Am I Depressed?

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Since this is the off topic section,I figure this is prolly the best place for this.

 

I'm 28, going on 29 in a few months. I find I'm becoming less and less motivated in general. I'm becoming more antisocial and finding I'm less (but not completely) emotionally responsive. I know it's classic signs of depression, but can depression feel different? Some context, I've been heavily depressed before. To the point of I attempted suicide with a .45 hollow point when I was 17. The round was defective, obviously, but I managed to get better after that. I tell you that not because I want pity, but to provide evidence that I know what major depression feels like. Even after all these years, I still remember how that felt, and it's not a road I'm eager to go down again.

 

This feels different tho. I don't feel lethargic, I'm not constantly dead inside. I actually feel probably the most content I've felt in a long time. It's just that I don't have any ambition or motivation for much anymore. Even video games, my one constant bastion of interest has begun to fade. It's just a sort of boredom that seems to permeate everything. And I know it's adversely affecting the relationships I have with friends and family, but honestly? I don't really give a shit.

 

So I ask again, is it possible that depression can feel different from a previous episode, or is this something else? Because if it is depression, I'd very much like to nip this shit in the bud before it gets bad again.

UPDATE:

 

Since the time I created this topic, I have been to more than one fully accredited professionals who have all confirmed that I am NOT depressed.

[ratrace]

 

is it possible that depression can feel different from a previous episode, or is this something else? Because if it is depression, I'd very much like to nip this shit in the bud before it gets bad again.

Depression can occur masked as almost anything, from somatic problems like pains in the back to heart problems, from extreme anxiety of all sorts (freely floating or in phobias) to a severe aggressive emotional condition, even mixed with violent outbursts which normally doesn't point do clinical depression in the first place. But please stop that pointless self diagnosis. This is utterly dangerous!

 

Since you tried to commit suicide in your past, I strongly recommend you seek professional help immediately. A forum in general and especially a forum like this (no offense against LL intended) is surely not the place to seek help with a health condition that can be life threatening.

 

Go see a psychologist as soon as possible and talk with him or her about your next steps.

[gvman3670]

It might be. And it could feel different. You are, after all, a whole different person at 28 than you are at 17. Literally, since ever atom in your body's body been replaced at least once by now. Ever hear of the "seven year itch"? There's a biological reason for that itch, for that change in behavior.

 

I'd suggest seeing a doc you're comfortable with. No harm in that, is there?

 

I'd also suggest getting outside more. Simply being outdoors is a miracle worker. Sunlight is your friend. Take a walk in the woods, follow a small stream, sun bathe, hang with friends making new awesome memories. These things kill depression for me and probably will for you, too. We are literally forest creatures forcing ourselves to live in an alien environment and there can be some bad consequences for doing this.

[jdods13]

Since this is the off topic section,I figure this is prolly the best place for this.

 

I'm 28, going on 29 in a few months. I find I'm becoming less and less motivated in general. I'm becoming more antisocial and finding I'm less (but not completely) emotionally responsive. I know it's classic signs of depression, but can depression feel different? Some context, I've been heavily depressed before. To the point of I attempted suicide with a .45 hollow point when I was 17. The round was defective, obviously, but I managed to get better after that. I tell you that not because I want pity, but to provide evidence that I know what major depression feels like. Even after all these years, I still remember how that felt, and it's not a road I'm eager to go down again.

 

This feels different tho. I don't feel lethargic, I'm not constantly dead inside. I actually feel probably the most content I've felt in a long time. It's just that I don't have any ambition or motivation for much anymore. Even video games, my one constant bastion of interest has begun to fade. It's just a sort of boredom that seems to permeate everything. And I know it's adversely affecting the relationships I have with friends and family, but honestly? I don't really give a shit.

 

So I ask again, is it possible that depression can feel different from a previous episode, or is this something else? Because if it is depression, I'd very much like to nip this shit in the bud before it gets bad again.

 

I don't know you and I have no idea what you have been through in your life. I just have some basic rules of living that help. It will require you to take responsibility for what you put in your head. Words take form. Positive words and thoughts on the inside will begin to manifest themselves on the outside. You might think something is cheesy or silly, but you need to do one thing when you feel like you want to give up; step outside of your comfort zone. Selfishness comes in many forms and it isn't always bad. There is no blanket remedy for a person that has become depressed and lost. Start thinking of other people and other places. Travel, volunteer, write and most importantly love. You have far more to offer to this world and to the people you meet than you think. Clouding yourself with negative thoughts and harmful solutions is being selfish, not only to those that love you, but, to yourself. You will need to take a deep breath and let strength rule you, not fear.

 

I too have been depressed, but not to the extreme of wishing myself dead. I've been depressed after the death of a close relative and the loss of a woman that I've loved. The best way to heal yourself is to step out into the light. Get up early and go for a morning walk to reflect. Change your diet so that you feel pure on the inside. Make a new friend by being nothing but honest with who you are and who you want to be. Step away from what you normally do so that you may look back on it with new found appreciation. There are people in the world that love you. They don't know you and have never heard of you, but they love you the same.

 

Don't deny the world a chance to know you. Love and respect yourself. The people that do not love and respect themselves will make it known by putting you down and trying to hurt you. This is no fault of yours but a short coming on their part. This is proof of their weakness.

 

Be ruled by strength and love, not fear...

[jdods13]

 

 

is it possible that depression can feel different from a previous episode, or is this something else? Because if it is depression, I'd very much like to nip this shit in the bud before it gets bad again.

Depression can occur masked as almost anything, from somatic problems like pains in the back to heart problems, from extreme anxiety of all sorts (freely floating or in phobias) to a severe aggressive emotional condition, even mixed with violent outbursts which normally doesn't point do clinical depression in the first place. But please stop that pointless self diagnosis. This is utterly dangerous!

 

Since you tried to commit suicide in your past, I strongly recommend you seek professional help immediately. A forum in general and especially a forum like this (no offense against LL intended) is surely not the place to seek help with a health condition that can be life threatening.

 

Go see a psychologist as soon as possible and talk with him or her about your next steps.

 

 

It's important to talk to a professional. Many community centers offer free counseling and therapy if money is an issue.

[Myst42]

Seconded

If you have background history of suicidal tendencies you should definitely go see a professional ASAP

 

On what it seems, you sound like you have lost hope in things and stopped dreaming

You're probably Atheist right?

Lost of faith in everything is unfortunately a symptom of our sick society

Where only the material matters and at some point it stops making sense anymore. No reason to keep living if nobody gives a shit, specially yourself

 

It's not uncommon at all

I'd advice

A- Seeking professional help

B- Using biological factors that are known to cause endorphin increase, such as sunlight, physical activity and a repairing sleeping cycle

C- Try to find the meaning you lost, some find it in spirituality, some in love, some in a life goal or a dream. Some people do yoga and some try learning how to climb mountains. In spiritual disciplines, the lost of meaning in life is a symptom of humanity's loss of connection with nature

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Wow, was not expecting responses that quick.

 

Just to clarify, I haven't been suicidal since my last episode, and I'll be damned if I try that shit again. I know there's people who rely on me and I'm not gonna be that much of a selfish twat.

 

And thanks for the advice, guys. Much appreciated.

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

 

You're probably Atheist right?

 

 

I'm not here to debate that particular nugget, but I feel I should say, yes I am.

 

And I feel I should point out that becoming an atheist was a large contributing factor to me getting better after my first episode. So, no, it's actually been the opposite of what you think. At least, for me. I cannot and will not speak for anyone else.

 

I'm not one of the asshole atheists that's going to bash religion or the people who believe it, and I do respect your opinion, but that particular one does not apply to me.

[Myst42]

Good to know you're not behaving like one of those assholes 

 

I'm not religious nor do I believe in any church

But I'm a spiritual person into metaphysics and quantum physics... which is borderline ideology mixing science and spirituality

 

I mention it because atheism is the predominant belief nowadays and there's a difference

Atheists believe in nothing at all. Ergo life is meaningless

Some people call themselves atheists but still believe in a higher entity or consciousness, or purpose that they cannot understand or explain... life not so meaningless, and not really an atheist. That's an "agnostic"

 

If for you it helped, then good. it's usually a major reason to loose faith in life and anything at all but I guess not always

Meaning is the keyword here. You sound like you need to find meaning in something. Not talking about religion, just something, anything at all. something that drives you forward

 

Hope you do find it whatever it is

And best of lucks

[newbmaster3963]

For me, I feel lethargic if I don't do anything I feel as 'meaningful'. Whether it is as simple as finishing up essays or job applications, or even grocery shopping. Having done anything meaningful to me keeps that away. Days where I spend all day playing video games are the ones that guilt me the most.

 

If you're a video game addict like I am, maybe try not using your computer unless absolutely necessary for a week. Work out, walk the streets, find some new restaurants to eat at, make a new friend, find a book even.

 

I hope this'll lessen your pain [or lack of]

 

Good luck! We'll be here for you.

[legendarytoyou]

Since this is the off topic section,I figure this is prolly the best place for this.

 

I'm 28, going on 29 in a few months. I find I'm becoming less and less motivated in general. I'm becoming more antisocial and finding I'm less (but not completely) emotionally responsive. I know it's classic signs of depression, but can depression feel different? Some context, I've been heavily depressed before. To the point of I attempted suicide with a .45 hollow point when I was 17. The round was defective, obviously, but I managed to get better after that. I tell you that not because I want pity, but to provide evidence that I know what major depression feels like. Even after all these years, I still remember how that felt, and it's not a road I'm eager to go down again.

 

This feels different tho. I don't feel lethargic, I'm not constantly dead inside. I actually feel probably the most content I've felt in a long time. It's just that I don't have any ambition or motivation for much anymore. Even video games, my one constant bastion of interest has begun to fade. It's just a sort of boredom that seems to permeate everything. And I know it's adversely affecting the relationships I have with friends and family, but honestly? I don't really give a shit.

 

So I ask again, is it possible that depression can feel different from a previous episode, or is this something else? Because if it is depression, I'd very much like to nip this shit in the bud before it gets bad again.

Sounds a little like me almost.  My interest in certain games, going out with friends and socializing has hit an all time low.  I think it mainly stems from the fact I'm putting a lot of work and effort into my book.  Don't have the luxury of spare time but when I do I generally wish to be alone.  Either I'm watching a movie, reading a column or working on my book.  My guess is I think you're suffering the same lul as everyone else is;

 

The gaming environment right now is very weak.

 

We've seen a few titles here and there like Titanfall and Watchdogs but nothing that really causes an uproar.  Gaming news is slow right now so it'll probably pick up once summer roles around.  I've also noticed that as I've grown older my interest in certain areas has taken a serious hit.  WoW for example used to be my primary time munchies (was actually a raid leader and have many heroic ICC25 runs under my belt) but over time I lost interest to the point where I am now; I hardly ever log in and to date unsubbed because I saw little point in it.

 

You're just hitting a lul I think.  Find a new movie, buy a new game or even try your hand at a different hobby (recently I picked up a model kit of Battlestar Galactica and am waiting for it to show up ) for awhile.  You'll eventually start to feel a little nostalgic at times (I keep thinking back to my old raiding guild and miss them) and something will eventually make you go, "ooh that looks like fun!"

 

I stick with the old saying; If it entertains you play it and if it doesn't don't force yourself to play it.  Games are meant to be entertaining not a second job.

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Again, thanks for all the advice guys. I will be checking with a professional as soon as I find the time. I don't think I am depressed, but one never knows and best not to take chances.

[AKM]

I can certainly second the whole "our messed up society and its messed up values (read: materialistic)".  You might look into your work.  As the saying goes "You spend so much time at work that you'd better enjoy it".  I recently started a new job, and quickly discovered two things.  1. I absolutely hate the waste and subsequent materialist-ism of the final product.  2. I've put off my original after-college plan for wayyyy too long, and need to take a serious look at where I am and where I think I'd like to go.  Part of my response to this initial "what the hell am I doing with my life?" question was to draw into myself and away from things that I used to enjoy, fire department included.  Big Mistake.  People are social creatures.  Sure, some aren't, but generally speaking, people need social interaction.  You'd be surprised the amount of support you'll get by simply being available to get it, emotionally, or whatever.  Just being around people.  Well, the right people, too, of course.

 

Sometimes it takes getting into an undesirable spot like my new job to open your eyes to the fact that things are not as they should be.  Anyway, you've definitely taken a good first step just asking the question.  Now I think you need to go ask someone who has the knowledge and experience to give you a meaningful answer.

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Sorry to necro a dead thread, but I figured I'd post an update. Got to finally see someone and good news, I'm not depressed. The bad news is, I am anti-social as fuck. 

[AKM]

Nothing wrong with that.  I happen to quite enjoy my own company.  Only one set of BS to put up with.  Don't have to worry about someone else's.  Glad to hear you're not normal like the rest of us!

[ratrace]

Seconded. I can spend weeks alone without a single second of feeling lonely or missinig anything. I don't even know how loneliness or boredom feels, which is strange when I think about the fact thet there are people out there who suffer serious anxiety from loneliness.

 

I love spending my time on things I like. To be honest, I even prefer it that way over for example being in a relationship. All that crap that comes with it. Always be the entertaining side, always having to be available, at least emotionally - it's plain exhausting.

 

My friends know that I don't like being visited spontaneously and it's ok for them.

[dje34]

Seconded. I can spend weeks alone without a single second of feeling lonely or missinig anything. I don't even know how loneliness or boredom feels, which is strange when I think about the fact thet there are people out there who suffer serious anxiety from loneliness.

 

I love spending my time on things I like. To be honest, I even prefer it that way over for example being in a relationship. All that crap that comes with it. Always be the entertaining side, always having to be available, at least emotionally - it's plain exhausting.

 

My friends know that I don't like being visited spontaneously and it's ok for them.

 

The weird thing here is as anti-social as we guys could be we are still social in virtual society, so it is not us that doesn't match the society, it is the society that doesn't match us. Don't you think ?

 

Hopefully, the geek society is growing up, and the future is ours ! Sooner or later, we will be kings and queens !

[ratrace]

 

The weird thing here is as anti-social as we guys could be we are still social in virtual society, so it is not us that doesn't match the society, it is the society that doesn't match us. Don't you think ?

Perhaps it's the geek kind of schizoidity. Though most people wouldn't describe me as geeky.

 

The reason I take no interest in what people would consider "normal" socializing is that I like to choose when I am having a conversation - and if. When I invite friends over to me or I am invited (and have the option to refuse), this is a choice I make.

 

I don't like the smalltalk approach, this ritual of starting a random conversation. I don't care for the weather (since I have a window), I freakingly HATE TV sports events, I have not the slightest interest in cars, all the stuff people use to introduce a conversation. I do not comply to most mainstream political views (especially since these are getting more and more unpleasant, to say the least), I don't watch TV, I don't like pubs, public parties etc. I did the latter for years in my 20s. With everything that belongs to it. The conclusion is that it's boring (without drugs). And since I don't do drugs anymore since at least over a decade, I don't care anymore.

 

I cut my circle of friends down to those that really matter, ditched the fucking indiscriminate TV crap zapping and learned to appreciate my time more than ever. After a while your mind really changes.

 

 

Hopefully, the geek society is growing up, and the future is ours ! Sooner or later, we will be kings and queens !

Basically I'd prefer not to be any kind of leader. That would tie me to the ones I lead. Apart from that power breeds corruption breeds the misery of billions. Nowadays kings and queens wear business suits and cause unspeakable harm. I want nothing to do with that.

[Nixea]

Good to know you're not behaving like one of those assholes 

 

I'm not religious nor do I believe in any church

But I'm a spiritual person into metaphysics and quantum physics... which is borderline ideology mixing science and spirituality

 

I mention it because atheism is the predominant belief nowadays and there's a difference

Atheists believe in nothing at all. Ergo life is meaningless

Some people call themselves atheists but still believe in a higher entity or consciousness, or purpose that they cannot understand or explain... life not so meaningless, and not really an atheist. That's an "agnostic"

 

If for you it helped, then good. it's usually a major reason to loose faith in life and anything at all but I guess not always

Meaning is the keyword here. You sound like you need to find meaning in something. Not talking about religion, just something, anything at all. something that drives you forward

 

Hope you do find it whatever it is

And best of lucks

 

Just a minor correction there, being an atheist is simply dismissing the notion of a higher power having created everything, believing in nothing is called nihilism and either definition has nothing to do with feeling like life is meaningless, so it's not really much of a contributor to depression.

 

[Angrybird]

Exercise hard if you don’t have anything you want to accomplish, mens sana in corpore sano or whatever.

[ТigегШооd]

Don't try to make sense of how you feel & learn something when you are bored, that's all.

 

how did you have access to hollow point ammunition?

[ratrace]

The most important achievement would be to not to let others talk you into having to achieve anything. All else will follow.

[Pixie-K]

Don't try to make sense of how you feel & learn something when you are bored, that's all.

 

how did you have access to hollow point ammunition?

 

 

Quote pulled directly from GTA San Andreas:

 

[after Cesar gives CJ a silenced Colt .45]

Carl Johnson: Where'd you get that?

Cesar: Same place I buy my pants, holmes. This is America!

[ТigегШооd]

 

Don't try to make sense of how you feel & learn something when you are bored, that's all.

 

how did you have access to hollow point ammunition?

 

 

Quote pulled directly from GTA San Andreas:

 

[after Cesar gives CJ a silenced Colt .45]

Carl Johnson: Where'd you get that?

Cesar: Same place I buy my pants, holmes. This is America!

 

Just asking, the EU tried to ban expanding projectiles here & they're hard to come by in most places. I guess full jacket rounds are more gentlemanly.

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

The weird thing here is as anti-social as we guys could be we are still social in virtual society, so it is not us that doesn't match the society, it is the society that doesn't match us. Don't you think ?

To be honest, I always saw it as normal because with online friends, you have nowhere near the amount of responsibilities or obligations as real-world friends entail. The relative anonymity makes awkward discussions less so (in my experience) and don't forget looking at text on a screen rather than a picture eliminates a lot of bias people harbor, consciously or not. Lastly, you can just turn them off, if you're feeling particularly curmudgeonly that day.

 

 

 

Just a minor correction there, being an atheist is simply dismissing the notion of a higher power having created everything, believing in nothing is called nihilism and either definition has nothing to do with feeling like life is meaningless, so it's not really much of a contributor to depression.

 

 

 

Thank you for that. I wasn't going to mention nihilism, but I think too many people equate atheism with it, so thank you for pointing out that one does not equal the other.

 

Don't try to make sense of how you feel & learn something when you are bored, that's all.

 

how did you have access to hollow point ammunition?

 

I usually try.

 

Also, they're not terribly difficult to get a hold of in the US. Last time I checked the only state that had any bans on them was New Jersey.

 

 

 

 

 

Quote pulled directly from GTA San Andreas:

 

[after Cesar gives CJ a silenced Colt .45]

Carl Johnson: Where'd you get that?

Cesar: Same place I buy my pants, holmes. This is America!

 

 

I award you +10 internets for that reference