Good start .

I think the format you chose works as a character introduction. Initially one assumes a story due to the comic layout, but it really works more as a character sheet with biography etc. and it's a different more creative way to present it.

One problem though:

You are using a lot of space due to spoilers and your side bar. 

All the red areas are basically unused space that you could use for your images. One spoiler is good for a better usability of the site, but for every spoiler you loose a bit of space.

Besides, as much as I like you promoting the Storytellers Club (thanks for that) it costs you another quarter of your available space. I'd remove it and if you want to further promote the club you could do so in the beginning or the end of a post  .

Depending on the screen size available your text/bubbles are really small and I think giving them more space would really benefit your story.

Very good one. Maylin is gorgeous.

The only thing that ruined the pictures is large dialogue balloons; few of them covered most of the picture. My suggestion would be to split large dialogues into few more pictures. It will look more interesting.

Very well done and sorry, but had to agree with my Prince. Too much text for a page, but you did a good job in all.

11 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Good start .

I think the format you chose works as a character introduction. Initially one assumes a story due to the comic layout, but it really works more as a character sheet with biography etc. and it's a different more creative way to present it.

 

One problem though:

 

You are using a lot of space due to spoilers and your sidebar. 

All the red areas are basically unused space that you could use for your images. One spoiler is good for a better usability of the site, but for every spoiler you lose a bit of space.

Besides, as much as I like you promoting the Storytellers Club (thanks for that) it costs you another quarter of your available space. I'd remove it and if you want to further promote the club you could do so in the beginning or the end of a post  .

Depending on the screen size available your text/bubbles are really small and I think giving them more space would really benefit your story.

 

I see your point so I removed the Custom Sidebar. I didn't realize It was taking up that Much space.  It should make up for the space I lose from spoilers for this chapter and the ones before it at least and I'll try something different for future chapters. 

11 hours ago, Elf Prince said:

Very good one. Maylin is gorgeous.

The only thing that ruined the pictures is large dialogue balloons; few of them covered most of the picture. My suggestion would be to split large dialogues into few more pictures. It will look more interesting.

5 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

Very well done and sorry, but had to agree with my Prince. Too much text for a page, but you did a good job in all.

Not to worry my friends it was only for this chapter I also used images with noone in it sotra like throw away images only meant to be a background for texts. This was just meant to be intro information about the reason for character being here with the images as a plus. That's why I had some words of warning of this chapter being a little wordy I had anticipated you guys saying that.  Thank you though dearly noted.

Let me know if removing the Custom Sidebar helped. 

56 minutes ago, Jayomms said:

I see your point so I removed the Custom Sidebar. I didn't realize It was taking up that Much space.  It should make up for the space I lose from spoilers for this chapter and the ones before it at least and I'll try something different for future chapters. 

 

Looks a lot better already 

Yes, it is much better now. More of Maylin please. NAKED

A tale about paranoia, mystery, Sheogorath and madness? We absolutely need to know more! ☺️

Very interesting and intriguing introduction and the masked hero/story-teller is a nice touch.  Personally I have no problems with large amounts of text. Really looking forward to continuation.

Great job! ?

1 hour ago, Devianna said:

A tale about paranoia, mystery, Sheogorath and madness? We absolutely need to know more! ☺️

 

Very interesting and intriguing introduction and the masked hero/story-teller is a nice touch.  Personally I have no problems with large amounts of text. Really looking forward to continuation.

 

Great job! ?

I must say I love that ending. And who doesn't like Dave Chappelle

I know someone who would bite a bit of Maylin ?

While a big text not caused problems for me, might be a bit too much for the comic format for one pic, I think you may need cut those more pieces and use more pics to tell them. ?

Look forward for her adventures. ?

God, how I always missing interesting stuff?! 

Such a hero could be a great set-up for a story ^_^ and you know... Madness itself is a pretty interesting subject...

And yes, you Mayline is gorgeous ^_^

19 hours ago, The Gauntman said:

I must say I love that ending. And who doesn't like Dave Chappelle

12 hours ago, Resdayn said:

I know someone who would bite a bit of Maylin ?

  Reveal hidden contents

 

While a big text not caused problems for me, might be a bit too much for the comic format for one pic, I think you may need cut those more pieces and use more pics to tell them. ?

 

Look forward for her adventures. ?

Will do 

9 hours ago, Crw said:

God, how I always missing interesting stuff?! 

Such a hero could be a great set-up for a story ^_^ and you know... Madness itself is a pretty interesting subject...

  Reveal hidden contents

 

And yes, you Mayline is gorgeous ^_^

THIS IS SKYRIM!!!SKKKYYYRRRIIIIMMM!!!! 

I'm not sure if i was an intentional joke on the idea of a character filling in their whole backstory through exposition by having that literally put the character he was talking to to sleep but it was very funny if it was. 

I'm also not a huge fan of the Russian nesting doll spoilers, in fact I find it a bit annoying and if others feel the same way that could very well be enough to make them simply click the back button. 

Well, it was an interesting first step in comics, with an intriguing hero to say the least. And the touch of humor of the follower getting asleep anime-style was welcomed at the end. However, as always I'll also take the bad guy role by pointing out two aspects :

• First this is a comic, so the images and dialogues/narration are supposed to follow each other. Instead of using 10 images showing the fire or the mountains from slightly different angles, you could have shown the events your main character was telling : the madness taking form, possessing someone, and being a force nearly impossible to stop. That way, not only the visuals would have followed the narration, but you could've have turned a long, potentially boring, monologue into something truly epic.       

Just think about the Lord of the Rings intro, sure having Galadrielle speak with a black screen all the way long would've taken less effort and budget, but it would've not been nearly as epic than showing instead Sauron changing the tides of the battle with the sheer power of the One Ring.

So instead of this (which nullifies the advantage of doing a comic instead a pure text book) :

Show this :

+ The mother assaulting empire guards while still laughing at the arrows hitting her torso

• Second, careful when adjusting the size of the bubbles if they're already linked with the text layer ; because the text gets resized too, and so the fonts get warped.

Anyway, it's good to see you trying yourself more at stories, Jayomms ; and awaiting to see more about the legendary Stranger and Maelyn. 

16 hours ago, SpyVsPie said:

I'm not sure if i was an intentional joke on the idea of a character filling in their whole backstory through exposition by having that literally put the character he was talking to to sleep but it was very funny if it was.

I wondered about that too.

On 9/6/2019 at 11:39 AM, Resdayn said:

I know someone who would bite a bit of Maylin ?

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Malicia : « Gwynolda now bites people too ?! I knew going with the red guy was a bad idea, she's becoming completely crazy ! »