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The hot chick and the wife problem


Schmendrick

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I guess this is sort of a common problem with married guys and girls out there, or with people in serious relationships of any kind, so I hope this words I'm going to share will have some echo in more than one of you guys and girls of LL.

 

I've been married to a beautiful girl for two years now, and before that we dated for something like three years. She is a wonderful person, but there is something burdening me a lot: I'm really bored in this relationship. She has no interest in my stuff and, while I find her job an interesting one, every time I hear an opinion of hers I feel like I'm listening to my old aunt's. I don't even care to answer her many times when she says something completely depleted from meaning to me... its like hearing pre-recorded conversations. I don't know... maybe I'm just ranting a little.

 

So everything was nice and boring, but last week I had to attend this course in the university, which I was supposed to do like five years ago so I can graduate and get a title, and there she was: the hot chick who immediately crosses sights with you and smiles. Here I must say I've never been the casanova type, and always have had a hard time approaching to girls I find attractive, but this time everything was so natural... and she helped a lot too, of course. I decided to keep some distance because I found inappropriate to flirt with the CUTEST GIRL IN CAMPUS when I'm fucking married, but then, as part of an activity, teacher decided to make some teams, and of course I ended up with her (along with some other guys). So for the rest of the week we sat together, shared a lot of thoughts, discussed things, made some practices (this ones were particulary stimulant, because she is a pianist and I'm an organist, so for the activity we had to play piano together), and in the end, we had to perform for a public together.

 

She happened to be a very funny girl, with a tremendous temperament; the kind of person that is not afraid to say what she thinks, and a great musician too... on top of that, she is from another country and I find her accent SOOOO sexy. So now I'm just nuts about her, and I'm pretty sure she likes me back too.

 

Yesterday, after the last activity, I told her I liked her very much, and then just said good-bye, without asking for a number or anything. I thought it was the best thing to do, and maybe it is. But I can't help it, I just keep thinking about her, and that I sould have kept some way of contacting her; I'm also thinking of excuses to go to the campus and see if I can find her... I don't think I've ever doubted so much in a relationship like I'm now, and I had never find my wife so much boring like now before, but I don't want to cheat on her either.

 

So has anybody here had a similar experience? What did you do that time?

 

I'm also out of firends to talk about this shit, because all of my close friends became close to my wife too, so I'm uncomfortable sharing this with them; so that's why I'm posting this here, to a bunch of stragers (no offense, I like a lot this comunity, but I don't think I can call anyone here a "friend" yet).

 

TL;DR: I'm married but bored, and last week I met a very attractive girl and liked her, and she also liked me.

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i do not think there is a good advice !!!    it is about you and your wife !!! 

 

  no one knows how much she loves you to support or do something and no one knows how much you love/loved her . 

 

  and if you find your wife boring it means she might feel exactly the same about you !!!  and of corse it means also that you do not know her !!!

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As my old uncle said, shit happens.

It is not unusual that kind of thing, mainly due the fact that you are married. Let me explain: you are more confident yourself and that is why you find a bit easy to know a chick. 

Hot or not that is so subjective.

Other thing, women always choose, ever. Always keep this in mind.

You may think that you are Alain Delon but no, you are not. The girl choose to talk to you as your wife choose to married you.

I think your problem is mainly a lack of communication with your wife. A wife is a comrade, you will learn that through the years passing together. And many times a good friend. Just see the things under other light. That use to help.

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You're obviously not as happy as you could be (or at least not as happy as you think you could be). So you have to ask yourself some questions, like "What did I like about the relationship before I married my wife that made me want to get married?", "What has changed?", "More specifically, what core elements of our relationship have changed since two years ago?", "How important are those things to me?", "Are there important things that I want from a relationship that weren't in this one to begin with?". The way you're describing it, it seems like you either didn't know enough about how (in)compatible you would be with your wife, which is hard to imagine since you dated for three years, or you ignored your differences simply because she was attractive (and maybe you value that a lot in your relationships). So, yeah, even if the hot woman had not shown up in your life, you really have to take a look at what you want and what you think is important in life and answer those questions and others. If you can resolve all of that by yourself, and come to the conclusion that you are satisfied with your situation, then stay with your wife. If you can't, communicate with your wife about it and maybe involve a professional. Figure out what you need to do, then do it. You shouldn't consider leaving your wife because of another woman. You should consider the appearance of the other woman as an opportunity to think about why you are unhappy with your current relationship first and foremost.

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The very first thing you need to ask and answer is what do you want? Do you wanna work things out with your wife or do you not, sadly there is no one but you that can answer that.
 

Let's assume for a moment that you want to work things out with the misses, you say that you in a nutshell find her boring, well simply walking up to her and say, honey you are boring please change, that is likely not gonna fly, and while talking to her about it or rather being able to talk to her is not really the main objective here but rather a goal to aim for since if you present this problem to her now however how diplomatic you might be able to put it, it can backfire big time, sorta like the classic of: man buys woman flowers, woman ask what did you do now? 

 

Instead you gonna have to do a lot of the groundwork yourself, be the change you wish to see in the world as Gandhi might have put it, I assume you didn't always find her boring right? Why else would you have married her in the first place, the power of boners might be strong but i don't think this is one those cases. So think back on to how did you conquer your goddess the first time? Did you present a poem, a one liner, a roofie perhaps :) whatever the case remind her why she married you, chances are that if you are bored with her, she likely feel bored with you in someway and round and round the circle goes until misery (to put it roughly) becomes routine, and routine is the enemy of progress, and what you are left with is a craving for what you cannot have, like a kid with there face against the store window of a toy shop.   

 

It can be a battle and by no means an easy one that you are dealing with, but the choice is yours if you wanna take that battle or not, but something has to be done and since its impossible to say or predict if your wife is gonna take it on, you might as well take it yourself since where you seem to be now is at a standstill. 

You can say to yourself that well you do all of this and that and why do she not reply with that and this and it not fair etc and you are right it's not fair but that don't change the fact that whatever it is that your doing is not working and simply repeating it, well there is the definition of insanity.

 

However there is one thing you must remember in your quest, and that is to know your own limits, to put it simply, say you win her grace by gifting her gold and diamonds you better own the mines that they come from since real life sadly have no player.additem command, in other words don't be someone you are not or cannot consistently be.

That is not say that you can't swipe her off her feet by doing something nice to catch her off guard and kinda kick start the process but once again don't over do it and try to lure her in a bit to get a feel for what is working and leave her asking questions in a good way. Sun Tzu said: Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night and when you move fall like a thunderbolt.

 

But why you might ask, why must I be the one to change clearly she is the problem right? regardless if that's true or not it is still unfair to ask her to change without doing anything yourself, that is not to say that you should just bow to her will of cause not but neither should she bow to yours, one thing you could try is find some activity that neither of you right now have an active interest in, like dancing or bowling, stamp collecting what ever don't really matter as long as you can go into it as equals who knows you might find that one common interest that was missing or even if just something you can look back at an say man that was really stupid and have a laugh about.

 

As for the hot chick, ask yourself this, would you have acted the same way if things where not as you put it boring at home? Would she?

Gender equality a side it is no secret that throughout history man and woman have be branded differently for messing around, the man being the sinner and the woman the whore and looking at your case you can see how such conclusions where made, you being the sinner for falling to temptation and her being the whore tempting you with her hotness and fun etc. regardless of how you choose to describe it i truly believe the main reason your started having feeling this hot chick is that you are not okay on the home front and once again the power of boners is indeed mighty, and i must say respect to you for not going further then you have given your current dilemma.

But once again all of this really boils down to what you want, and where you have to be sorta selfish in order not be. 

 

 

Hope you where able to decipher some of that, riddle speech and metaphors is kind of a character flaw of mine.  

 

 

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Take interest in what she likes and then get her interested in what you like little by little... What do appearances matter? It's the attitude what is sexy... Before going on a divorce I propose you this, do something you always wanted to do, risky and crazy, likely to get her annoyed, what would you loose for just trying? And in the process you might discover that she's got it in her to be a perverted fetishist and she's probably very kinky... And if she's not she will probably not stand you :) Just be yourself.

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