overcoming addiction

[Lobzpooatu]

So I have wanted to make a thread like this for a long time, but didn't know how. Basically I couldn't before fully understanding my own addiction. I didn't want to come here and offer support without knowing if I'd be able give it and be knowledgeable of it. So here goes.

 

I have been an alcoholic most my life. I started drinking when I was fourteen and became an alcoholic when I was sixteen I'm thirty three now. It's how I have dealt with pain, social anxieties and more. However I've seen the negative effects it's done to my mind, body and so much more. I needed to find another way.

 

I had to stop for myself first so I could do better for everyone else. It was a choice I made two weeks ago.

 

Taking a step back and looking at myself I just wasn't happy and neither was anyone else around me. Still what was I going to do to really stop? First I had to see the benefits and whether or not they outweighed the cons.

 

For me the pros were

 

-Numbing pain and laughing at it.

 

-Having no filter and not caring.

 

-Having fun with friends and partying all the time. Basically fitting in and having fun.

 

The cons

 

-Having no filter and not caring who I hurt and just apologizing later.

 

-Numbing the pain I caused others by doing so and numbing my own.

 

-Wanting more to repeat the cycle and being unable to know when enough was enough.

 

-Losing friends and nearly my family along with their respect.

 

It was time to stop.

 

I cannot tell you it's easy. What I can tell you is it's worth it. Already I have seen my wife, family and the few friends I have left giving me respect and more. It blows my mind. Life without alcohol has been better.

 

I will say this though about coming here and starting this thread.

 

I know there are folks like me out there struggling with addictions. I am not asking for support, but to see each of you here support each other and I will be among you doing the best I can. That is what helps me.

 

Seeing others struggle and watching no one care unless they benefit is not right either. It's ok the come here and post your experience, but know this thread was meant to help others not to troll or gain fake sympothy. Find another place for that. I have seen enough fake crap in my life to know when someone is pretending. If I see a ton of it I will do my best to have your sorry ass blocked from posting.

 

Lets find peace or do the best we can to help each other gain at least a little bit more perspective about our addictions.

 

No judgements, no hatred just giving each other support.

 

Here are some of examples of what I have done to help.

 

-productive distractions that benefit others. Like building or creating things that help others.

 

-Finding ways to laugh through funny movies or jokes then trying to make others laugh.

 

-Volunteering. I am a scout master because I am an eagle scout and want to support my nephew. I help clean trash up around my grannies old folks home so she can walk around a nice place.

 

Ps if you choose to be silent that's cool, but do yourselves a favor and check out smartrecovery.org

 

I wouldn't be here today without it. There are tools, chats and so much more there that might possibly help.

 

Also addiction is a sickness. I am not a Dr or a therapist and I doubt you will find either here. If you need medical attention or are suicidal then please seek professional help.

[Guest airdance]

I am not asking for support

 

But here for the most part that is what you will get, support.   Keep up the good work and always remember that nothing in life is easy, but it is in adversity that we see the true nature of friends and family, and their capacity to forgive.

[Halstrom]

Good on you, you'll probably lose some "bad friends" who don't want to follow your new path or try to pull you back, but you'll find more and you just made the world a tiny bit better for everyone too, you're awesome, you just helped fix the world !

 

You'll get plenty of comments from complete strangers like mine saying "Well Done!" etc. Remember the little fuzzy happy feeling and smile you get still counts towards negating the bad feelings you are going through, it's all part of a little happy drug balancing game in your brain to replace the previous source of happy drug.

 

Tell you family of your decision and accept their help when offered. Show your Nephew/s how much better you can be without alcohol holding you back.

[JohnHead444]

I no where your coming from. I was addicted to crack cocaine and alcohol for the better part of 10 years and tried all kinds of friendly drugs in my teen years. I went to jail more times than I would like to admit. Lived off from ramin noodles and oatmeal for months at a time just to have enough money for more crack and beer. Never resorted to giving blow jobs for another hit though. That's some thing to be proud of I guess. Finally crashed and rolled my car down a hill and almost ended up in a river in the middle of a blizzard. That kinda told me that rethinking my life might be a good idea. Not to mention all the jail time court crap and fines up the ass helped to. I spend 2 long years before I stop thinking about drugs and alcohol. Laid awake every single night for a year straight thinking about crack I would have given my soul just to have one more night. After to years it started to become a distant memory. So yeah thought I would share my little storie and tell any one who is struggling with addiction that time will heal if you give it a chance. Thanks for bringing this up and I wish you all the best Lobzpooatu and to any one else in the same boat.

[Lobzpooatu]

Thanks you John for sharing that. Glad you're recovering well.

[Khe]

Caffeine + sugar, for countless years, used to have 2 liters of dr pepper every day. Developed to the point where now, if I have any sugar, it makes me extremely depressed. Finally managed to break free last fall...and no, i'm not joking. It sucks where having less than a teaspoon's worth can turn you suicidal. for those struggling, just keep thinking: I just gotta do this one more day, and i'll be fine. keep thinking that every day, and eventually you get out.

[shirow]

I'm not sure about if i'm getting addicted to sugar or not but I'm actually almost 2 liters of soda / or anything with sugar a day. I do not feel that much good when I do stop myself sometimes. Getting angry or stressed more easily. Do you think is comming to an addiction? Any advice about help to stop?

[Lobzpooatu]

Just want get somethings off my chest and maybe help yall in the process. Soooo trading one addiction for another is no bueno. Realized I have been a sex addict as well.

 

If I wasn't drinking I was thinking about sex. Been thinking again about those pros and cons. Still up in the air about it, but realizing just how much I've been disrespecting the wifey.

 

Well that's where I'm at atm.

[Molevalence]

Like any addiction your body has become accustomed to sugar on a daily basis after using it so often for so long. Have you become frustrated/agitated after prolonged periods of time without drinking soda? My brother is the same and I assume its withdraws. This is my opinion though.

 

Dont quit cold turkey though if you plan on it. Drink less progressively and then you can knock it back down to regular levels. 

I'm not sure about if i'm getting addicted to sugar or not but I'm actually almost 2 liters of soda / or anything with sugar a day. I do not feel that much good when I do stop myself sometimes. Getting angry or stressed more easily. Do you think is comming to an addiction? Any advice about help to stop?

 

[Molevalence]

Like any addiction your body has become accustomed to sugar on a daily basis after using it so often for so long. Have you become frustrated/agitated after prolonged periods of time without drinking soda? My brother is the same and I assume its withdraws. This is my opinion though.

 

Dont quit cold turkey though if you plan on it. Drink less progressively and then you can knock it back down to regular levels. 

I'm not sure about if i'm getting addicted to sugar or not but I'm actually almost 2 liters of soda / or anything with sugar a day. I do not feel that much good when I do stop myself sometimes. Getting angry or stressed more easily. Do you think is comming to an addiction? Any advice about help to stop?

 

[shirow]

 

Like any addiction your body has become accustomed to sugar on a daily basis after using it so often for so long. Have you become frustrated/agitated after prolonged periods of time without drinking soda? My brother is the same and I assume its withdraws. This is my opinion though.

 

Dont quit cold turkey though if you plan on it. Drink less progressively and then you can knock it back down to regular levels. 

I'm not sure about if i'm getting addicted to sugar or not but I'm actually almost 2 liters of soda / or anything with sugar a day. I do not feel that much good when I do stop myself sometimes. Getting angry or stressed more easily. Do you think is comming to an addiction? Any advice about help to stop?

 

 

I become frustrated not that much agitated but this is not like I was thinking 24/7 about it, I do want some when I am getting bored. The fact is I don't know how I feel without soda in a prolonged period of time. Since after 3 days for me it's like 1 day ( I haven't really tried to stop a whole week or more to see how I feel).

[Lobzpooatu]

I understand the boredom thing Shirow. Sometimes I drank just out of pure boredom.

 

Lately though I've been watching my health a lot more. Exercising and eating better. I am now addicted to V8 splash lol

 

Seriously though I got on an exercise kick because my wife likes bike riding and we have a really nice park in our addition. I love it.

[Brigade]

If you have a wife, why are you harassing random women on the internet?

[shirow]

The main problem if I do try something, I do not have any support from my family actually they'll keep buy soda and sometimes I do not think after a busy day and drink...

But I'll try to do some effort but the thing I do need the most is a reminder. Something to make me remember at anytime that I shouldn't. I don't really know how actually.

[Lobzpooatu]

Gradually slowing your consumption is good, but cold turkey? Yeah and the constant reminders of it are tough to get by. Is there anything you like more than those Shirow? Something that tastes even better?

 

Props to you for trying for sure.

[shirow]

The problem is I am not really able to slow it. And this is the reason I did get fat actually, and it is the main thing that made me loose my self-esteem.

I don't really see anything actually  =/

[Lobzpooatu]

Hmmmm about the only thing I know that works for me when I feel like drinking is to stop and think of the how I'm gunna feel later. That and just keep my mind occupied with other stuff.

[shirow]

A not too much off-topic : i'll put that into spoilers just about my life and few reasons of the why.

 

 

 

 

This is may be a good way of thinking but since I'm depressed "Tomorrow" is something I'd like to see good but in my mind this is just another day I have to go through. Every week-end I feel the same. "I have to do another boring meaning less week". I guess the drinks are a way to procure me some sort of pleasure when I have to carry "my burden".

But this a vicious circle, the more I dry the more I will get fat. The more I get fat the more I feel guilty and bad and drink would be a little pleasure to handle this. That's the way I think about it. That's quite logic if you think this way you have to do something.

 

I still find some short moments of happiness but not a lot. Going on this forum is something I like since I do laugh often comments and this cheers me up a little. I try to stay fine (irl) in front of everyone but sometimes I'd like to yell and run away from everything. Even my parents aren't really aware that I am depressed. My dad thinks I'm just lazy and thinks I'm game-addicted... Still a funny fact that playing  some games is something to make me feel better, evacuate some stress. Even if I'm not playing a lot...

 

 

 

 

Actually I've found something, I am not a "cola fan" and actually If I drink an entire bottle I'll feel bad. So I don't drink as much as before. It do not really please me to drink cola but still I don't feel like I need to drink more. the last 2 days, I drank 1.5L of pepsi which is actually better than before (still too high of course...). I have some efforts to do, I guess exercise would be something good to do but I do have a lack of motivation since I would be alone. No one to tell me what to do / to fix objectives or support me. My room is quite small and not this not a good places to do exercices ( I cannot focus here even for my own homework...).

[Lobzpooatu]

I see how hard this is for you shirow. I dig your willingness to get better and that's where getting better starts. You are on your way. Depression is a pain I know, but part of the very reason I created this thread was to let folks know they weren't alone and to help guide them anyway I could.

 

That said keep up the good work slowing down and you can pm me if you ever need a thing. Speaking of which I will get that mod list for you tonight for sure and help you install them properly too if need be.

 

Take care.

[mojodajojo]

I quite smoking and drinking for a long time, yet fell off the wagon.  I don't need Bill W. or 12 steps to tell me it's an ongoing day to day thing.

 

You're either fighting it and winning or you're fighting it and losing. You don't overcome anything. One day at a time.

[gregathit]

You're either fighting it and winning or you're fighting it and losing. You don't overcome anything. One day at a time.

 

Well said.  Very well said!

 

 

The "addiction" can't force you one way or the other without your participation.

[Sweatington]

Keep up the great work man! I know how rough it can be in the beginning, but the worst is almost over!

This song helped me keep my motivation up when I was going trough the worst detox phases. 

maybe not your type of music, but what the hell

[AKM]

Many years ago, my grandfather gave my family their first computer.  Windows 3.1, running from the DOS prompt.  I still remember the day an old friend of mother's came over and, knowing I'm into aircraft installed Microsoft Flight Simulator 4 on the machine.  That was probably one of the biggest mistakes ever made.  I started my addiction to gaming. First it was flight simulators and flying games (later it was combat sims and games) which I justified because I wanted to fly for a living.  Flight school behind me and a degree in something I'm not interested in later, I'm looking at my go nowhere job (where at least I have good leadership and am appreciated; it really does count for a lot) and the fact that I have none of what my best friend since high school now has.  He's a year younger and has everything you're supposed to want: house, family, dog, cat.  Not I.  No interest in it, certainly not children, and women?  Almost complete enigma.  Pretty to look at, but a complete mystery so far as dating is concerned.  (I consider dating a waste of time and resources, too, but then that's another matter.)

 

College, had a room mate say "Dude, you're addicted to this stuff."  Yeah, and?  Got into another track I've always been interested in.  It didn't work.  Got into the fire department, then Scouts.  I do neither anymore.  One due to perceived (perhaps real) leadership problems, the other due to perceived (perhaps real) leadership deficiencies on my part.  I don't go out, don't meet people (I've actually become scared of meeting new people), don't take up my boss's offer to join him for activities we both enjoy outside of work.  But this computer gets a real workout.  Hell, just a few days ago I wore out the left mouse button on my mouse.  Not kidding.  Of course I've had that mouse for at minimum ten years, but still, that says a lot about just how much I use this damn thing to the detriment of the rest of my "life".  It's work because I have to and computer because I want to.  The one old friend.  No new friends, no girlfriends.  No nothing.

 

And yet it doesn't really bother me.  Dad, on the other hand.  He saw it coming from the beginning.  He knew.  "You're going to wake up one day and realize what you don't have because of that computer, and just how much of your life you've spent on it".  Prophecy. 

 

And for all the time I've spent on the computer, I've no real skill with it.  Hardware, software, doesn't matter.  Even asked people here about simple coding, gotten plenty of pointers and outright help, then let it sit on the sidelines.  I still haven't completed that simple little tweak to my favorite mod, even though both the author and a particular individual have all but walked me through it.  Even though I took one look at the code and said "Yeah, these lines look like about what I need to change (sure enough, they were)".  Where exactly to find it, what to change.  Yet I haven't done it.  (I blame the fact that I can't seem to get CS Extender to co-operate [be installed correctly]. But really, it's just laziness.)

 

There's also the other interests that have not just suffered, but seen almost zero development.  I'm interested in X, Y, and Z, but rather than pursue them, it's a whole lot easier to just fire this thing up.

 

But there is a soft fuzzy spot.  He's currently curled up in his box next to the computer here, snoring away.  God, but I love kitties!

 

Meh.

[Lobzpooatu]

I feel ya AKM.  Having a world in a box is nice and gaming can be an awesome easy way to feel like your achieving something.  Is it a complete waste of time?  Hmmmm I don't think so.  For me I just find things to do that even though they might not mean much to me might mean something to others and make a hobby out of it.  So far in the last few years just from modding I've learned how to use like ten different pieces of software that I can actually use for millions of other things besides modding.  Those reasons to me give modding its purpose and gaming its purpose.  Never a dull moment and never stop learning.

 

So are we wasting our lives doing it?  Nah,  but learning to moderate anything is a good thing to learn and even though RL might be dull and the cloud and sun don't seem as high res it is a good idea to go out and see them.  Luckily I have a job working outside and grew up without not a lot of games and computer stuff so I have a good stable relationship with the out doors.   

 

Plastrader over the past few years one of my issues was a lack of motivation and it helped keep me drinking so you're not too far off topic bud.  I appreciate the sentiment and thank you.  I'm a little over a month sober and the colors are all coming back again lol

[Guest Plastrader]

Plastrader over the past few years one of my issues was a lack of motivation and it helped keep me drinking so you're not too far off topic bud.  I appreciate the sentiment and thank you.  I'm a little over a month sober and the colors are all coming back again lol

 

You're welcome

 

For you who might ask why Lobzpooatu mentions me here.

I wrote a few sentences, mostly as an answer and "I recognise this" thing to AKM, then chickened out and deleted it, because I'm not too familiar or have come to terms with admitting, speaking and ventilating deep and personal matters on the internet.

I know it's bad, because "shelling"* oneself is a bad thing to do, I'm not sure the internet is the right place of doing this.

But I admire those who do.

 

 

*Shelling, to wall your self up. I don't know if its a word, or something you do to the enemy with artillery...