Rings of Power by J.R.R. Tokenism.

[Grey Cloud]

Well there you go. It ended as it began - complete shite.

 

The episode starts off with the three weirdos telling meteor man that he is Sauron when the world and his uncle know he isn't.  Ten minutes from the end we get the big reveal that Halbrand is in fact Sauron which the world and his uncle has known since episode one.

 

We had another of the pointless 'tense' scenes where it looks as if Gladys will die when everyone and his dog knows she wont.

 

The good news is that Lenny Henry's character croaked.

 

We didn't see the dwarfs; the Numenoreans featured fleetingly and to no real purpose; and the Southlanders featured not at all. It was mostly th'obbits and th'elves. It ended with three rings being made.

 

An interesting question will be how long a period will elapse between events in S1 and S2 combined with the reported two year gap between now and S2 airing.

[Guest]

Sorry I like it, I'm a Tolkien fan, and I still like it...partly because I know it's a revamp series, and I know what to expect. It's another exploration of one of my all time favorite stories...I have a willingness to forgive and just enjoy.

[Grey Cloud]

9 hours ago, zelphador23 said:

Sorry I like it, I'm a Tolkien fan, and I still like it...partly because I know it's a revamp series, and I know what to expect. It's another exploration of one of my all time favorite stories...I have a willingness to forgive and just enjoy.

As I've stated on numerous occasions, I am not bothered by the lore thing. It is the piss-poor writing, the lack of continuity, the lack of any realistic chronology and the rest of the shambles.

But as far as the lore goes, how can you know what to expect when several of the main characters are made up and most of the Tolkien characters are changed from what they are in the books?

If you think people having a volcano roll over them without any major problem makes for good TV then fair play to you.

Edited October 15, 2022 by Grey Cloud

[Grey Cloud]

You've just bought "The Bumper Book of Tropes and Cliches" off Amazon and this is what you come up with.

Elrond went to the dwarves ostensibly to ask the dwarfs for help in building a super-forge in double-quick time, but really it was to spy and sniff out the dwarfs' secret.
Somehow Gil-galad and Celebrimbor got wind that the dwarfs were up to something which was pretty good seeing as how the dwarfs had only just discovered mithril and no elf had been near the dwarven city.
Coincidentally, the elves had recently discovered that <something, something> so their tree was dying because of <something, something> and so the elves have to leave Middle-Earth or die.
Coincidentally and rather fortuitously, the dwarfs had just discovered mithril and that was what they were keeping secret.
Coincidentally and rather fortuitously, mithril is just what the elves need to stave off the inevitable dying.
At this point there is no way the elves could know that mithril is what they need for the cure.
The upshot of all this is that after Elrond has lied, misled and broken at least one sworn oath (within about five minutes of screen-time) Durin III says the elves aint not getting no mithril. No obvious or logical reason is given for this decision even though Durin III knows it will mean the death of the elves (or their move to Valinor/the Blessed Realms).

 

Durin III and Durin IV have a falling out and Durin IV is stripped of his heir apparent gig.
Meanwhile the balrog awakes. A woke balrog now there's a concept.

The elves end up with a piece of mithril or mithril ore (it's called both throughout) which is about the size of a thumb.
This means that the elves' cunning plan A will have to be down-scaled quite a bit so cunning plan B is hatched which is to make a crown of the metal. The reason for a crown is because it will be circular which means <bullshit, bullshit, mumbo-jumbo> the energy will reflect inwards and amplify (or something similar).
Cunning plan B lasts less time than cunning plan A did. A lot less.

 

In the Southlands the elves had an army of occupation which had been there for hundreds of years because some of the natives had sided with Sauron way back when.
This army of hawk-eyed elves had failed to spot any sign of Adar's army of orcs digging a trench which was hundreds(?) of miles long and had the trees cut down for a hundred yards either side of it.
Coincidentally and rather fortuitously for the orcs, just when Adar is getting ready to make his move, the elves recall their army. Don Lemonlas and his squad get grabbed by the orcs (ouch) and the squad are killed, apart from plucky Don who ends up working with the locals. Nobody in the elven world seems to have noticed that they have a unit missing.
The locals leave their indefensible villages and go to the now abandoned elven watchtower. After a brief sojourn there they decide to head back to their village which is now somehow considered a better defensive option than the stone watchtower.
Also, originally their were people from several villages in the watchtower but only one village's worth of villagers arrive back in the one original village.

The harfoots and meteor man walked from here to there doing nothing in particular until the final episode when the three weirdo priestesses turn up thinking that meteor man is Sauron (they obviously don't have access to the Internet). Meteor man aided by the plucky harfoots, does battle with them and as he banishes them they go all (female) Nazghul before disappearing. Lenny Henry dies, the harfoots are basically homeless as one of the weirdos torched their carts, and female Frodo goes off with meteor man.

 

In Numenor after several mood swings by everyone from the queen regent to the man in the street, the Numenorean queen regent decides to send an army of five hundred lances and five ships to fight Sauron.
At this point they have no idea where Sauron is (he's actually there in Numenor taking part in the planning), only a vague idea of where some of the orcs may be, no idea of enemy numbers or plans but hey, five hundred troops should be enough to fettle it.
This cunning plan lasts all of five minutes before two of the five ships get blown to smithereens in one explosion in the harbour. So their cunning plan B is three ships and presumably three hundred chaps and chapesses. Plus horses, equipment and all the rest.
After a several hundred mile mad dash across Middle-Earth this army, coincidentally and rather fortuitously for the locals and Don Lemonlas, arrives at exactly the right place and at exactly the right time to save the day.
Well they would have except that Adar has an ace up his sleeve and sends his trusty sidekick to use the MacGuffin key to open a sluice gate, which releases the water from a mountain lake to cascade down the mountain, run along the trench built by the orcs, enter a convenient hole in the side of Mt Soon-to-become-Mt Doom which causes a volcanic eruption even though there was no pressure inside the mountain/volcano. From inside the mountain the water is shown entering from the top.
Boom! Scratch one Numenorean army.

 

What's left of the Numenoreans leave Middle-Earth to return home with the intention of coming back bigger and better in an "I'll be back/I shall return" type of deal. Don Lemonlas and a small unit stay in Middle-Earth. Poor old Don is a long way from the mithril. Not that he knows anything about this.

 

And then there is Gladys.
When the series opens Gladys has been searching for Sauron, or any sign of Sauron, for several hundred years. After her six, seven or eight men (it varied from scene to scene) mutiny she is forced to return home. No sooner has she arrived when the High King sticks her on a ship and packs her off to Valinor.
Gladys is not for having it so she jumps ship just as Valinor comes into view. She literally jumps ship in the middle of the ocean meaning she has to swim all the way back to Middle-Earth. Coincidentally and rather fortuitously, she bumps into a raft of survivors from a ship which was attacked by a sea-serpent thing some days earlier.
Coincidentally and rather fortuitously, the sea-serpent turns up again and trashes the raft. I say fortuitously because all the other erstwhile survivors are killed with only Glady and Halbrand left. Somehow Halbrand had had the foresight to construct the raft so as to have a sort of escape pod part. When the sea-serpent approached he pulled on a rope which disengaged his part of the raft from the main part.
Coincidentally and rather fortuitously, some days later Gladys and Halbrand bump into a Numenorean ship which takes them back to Numenor. No reason is given as to why this Numenorean ship is sailing about on its own in the middle of nowhere.

During the immediate aftermath of the volcanic eruption Gladys manages to become separated from the Numenoreans and the villagers. There is no obvious reason as to how or why this happened. She can clearly see others moving about in the village and hear people shouting.
She eventually makes it back to a camp the Numenoreans had built. This is basically the first we learn about the existence of this camp which is more of a camping-site than any sort of military camp. Here she is reunited with Halbrand who is so seriously wounded that only elven medicine can save him. So she and Halbrand immediately set off on a six-day ride to the elven capitol. They are shown leaving the camp at a canter and later approaching the capitol at a gallop. Needless to say that five minutes later Halbrand is as right as rain and wandering about.
There is a laughable scene where Gladys rides into the city under via an ally. They obviously wanted to convey urgency but did not trust the brakes on the horse so her horse walked in and they sped up the film. It looked like a silent movie. Of Halbrand's wound Gladys says "Enemy lance. Six days ago". The orcs weren't using anything resembling lances.

 

Gladys' big news about the return of Sauron gets pushed aside by the hullabaloo over the mithril and dying thing. The episode and the series ends with three rings being made (for Gladys, Gil-Glad and Elrond I think) and Halbrand being revealed as Sauron. Glady's ring is a different colour than the other two for some unknown and inexplicable reason.

So after eight weeks and eight hours we know that Halbrand is Sauron (well knock me down with a feather). We don't know who the meteor man is or why he arrived via meteor being unable to speak and with total amnesia. There doesn't seem any further reason for the harfoots or the dwarfs (apart from something for the balrog to attack). The three weirdo priestesses are more or less redundant if they are still 'alive'. Even meteor man/Gandalf/Blue Wizard is redundant if Gladys is going to do everything.
Things are afoot in Numenor with the old king dying, queenie being blind (the volcano) and Pharazon scheming. Oh, and let's not forget that Isildur is missing presumed dead though everyone and his uncle (and even Isildur's horse) knows he isn't.

 

I'd guess that next season will involve flip-flopping between the war in the southlands, the balrog clearing out Khazad Dum, meteor man and female Frodo wandering about and probably some more made up nonsense. And perhaps they will come up with a reason for Isildur's sister being in the show.

There will be more slo-mo and DoF.

 

I still say that this is the worst TV series I have ever seen. It fails in every department. And it's not just me. Not for nothing did Amazon hide negative reviews; lie about viewing figures; called critics evil, misogynists, and racists; and launch a propaganda campaign to defend the show.

 

Six images - one's a map, one's CGI and three out of the remaining for have DoF.

 

More or less the opening shot from episode 8.

 

 

 

 

 

Gladys rides in. This is the scene where she rides in to the elven capitol, conveniently and rather fortuitously just where Elrond and Celebrimbor are stood talking (they are just off screen in the bottom left corner. The speeded up part went from her emerging from the archway on the right to about a second after this shot.

Example of poor writing - Gladys dismounts and says to Celebrimbor "Will you help him?". The question should be "Can you help him?".

 

 

 

 

 

Elven medicine in action. "Lance wound to the side? Quickly nurse, mop his brow".

 

 

 

 

 

Is it me or does Gil-Galad look less like an elven High-King and more like a decadent Roman emperor who think he is a god?

 

 

 

 

 

Even Sauron has to meet his inclusivity quotas. Ring-wraithesses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Halbrand's six-day ride.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 16, 2022 by Grey Cloud

[Grey Cloud]

Here's a pic of the trench and the landscape which the elves failed to spot.

 

 

[Grey Cloud]

One I missed. Gladys dismounting after her 6-day ride.

 

"Full armour?" "I laugh in the face of full armour".

 

 

If a bloke had tried swinging his leg over the horse's head his voice would be two octaves higher by the time his feet hit the ground.

[Grey Cloud]

 

 

Boromir's preparing for The Battle of Reddit.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-90vME8I_8

 

[Grey Cloud]

An interesting four minutes.

 

[steelpanther24]

8 minutes ago, Grey Cloud said:

An interesting four minutes.

 

 

And here I would have thought you would have brought up Larry the Cat for PM sometime in this thread, or at least lettuce.

[Grey Cloud]

3 minutes ago, steelpanther24 said:

 

And here I would have thought you would have brought up Larry the Cat for PM sometime in this thread, or at least lettuce.

Politics is a no-no otherwise I would have plenty to say about the clowns 'governing' this country.

[Snoopy911]

Didn't watch the show but after seeing this summary i think the story was quite ok.