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Sex in the front of the children?


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My Ivy and Prince have in plan to have a baby.  Among many things about parenthood we also talked about having sex in the front of the children. We have read many articles abut it and we always found conversational and opposite standpoints. Some experts says that it is improper, immoral and can have bad influence on child, while others says completely opposite. (similar controversies about quarreling in the front of children).  We also checked the law in our country but it is undefined and opposite. In some cases parents can be arrested and sentenced to prison if the child reports them to social service for "immoral" behaving, but in many cases sex in the front of the children is not against that law. It only doesn't recommend having sex in the front of the children.  The thing I don't "understand" is why would sex in the front of the children  be illegal and improper since our ministry of education brought the new law in 2016 about sex and sexuality education in our school to the children in the age of 9-10 teaching them that sexual act is natural thing even among same genders. They even encourage children to have sex in later age with proper protection (condoms and similar). Love and sympathy isn't mention at all and sex is presented only as a normal human urge and need like hunger and thirst that can be fulfilled with anyone. We didn't talk about this subject with our parents because we know they will be against it.

 

So, my Ivy and I think that once we have a children we should educate them about sex as quite normal and if they aren't bothered or disturbed seeing us having sex, we think we should have it. My Prince says that he doesn't have a problem having sex in the front of our baby, but once it grows to the age when it understand things much deeper and better, we shouldn't have sex in the front of the child even if the child is not disturbed by it. He thinks he will be embarrassed if the child see us. But he also think that sex in the front of the children isn't bad and can't have negative impact on them if they are properly educated and prepared for it. Some researches in our country showed that the children, if being educated about sex in early age exploring less about their sexuality later, in the preteen and teen age.

 

My question is: what do you think? Is it good and normal to have a sex in the front of the children or should it be avoided at any cost?

Please, be serious and respectful in your responses.  Thank you.

 

Two important things: English is not my native language and I apologize if I presented my arguments poorly. Second, I'm coming from very conservative culture in Europe that still doesn't know which direction to go: modern Western or conservative religious.

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It's interesting to consider. I saw somewhere that it was actually determined that children raised in a household where the parents never drank had a higher risk becoming alcoholics then those children raised in households where the parents drank responsibly in front of the children.

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I don't think it's a good idea.

 

What you should definitely not give up on though, is showing physical affection to each other. And for instance, not panic or be embarrassed when your kid happens to walk in on you having sex. That's already fostering an attitude that treats sex(uality) as healthy.

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But there's also plenty of normal people on the planet whose parents didn't have sex in front of them or tried not to anyway :)

It depends on the type of sex and their age too. Personally, I'd stop as soon as they start talking, because they will keep asking questions and want to know every detail. Teenagers might take it weirdly as they struggle with puberty as well as the traumatising knowledge that their parents still "do the wild thing" especially if involves toys, chains and latex :)

As Doc said show them affection, but even nudity but that raises questions too without having to explain doggy style. We never made it a thing to worry about if we were naked or not changing or showering in front of our 3yo but do now because it's damn embarrassing and hard to get a 3yo girl to stop talking about "boys have doodles" in public once they start :D


The problems also come when they start talking to other peoples kids who have zero idea and then you end up with a kindergarden of 3-5yos comparing doodles and nu-nu's then trying to replicate adult behaviours as a game.

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42 minutes ago, EvalovesEP said:

My question is: what do you think? Is it good and normal to have a sex in the front of the children or should it be avoided at any cost?

Please, be serious and respectful in your responses.  Thank you.

As you have said English is not your first language and when we translate into English from any Language something is lost in the translation.

Are you asking for an opinion? an answer based on science, the law, or public consensus?

 

your first question was perfect, "what do you think"  unfortunately, most people will answer you with what they "feel"

Asking if something is "good or normal"  requires a subjective answer based on the individual's upbringing, and moral leanings....in other words their feelings.

 

Here is what I think.  NOTHING is wrong, only saying it is, makes it so.  Children who are brought up in Nudist colonies do not freak out when they see someone nude.

Boys and men do not get immediate erections when they see the opposite sex nude.  Children in this environment view sex and nudity as two separate entities, and not as something vulgar as the sanctified would have us see it.

  Contrary to most of what you read, children take as normal anything they grow up with.  As long as you are able to answer any questions they have with simplicity and honesty, you have nothing to worry about.

Teenagers tend to go out and seek answers for themselves, comparing what they think as normal with the will of the mob.

If you can manage to teach you children two things in life then you will be among the best parents in the world.

 

Teach them how to solve there own problems....be available to advise, but always ask them to try on their own first.

Teach them to question everything, even what you tell them to be true.....in this they learn independence of thought. 

Again be available to answer any and all questions to the best of your ability .

 

 

I knew a mother once who was totally prepared for the day when her son would ask the question "where did I come from?"

So the day arrived when young Billy came running into the house with the question" Mom, where do we come from?"

So mom sat her son down and pulled out the videos , charts, and pictures and over the course of the next hours answered her son's question.

When it was over, she looked her son in the eye and said "well, what do you think". 

Her son replied "well, Eric says he came from Ottawa"

 

Must important rule, make sure you fully understand the question before answering?

 

 

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Good points so far everyone.

Here is the summary of few interesting surveys. Some surveys in our country and some other countries says that great majority of male population is against sex in the front of the children while great number of female population supports it. Also, boys feels more uncomfortable to talk about sex with their parents, especially with their mothers, and only small percentage of them talks about it with their fathers who also, mostly feels uncomfortable to talk about it.  Ivy and I talked about it with our moms and my Prince talked to his father. We got very positive and good answers on our questions.

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Well the the last thing you want is your child drawing a picture in school saying to the teacher that it's their mommies and daddy doing the mambo.:wink: So just let the kids know what happens in the house stays in the house just like Vegas. :classic_biggrin::mrgreen::thumbsup: You seem to be getting good answers from everybody so far :classic_laugh::wink:

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The english speaking western culture is mostly still heavily influenced by christianity, so in general the consensus would be very negative to the idea of having sex in front of the children. Especially once they are no longer babies. Generally once a child is walking. I suspect most english speaking countries legal systems would kick in rapidly and the risk of the state removing your children is very high.

 

A lot of people would immediately equate this behaviour as predatory and a form of "grooming"  of the child, leading to paedophilia. 

 

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Just now, Lunsmann said:

The english speaking western culture is mostly still heavily influenced by christianity, so in general the consensus would be very negative to the idea of having sex in front of the children. Especially once they are no longer babies. Generally once a child is walking. I suspect most english speaking countries legal systems would kick in rapidly and the risk of the state removing your children is very high.

 

A lot of people would immediately equate this behaviour as predatory and a form of "grooming"  of the child, leading to paedophilia. 

 

thars pretty much on what evalovesep wants to happen

 

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I certainly could not fuck my wife in front of any of our kids, she certainly would not even consider doing it for even a moment. 

When I was a kid, my parents used to fuck like bunnies, behind closed doors. It was bad enough having to listen to all the goddamned heavy breathing and moaning. Talk about being embarrassed. The house had wooden floors, so even while they were fucking away in their room, if any of us kids walked past (to go to the kitchen for example) the creaking floor board would make them stop for a few seconds. So even they were aware of our presence, and after could not look any of us in the eye. 

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5 minutes ago, Lunsmann said:

The english speaking western culture is mostly still heavily influenced by christianity, so in general the consensus would be very negative to the idea of having sex in front of the children. Especially once they are no longer babies. Generally once a child is walking. I suspect most english speaking countries legal systems would kick in rapidly and the risk of the state removing your children is very high.

 

A lot of people would immediately equate this behaviour as predatory and a form of "grooming"  of the child, leading to paedophilia. 

 

That lady next door, three feet from your window, washing her dishes and peering into your bathroom,

might have a thing or two to say to authorities.

She'd prolly report your kid taking a bath while you and a friend had sex on the toilet.

"You" being anyone anywhere, I gotta start working on my pronouns,

It's fine until it isn't, every couple years.

  Like, OK, here's one, remember when "South Park" could have a song (for kids?) that kept repeating "Fuck"?

Now they censor suSPICious closed captions.

People get killed for wearing the wrong hats.

My posts get deleted for not being obsequious (or something)

Sex around kids? 

I guess it would depend on the parents.

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Gone are the days when we lived in caves and longhouses together with up to thirty relatives in a family clan.

We discovered privacy and began to separate ourselves from those not directly involved, esp. in body contact.

That goes for our own children as well, at the latest when we realize the dawn of consciousness in them. Since

I don't rely on 3rd party surveys but tend to make up my own mind, I stopped having sex in the presence of

my baby boy when he started to walk upright after a year, thus avoiding unnecessary irritations. Guess it was

an instinctive reaction w/o any scientific or religious reasoning. It simply didn't feel right anymore. End of story.

 

 

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@Destynova99

 

You're quite obviously confusing nakedness with sex here but you shouldn't. Let me make an educated guess - you have no children and thus no personal experience as a parent with the little ones. Am I right or am I right? Look, a child, and not just that of nudists, usually starts to reject its own total nakedness in public already in the pre-pubertal phase at the dawn of sexuality, it increasingly becomes shy for its feelings get hurt, thus feels intense shame and might even understand it as gender intrusive (my son was not yet five when, out of the blue, it became a problem for a woman to show him how penis hygiene is done in practice, much less for grandpa), especially in public as it is required in nudism, and this much to the dismay of the parents. Long after puberty the juvenile might become the even greater fan of these things tho, just sayin'.

 

That tells us something about the human psyche during the stage of sexual development and thereafter, the all-important role of personal sexual privacy, the little sanctuary behind a closed door, or the pants that simply remain on if possible, the relative importance of personal exhibitionism in the family and in public, the respect given and received on a learning curve and thus, of personal freedom. The bond between mother and child is essential for the infantile development of a human being and it is exclusively based on love and trust. The goal is mutual respect and understanding. And the door swings both ways...

 

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The glorious English speaking western culture and Christianity:

 

 

Some people, such as Samuel Clemens and Robert Heinlein had something to say about it. And if Mark Twain's books still not banned, some Heinlein's books basically sheltered and ignored by enlightened English speaking society. Since we are on the Loverslab I think I might dare to recommend his particularly scandalous "To Sail Beyond the Sunset" and still avoid lynching (although it's hard to say for sure this days)

Also Neal Stephenson wrote "Snow Crash", which had no direct commentary on Christianity, but was quite liberal and included some especially triggering material (for modern English speaking countries). Some 20 years later USA pretends his book never existed.

 

Finally I just love to shove this in the faces of our fellow Americans:

 

 

From the safe distance (greatly exceeding effective range of their biggest rifles)

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I never had children so i'll just tell what i think about it. Not that it differs much from what others have already said.

 

For me, a true baby, like something up to 6 mounths, won't be a problem and i would probably do it. Probably using it's sleep time. I see sex as something personal and that's why i wouldn't do it in front of a kid, neither a friend or anyone else. A children usually tries to replicate what they see from it's parents.

If you have lots of sex in front of the children and it see the act as a good thing, you may have a boy or girl at five asking for other children to become nude and do the 'adult' thing. It's all play time for them. Once i was playing with my younger cousin, we were only kids, and when we were alone, he asked me if i wanted to kiss him like his parents did, because it must be good. I denied, then, but certaintly i wasn't the only one he asked. If you know how to raise your children, you won't have problems, but a young 'guy' that sees his father going rough with his wife without any explanation today may be the "rapist" from tomorrow (talking about a kid forcing other to do it). Things like this can happen., for example.

 

So whatever you decide to do, be it do sex in front of it in any age or never even show a bare breast, always be talkative, always listen and explains everything, and as said, know to understand what your kid is saying. Ask it about things, how his life is going, what it thinkgs about sex and this kind of thing. You don't need to do sex in front of a children to explain to it how it works, and for it to be ok with nudity. You can show it non sexual pictures, for example. I wouldn't recommend watching a good porn movie with a kid, but that's just me lol

 

I talk about my experience as a kid that was always denied this kind of content. I was raised in a religious family, my parents don't even touch the subject, and we feel a bit embarassed with the most simple joke about it even now that i have 25 years. When we were watching a movie that had something more sexual, and i'm not talking even about nudity, my sister and parents would make me hide my eyes. I never, ever, heard anything about sex from them. I just question myself if they even do sex anymore. I mean, i know they did it at least twice, one for me and one for my sister, and that's all. I remember me and my sister used to watch a lot of animes, and there were some that i coudln't watch. She would just not let me.

So i grew this way. And i was a very simple kid. My friend had a Playboy issue in his house, and he asked me if i wanted to see it (in front of his mother, she didn't care), and i denied. Because i wansn't of age to see it. This is what not talking about sex can do to a kid. Instead of searching for it, denynig it completely.

But, here i am, on loverslab. Of course, what is forbidden, becomes interesting. I started searching for it on the internet. I would wait before everyone was away to "borrow" one hentai manga that my sister had for a while... Then i started using the internet. I have a deep respect for women, worked as a body piercer and never had any problems with a woman being nude in front of me (by this i mean no erections). So, you don't need to talk about sex and show yourself to a kid to have it understand how things are. I think my parents doesn't even know that i frequent adult forums and see hentai/porn. Or they don't care. But they will never talk.
Sorry to go a bit off topic into my personal life.

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On 8/14/2018 at 9:36 AM, Jazzman said:

I stopped having sex in the presence of

my baby boy when he started to walk upright after a year,

It doesn't matter anyway. They are sneaky and spy on you ...and if they are good at it, you'll never notice.

In their earlier years they might not have an idea what's going on (I didn't) and depending on your noises they could be worried (no, I wasn't, they sounded pretty ok) . Or they are simply puzzled about it. (yes I was. No clue what sport they did in their bed)

 

Later, they know it.

 

So go on , hide it. It's part of their game :classic_laugh:

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38 minutes ago, worik said:

So go on , hide it. It's part of their game :classic_laugh:

And what's your game as parent, now or later, if ever, hmm? 

Sneaking around the child's room when (uh, heaven forbid eh?) the other sex comes to visit for the very first time during or after puberty? Permanently entering the room uninvited w/o knocking, asking silly questions like ice cream, anyone? A limo maybe or anything else? As I've said already, it's all about the respect of some privacy and mutual trust based on love. Curiosity is all-too human, but we have to learn to control it on a healthy level. That's what personal red lines are good for, for both children and parents.

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16 minutes ago, Jazzman said:

Sneaking around the child's room when the opposing sex comes to visit for the very first time during or after puberty? Permanently entering the room uninvited w/o knocking, asking silly questions like ice cream, anyone? A limo maybe or anything else?

That's the family tradition :classic_wink: Whether I like it or not. I have to ...

My mom did it until I moved out and I guess my grandparents did it to my parents too. ... and I have an idea what my grandgrandparents did

 

Edit: Though I must admit I have no idea what this sneak-up-on-my-child is good for. ? Well, aside from honoring the tradition. But in fact I am muuuch to lazy for that, that's where my certain other one can draw the job and stand at guard :classic_smile:

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