"I figured it was just performance anxiety," I told Piper as we walked down the hill away from Ridge, "so I leaned in and helped him. And the thing that upsets me so much is that the person who I was before the war would never have done something like that. I mean, I wouldn't have cajoled him into a sex act he was uncomfortable with either, but especially putting my hands on him when he was so reluctant and uncomfortable."

 

"Did he tell you to stop?" She asked me.

 

I shook my head, "no. He didn't let on that he was upset until after we were done. But that doesn't matter. I should have got his consent before I touched him. And I should have respected that he felt shy and not pressured him into masturbating."

 

"OK, reality check for Charley," Piper said. "And listen, I'm the first in line to stand up when somebody's using power to get sex. You didn't threaten him. You didn't force him. You didn't keep going after he told you to stop. In fact, the way you tell it, the instant he even suggested he didn't consent to what you were doing, you stopped and you apologized."

 

"No, that's not enough," I said. "There was a defect of consent just by who I am. Like he said, I was his idol. And from the conversations we've had, a lot of people seem to feel that way. God knows why. But I was already coercing him just because of our relationship. It was my responsibility to make sure I had clear and enthusiastic consent, not just his acquiescence."

 

Piper looked a little confused. "Is that how things were before the war?"

 

"It's how it was once, before the war. It was changing, because people just ignored the law and did what they wanted. When I was in law school, I studied the cases that changed precedent about consent, and they were a travesty. It was right up there with Dred Scott in how nakedly wrong SCOTUS made the call. OK, maybe not Dred Scott, that was a shit show, but certainly Korematsu."

 

The reported frowned at me, "The more you talk, the fewer of your words I'm understanding. Can you make it simple for the dumb people?"

 

 

I let out a long breath. "You're not dumb, Piper. And I'm sorry I'm throwing out the hundred-dollar words. "OK, before the war, the law had this concept called sexual assault."

 

"That's rape, you mean?"

 

"Not exactly. If you imagine sexual assault as a pie, then rape is two or three slices of the pie."

 

"Blue, now you're talking down a little too much."

 

"Fine, sorry, my point is, sexual assault is any unwelcome sexual contact, or behavior that would make a reasonable person think that unwelcome sexual contact was about to happen. If I kick down your door and wave around a strap-on and holler 'get ready, daddy's home!' that's probably sexual assault even if I don't lay a finger on you. At least, that's how it used to be."

 

Piper strung out her words slowly. "The way you describe it, it sounds like almost anything between two people is sexual assault."

 

"Yup, and that kept the laws going back through the appeals courts from time to time, because those 'reasonable person' and 'unwelcome' qualifiers meant different things to different people. Eventually, we got stuck with a bunch of judges who made decisions based on politics and not the law, and those phrases just stopped meaning anything at all."

 

Piper quicked her pace a little so she was walking side by side with me. "I can relate to that. I've seen it happen. I think I know what you're saying, too, but I kind of feel like you need to just come out and say it, or it'll keep eating at you."

 

"Did I rape that guy, Piper?"

 

"No."

 

I frowned, "you're not helping."

 

"Yes I am, Blue. Listen to me: that guy probably fantasized about having your mouth on his cock every day of the week. Hell, it sounds like that was his problem... too much sex on the brain. You gave him what he wanted, and probably what he needed."

 

"But how do I know? I didn't ask him first. And after, I could tell I'd hurt him."

 

I slowed down a bit as we started picking our way down a rocky bit of hill, and she grasped my shoulders and turned me to face her.

 

 

"Blue, do you think you we sexually assaulting the Vault citizens when you only let them wear these vault suits, that let everyone see their bodies?"

 

I stopped, trying to think of the right words, and then I plopped down on a rock, sighing.

 

"I think maybe I was," I admitted.

 

Piper sidled up next to me. "Same with making visitors get naked in your towns?"

 

"Yeah, same with that."

 

"What about when you stuck that tube in my mouth and yelled at me until I drank my own piss?"

 

"Can you forgive me, Piper? I feel like I'm completely out of control. I don't think I'm me anymore."

 

Piper turned her face from me, but before she did I could see she looked really hurt.

 

 

"Blue," she said slowly, "have you ever considered that maybe you aren't the person who went into that vault?"

 

"Yeah," I said. "I've thought about it a lot. You ever heard of the Ship of Theseus?"

 

"Never."

 

"Well, the idea is, if you replace little bits of something until every single part is new, is it still the same thing, or is it something new? And when does it make the change?"

 

"That's... kind of deep, Blue. I don't think I've got an answer to that, but I think I've got an answer to something else." 

 

"Oh?"

 

"Before the war, you were someone who - given time - might have changed the world. Changed that world. When you came out of the vault, you'd become someone who could change this world. At least, if you let yourself."

 

"That's a really kind way to put it, Piper. But it was a pretty horrifying process." 

 

"Sometimes change is messy and horrible," she agreed. "And we don't always get to choose when we have to change. But we do, because there isn't an alternative. It's change or die, right?"

 

I nodded silently.

 

"And its like these laws you talk about. Back then, for all the problems you had, it sounds like everyone kind of agreed on what they wanted their society to be like. Even people like you, who wanted to change it, wanted to change it into something you'd still recognize. Have I got that right?"

 

Again, I nodded sullenly.

 

"Blue, tell me this. The Commonwealth - like you said before, it's dying. Raiders don't just steal, they eat people and make clothes out of their skin. Super mutants are everywhere. Private armies are everywhere. The governments are either so tiny or so corrupt or so weak that they can't accomplish anything. When you're done with what you have in mind, do you want to still be able to recognize the Commonwealth? Or do you want it to be something completely new and different?"

 

"If I could snap my fingers and do it, I'd burn most of it to the ground."

 

"Yeah, I thought so," Piper said. "And the laws you lived by, that you cherished in the old world... do you think those laws will work in this world?"

 

"I thought they could."

 

"You know, you have some funny blind spots, Blue."

 

I laughed, "yes, yes I do. And I'm finding more and more of them every day."

 

"So let me give you some advice, Blue. Don't hold yourself to laws that were made for a different time and made for different people. You're the Overseer now, whether you like it or not. Make the laws that work for this time and this place. If it works for you to have my tits flopping around everywhere I go, do it. If it works for you to only allow forced labor when you've got some kind of direct control over it, when the people in charge of it answer to you... make it that way. And if you feel like you did something wrong after you suck off a settler and you realize he didn't enjoy it the way you hoped, then make rules that'll avoid that in the future. But don't just beat yourself up when something doesn't go the way you hoped. Learn from it and do better next time."

 

"I wish it was that easy, Piper."

 

"Tell me something, Blue."

 

"Sure."

 

"This rock we're sitting on, are we still in Ridge?" 

 

I nodded. "I think so. I can still see the radio tower from here and we aren't at the bottom of the hill."

 

"Good," she said, "then I won't be breaking my promise. Seems like you need something to make you feel like you're getting punished, and then something sweet to make you feel better. Am I right?"

 

"I don't know if I'm in the mood," I started.

 

"I know, baby, my baby Blue." she giggled, "but you need it, don't you? You need a good spanking?"

 

My cheeks flushed a little at the thought. "It'd feel good," I admitted, "but I don't know if it's appropriate."

 

"Since when has 'appropriate' been a word in your vocabulary, Blue? You literally break every rule of decency, every day, and the people line up to copy you and they love it. You think you need to be punished for, how'd you put it? Not reading the room? Fine. Lie down and take your punishment."

 

I paused, trying to figure out how to spin this into an example about how I'd played too loose with consent in my relationships, and after a moment Piper stopped me with a sharp look. "You're about to try and tell me that this is an example of you not giving me enthusiastic consent, right?"

 

I grimaced and nodded. "Blue, you gotta understand that you're holding yourself to an impossible standard on this one. I'm telling you, because I love you and we sleep in the same bed every night, that you need some relief. Now lie down and take your spanking."

 

I relented then, and lay down against the rock. Piper straddled me, her warm thighs pinning my arms in place as she turned my hip to expose my butt. The first slap was a little tenuous, a little gentle, but once she got going she really laid into me. I whimpered, feeling my face flushing with blood, as she delivered one smack after another.

 

 

After what felt like an hour of spanking, my cheeks were hot, throbbing knots, and I was panting in fast, shallow breaths. Piper moved back a little, positioning her hips right over my head. "Now I'm going to relieve myself, because I know you have a weird obsession with piss. I'm guessing you don't want to show up to the quarry with your hair smelling like yesterday's coffee, so you better catch it all and drink up. 

 

She gave me a moment to adjust my position before the released her bladder. The first bits of her stream splashed against my cheek and threatened to go up my nose, so I leaned forward to lock my lips over her sex, eagerly gulping down her hot, salty brew. When that was done, she lay down next to me and then leaned in to start licking the partially dried cum off my chest. When I was clean, she beckoned me closer and then met me in a deep kiss.

 

 

Piper had held the settler's cum in her mouth, and the rubbery gobs passed between us as our kiss dragged on. I'd always enjoyed the mixed flavors of piss and cum; I found that each fluid cancelled out the harshest notes of the other. When Nate and I had first really entered the physical stage of our courtship, I'd play a game with him where, if he complained about needing to use the bathroom, I'd fondle his cock so he'd get erect and couldn't pee. Then I'd proceed to suck him off and make him wash down his inevitably huge load with the contents of his bladder. This was a fraction of the volume, of course, but it still gave me the warm and fuzzies.

 

Piper finally drew back, giving me a dreamy smile. "I don't know about you, but I'm kind of ready for a nap now. I think I'm going to rule that this counts as a the 'fuck at Ridge' that I owed you. Fair?"

 

Still in a bit of my own oxytocin haze, I nodded, then paused for adding, "yeah, I think we can steal a few minutes to catch our breath."

 

After cuddling in silence for a while, Piper said, "Blue, can I run a theory by you?"

 

"Sure," I said.

 

"I think you're an idealist. Like, the ideas that appeal to you the most are really high level, far reaching ideas. You want to build a society that has a rule of law so it doesn't depend on a single strong leader. You want to get rid of cliques and social classes and even just have men and women be totally equal. You don't want anyone to have so much as a finger laid on them - or even to think someone's going to touch them - without their permission. For some folks, they get fired up about a religion, or they fall in love with their job, but you want to seek out the biggest, wildest ideas and make them reality."

 

"I guess you could say that, sure."

 

"Now I'm not making excuses for how you made that settler feel. I think you did get a little out of control, and you should learn from that. But you also need to study your ideals, and study how they can realistically come to pass. Like, to give one example, don't get so obsessed with permission for everything that you take all the spontaneity out of our love life. Instead, refine that ideal down to its core. Now, tell me if I've got this right: in your time, the idea behind the laws about sexual assault was that no one should be afraid that their body is going to be used in a hurtful or degrading way?"

 

"That's probably a good read on it."

 

"OK, so you need to adapt that idea to this environment. Strip away - no pun intended - all the cultural baggage from your own time and drill down to that core concept. People shouldn't live in fear that their freedom is going to get taken away by someone else. And not just like, the freedom of owning their body."

 

"Bodily sovereignty," I offered.

 

"That's like two hundred caps of words right there, but sure. If you say to. Not just bodily sovereignty but their other freedoms too. Don't take away their freedom of the press," she winked, "obviously the most important one. Don't take away their freedom of religion, or their freedom to air their grievances."

 

"You've been reading the bill of rights," I observed.

 

"Believe it or not, education isn't completely dead in the Commonwealth. We still learn about some parts of the old world, and that's one that managed to survive all this time. But stop distracting me. Seriously, you need to boil down these ideas you have and instead of obsessing with every little detail of the old world laws, you need to make some new world laws, ones that you're going to hold everyone to. Make a new bill of rights, and see if the people accept it."

 

"I think you mean, make a new constitution."

 

"Whatever. But that's your job. Stop stressing about the other things, at least stop till you've done that. Make your, oh, make your manifesto. I can see it now," she said with an expansive gesture, ending with her cupping my cheek in her hand. "The Sanctuary Manifesto, Overseer Ellison's blueprint for revolution. What do you think? Can you make that happen?"

 

 

I let my cheek fall into her palm, savoring the warmth. "That's a tall order, Piper. I might need some help from a talented writer."

 

She grinned at me slyly. "I think that can be arranged, my love."

 

We ended up taking the long way around Sanctuary to get to the quarry, mostly just walking in silence, enjoying the scenery and being alone together. The long talk with Piper had given me a chance to work out a lot of the anxiety I'd been feeling ever since we started our tour, and while I didn't feel like any of my concerns had been completely resolved, I saw the merit in Piper's idea about putting my principles down in writing. More importantly, if gave me something else to think about than just dwelling on my own insecurities and imperfections.

 

It was almost sunset when we arrived at the quarry. Checking in with Lieutenant Dean, I got a quick report from her about how things were going at the base, and introduced her to Piper. 

 

Dean reached up and offered me an old lightbulb that looked like it was filled with some sort of phosphorescent liquid. "Here," she said, "hang this on your belt. That way the others will recognize you as a friendly even in this fog. And you too, Piper. By the way, I love your paper. Keep up the good work."

 

 

We both accepted our bulbs before I pressed my earlier question about the state of affairs in the camp. Dean shrugged, and her answer kind of dodged my question. "Plenty of food and clean water, solid defenses, good command of the road. What's to complain about?"

 

Piper was the one who called our out on it. "Oh, come on, L-T, I've never heard of a soldier or a guard that doesn't have something to bitch about. You've got Overseer Ellison standing here three feet in front of you and you don't have anything you want to ask for?"

 

She hesitated, looking torn on how to proceed.

 

"It's fine," I said, "tell me what you need. That's half the point of these visits."

 

"And the other half?" Dean asked cautiously.

 

"To let Piper see what life is like around here."

 

The lieutenant seemed relieved to hear that, and she nodded with a little less guardedness. "Piper, I'm sure the guys will be happy to talk with you. And boss, I mean... Overseer?"

 

I nodded, "I'm the boss of a Vault, right?"

 

Dean shrugged, "makes sense. Well, Overseer, we'd like to be able to move our families in, and to open up some businesses. You know, turn this camp into a real little town."

 

"Hmm," I thought, "do you have the room to feed and house everyone?"

 

Dean nodded, "space is a little tight up here on top, by the road, sure." Then she pointed towards the pit of the quarry, "but down there, you could fit all of Sanctuary inside. That's where we'd settle the civilians."

 

"What about food and water?" I asked.

 

"On slow days I've been looking at the settings on the ASAM sensors you gave us to help set up the base. They've got several plans for building floating farms out on the water. Since the quarry isn't totally drained - and it keeps getting fresh water whenever it rains - we can use those to really build up our food production. Water's trickier, we were hoping that Sanctuary could fabricate some industrial water purifiers for us to use."

 

"I'm working with Jake Evans to unlock some new options in the ASAMs. When I get back to Concord, I'll ask him if those hidden options include any water purification equipment."

 

"Shit," she said, smiling, "if you'll pardon the turn of phrase. That would change everything. Don't get me wrong, the industrial purifier would do the job too, but something we could build and maintain ourselves? That'd be like a dream come true. So what do you think, um, Overseer? Can we turn this place into a proper town?"

 

"Draw up a detailed plan," I said, "and send it to Concord with your next report. I'll review it, and if its solid I'll approve it. The primary mission is still the same - control the road into Concord - but I don't see any reason we can't move your families in as long as it'll be safe and you'll have enough supplies."

 

"Is there a place we can get some rest, Lieutenant? I want to give your base a proper inspection, but night's almost here and I think that's a job for the morning."

 

"Of course, Overseer," she said, evidently no longer hesitating to use the title. "Follow me down the ramp and I'll show you to a cabin you can use."

 

The 'cabin' was a fixed up capsule home, similar to the one we'd set up at Abernathy Farm, and it was generally spartan, with trash littered on the floor and only the bare necessities present.

 

"We need to fix up this place a little," I mused.

 

"It's gotta be tough living here," Piper agreed, "these capsules are barely better than wood shacks in this condition, and separated from their families? Must be lonely and boring."

 

"Before we leave tomorrow, let's see if we can put some ASAMs to good use, maybe we can give them an upgrade."

 

"I like that idea," Piper said. "That's the kind of practical idealism you should be focusing on." 

 

We settled into bed, shared a few kisses, and then did our best to get some rest on the cabin's mattress. Tempted as I was to have another go at Piper now that my mood was better, the hike around Sanctuary's lake had worn me down and I was ready for some sleep. So our next round of canoodling would have to wait for a better time.