I think it was smart of you to write a different story while taking a break from Alicia. I agree that for some reason when focused on a character, sometimes you can get in a rut as one's mind/imagination can become too focused leading to storytelling/character development dead ends. Taking a break and writing a different story will help one come back to their original character with fresh, new, and better ideas!  - also prevents story writing burn-out.

I didnt realize on the feature image that it was a sword dividing the picture. Originally,I thought i was some cool border that split the pic in the middle into two halves in order to represent a character's transformation.  Then I felt like an idiot when Micah handed her the Steel sword and realized that was separating the picture. Either way, nice job on the feature image and can wait to see where the story takes her, while having her family's tragedy hang over her.

Overall, it's a nice entry, with colored screens, action, sex scenes, and a mysterious intrigue. However there are some details that could use some improvement IMO :

• The characters consistency. I think if a woman was wanting to break-up with someone she doesn't love, she wouldn't have sex with him. And if she loves him, then she'd prepare him by telling him about her projects. But lovemaking straight to I'll never see you again, bye ; that's something some particularly selfish men can do, but that's not feminine IMO.
• The consistency of the posing : at the start of the fight, the poses are excellent, with Micah and Vera clashing blades as if we were there. However, there are some screens were they are just right next, but without looking at each other (extremely unlikely in a fight), and seemingly standing still, leaving the reader guessing. So some screens are good, others aren't.
• Finally, the framerate indicator at the top right is immersion breaking, and I think it's not useful to upload 1920x1080 images only to have them resized to 750x422. At the very least try to go for 1280x720, lower than that will seem small nowadays.

Despite all those remarks, it was an enjoyable read, and I particularly liked the plot revolving about Alicia's disappearance, with Vera being her sister (and looking a lot like her) and all the characters having oldened by 15 years. Pleasant read overall. ?

22 hours ago, devious-Drunna said:

I think it was smart of you to write a different story while taking a break from Alicia. I agree that for some reason when focused on a character, sometimes you can get in a rut as one's mind/imagination can become too focused leading to storytelling/character development dead ends.

Malicia : « You're very right ; but that wouldn't happen if you're focused on someone who's very intelligent, very pretty, and very strong, no.  »

On 11/23/2020 at 9:23 AM, devious-Drunna said:

I think it was smart of you to write a different story while taking a break from Alicia.

Amen!

The way I see it, If you're bored with what you're writing, your audience will be even more so.

I love that you took time to really address the fight scenes!

It's not easy to do and I commend you for it!

However, It was difficult to tell what was happening in some scenes.

The flow was interrupted by images that didn't seem to jive together

(i.e. they'd be close in one scene, then far apart in the next, or she'd be on the ground in one, and in his face attacking in the next.)

Maybe just a few more scenes for transition would clear it up, but all in all, very solid. ?

Also, I'm not very techy, but I would say, listen to Tirloque aboot making your pics bigger.

He/she is a cornucopia of blog knowledge ?

On 11/23/2020 at 11:23 AM, devious-Drunna said:

I think it was smart of you to write a different story while taking a break from Alicia. I agree that for some reason when focused on a character, sometimes you can get in a rut as one's mind/imagination can become too focused leading to storytelling/character development dead ends. Taking a break and writing a different story will help one come back to their original character with fresh, new, and better ideas!  - also prevents story writing burn-out.

I didnt realize on the feature image that it was a sword dividing the picture. Originally,I thought i was some cool border that split the pic in the middle into two halves in order to represent a character's transformation.  Then I felt like an idiot when Micah handed her the Steel sword and realized that was separating the picture. Either way, nice job on the feature image and can wait to see where the story takes her, while having her family's tragedy hang over her.

13 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Overall, it's a nice entry, with colored screens, action, sex scenes, and a mysterious intrigue. However there are some details that could use some improvement IMO :

• The characters consistency. I think if a woman was wanting to break-up with someone she doesn't love, she wouldn't have sex with him. And if she loves him, then she'd prepare him by telling him about her projects. But lovemaking straight to I'll never see you again, bye ; that's something some particularly selfish men can do, but that's not feminine IMO.
• The consistency of the posing : at the start of the fight, the poses are excellent, with Micah and Vera clashing blades as if we were there. However, there are some screens were they are just right next, but without looking at each other (extremely unlikely in a fight), and seemingly standing still, leaving the reader guessing. So some screens are good, others aren't.
• Finally, the framerate indicator at the top right is immersion breaking, and I think it's not useful to upload 1920x1080 images only to have them resized to 750x422. At the very least try to go for 1280x720, lower than that will seem small nowadays.

Despite all those remarks, it was an enjoyable read, and I particularly liked the plot revolving about Alicia's disappearance, with Vera being her sister (and looking a lot like her) and all the characters having oldened by 15 years. Pleasant read overall. ?

Malicia : « You're very right ; but that wouldn't happen if you're focused on someone who's very intelligent, very pretty, and very strong, no.  »

 

1 hour ago, WANOBI12 said:

Amen!

The way I see it, If you're bored with what you're writing, your audience will be even more so.

 

I love that you took time to really address the fight scenes!

It's not easy to do and I commend you for it!

However, It was difficult to tell what was happening in some scenes.

The flow was interrupted by images that didn't seem to jive together

(i.e. they'd be close in one scene, then far apart in the next, or she'd be on the ground in one, and in his face attacking in the next.)

Maybe just a few more scenes for transition would clear it up, but all in all, very solid. ?

Also, I'm not very techy, but I would say, listen to Tirloque aboot making your pics bigger.

He/she is a cornucopia of blog knowledge ?

 

Thanks for all the feedback everyone :)))

For the feekback,

-When it comes to the fight scenes it's just not my forte, I'm not used to it but I'm working on making them better

-For Vera's consistency I added a line in her reflection after the sex scene to more define their relationship and her perspective on how important it was to her

-With the picture sizes I made them smaller because I was worried about them being too large, I've increased their size (And I'm gonna do the font in a second as well since it looks so small now)

-I didn't even notice the framerate thing until I went to put the story together, no idea how I turned it on, hopefully I'll notice if it happens again

Thanks for the responses and feedback, keep them coming I need them ❤️