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Is He Making A Pass At Me?


StayFrosty

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I should be old enough to not need to ask, but this one has me bamboozled...and so looking for male opinions.

 

And so doing my best to make a long story short, is a messy situation...I have a couple of International friends (Brothers), having known one (will call him T) for 16 years (on and off contact) and met the other through him about 6 months ago (will call him E)...I hadn't had contact with T for some years, only to find out now he has Muscular Dystrophy (diagnosed 2 years ago), he is in a great deal of pain and fading fast...I have offered to go there and help him (I'm in Australia, their in Canada), there is a great deal I can do for him and can't stand the idea of him going so cruelly (have spent the last 20 years of my life employed in and deeply involved in related fields)...his response a desperate "Yes please"....T lives with E, E is his primary Carer (T not allowed to be alone 24/7 and needs help with a variety of tasks) E is exhausted and looking forward to the help.

 

E has for the last couple of months been making comments under the radar so to speak...T would be very pissed off if what I suspect is true... E commenting to me how lonely he is, never been married because he has never met the right woman but he wants to meet someone (he brings this up with every extended conversation we have). Admitting jealousy of the attention T has been getting from me, telling me how his Boys want him to meet someone (He is a Social Worker of sorts, works with troubled Teen Boys), he stayed up his whole night text chatting with me recently, has told me his life story (apparently he has not told spoken with anyone before about this, for reasons I won't expand upon I believe him...these guys have had truly hellish lives, this I already knew...T has always been very candid), etc...

 

He has said nothing directly about any interest in me and is a hard man to read...is a gigantic step for me to just pick up and move to Canada to help these guys and so would love a better read on the situation I am walking into, is why this question so important to me, could be serious ramifications as I will be living with the pair of them....So what say you, is E testing the waters with me? Making subtle passes? What's this man doing? I have been nervous about asking him directly due to the possible sensitivity of the situation.

 

And very sorry for long convoluted post... :( ...I just felt this back ground story maybe necessary given the unusual situation and possible issues involved.

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He probably is testing the waters I'd say 99% from what is indicated above, he is in the market so to speak to find a partner and doesn't want to directly ask till he perhaps knows more about you too, he may be shy in that way, even fearful of rejection. which could also cause you to not help his brother.

 

His brothers dying, he has little emotional support and is probably going to need it, so it may be a cry for help even if it's not based on a relationship attraction. Guys generally don't look for emotional support from mates, they are more likely to look for it from partners or women.

 

You are either in the market or not, can't tell from your post. If definitely not in the market let him know quickly and positively, but don't say anything or no if you mean maybe or yes unless you actually think a no is needed to slow him down.

 

Regardless the question of going or not is really based on your desire to help T unless you actually think E is creepy.Perhaps some Phone / Skype conversation would be prudent first.

 

It's a very small chance, but I had heard of stories like this in SecondLife, turning out A is an alt of B, then B conveniently dies or disappears just after the plane tickets are booked etc...

 

Odds are he may be a good guy you may have a good time with, with the smaller chance he could be the love of your life.

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Thank you Halstrom...your response very appreciated.

 

I hadn't really been on the Market, not something I was really thinking about...but have to admit as I have gotten to know him better he has gained my interest...I have a lot of respect for him and admire what he gives of himself to others...he is quite a unique soul, I like him.

 

I have spoken with both Brothers very extensively on the Phone...also did a great deal of Letter writing with T over the years. They don't have a Computer so no SKYPE (though E does have FaceBook on his Phone), they live on a Reservation (Indians) and struggle for their pennies now that neither is able to work (T can't and E isn't allowed to leave T alone) they don't have money for a Computer.

 

I trust T completely...feel I know him inside/out...his a cantankerous and stubborn pain in the ass... :P ...but very predictable and harmless. I believe E is a very good man given his attitude and approach...I don't think they would be a threat to each other or myself, but I get your meaning....thank you.

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That's a hard call. As a man I'd say he's certainly hinting. It sure sounds it anyway.

 

From your point of view, though? They have no money? They're living on a rez? There's not much there for you, is there? Sure, there's more to life than money and I'll be the first to say so, but it doesn't sound like they're bringing a lot to the table to entice a female. And maybe it's why they're single?

 

I applaud you for being willing to move halfway around the planet, to even consider it, to help care for someone you barely know (assuming you haven't had a real face to face with them as we all know letter and FB correspondence doesn't mean a whole lot). That's something that only a veritable saint would do....not even Mother Teresa would've wanted to help someone like that.

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Phone / Skype same thing, I wasn't thinking visual being necessary, but at least with verbal non-text conversation you can get a better feeling on meanings and people instincts rather than text only where people think and calculate before typing :)

 

There's nothing to say if you do get on well, he couldn't move out to live with you in Oz later after things are settled there.

 

Got any important stuff keeping you in Oz for next 6 months? If not why not go, put your stuff in storage, can always fly back earlier if it goes bad. No point moving till he's at least been here to see the options you have here for him to consider.

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gvman..: There's no saints here... :P ...Why? They actually have plenty I want..there is a trade here...I have rather unusual interests and needs I guess. They have the land I can't afford, it comes with their House, I can farm it...am very much into self sustaining lifestyle, can't where I am, can with them and their willing to help with the work....that is a BIG draw to me.

 

Plus I think we all need to feel useful, I don't here and have very few opportunities to do what I want to do to feel useful...I am at my best and happiest when being able to use all my skills in one on one scenario's (Qualified Carer, Dietician...including Supplement use...Medicinal Herbalism, Therapeutic Masseuse)...knowledge and skills my friend is in desperate need of and I get my one on one scenario....not that I want illness in him mind you, I would have much preferred to have met up in better circumstances... :( ...Also spent most of my own life on the Bread line, have only been financially stable for the last 8 years and now that my children have reached young adult hood returning to the Bread line doesn't concern me, it only distressed me because I had children relying on me, which is no longer the case....Plus I have ways of making money the brothers can help me with, I will be buying a Lab Top when I get there to do so.

 

They are single because T was once married but she died...as for E, there are a lot of Drug Abuse problems on their Rez, he has not met a woman without a Drug or Alcohol problem, he drinks very little and doesn't do drugs and he doesn't want it in his home...he runs his Teen Boys on very strict protocol in regards to such matters. They both used to work, T was a Plumber and did some years setting explosive charges on the Mines, until he started collapsing at work...the Muscular Dystrophy. E,, I don't know what he did before as yet, but do know it's one of what he considers the most important things to teach his Boys, they want wives they need stable jobs to support them...that and to quote him directly "teach them to grow up to be men, not wife beaters".

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I cringed when you mentioned your destination is an Indian reservation.

 

I am Canadian. Canadian reservations suck. The land is worthless. It's as cold as it's empty. There is no hope. People are poor and miserable, and that brings out the worst in people. (Sorry, but that' s the damn truth. When people have nothing, they will do the worsts things to survive.)

 

So yeah, you probably want to make sure you are making the right decision before packing your bags to go to a goddam reservation.

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halstrom...: That is very true about speaking vs writing, though I prefer writing myself, can get more said without being sidetracked...so usually prefer a good mix of the two.

 

In regards to bringing him back here to Oz, I can't say I haven't thought about that, I have and would love to at least bring him back for a visit, show him around...though the one major catch is, what happens to T?...I am not sure I would be up to dragging them both back here... :blink: ...T is quite a handful, there's a good reason why E is so exhausted....T is temperamental...and so in all honesty, I think coming back to Oz would be a long way off, maybe a holiday would be do-able though.

 

My target departure date is March, is not earlier due to their Winter....my Mum has traveled extensively internationally and has experienced the more extreme winters some countries offer and where my friends are gets freezing....My mum strongly advises I do not go straight into one of their winters, as where I live is the opposite, mild winters, extreme summers and so my blood is thinner currently due to the extreme heat, thus would I suffer enormously to travel straight into the height of their winter.

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halstrom...: That is very true about speaking vs writing, though I prefer writing myself, can get more said without being sidetracked...so usually prefer a good mix of the two.

 

In regards to bringing him back here to Oz, I can't say I haven't thought about that, I have and would love to at least bring him back for a visit, show him around...though the one major catch is, what happens to T?...I am not sure I would be up to dragging them both back here... :blink: ...T is quite a handful, there's a good reason why E is so exhausted....T is temperamental...and so in all honesty, I think coming back to Oz would be a long way off, maybe a holiday would be do-able though.

 

My target departure date is March, is not earlier due to their Winter....my Mum has traveled extensively internationally and has experienced the more extreme winters some countries offer and where my friends are gets freezing....My mum strongly advises I do not go straight into one of their winters, as where I live is the opposite, mild winters, extreme summers and so my blood is thinner currently due to the extreme heat, thus would I suffer enormously to travel straight into the height of their winter.

 

I wish you the best of luck :D . It's good idea to wait till winter is over. Northern canada can get close to -40 ( no need to use C or F, since it's the magical temperature when both Canada and United States agree that the cold is too damn high.)

 

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I cringed when you mentioned your destination is an Indian reservation.

 

I am Canadian. Canadian reservations suck. The land is worthless. It's as cold as it's empty. There is no hope. People are poor and miserable, and that brings out the worst in people. (Sorry, but that' s the damn truth. When people have nothing, they will do the worsts things to survive.)

 

So yeah, you probably want to make sure you are making the right decision before packing your bags to go to a goddam reservation.

 

They both have made it very clear to me the problems on their Rez, both very candid and informative on the issue, I am pretty much expecting hell on earth in some respects outside their front door. I have had similar life experiences, the joys of spending my teens and early adulthood with a psychotic and drug fucked Foster brother and thus not easily frightened or intimidated by such events...at least in their home it will be on the outside, I won't be living with it inside the house.

 

Soil can be easily and cheaply upgraded, they have already warned me it's nothing but sand...that's not a concern.

 

The greatest issue is though how I would feel about myself if I didn't help my friends...I hear and understand what your saying...but to ignore what's happening to them and basically saying 'that's tough, nice having known you', I can't do that, couldn't live with myself...the whole idea of just walking away makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach, I can't walk away...would hate myself to do so.

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"Admitting jealousy of the attention T has been getting from me"  Absolutely, yes, without doubt, he's interested.  Of course, there's the term I used with a lady I'm working on.  "You're female, I'm interested."  Yeah, okay, that's a bit of a joke, and not to be taken at face value, but she got the point.  Not a fan of cold, myself, and I'd agree, wait as long as possible before coming over, if you do.  March is still mighty cold, even half way down the eastern seaboard of the US, never mind Canada (and we have the ocean to help regulate temperatures).

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halstrom...: That is very true about speaking vs writing, though I prefer writing myself, can get more said without being sidetracked...so usually prefer a good mix of the two.

 

In regards to bringing him back here to Oz, I can't say I haven't thought about that, I have and would love to at least bring him back for a visit, show him around...though the one major catch is, what happens to T?...I am not sure I would be up to dragging them both back here... :blink: ...T is quite a handful, there's a good reason why E is so exhausted....T is temperamental...and so in all honesty, I think coming back to Oz would be a long way off, maybe a holiday would be do-able though.

 

My target departure date is March, is not earlier due to their Winter....my Mum has traveled extensively internationally and has experienced the more extreme winters some countries offer and where my friends are gets freezing....My mum strongly advises I do not go straight into one of their winters, as where I live is the opposite, mild winters, extreme summers and so my blood is thinner currently due to the extreme heat, thus would I suffer enormously to travel straight into the height of their winter.

 

I wish you the best of luck :D . It's good idea to wait till winter is over. Northern canada can get close to -40 ( no need to use C or F, since it's the magical temperature when both Canada and United States agree that the cold is too damn high.)

 

 

 

Yeah, it's been -40 in the nothern midwest recently. I am in PA and it's currently -10....fahrenheit if you must know. :D

 

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halstrom...: That is very true about speaking vs writing, though I prefer writing myself, can get more said without being sidetracked...so usually prefer a good mix of the two.

 

In regards to bringing him back here to Oz, I can't say I haven't thought about that, I have and would love to at least bring him back for a visit, show him around...though the one major catch is, what happens to T?...I am not sure I would be up to dragging them both back here... :blink: ...T is quite a handful, there's a good reason why E is so exhausted....T is temperamental...and so in all honesty, I think coming back to Oz would be a long way off, maybe a holiday would be do-able though.

 

My target departure date is March, is not earlier due to their Winter....my Mum has traveled extensively internationally and has experienced the more extreme winters some countries offer and where my friends are gets freezing....My mum strongly advises I do not go straight into one of their winters, as where I live is the opposite, mild winters, extreme summers and so my blood is thinner currently due to the extreme heat, thus would I suffer enormously to travel straight into the height of their winter.

Well, I was thinking it seemed Fading Fast meant that T might not last more than 6-12 months, by then you both would know where you stand together better.

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halstrom...: Just noted your edit...:

 

"He probably is testing the waters I'd say 99% from what is indicated above, he is in the market so to speak to find a partner and doesn't want to directly ask till he perhaps knows more about you too, he may be shy in that way, even fearful of rejection. which could also cause you to not help his brother.

 

His brothers dying, he has little emotional support and is probably going to need it, so it may be a cry for help even if it's not based on a relationship attraction. Guys generally don't look for emotional support from mates, they are more likely to look for it from partners or women."

 

Possibly fear of rejection or causing trouble...he had initially assumed things were on the development between T and I...kind of did start for a short time between T and I, but I am not attracted to T in that way, is way too temperamental and wayward for me....E knows there was a temporary rift between T and I, but how parties feel about it, I guess he wouldn't know...and so wouldn't know where I stand on the issue, I hadn't really thought about it....too busy wondering what he is up to instead.

 

Could also well be a cry for help, very true...he gets many demands put on him and very little support....carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, is the kind of person who feels things deeply, he has made that clear.

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When you tell someone you moved from one place to another, alot of people asks you which place you like best. It's kind of a conservation filler, like asking about the weather. But one day, I really thought about it, I don't really think that the temperature or the culture matters, what mattered to me was the people I met and the friends I made.

 

People are the only things I remember.

 

You know what you are getting into. Best of luck, keep us updated :)

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Yeah, it's been -40 in the nothern midwest recently. I am in PA and it's currently -10....fahrenheit if you must know. :D

 

Same here, I live in MI , didn't have to work today and tommorow. So it's not all bad. And thank god for my Dad's 10mpg truck (ha, who's laughing now)

 

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halstrom...: That is very true about speaking vs writing, though I prefer writing myself, can get more said without being sidetracked...so usually prefer a good mix of the two.

 

In regards to bringing him back here to Oz, I can't say I haven't thought about that, I have and would love to at least bring him back for a visit, show him around...though the one major catch is, what happens to T?...I am not sure I would be up to dragging them both back here... :blink: ...T is quite a handful, there's a good reason why E is so exhausted....T is temperamental...and so in all honesty, I think coming back to Oz would be a long way off, maybe a holiday would be do-able though.

 

My target departure date is March, is not earlier due to their Winter....my Mum has traveled extensively internationally and has experienced the more extreme winters some countries offer and where my friends are gets freezing....My mum strongly advises I do not go straight into one of their winters, as where I live is the opposite, mild winters, extreme summers and so my blood is thinner currently due to the extreme heat, thus would I suffer enormously to travel straight into the height of their winter.

 

 

Well, I was thinking it seemed Fading Fast meant that T might not last more than 6-12 months, by then you both would know where you stand together better.

 

 

I am hoping not...I have him reporting progress to me, his body functioning and further damages and degradations, what his Doctor tells him, what medication he is on, diet, etc...The research I have done so far (having been hitting information hard) all indicates that the type of MD he has 'facioscapulohumeral' MD effects face and extremities, not the muscular tissue around Heart and Lungs....the danger for him is Immune system deficiency (I will be building his Immune System back up) leading to Pneumonia and such life threatening events (his already had Pneumonia 4 times)...plus too much further incapacitation could well lead to him taking his own life while he is still able, I can well understand him not wanting to be a vegetable. Though there is no cure for MD (it's a Genetic Disease) a number of trial studies have been done with the use of Diet and certain Supplements, these trials have strongly indicated the ability with the right management to not only slow certain MD types to a crawl (including his type) but also even rebuild a good percentage of lost muscle tissue mass...I already have him on all the Supplements (sent them to him), he is currently working on making the Diet happen (gotta lower the inflammation in his body), that one is proving a problem as it's to dangerous for him to cook (MD makes him fall over a lot) and is having trouble getting their Niece (their cook) to listen to him....But with the right Diet, Supplements, Physical Therapy, etc...a good percentage of his health can be salvaged and regain his life back....but it's a big job and will take devotion to the task...Without the help he won't make another year (last Pneumonia nearly killed him) or end up in a Nursing Home, Nursing Home won't give him much extra time (I used to work in them and won't let that happen to him)...a fall can also kill him, he hit his head recently and was hospitalized with a crack in his skull too close to his temple, I will be teaching him how to fall safely (Martial Arts)...but with a lot of initial hard work and attention to his health needs, he could well last another 20-30 years.

 

It is pretty much a race against time...well, muscle and immune system degradation...he is already 'winging', that means one of his Shoulder Blades has torn away from the muscles and juts outwards, he can't life his arm above his shoulder., I don't know if such extreme damage can be repaired, have been looking into something called 'Circulatory Enzymes', is being trial run on Cancer and Diabetes sufferers and high Blood Pressure (he has high blood pressure) with a lot of success, it strips scar tissue from inside the body...is harmless but could be useful with the winging...Plus there are a small number of Minerals and Herbs that aid in strengthening connective muscle tissue.

 

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"Admitting jealousy of the attention T has been getting from me"  Absolutely, yes, without doubt, he's interested.  Of course, there's the term I used with a lady I'm working on.  "You're female, I'm interested."  Yeah, okay, that's a bit of a joke, and not to be taken at face value, but she got the point.  Not a fan of cold, myself, and I'd agree, wait as long as possible before coming over, if you do.  March is still mighty cold, even half way down the eastern seaboard of the US, never mind Canada (and we have the ocean to help regulate temperatures).

 

Thank you AKM...male opinion is what i needed and am getting it... ^_^ ...am pretty well convinced now he definitely is sniffing around in interest. The jealousy comment was the first thing he said to me that got me suspicious in fact, that was also in the conversation we had directly after he had unexpectedly tried to send a Pic of himself to my Cell Phone (Phone I had at the time couldn't take or send/receive photo's)...I forgot to mention the Pic in my OP.

 

lol...I have heard that line before, "You're female, I'm interested", have always like it...is honest at least... :P

 

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When you tell someone you moved from one place to another, alot of people asks you which place you like best. It's kind of a conservation filler, like asking about the weather. But one day, I really thought about it, I don't really think that the temperature or the culture matters, what mattered to me was the people I met and the friends I made.

 

People are the only things I remember.

 

You know what you are getting into. Best of luck, keep us updated :)

 

That is so very true....and is what it all comes down to at the end of the day.

 

Will do on the updates....does sound like they can get Internet, just missing the Computer to go with it, which I will be providing.

 

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The weather....I despise the heat, am not a very good Aussie... :( ....summer hits and I melt into a little puddle of Bourbon... :(

 

My friends tell me it can reach -45 to -48 Celsius where they live...yes, their inland...that's cold!!... :blink: ...I have never experienced such extreme cold, but I know what +45 to +48 Celsius feels like and it's cruel, so I imagine just as cruel in the reverse....They tell me about their Blizzards and how on the cold days they wear their Hoodies and Jackets inside to keep warm and lots of Blankets when they sleep...I asked them if they wear those red cowboy thermals with the bum flaps... :P ...not quite apparently, but they think it s a good idea... :P ...I might need a set myself... :)

 

Would be hard waiting past March, am already itching to go, is hard waiting...but advice heard, I am thinking hard on it.

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The weather....I despise the heat, am not a very good Aussie... :( ....summer hits and I melt into a little puddle of Bourbon... :(

 

You wouldn't like living here then! It can be subzero in the Winter and over 100* (fahrenheit) in the Summer. Spring and Autumn are nice, though!

 

I guess that would be about 35* in the Summer and -20* in the Winter (celcius).

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Guest Ragna_Rok

with all due respect, i dont wanna be the jerk here... but what about you? in general humans should do what is best for them. if you think that goin there is the right thing, god bless you. i for myself wasted a shitload of money and time for someone that after a while simply disappeared, and i curse the day when i went from workaholic to "caring husband". after all its me that pays the bill now.

 

mercy and empathy is fine, and nice, a very honorable character... but exactly this is what made me fuck up myself without even noticing it, and tbh, im never gonna do that again. after all its all about the own survival and being also happy yourself, not making others happy. (thats why i tell people to go fuck themself if they start nagging in my mods support topics :D ... joking. ... or am i? *yoink*)

 

our hearts simply sometimes cloud our judgement. i hope i translated that right and you get my idea, im not native english. best of luck, may malacath be with you ;)

 

ps: yep, folks are right, sounds like hes hitting on you. but who knows, i guess its simply him being lonely.

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lol so what are you asking?

if you should move to them help them out? If they are your friends yes.

is this guys hitting on you? Fuck yes, 99% men to women relations can be reduced to fucking.

 

If you have at last some respect for yourself do not fuck:

- because you pity someone.

- If you have respect for someone, you will lose it afterwards.

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To offer a, well, not really a counter point... just a slightly different perspective on the whole "He's a guy so he wants to fuck you" thing. I'm not saying that opinion is "wrong," as in regards to that he's interested in you. Sure, he can be interested in you. And yes, maybe that's the "root" or "base" of his interest. However, who knows. It could easily be just one facet of his interest and appraisal of you as someone of value to his life. That's from my own personal experience: Apparently a woman is interested in me. I begin to become friends with this woman. I am feeling so very happy, and I feel this woman is interested in me. I bring up the question of us possibly having more than friendship. She says no. Does this hurt? Yup. But was that "all I wanted" from her? Absolutely not. There are a lot of people that shout out that for a man to be friends with a woman, sex has to be a part of it. It doesn't. I still value her as a friend, simple as that. I know that's not the case for all, but it can still end up being the case. Just offering that other view point. 

 

And for the record, I wish you the best of luck, and the greatest of happiness, whichever way this turns out for you. :)

 

*And if you want to read a bit more about this topic I'm speaking on, if you didn't read this thread already, I've written more on this elsewhere:

 

 

 

 

IMO, guys are meant to hook up with girls, and girls are meant to hook up with guys. Go ahead...try to be friends. If you find them attractive, or they find you attractive, then you've got an emotional rollercoaster on your hands. A disaster, just waiting to happen. If a guy's nice to you, and wants to hang out with you, or call you, or anything like that, he wants you. Period. Being "friends" with someone you know likes you is cruel. Cut it out!!

Sometimes you can't have some things. That's okay. There is nothing wrong with a relationship developing to another branch than what might have happened. I say this as someone with friends who are women. Some are in relationships. Some are not. Am I attracted them? Yup, I'm attracted to a lot of women. And you know what? I'm okay with being friends with them, it sure as hell isn't "cruel" of them to do that to me. In fact, it's quite wonderful.

I'm nice to people because I try to be a decent human being.

 

The most important thing is to simply be... emotionally flexible? Bah. I feel that's far too cold a term for it. I don't know. Just view people as human beings first, not as their gender. I'm not saying don't see their gender, we all do that. But just because I'm friends with someone, and they are a woman, doesn't mean I'm hurting because I don't get to fuck her. I'm friends with her. That's great, and that's all I need from her. If one day, one of these female friends was like "hey, I'm interested in more" I might be like "okay" for some of them. For some of them maybe not. It's all based on the individual. Hell. I think I'm just rambling without a goal or purpose now. 

 

But yeah. Women who are friends with me who I find attractive: don't cut it out. You are more to me than just a goal, a prize, a trophy, or a conquest. You are a human being, and I value you as such.

 

 

 

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