Cpt_Cooky Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 So its 11 PM, Im in bed and after 20-30 minutes on the phone with my girlfriend the conversation ended in an argument. She was whining to me about her problems for the entire conversation. We literally didnt talk about anything else. When she was done with one problem she moved on to another. I tried my best to listen and be empathetic and receptive but eventually my patience wore thin. I provided her with a solution and she got all quiet and asked if I was upset or moody, which is hilarious coming from the woman that has been whining about her problems for the better part of half an hour. Then we argued a bit and I told her I didnt want to get into a fight with her and ended the call.It wouldnt bother me so much but this happens all the time. Is this normal? I dont even remember if Ive ever bothered her with my shit like this. And I didnt even snap at her or anything I just politely offered a solution. She didnt even give me feedback on if he the idea would work or if she had considered it already... she just got annoyed that I offered a solution. I read a bunch of articles online that women want empathy and dont need solutions but fuck that. Ive had a full day of work and problems too. If she presents me with more Ill try to solve them and get on with my shit. Who wants to waste their precious few free hours fretting over stuff instead of solving/ignoring it. Anyone else have this issue?
pinky6225 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Just the majority of the human race When you were giving her your "solution" were you doing this under the impression that she was unable to get to this solution herself? Since that is the only reason i can think of of giving people solutions when they are ranting as everybody i know that does similar is fully aware of the solution to there problem as they are not stupid, they are just unhappy about it and want to vent so you repeating what they already know denies them the chance to vent and insults there intelligence as an extra
Cpt_Cooky Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 No I was under the impression that she wanted a solution because when I go to someone with my problems its because I want a solution. I hate getting lazy ass "Oh that sucks" or"Im sorry" responses. Waste of everyones time. But according to what Ive been reading up tonight thats what Im supposed to do. I hate that shit though. Ive got better things to do than occupy myself with problems I have no intention of fixing.
Molevalence Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 People share their problems with others because it's consider an outlet for them to vent their frustrations and can sometimes lift the weight off their shoulders. I have been the cry on shoulder guy on many occasions and being a single man some of my female friends come to me for relationship advice and to vent their problems. We all do it. I just try to give the best advice I can with their current situation and try to keep a neutral attitude. That is pretty much all you can do. If you help them too much sometimes they can become reliant on you and that isn't helping them. "I hate that shit though. Ive got better things to do than occupy myself with problems I have no intention of fixing." Best advice I can give you for that quote is don't be an enabler.
00ptic Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Who wants to waste their precious few free hours fretting over stuff instead of solving/ignoring it. Only a small percentage (I'm imagining this is rarer than one in a million) of people are able to think of it that way. You must realize that most people are illogical. No I was under the impression that she wanted a solution because when I go to someone with my problems its because I want a solution. I hate getting lazy ass "Oh that sucks" or"Im sorry" responses. Waste of everyones time. But according to what Ive been reading up tonight thats what Im supposed to do. I hate that shit though. Ive got better things to do than occupy myself with problems I have no intention of fixing. A lot of people are dissimilar to you in that regard. A lot of people bitch primarily for its own sake, and are not necessarily seeking an "answer". Correlatively, a lot of people are content to absorb hours of bitching fun without actually trying to think of a way to fix the problem. If you are looking for a solution to this problem, I do not have one to give, but as for whether or not other people have experienced this problem, I can assure you that they have.
gregathit Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Mars and Venus. It is as old as human beings. Just something you have to learn to deal with like death and taxes.
SexDwarf2250 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I read a bunch of articles online that women want empathy and dont need solutions but fuck that. Ive had a full day of work and problems too. If she presents me with more Ill try to solve them and get on with my shit. Who wants to waste their precious few free hours fretting over stuff instead of solving/ignoring it. Anyone else have this issue? Yeah, that's a typical source of man/woman conflict. Men are wired to solve problems deal with stress by going and doing stuff, and women are wired to bitch about the problems. Go figure. It always helps me to try and remember that the problem isn't what she's talking about but what she's feeling and her need to communicate with someone who cares, so in that light, spending some time to listen is a "solution." Conversely, though, she should realize or be taught that this may cause you stress, and at some point you might need some time to go do whatever it is you do to deal with that, eg mancave, beating projects with hammers, whatever. Try to find a balance so each of you gets a bit of what you need.
27X Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 If listening to your SO for half an hour breaks your concentration bad enough for to go to an online forum and bitch about people saying stuff on an other online forum that also rustles your jimmies, you pretty much aren't ready for that level of relationship, and you should probably be working an exit strategy that doesn't involve her burning down your house. Also irony.
SexDwarf2250 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 If listening to your SO for half an hour breaks your concentration bad enough for to go to an online forum and bitch about people saying stuff on an other online forum that also rustles your jimmies, you pretty much aren't ready for that level of relationship, and you should probably be working an exit strategy that doesn't involve her burning down your house. Also irony. Hey now, half an hour of a day is probably something like 20% of your non-sleep/work time, and noone likes to waste their time on annoying bullshit. He was asking if this is normal behaviour for women. Sadly, it's typical.
Cpt_Cooky Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 Thanks for the replies all. Talked it out with her. - Confirmed that she didnt care about a solution and just wanted me to listen and reconfirm how awful her situation was, which I agreed to do from now. - Got her to understand that I did care about her issues but was tired and didnt want just dwell on it and instead preferred acting to fix problems which she understood. Done and done. Thanks again.
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