Great work! Very very promising start, I'm hoping for more .

Two small remarks, first I'd recommend getting rid of the blog information on the right side. In theory this is a great idea and I'd love to use it myselves, however you are using a lot of space for your content, you've approximately only 60-70 % of the usual space for images cause the main part gets shrunken. 

Second, you describe a lot of the things already seen in the images. It takes a bit of practice, but you don't need to describe what the reader just saw in the image or is going to see in the next image. Some clarifications can't hurt sometimes, but for the most part you don't need to describe that they kissed each other when the reader sees it in the very next image. Some extra infos like how it felt etc. are fine, but as said, don't describe the action you're showing.

Nonetheless, great work! I hope we see more of it!

Many thanks for the feedback ?.

I deactivated the righ -side  feature, i wasn't sure in the first place if i have to use it.

I wanted to give it a try and use it to archive the chapter in the right order.

For the description part, i just love to describe things, I almost forgot about the pictures aside.

Now i'll try to be more cautious about that!

Thank you again for the advices!

PS : English isn't my first language so if some expressions don't seem accurate please tell me i will correct those ?.

1 hour ago, JyJyporridge said:

For the description part, i just love to describe things, I almost forgot about the pictures aside.

Now i'll try to be more cautious about that!

Great! Just describe things the reader can't already see , you know feeling, smelling hearing etc. 

A nice discovery, with a well made investigation-like start, progressively transforming into a rather enticing sex scene. I think the advice Alter gave you about the side menu was a good one. On the same line, I think you're overusing spoilers : having them nested into each other like Russian dolls decreases the space available at each layer. And using them for every 3-4 batch of images forces a lot of clicks for the the reader. I would advice using them just to separate scenes.

Regarding the writing, Alter said you didn't need to describe in the text what happened into the images. Yet, it could be interpreted on reverse, as after all the images do illustrate the text. You'll find your style eventually, but I think it's not bad for the events to be described in the text ; just make sure not to overloard it when the images do allow you to shorten it somehow. I liked that there were more story events than in the prologue however.

Pleasant read, overall. ?

Malicia : « Those gals are very silly. If they wanted swimsuits to show their boobies surgery to everyone, they could've just gone to the beach instead, uh.  »

Hello, firstly thank  you i'm glad you enjoyed it. ?

At first it was not my intention to use that amount of spoilers. I spent something like 45mn-1h to redo the layout 3 times in a row because for some reason when i saved the entry, it was all messed up after checking it. Maybe because of the videos i don't know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

For the next entry i will use 3 or 4 big spoilers on the same page like you said ?.

For the writting part i agree with both of you on certain points. I have a lot of fun writing the story even if sometimes i wrote too much .

At first i write the base plot (don't take chapter 0 in consideration, the plot is pratically non-existent), then i do the writing part > take screenshot / videos > rework on writing part (at least that's what i'm doing for chapter 1 part 2 ?).

I want to make stories people want to read, i'll choose to describe the sex scenes, the interaction between the characters and their natures.

I'll try to do some effort not overloading with texts when it's not necessary.

I have already thought about the characters' background and many ideas for the next chapters + i have the characters ready yet. ?

I only need more free time to do it!

Again thanks to both of you, for taking some time to give me advices!

6 hours ago, JyJyporridge said:

At first it was not my intention to use that amount of spoilers. I spent something like 45mn-1h to redo the layout 3 times in a row because for some reason when i saved the entry, it was all messed up after checking it. Maybe because of the videos i don't know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

For the next entry i will use 3 or 4 big spoilers on the same page like you said ?.

Great. As for the messy result, that's cause of IPB's forum engine, it's not that stable when it comes to handling several layers of content. To make it more stable, just create the spoilers first, and then just copy paste your content inside. Trying to edit them directly from inside the spoilers can make the engine a bit unstable.

6 hours ago, JyJyporridge said:

For the writting part i agree with both of you on certain points. I have a lot of fun writing the story even if sometimes i wrote too much .

At first i write the base plot (don't take chapter 0 in consideration, the plot is pratically non-existent), then i do the writing part > take screenshot / videos > rework on writing part (at least that's what i'm doing for chapter 1 part 2 ?).

I want to make stories people want to read, i'll choose to describe the sex scenes, the interaction between the characters and their natures.

I'll try to do some effort not overloading with texts when it's not necessary.

I you do enjoy writing, then on the contrary, developing it an refining it is the way to go. Yet, with the refining part also comes the cuts to increase overall fluidity. We're giving some advices, but truth is between what Alter an I say, yo'ure the only one who should determine your own style.

6 hours ago, JyJyporridge said:

Again thanks to both of you, for taking some time to give me advices!

Malicia : « You're very welcome, Mr. Porridge.

                Even though you only answered to Tirloque and Mr Native, so that's very sexist, yes. 

                 Not that I've been answered by any porridge before, you'd say. »

9 hours ago, Tirloque said:

 On the same line, I think you're overusing spoilers : having them nested into each other like Russian dolls decreases the space available at each layer.

I was thinking about this a bit in the past, what's the point of having spoilers in the first place (I mean in general throughout all blogs)? I think all images get loaded regardless whether you open the spoilers or not, so from a technical perspective they don't matter.

From a reading perspective they don't add anything either (imo), so maybe it's better to get rid of them entirely? I mean what's the point of dividing your blog story entry into 3-4 spoilers? I'm not sure. Maybe one to have easy access to the comment section without torturing your mouse wheel, but one spoiler would do.

@JyJy  this has nothing to do with your blog, more of a general question that I had when reading Tirloque's comment. 

10 hours ago, Alter Native said:

I was thinking about this a bit in the past, what's the point of having spoilers in the first place (I mean in general throughout all blogs)? I think all images get loaded regardless whether you open the spoilers or not, so from a technical perspective they don't matter.

From a reading perspective they don't add anything either (imo), so maybe it's better to get rid of them entirely? I mean what's the point of dividing your blog story entry into 3-4 spoilers? I'm not sure. Maybe one to have easy access to the comment section without torturing your mouse wheel, but one spoiler would do.

Current version of the forum engine indeed loads all the images in the spoilers (though it might be possible opened spoilers get loaded first).

So their benefit indeed is the ergonomics. Think of it as chapters on a blu-ray : the more chapters, you've got, the easier it is to stop your read and resume later.

On a story point of view, they can allow narrative pauses, such as when the screen would darken/become blank/heighten towards the sky in a movie, and so mark a clean transition between scenes ; just like stopping before the end of one page or adding some kind of separator would do.

And finally, from a forum perspective, they save you lots of scrolling to access the comments (though only one could do the job).

In the end their amount is a matter of choice and preference, but I think at least one spoiler is definitely a requisite for easy navigation. Going for more than one to mark scenes changes or not is a matter of author vision. Yet, the longer the entry, the handier they'd be for the readers, IMO.
 

About the spoilers, i never had problems when putting pictures inside them. I try to put a lot of pictures and it worked fine but on the contrary when i added videos then half the page was messed up. Maybe the problem is how videos are managed or loaded by the forum.

Another weird thing i runned into about videos is that on my browser they appear with something like a white veil on it but when i check it on smartphone, the videos are normal.

2 hours ago, JyJyporridge said:

About the spoilers, i never had problems when putting pictures inside them. I try to put a lot of pictures and it worked fine but on the contrary when i added videos then half the page was messed up. Maybe the problem is how videos are managed or loaded by the forum.

 

Another weird thing i runned into about videos is that on my browser they appear with something like a white veil on it but when i check it on smartphone, the videos are normal.

 

 

That might be linked to the fact you've got an unusual amount lot of videos. Maybe try setting everything up but the videos, and then only add your videos on or two at a time, as edits. The publish as draft function can be useful for this.

8 hours ago, Tirloque said:

That might be linked to the fact you've got an unusual amount lot of videos. Maybe try setting everything up but the videos, and then only add your videos on or two at a time, as edits. The publish as draft function can be useful for this.

I can't say i had only 4 videos in the whole post. I practically finished the 2dn part of chapter 1. (90% screens/videos and almost 60 % of the text). I hope i released it tomorrow .

I hope i won't encounter that weird issue again, i have more videos this time ?.

20 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Current version of the forum engine indeed loads all the images in the spoilers (though it might be possible opened spoilers get loaded first).

 

So their benefit indeed is the ergonomics. Think of it as chapters on a blu-ray : the more chapters, you've got, the easier it is to stop your read and resume later.

On a story point of view, they can allow narrative pauses, such as when the screen would darken/become blank/heighten towards the sky in a movie, and so mark a clean transition between scenes ; just like stopping before the end of one page or adding some kind of separator would do.

And finally, from a forum perspective, they save you lots of scrolling to access the comments (though only one could do the job).

 

In the end their amount is a matter of choice and preference, but I think at least one spoiler is definitely a requisite for easy navigation. Going for more than one to mark scenes changes or not is a matter of author vision. Yet, the longer the entry, the handier they'd be for the readers, IMO.
 

 

 

Thanks for your thoughts on this, I tend to agree with most of it. However the natural breaks should be set clearly by the author via chapter breaks or sub chapter etc.