First BDSM related fantasies at what age?

[Morig]

Disclaimer: This question is ONLY for people that are into BDSM-like-stuff.

 

So recently I heard people reporting that their first thoughts/feelings connected to BDSM where actually at a very early childhood point in time. So from an academic perspective I was wondering how common that is. Not finding good data on this topic via a quick google I decided to collect some data myself using this poll. Apart from answering the poll (just give an estimation if you do not know exactly), I would also appreciate a rough descriptions of how those thoughts differed from your fantasies on this topic today as well as hints to any other data on this topic that you might know, also feel free to share your gender together with your answer.

So for me personally I was a boy between 3 and 5 years old (in kindergarten) in my first memories on fantasizing about myself or others being tied up/naked/humiliated. Remarkable was that while today I am straight, back then I felt no preference for any gender of people in my fantasies and also had no thought about actual sexual activity, but still felt some kind of arousal connected with these fantasies.

[Player80]

I was straight up terrified of stuff like that until I was 18 and absolutely couldn't take a look at Devious Devices's modpage for instance. I thought people who were into this sort of things were degenerate...

Needless to say, things have changed

[landess]

Hard to remember the age I was. One year my family went out to see the 1953 House of Wax starring Vincent price on a Halloween but this was somewhere during the '60's. I posted a few screen captures elsewhere showing the scenes that stuck with me.

 

Spoiler

 

[mossbrg590]

I was about 12-13 was watching a horror movie. I don't remember which one, but it was with a  high  school buddy. I do remember being turned on. This was also the time I discovered that I had a foot fetish too

[AKM]

Couldn't tell you with any certainty.  The reason was that I repressed it due to extremely straitlaced parents.  Tried at some point to discuss it with one parent and the response I got was so negative that I shut it away for many years afterwards.

I do remember an incident with play handcuffs at a friends house early double digits, and feeling odd about it.  It wasn't until many years later that I figured out why it felt odd.  For me, handcuffs wasn't about "cops and robbers" play, it was about sex.  But at the time I didn't understand, and had no one I could even think of asking about such questions, never mind the fact that I had those questions in the first place.

Oh, and there was another, at school, where the idea of working together to solve a problem was being explained.  This was in first or second grade, I think.  The exercise was to be two people tied (loosely) together back to back in chairs, and them having to work their way out of it by communicating with each other.  Anyway, one of the girls (who got chosen to be one of the tie-ees) I really liked, and let's just say the idea of the two of us tied together was extremely intriguing, though I didn't know why at the time.

Edited July 21, 2021 by AKM

[Mr. Otaku]

For me the answer is two folded. Given my family environment i've always been surrounded by things like that and many more so a significant part of my interests in these things are from observing my surroundings (won't go into details unasked). Since 6 or 7 years old i naturally started to gravitate towards it and started imagining things that i don't remember very well anymore so i'll say 7 is my answer, though i developed strong attraction to it at 13 to 14 when my puberty started kicking in hard. So thanks to my surroundings it was fairly easy for me to delve very deep into these things early on and understand them well, as a result my fetishes expanded and deepened.

[sweforce]

Interesting poll. Since I am not myself into BDSM I avoided polluting the poll and just hit the show results button. The poll tells me that there are people out there that got thease feeling well before puberty and that is a very interesting observation since it hint that it isn't a sex related need. I do suspect that sex mix into it eventually once puberty are reached thou. Myself, I see the concept useful as a narrative device. As such I imagine it could be useful if my charater encounter an npc with his own BDSM lab.

[worik]

Can't remember really ? Maybe I've made myself a bit older

[SleepyMonster]

Any fantasies that could be BDSM related started rather early (around 6 and earlier, becoming more detailed at 11 and only at 14+ I learned that there are even terms for it).

At first I missed any vocabulary to express those feelings. Only much later I read an article about BDSM in a regular magazine and everything became clearer at that point and also I learned some of the right terms (a real "AH-HA!" moment ?).

The earliest fantasies all played out in dream worlds (sex wasn't a thing at the beginnings, just a good feeling), this in turn makes Skyrim + LL mods a perfect fit ?. It's like fantasies become virtually true.

Edited May 30, 2021 by SleepyMonster

[Player80]

On 5/23/2021 at 3:53 PM, Player80 said:

I was straight up terrified of stuff like that until I was 18 and absolutely couldn't take a look at Devious Devices's modpage for instance. I thought people who were into this sort of things were degenerate...

Needless to say, things have changed

I'm gonna have to update that because I've just remembered something I had totally forgotten (and possibly what got me scared in the first place). When I was younger, I was watching cartoons on the TV and the heroine started fusing with the ground feet first. I can't find it (my memory is horrendous) but I remember the ground turning purple and she couldn't move anymore.

[Macavity666]

I mean the idea of being tied up at someone else's mercy seemed enticing way from kindergarden, age like four to five I think. We used to play kidnappers and hostages and nobody wanted to be a hostage but me...

[glaxofi01]

It started when I was like in early grade school, I remember watching suspenseful movies or any movies that has some sort of damsel in distress element within it. I just feel some sort of unexplained satisfaction whenever I see the peril of those who are at someone's mercy specially the movie SAW. Luckily enough, I know now what the proper term is for my kink and just realized how sadistic I am. 

[sweforce]

On 6/5/2021 at 5:30 AM, glaxofi01 said:

It started when I was like in early grade school, I remember watching suspenseful movies or any movies that has some sort of damsel in distress element within it. I just feel some sort of unexplained satisfaction whenever I see the peril of those who are at someone's mercy specially the movie SAW. Luckily enough, I know now what the proper term is for my kink and just realized how sadistic I am. 

As long as you abstain from doing anything for real there should not be a problem. Pixels cannot suffer after all.

[glaxofi01]

On 6/6/2021 at 8:10 PM, sweforce said:

As long as you abstain from doing anything for real there should not be a problem. Pixels cannot suffer after all.

People tend to incorporate sadism into being an abusive monstrosity, but in reality, we act no different from vanilla people, we just somehow find enjoyment when others are in trouble to a point that they have that cute puppy eyes in them with their misfortunes. But we help them in the end. Some vanilla people may even be more monstrous than us. When it comes to BDSM, it is just a more potent form of powerplay. If you've been in a relationship, you may have done it without knowing it. A simple act of getting on top of your partner is already a powerplay because there is now a bottom and top, and even without ropes or any accessories, those who are on top have more control of those in bottom.  BDSM is just vanilla ice cream with toppings of accessories on top, and every couple has their own preferred mixture of flavor. If you see BDSM as too much, it is because it is literally the hardcore level of the kink. There are lighter ones such as Bondage play, Shibari and more, and these ones are more focused on the aesthetic part of the kink. I mean who doesn't like their food served aesthetically pleasing, it's just like your partner who's wrapped into eroticism. Same as the pleasure of unboxing your favorite console, and then get to play with it. 

[sweforce]

I guess I could have worded it as "going too far" when I said "for real" and of course anything involving an unwilling participant as that is always "going too far". And I also included non sexal activites as well. There are, sadly, those around that will torment others for their own enjoyment. I saw a demonstration of this in the movie "En ond man" (An evil man) about an realy nasty buissnisesman in a setting about a century ago. In a scean he forced an impoverished to  man pay of a debt with money he couldn't really do without and may have been forced to do something illegal to aquire. Just to have this monster burn the money in his sight talking about principles. It dawns on me that some of the most spine chilling evil people depicted in movies that I have seen are actually comedians, friendly popular comedians but still,  they can pull this off. Really powerful actors thease people.

[Guest]

I don’t know how or why but from well under 10 every night I’d imagine myself as a woman tied up with a load of guys taking turns on me. 

[its_ash]

Interesting to see how many people first discovered their BDSM tendencies from TV and school plays and whatnot... For me it was Totally Spies when I was around 5 or 6 years old but I only realized it was sexual when I was maybe 12 or 13 and found out you can watch porn on the internet...

[Lyman the Lunatic]

No idea why, just around age 13, I just realized I like the sight of women being naked & tied up. The idea of I can do whatever I want to her is appealing, struggling defiantly is just a beauty. Does she has to be scared? Ehh...  But the idea of having her being "persuaded" into liking it is just almost irrisistible. If I have to make a psychological guess, maybe my mind feel the need to feel powerful?

If player slavery mods here is anything to go by. I just find it highly immersive & makes playing a female character actually engaging. There is actually something at stakes here. If my char loses, she has to play along just to survive even if it's degrading, & as time passes, the line of playing along just to survive & actually enjoying the abuse starts to fade, the slippery slope begins, Stockholm syndrome kicking in, the mental quandaries on whether regaining her freedom or stay out of loyalty & submitting to her new fate stirring in her head. Then when she mustered her last bit of defiance to say it to her captor. What would she say? Begging to stay? Leaving? Swore revenge? If she left? Will she return? Return for more? Vengeance? Or pretend none of it never happened? The mental conflicts that must've been going on in her head, if it can be put on a canvas, it would be a masterpiece!

Which led to why I hate SD in it's current state. The lack of abilities to use wits to escape & take revenge. "Your collar compels you to put your weapons away", "Your collar starts to shock you because you wander too far from your owner". Force sheathing my character's weapons on sneak attacks on her captor. Now SD is just "I'll lose on purpose & I'll be a good girl & beg you to rape me". SUPER BOOOOOORING!!!!!!

You'd think I'd like devious devices, not for skyrim. They look too luxurious, too elegant, too clean, too modern. You're telling me common joes carry something this fancy with them all the time on the slim chance that they can use it on your character? That's so stupid it's ludicrous. 

Would I do it to a real woman? Probably not. Too much pretending going on. Not gonna be fun. I might enjoy it but in my mind I'd be super bored & just doing it just to get over it. No risks, no danger, it's too bland. Not because I want to actually kidnap someone, it's just 2021 & the sense of unknown is pretty much gone in our daily lives. We just know we are pretending just to have fun at the back of our minds & that's not fun.

Edited September 4, 2021 by Lyman the Lunatic

[Idyll]

(First post ever on LoversLab, it never really occured to me to actually write anything until now but as a side note I'd like to express how refreshing it is to have found such an open community. You're all amazing.)

 

I've for some reason always had an attraction to being "dominated"...? The word doesn't feel right as it is of a more passive quality, though the intensity is strong.

 

Recto, while young and unknowing, it was more of a deeply burrowed set of blent feelings, emotions or desires as it is difficult to describe; whereas, verso, eversince I awoke to these surging though jumbled parts of me's "sexual revelations" I believe that, as a self-observation, I give less importance to active disciplining and rather to a longing to serve.

 

As for age, always I have been taking an interest in such things (though as a child, "such things" can prove remote) and always sought something of an unidentified thrill (relevant to the topic) out of everything whether it be around me or activities.

 

I had a habit to lock myself away in my room or monopolize the bathroom (for reasons) and fantasize various scenarios where the content of which evolved from childhood such as merely exposed nudity, forced or not, reprimands stern or not, being restrained somehow; usually wrists and neck from which I was led, as far as I can recall; other immature but easily as much BDSM things a child can think of as well, to my early teens where let us say the valves opened up.

 

I was rather precocious and, naturally, I didn't understand anything sexual and knew no better in regards to the sexual aspect of these desires which I only understood to be partly of submission later.

 

For an instance that likely originates from my fantasies and is still in effect, it's a bit ridiculous but I've always felt most at ease while wearing tight or flush neck and armwear and couldn't pass a day without at least a choker around my neck eversince I bought my first with my christmas money when I was ten. I later extensively started enjoying the "kink factor" of rings, chains or spikes on my accessories.

[Allyson Wonderland]

For me it started as a tween. I don't know why or even where the feelings came from but from that early age I was fascinated by images of bondage, though I had no idea of what that was. I had started reading some of my mom's romance novels and some of the scenes in them really woke something in me. I guess it started "innocently" enough with my experimenting by tying up my old Barbie dolls. The sight of them stripped naked and tightly bound really got to me and led to my first experiences with self bondage.  I would lock my door at night and get into bed then pull my night clothes off to sleep nude, but I started adding tying my ankles and knees with yarn.  It was the only thing I could find that wouldn't raise questions if it was discovered in my room. I would sleep that way many nights.  I was fascinated with the way it made me feel, submissive, controlled, owned, even if it was just me doing it, it was so intense.