well shot, with always those more than expressive facial expressions fitting your heroine's traits (though Erikur and Gisli could've used some bits of Facelight at the end). The sex scene itself was the occasion of interesting comic layout experiments, and that part in itself is a success. The onomatopoeia were also adding life, movement and precisions ; though there was a bit of overloading sometimes. And I wonder if that wasn't the case as well with some of the captions. But overall, the true revelation is Thora's personality, brash, overly frank, yet more complex and fragile than what she would seem on the exterior. Awaiting for the next chapter ! ?

Malicia : « You look very sad, Thora.

Here, take this :                                                                                   

                And remember, you're much prettier and intelligent than them. It'll feel better afterwards, yes.  »

Thanks! ? 

I was actually pretty nervous about this chapter for several reasons, but the early reviews seem pretty favorable! 

3 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Very well written. You've mentioned being used to pure text formats, and it shows not only in the captions and dialogues (of which style seems impeccable), but also regarding the scenario as Thora's situation and past experiences do combine to create her protective behavior towards Freyda (which leads to her endorsing a prostitute role).:                                             

With every chapter, I definitely worry a bit about how my particular skills transfer over to the image comic format, but I'm starting to feel a bit better about it. I still feel like, important as it is and as much as it's becoming like a trademark of mine, that the inner monologues sometimes get a bit lengthy, but conversely I'm also really happy with how the story of Thora's sister lined up with the Freyda and Erikur scenes at the beginning. 

3 hours ago, Tirloque said:

The screens are also quite colorful, and well shot, with always those more than expressive facial expressions fitting your heroine's traits (though Erikur and Gisli could've used some bits of Facelight at the end). The sex scene itself was the occasion of interesting comic layout experiments, and that part in itself is a success. The onomatopoeia were also adding life, movement and precisions ; though there was a bit of overloading sometimes. And I wonder if that wasn't the case as well with some of the captions.    

Yeah. I feel like those facial expressions are becoming a trademark as well! ? With Erikur and Gisli out was a style choice to leave the scene dark to kind of heighten the mood and the idea that this wasn't a conversation that was beneficial to Thora, but I was on the fence about it as I was shooting it and I think if I were to go back I would probably add Facelight in, so that's fair. 

The sex scenes were definitely an amerikajinn face for me. I started out just laying out one image after another but it got... boring, I guess so I tried to do what I could to spice it up a bit. Overall I'm pretty happy with how it turned out but there are a few layout choices I probably would do differently in the future. One thing I'm probably going to do starting with Chapter 5 is put a black border around my images. I think it'll help with emphasis on the panels I split. 

I mentioned the captions/inner monologue earlier but also yeah, I might have gone... a bit overboard with the onomatopoeia... ? Definitely something I'll probably tone down a bit in the future. I think that's probably because I'm used to writing narrative and being descriptive and I just need to remember to let the images do some of the talking for me. 

3 hours ago, Tirloque said:

But overall, the true revelation is Thora's personality, brash, overly frank, yet more complex and fragile than what she would seem on the exterior. 

This actually means a lot to me. ☺️ When I write it's all about the character for me. I become very... protective? ... of my characters. That might sound strange given what I just put Thora through, but what I mean is staying true to that character. My characters are usually very layered and... complicated I suppose, but I usually start with highlighting one aspect: for example her brash, sarcastic traits, and slowly pull back the other layers. For me the characters are the most important aspect of storytelling. 

I'll often have story ideas, but if I don't have a compelling character in mind to go with it, I usually pass on it. More often I'll develop a character in my mind first, and then start to come up with story ideas based around that character. 

3 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Malicia : « You look very sad, Thora.

 

Here, take this :                                                                                   

  Hide contents

 

 

                And remember, you're much prettier and intelligent than them. It'll feel better afterwards, yes.  »

Thora loves cookies!!? 

This will definitely help her! 

Thanks again! Appreciate the praise and the constructive criticisms! 

1 hour ago, LexiAJ82 said:

This actually means a lot to me. ☺️ When I write it's all about the character for me. I become very... protective? ... of my characters. That might sound strange given what I just put Thora through, but what I mean is staying true to that character. My characters are usually very layered and... complicated I suppose, but I usually start with highlighting one aspect: for example her brash, sarcastic traits, and slowly pull back the other layers. For me the characters are the most important aspect of storytelling. 

 

I'll often have story ideas, but if I don't have a compelling character in mind to go with it, I usually pass on it. More often I'll develop a character in my mind first, and then start to come up with story ideas based around that character.

What are stories if not characters' tales ? A good character can be a tale of his/her own, and good characters can combine into a multitude of stories. So it's a good thing for an author to love her/his characters, as the better they are, the better the author's works potential will be. ?

That doesn't mean loved characters can'tt go through some hardships though. Otherwise basically all shounen wouldn't even exist. ^^

1 hour ago, LexiAJ82 said:

Thora loves cookies!!? 

 

This will definitely help her!

Malicia : « I very knew she'd like them, 'cause, she's a nice person inside.  »

18 minutes ago, Tirloque said:

That doesn't mean loved characters can'tt go through some hardships though. Otherwise basically all shounen wouldn't even exist. ^^

This made me laugh my ass off! ?  

So true!

Oh wow...you are an absurdly talented writer. ? You mentioned that you have a writing background and it really shows throughout your narrative. My sincerest compliments on that!

Even though this chapter concentrated on Thora's "interview", so to speak, her thoughts gave us quite a lot of additional details.  It looks like she and possibly her family/loved ones had a run in with the Aldmeri which did not end well for Thora. It is hinted through Erikur that she is probably from an ancient and influential clan, a hunch that he deemed important enough to check with Sybille herself. It feels like all of it is leading towards an exciting and intriguing story. ?

Your humor is spot on (and many of us have wondered what exactly was going on with Erikur's eyebrows as well ) Your heroine is both charming and witty, tough yet vulnerable and overall just a complete joy to observe. Screenshot-wise you're doing great. This one was my favorite ? :

If you're worried that the text sometimes over-saturates the image, it might be helpful to just spread it out over multiple screens. This way you won't lose out on all the narrative but at the same time you'll make it easier for anyone who is not a native-speaker (as LL is a largely international community) to follow along.

All in all - I absolutely love your story and I'm really curious to see how it will progress. Thank you for sharing your wonderful work with us! ☺️

1 hour ago, Devianna said:

Oh wow...you are an absurdly talented writer. ? You mentioned that you have a writing background and it really shows throughout your narrative. My sincerest compliments on that!

I started writing stories when I was a child and I've just never stopped loving it. There's nothing more enjoyable for me than being inside my character's head, figuring out what makes them tick and what their limits are. Story telling and character building are absolutely my favorite things in the world. ? 

1 hour ago, Devianna said:

Even though this chapter concentrated on Thora's "interview", so to speak, her thoughts gave us quite a lot of additional details.  It looks like she and possibly her family/loved ones had a run in with the Aldmeri which did not end well for Thora. It is hinted through Erikur that she is probably from an ancient and influential clan, a hunch that he deemed important enough to check with Sybille herself. It feels like all of it is leading towards an exciting and intriguing story. ?

 

It's tricky sometimes figuring out how to piece things together. I knew very early, around when I started chapter 3, that chapter 4 was going to be largely... erm... "interview," but I didn't want it to be just that. It had to mean something to the story, so it was a really good time to get expositional and introspective with Thora and everything just lined up really well. There's definitely a lot of backstory and family lore to peel away as we go, but your definitely on the right track. ? 

1 hour ago, Devianna said:

 

Your humor is spot on (and many of us have wondered what exactly was going on with Erikur's eyebrows as well ) Your heroine is both charming and witty, tough yet vulnerable and overall just a complete joy to observe. Screenshot-wise you're doing great. This one was my favorite ? :

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

 

Ha ha, thanks! I've said it before but it's so easy to think you're funny and find out you're the only one who does. Actually one of my favorite bits was when Erikur pinned Thora as a Nord and in the background Freyda whispered, "She's an Imperial..." 

I'm glad people are responding so well to the character! She's been a part of my life in some form or another since Skyrim came out and she's very close to my heart. To see other people responding so warmly to her makes me really happy. ☺️ 

I'm also proud of that screenshot. Honestly the image conveys so much, I probably could have left it textless and everything their would have chyoume across.

1 hour ago, Devianna said:

 

If you're worried that the text sometimes over-saturates the image, it might be helpful to just spread it out over multiple screens. This way you won't lose out on all the narrative but at the same time you'll make it easier for anyone who is not a native-speaker (as LL is a largely international community) to follow along.

 

All in all - I absolutely love your story and I'm really curious to see how it will progress. Thank you for sharing your wonderful work with us! ☺️

Yeah. With the text over the first 8 or 9 shots I had specific images I wanted certain pieces of text to line up with. It was actually spread out more but then I would up cutting several shots because they were... boring and didn't really add anything but I still wanted to hit those specific notes as it were. I probably could have condensed it a bit more but... Fine! I'll admit it. I got a little lazy. ? 

One goal I've set for myself actually is working on shortening her monologues without losing the impact or humor. It can be done I know it! 

Thanks so much and I'm really happy you're enjoying things so far! 

Really liked this chapter, the inner monologue was great and the sex scene was really well done! 

One problem I'm noticing though is a distinct lack of piercings on Thora between her lips and her belly button. Say in a nippley region ??

49 minutes ago, SpyVsPie said:

Really liked this chapter, the inner monologue was great and the sex scene was really well done! 

 

One problem I'm noticing though is a distinct lack of piercings on Thora between her lips and her belly button. Say in a nippley region ??

Thanks! 

As far as the "nippley" region ? The original intent was to have that pierced but I've had issues with the piercings not sitting where they should; sinking into the breasts or alternatively floating several inches in front. 

5 minutes ago, LexiAJ82 said:

Thanks! 

 

As far as the "nippley" region ? The original intent was to have that pierced but I've had issues with the piercings not sitting where they should; sinking into the breasts or alternatively floating several inches in front. 

That was the very struggle that lead me to learn to use outfit studio in the first place. 

1 minute ago, SpyVsPie said:

That was the very struggle that lead me to learn to use outfit studio in the first place. 

I get closer and closer to that point every day...

1 hour ago, LexiAJ82 said:

I get closer and closer to that point every day...

You can do it!

The results are worth it and Cass needs a pierced nipple buddy ?