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Maylin meets Ivy


Jay-Omms

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Hey folks! It's story time this time with some... ok maybe a lot of NSFW Action. Enjoy! ;):thumbsup:

 

Spoiler

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Spoiler

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Spoiler

A week earlier, Right after Ivy was taken away by the Guard...

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Spoiler

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Spoiler

Back to Present Day...

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Stranger stood there frozen with embarrassment for a whole 20 minutes while Maylin spoke of him to Ivy about his embarrassing adventure and how everyone at the Riverwood inn made fun of him.

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And with that we're going to wrap up on the Stranger Story for now. I think I might have over used him a bit. I had way more content with him than I thought. If I kept going this would be all about him and Maylin but Stranger was meant to be a guest Star not a sidekick lol :sweat_smile: Not to mention he's not my creation. Just a tribute to Prince's father who if only was around long enough to see this happen, R.I.P. Germanicus even though we really didn't know each other but of each other this is for you that could have been a real good old friend. Now Watching from Above. ;):thumbsup:

 

Author Notes:

Spoiler

More NSFW than I thought my apologies if it was too much and that was only half of what I really have. Some of the scenes where on accident like Stranger and the trap but I just rolled with it and so did he. :classic_laugh: He should of been in Lydia's music video of the trap with the many times he got hit when I use EEF follower mod that's supposed to fix that.

 

 

 

22 Comments


Recommended Comments

:| :joy: :sweat_smile: :D :lol: ?  

 

Spoiler

Good Job with this one Jayomms.  Good to See Ivy making friends!  Also, ANOTHER Enchantress :O  

 

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1 hour ago, djregs said:

:| :joy: :sweat_smile: :D :lol: ?  

 

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Good Job with this one Jayomms.  Good to See Ivy making friends!  Also, ANOTHER Enchantress :O  

 

Thank you :) Well... she's not really one. She has help making them with Potions. She knows how to enchant items and the potions boost that ability 100%. But if that was an enchantress is then I guess you can say that she is one. She receives training from what you can call a Dr.ManhattanBorn.   

Spoiler

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EXCEPT FEMALE

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Seems we've got here another cross-over.
Hah, must admit, I like your style and the way you representing the whole story and all that little features that you add.
Grat job, Jay ^_^ 

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1 hour ago, Crw said:

Seems we've got here another cross-over.
Hah, must admit, I like your style and the way you representing the whole story and all that little features that you add.
Grat job, Jay ^_^ 

Thanks :mrgreen:

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5 hours ago, Jayomms said:

Thank you :) Well... she's not really one. She has help making them with Potions. She knows how to enchant items and the potions boost that ability 100%. But if that was an enchantress is then I guess you can say that she is one. She receives training from what you can call a Dr.ManhattanBorn.   

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EXCEPT FEMALE

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Lol Ms. Dr. ManhattenBorn!  Your description sounds like either an Alchemist (Potion Making) or an Artificer (Item Enchanting).  

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We had a good laughter, my friend. (I'm Ivy and my wife Eva is typing for me) :)

You did great job picking Ivy's sexual side. She loves gangbanging. :D Although making fun of the Stranger is very funny, I felt ashamed and sorry for him. You know what I mean. Just as it is in America; if black person calls another black person a Niger, it is not so much offensive as if white man say it to black person.  Those two were mean to Stranger. Now I see how badly I treated him. :)  No, this is not criticism, but just saying. You have our compliments for excellent episode.

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32 minutes ago, Elf Prince said:

We had a good laughter, my friend. (I'm Ivy and my wife Eva is typing for me) :)

You did great job picking Ivy's sexual side. She loves gangbanging. :D Although making fun of the Stranger is very funny, I felt ashamed and sorry for him. You know what I mean. Just as it is in America; if black person calls another black person a Niger, it is not so much offensive as if white man say it to black person.  Those two were mean to Stranger. Now I see how badly I treated him. :)  No, this is not criticism, but just saying. You have our compliments for excellent episode.

WHAT?! :O

Spoiler

Just kidding lol :sweat_smile: Thank you so much for your comment. Yeah I know poor Stranger... I did feel bad for him though. I tried to go easy on him... tried. But it just came out the way it did. Maybe hopefully he gets a better ending in future. ;):thumbsup: 

 

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8 hours ago, Jayomms said:

WHAT?! :O

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Just kidding lol :sweat_smile: Thank you so much for your comment. Yeah I know poor Stranger... I did feel bad for him though. I tried to go easy on him... tried. But it just came out the way it did. Maybe hopefully he gets a better ending in future. ;):thumbsup: 

 

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I apologize if didn't say properly what i wanted to say. :) My point was: I loved the story, especially the part in which Maylin and Ivy talked about Stranger's mistakes. You know, I became very attached to him and although he mostly gets shorter end Stranger became a part of me too. So seeing him suffer in someone's else's story makes me compassionate with him and it opens my eyes that sometimes I was too rough and unfair toward Stranger. There is no single criticism of your great episode. All compliments. :)

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Loved the episode very much. You did a great job. I just wished you have more varieties in gangbang sex. More different posses not angles. ;)

Question: did you return to your earlier ENB since Mayline has very red cheeks again. I'm not saying she is not beautiful, rather, that I liked her more without, for me, extremely red cheeks. I had good laughter seeing Stranger in that gayish outfit. It suites more to women. He looked very funny. In our country, homophobists will kick his ass seeing him dressed like that.

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1 hour ago, Elf Prince said:

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I apologize if didn't say properly what i wanted to say. :) My point was: I loved the story, especially the part in which Maylin and Ivy talked about Stranger's mistakes. You know, I became very attached to him and although he mostly gets shorter end Stranger became a part of me too. So seeing him suffer in someone's else's story makes me compassionate with him and it opens my eyes that sometimes I was too rough and unfair toward Stranger. There is no single criticism of your great episode. All compliments. :)

Now You see Stranger in a new light and that's definitely good news for him he eventually gets Maylin's approval of being a good friend and companion. I'm just giving him a break for a little while and I'm starting to put out other character for Maylin to meet giving some other community members some shine as are friend circle of storytellers come together to fight the big fight or live the big life. ;):thumbsup: 

 

You saw what's in my spoiler right? :) I was just kidding teasing no need to apologize. ;):thumbsup:

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7 minutes ago, EvalovesEP said:

Loved the episode very much. You did a great job. I just wished you have more varieties in gangbang sex. More different poses not angles. ;)

Question: did you return to your earlier ENB since Mayline has very red cheeks again. I'm not saying she is not beautiful, rather, that I liked her more without, for me, extremely red cheeks. I had good laughter seeing Stranger in that gayish outfit. It suites more to women. He looked very funny. In our country, homophobes will kick his ass seeing him dressed like that.

I thought I had more gang animations some of them weren't working because they are aggressive and animation count. So I uninstalled most of them. The some animation packs have gotten so big it's hard to choose without going over limit. The first half of the story was old pics and the other half are the changes I made one being no red cheeks on Maylin. Just go back and look carefully. ;):thumbsup:

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2 minutes ago, Jayomms said:

I thought I had more gang animations some of them weren't working because they are aggressive and animation count. So I uninstalled most of them. The some animation packs have gotten so big it's hard to choose without going over limit. The first half of the story was old pics and the other half are the changes I made one being no red cheeks on Maylin. Just go back and look carefully. ;):thumbsup:

> Thanks for explanation. I probably missed new pictures since I'm a bit in a hurry: have some mails to answer, read few more things and than having our morning routine. My Prince will swim in the sea and I will jog up and down on our hill before exercise. :) 

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1 hour ago, EvalovesEP said:

> Thanks for explanation. I probably missed new pictures since I'm a bit in a hurry: have some mails to answer, read few more things and than having our morning routine. My Prince will swim in the sea and I will jog up and down on our hill before exercise. :) 

:)

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Nice entry overall, with a bit of 4rth wall with Maylin and a funny take on the companions trap triggering shenanigans (though EFF does indeed prevent that  in my game). Careful with the reading order though, first bubbles which will be read will be the ones on top left, then top right, then bottom left -> bottom right. ?

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4 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Nice entry overall, with a bit of 4rth wall with Maylin and a funny take on the companions trap triggering shenanigans (though EFF does indeed prevent that  in my game). Careful with the reading order though, first bubbles which will be read will be the ones on top left, then top right, then bottom left -> bottom right. ?

Thank you :sweat_smile: Yeah... I had a little bit of trouble with the word bubbles. ;):thumbsup:

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Hehehe, I've been laughing at that trap scene way longer than I should've, but it's just so hilarious and so soooo relevant to any playthrough with original followers (or the ones without trap trigger perk). ?

I love how spunky and quick-witted your Maylin is (and of course gorgeous! ? ).  While I also feel a little sorry for Stranger, his ability to get into these kinds of situations really is what makes him so unique and memorable.  Also, this shot and his expression is just perfect:


 

Spoiler

 

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Great job! Thank you for sharing this story with us. ?

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10 minutes ago, Devianna said:

Hehehe, I've been laughing at that trap scene way longer than I should've, but it's just so hilarious and so soooo relevant to any playthrough with original followers (or the ones without trap trigger perk). ?

I love how spunky and quick-witted your Maylin is (and of course gorgeous! ? ).  While I also feel a little sorry for Stranger, his ability to get into these kinds of situations really is what makes him so unique and memorable.  Also, this shot and his expression is just perfect:


 

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Great job! Thank you for sharing this story with us. ?

Thank you very much! :) I'm glad you liked it. Despite it having some word bubbles irregularities. I think I did ok. I am still new at this storytelling stuff. ;):thumbsup:

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I’ma keep it real witchu, dog, you got some issues here.

 

The text bubble thing has been mentioned to you before but the thing is it’s really not optional. Left to right, top to bottom and no exceptions. Imagine reading a book and you come to a page with three paragraphs only the bottom paragraph comes first, the top one comes second and the middle one is last. You would need to read the whole page, likely being confused the whole time, then go back and re read it once you finished and realized what was going on in order to actually get the correct context and make sense of things. Does that sound like a fun read? Because in essence that’s what you’re doing every time you have a panel with out of order bubbles.

 

Basically you shift the reader’s focus off of the story being told and onto HOW it’s being told- the bubbles and their arrangement become what the reader is actively thinking about so the story becomes almost an afterthought. Now that could be cool if you’re going for some sort of avant-garde meta textual experiment but I don’t think you want to be the ee Cummings of loverslab.

 

Consider taking some more screens when you are on that stage of a project, shoot from the left and the right (so you have screens with character A on the left and screens with character B on the left) and also include a few closeups or solo shots of every character. That should give you plenty of options to make arranging things easier.

 

Next up you have a lot of simple errors like repeatedly using the wrong your/you’re. Try just giving things a closer proof read or maybe see if somebody else can proof read a few entries for you until you start to notice a trend and can catch stuff better on your own.

 

Lastly for the sex scene for me personally nothing makes me lose interest in an entry faster than dozens of almost identical screenshots of the same sexlab animation. It is very static and looks more like a screenshot folder before you go through and pick the shots you want to use than it does a story. Past the first and maybe last shot of the set nothing is really adding narrative value or moving the scene or story forward.

 

I know it’s tough sometimes to play favorites but try to choose the best screens and highlight them, maybe add bits of dialogue or onomatopoeia. Are they fucking in complete silence? Maybe but that's a bit weird and awkward (which can be perfect if that's what you're going for). Also maybe mix up the animations, string a few different animations together in a certain way and you can convey motion or even add to the story through the way the characters progress through the scene.

 

If you’re using sexlab’s built in facial expressions go ahead and disable that option, then shoot it in the head and dump its body in the sea. Setting your own expressions will take slightly longer but the results are a billion times better. Is the character enjoying the scene? Hating it? Bored? With default expressions who knows but if you set your own we can tell just by their face. While you’re in the sexlab  MCM go ahead and disable auto advance stages too, that way you’ll have all the tine you want to get exactly the expressions and angles you want and the scene will never progress u til you hit the space bar.

 

Look at Ivy’s expressions during your scene. She looks completely blank and emotionless, it would work great if she was meant to be drugged or something but I don’t think that was what you were going for. Two or three console commands for her expression would have made the scene infinitely more engaging and added so much more personality to her as a character.

 

Not trying to be a dick or anything so don't take my comment the wrong way. I think you have a good premise and some of the dialogue and character interactions are very funny and entertaining, I just think with some really simple changes you could drastically improve your whole story.  

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11 hours ago, SpyVsPie said:

I’ma keep it real witchu, dog, you got some issues here.

 

The text bubble thing has been mentioned to you before but the thing is it’s really not optional. Left to right, top to bottom and no exceptions. Imagine reading a book and you come to a page with three paragraphs only the bottom paragraph comes first, the top one comes second and the middle one is last. You would need to read the whole page, likely being confused the whole time, then go back and re read it once you finished and realized what was going on in order to actually get the correct context and make sense of things. Does that sound like a fun read? Because in essence that’s what you’re doing every time you have a panel with out of order bubbles.

 

Basically you shift the reader’s focus off of the story being told and onto HOW it’s being told- the bubbles and their arrangement become what the reader is actively thinking about so the story becomes almost an afterthought. Now that could be cool if you’re going for some sort of avant-garde meta textual experiment but I don’t think you want to be the ee Cummings of loverslab.

 

Consider taking some more screens when you are on that stage of a project, shoot from the left and the right (so you have screens with character A on the left and screens with character B on the left) and also include a few close ups or solo shots of every character. That should give you plenty of options to make arranging things easier.

 

Next up you have a lot of simple errors like repeatedly using the wrong your/you’re. Try just giving things a closer proof read or maybe see if somebody else can proofread a few entries for you until you start to notice a trend and can catch stuff better on your own.

 

Lastly for the sex scene for me personally nothing makes me lose interest in an entry faster than dozens of almost identical screenshots of the same sexlab animation. It is very static and looks more like a screenshot folder before you go through and pick the shots you want to use than it does a story. Past the first and maybe last shot of the set nothing is really adding narrative value or moving the scene or story forward.

 

I know it’s tough sometimes to play favorites but try to choose the best screens and highlight them, maybe add bits of dialogue or onomatopoeia. Are they fucking in complete silence? Maybe but that's a bit weird and awkward (which can be perfect if that's what you're going for). Also maybe mix up the animations, string a few different animations together in a certain way and you can convey motion or even add to the story through the way the characters progress through the scene.

 

If you’re using sexlab’s built in facial expressions go ahead and disabled that option, then shoot it in the head and dump its body in the sea. Setting your own expressions will take slightly longer but the results are a billion times better. Is the character enjoying the scene? Hating it? Bored? With default expressions who knows but if you set your own we can tell just by their face. While you’re in the sexlab  MCM go ahead and disable auto advance stages too, that way you’ll have all the time you want to get exactly the expressions and angles you want and the scene will never progress until you hit the spacebar.

 

Look at Ivy’s expressions during your scene. She looks completely blank and emotionless, it would work great if she was meant to be drugged or something but I don’t think that was what you were going for. Two or three console commands for her expression would have made the scene infinitely more engaging and added so much more personality to her as a character.

 

Not trying to be a dick or anything so don't take my comment the wrong way. I think you have a good premise and some of the dialogue and character interactions are very funny and entertaining, I just think with some really simple changes you could drastically improve your whole story.  

Very long and detailed explanation... Well maybe not that long. For a sec I almost thought this was Tirloque's comment but yeah I see what you're saying though. I thought something was wrong with the facial expressions at one point they were different and I was confused as to what happened now I know. It makes sense now the way that was because I had OSA write over the sexframework stuff and it must've wrote over the default expressions but I don't use OSA anymore because of animation limit now there is another mod beside FNIS XXL and of course not without risk of CTD. I haven't really tested it yet hopefully it works. But I can take the expressions from OSA and write over the default stuff and Boom! I guess you can say I got kinda lazy with the sexscene but I wasn't planning on doing that again. ;):thumbsup:

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On 11/23/2019 at 2:32 AM, Jayomms said:

Very long and detailed explanation... Well maybe not that long. For a sec I almost thought this was Tirloque's comment 

Every so often I get serious. I'm sort of like Silent Bob but instead of not talking unless I have something important to say I just post memes and stuff. 

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