Loneliness

[KoolHndLuke]

Increasingly when I look on the internet I see the same; loneliness is an epidemic that is killing our societies. I post this here because over the years that I've been a member it has been a somewhat frequent topic that was discussed with interest. I found this video talking about people from all over the world and thought it was a pretty good take on our current predicament. See what you think...

 

Possible problems and solutions not covered in the video:

 

First, I just want to say that I don't expect everyone to agree with me since these are my opinions. I only share these as what I see and how I personally deal with them. With that said, I don't pretend be any self help guru and this opening post will probably be the first and last entry I make. I just hoped to help a few people maybe. Peace.

 

Now I think one problem here is the ridiculous standards we each seem to have for prerequisites to having friends and companionship in the first place. I've personally been blown off more times than I like to recall when trying to reach out to others as a friendly acquaintance. We have, in fact, a "list" of desired traits or expectations that automatically preclude most others from ever being our new friend- let alone best friends/lovers. After all, we have to protect ourselves. Right? The problem with this that I see and have experienced is that with everybody having this list and being so individualistic, nobody is making (passing) anyone's list! We have to each lower our standards a little and slowly in order to try and connect more.

 

Another problem is preconceptions. We idealize others rather than actually try to see them for who they are, what they're about. This is twofold I think. On the one hand, we may just not have the time in our busy lives to observe others very much and gather intel. That or there is something a bit more interesting to do on our phone at the time. On the other hand, we're contending with maintaining our image- what we want others to see and think about us and perhaps we're so busy worrying about that, we don't notice much of anything or anyone else. Solution to this is to make the time to observe others more and then decide if they might be worth getting to know, then reach out as best you know how. This admittedly is a huge problem since a lot of people don't think they can and not come across weird or stupid. My advice? Take the chance anyway because you'll never forgive yourself if you did nothing and let the opportunity pass by.

 

The last problem that I'll mention is "baggage"- these are painful memories of getting hurt by others in our past... and we all have those. Force them out of your mind by thinking of something else. Replace them with better memories that make you feel good. Those painful memories, while lessons of what not to do in the future, are lessons you have learned well without constantly, needlessly revisiting the pain. Drop them like a bad habit. Positivity is infectious, attractive to others. Smile once in awhile fool (it'll make others curious about you).

Edited April 24, 2024 by KoolHndLuke

[Guest]

In my opinion, our increased reliance on electronic communication with mobile phones contributes heavily to this. I play tabletop role-playing games (Dungeons & Dragons and similar). Many times I have had players in the games I run who, when is not their turn, are glued to their phones and are totally tuned out to the real people right in front of them. That's not a criticism of the activity per se, it's an observation (it is a criticism of that activity in that context because they should be paying attention to the game and to the other players at the table, as a matter of courtesy).

 

Another friend of mine is a piano teacher. They told me about a time they wanted to have a private conversation with a student. They said the student had her phone in her hand and was looking at it during the conversation. My friend said they asked the woman to put away her phone during the conversation. The woman complied, but my friend said the woman appeared visibly agitated after that. So another instance of a person wanting to be on their phone rather than fully engaging with the live person in front of them.

 

These are just an anecdotes from me, not solid evidence of a phenomenon.

[ingridguerci94]

Quote

 

Increasingly when I look on the internet I see the same; loneliness is an epidemic that is killing our societies. I post this here because over the years that I've been a member it has been a somewhat frequent topic that was discussed with interest. I found this video talking about people from all over the world and thought it was a pretty good take on our current predicament. See what you think...

Possible problems and solutions not covered in the video:

First, I just want to say that I don't expect everyone to agree with me since these are my opinions. I only share these as what I see and how I personally deal with them. With that said, I don't pretend be any self help guru and this opening post will probably be the first and last entry I make. I just hoped to help a few people maybe. Peace.

Now I think one problem here is the ridiculous standards we each seem to have for prerequisites to having friends and companionship in the first place. I've personally been blown off more times than I like to recall when trying to reach out to others as a friendly acquaintance. We have, in fact, a "list" of desired traits or expectations that automatically preclude most others from ever being our new friend- let alone best friends/lovers. After all, we have to protect ourselves. Right? The problem with this that I see and have experienced is that with everybody having this list and being so individualistic, nobody is making (passing) anyone's list! We have to each lower our standards a little and slowly in order to try and connect more.

Another problem is preconceptions. We idealize others rather than actually try to see them for who they are, what they're about. This is twofold I think. On the one hand, we may just not have the time in our busy lives to observe others very much and gather intel. That or there is something a bit more interesting to do on our phone at the time. On the other hand, we're contending with maintaining our image- what we want others to see and think about us and perhaps we're so busy worrying about that, we don't notice much of anything or anyone else. Solution to this is to make the time to observe others more and then decide if they might be worth getting to know, then reach out as best you know how. This admittedly is a huge problem since a lot of people don't think they can and not come across weird or stupid. My advice? Take the chance anyway because you'll never forgive yourself if you did nothing and let the opportunity pass by.

The last problem that I'll mention is "baggage"- these are painful memories of getting hurt by others in our past... and we all have those. Force them out of your mind by thinking of something else. Replace them with better memories that make you feel good. Those painful memories, while lessons of what not to do in the future, are lessons you have learned well without constantly, needlessly revisiting the pain. Drop them like a bad habit. Positivity is infectious, attractive to others. Smile once in awhile fool (it'll make others curious about you). Rinne who cums while rubbing her mother’s boobs on https://phima1d.com/

 

 

I think social media and modern phones have led to some of the problem. I believe the biggest problem is people are just unwilling to approach each other anymore. People aren’t willing to reach out because of either their own insecurities or feelings of inadequacy. I wish people could realize we are all the same in the sense that we all feel similarly. Even the person who seems to have it all feels this way. Other wise why would famous, rich, or physically beautiful people harm themselves.

In my opinion people set unrealistic expectations on others. Some might find what I’m about to say offensive but it’s what I believe. Women are lonely because their ideal man that looks like Brad Pitt doesn’t come along. When there are thousands of regular guys that would love them infinitely. The same goes for men. You’re not going to find a supermodel and the women in porn are creating fantasy. All of this isn’t just about relationships but people put unrealistic expectations on friendships too. The sooner we get past superficiality and insecurity I believe the world will change. Don’t fear rejection. Just see it as a opportunity to meet someone better.

Edited June 13, 2024 by ingridguerci94

[Raven 54]

On 4/24/2024 at 1:27 PM, branmakmuffin said:

My friend said they asked the woman to put away her phone during the conversation. The woman complied, but my friend said the woman appeared visibly agitated after that.

I agree with what you said, the Woman in question was suffering from "Separation Anxiety", a commonly spoke of topic these days. Separation from any electronic device not just cell phones.

When I was young our "Screen Time" was limited & we were run out of the house to "Play", Divines help us we actually had to use our imagination.

These days being outside (if one does not reside in the country) is a Hazardous affair. Gang violence, Drug peddlers, stray bullets....I need not go on.

Then there is the work environment that relies heavily on the use of Computers, cell phones, etc.

There is no way for the population at large to not be "Conditioned" to constant screen time.

This all leads to the separation of Society at large, hence the "Loneliness" factor. People are not interacting like we used to and it shows in manners, politeness, compassion, love, relationships, etc. I just read how people were just not dating anymore due to lack of available prospects.

When was the last time someone you don't know looked you in the eye and spoke a friendly greeting, grocery store, mall, any business of a retail nature.

I was bumped into by a passerby at the grocery store & they didn't even look at me, apologize, cuss me for being in their way, nothing.

An Attorney in Texas was shot dead 3 days ago for trying to calm an irate customer at Mc Donald's, his order was not timely or it was wrong, some simple shit.

 

The World is a Hot Mess anymore, I loath to see the progression of this disease.

Great Topic @KoolHndLuke 

 

[Guest]

I'm going to disagree that the world is any more dangerous than it was 50 years ago.

[beefers]

On 5/10/2024 at 1:51 PM, branmakmuffin said:

I'm going to disagree that the world is any more dangerous than it was 50 years ago.

statistically, the world is the safest it's ever been, ever.  We just know more about the shit that's always been happening now.

[chooseChaos]

1 hour ago, beefers said:

statistically, the world is the safest it's ever been, ever.  We just know more about the shit that's always been happening now.

YES, but ...

Spoiler

Fun but statistically verifiable statement: In the Stone Age, far fewer people were victims of violence than today (there were also far fewer people, but that wasn't my point ... run away quickly ... ) 😇

 

[Miauzi]

Am 10.05.2024 um 13:05 Uhr sagte Raven 54:

Ein Anwalt in Texas wurde vor drei Tagen erschossen, weil er versucht hatte, einen wütenden Kunden bei Mc Donald's zu beruhigen. Seine Bestellung kam nicht rechtzeitig oder sie war falsch, einfach nur Scheiße.

 

Die Welt ist nicht mehr ein heißes Durcheinander, ich hasse es, das Fortschreiten dieser Krankheit zu sehen.

Tolles Thema @KoolHndLuke  

 

 

Fortunately, the USA is not the entire world on this planet - there are also other countries that do NOT have these specific problems... to this day no one can explain to me in a way that I can understand what firearms in the hands of "everyone" means "freedom" or even “personal safety”.

(and no - I don't want any answers - because there won't be anything new after over 20 years)

[Miauzi]

Am 10.05.2024 um 22:51 Uhr sagte Branmakmuffin:

Ich bin nicht der Meinung, dass die Welt gefährlicher ist als vor 50 Jahren.

 

I have a completely different opinion... in Vietnam, for example, it is much quieter and more peaceful today than it was 50-60 years ago

[Miauzi]

Am 24.04.2024 um 20:27 Uhr sagte Branmakmuffin:

Meiner Meinung nach trägt unsere zunehmende Abhängigkeit von der elektronischen Kommunikation mit Mobiltelefonen maßgeblich dazu bei. Ich spiele Tabletop-Rollenspiele ( Dungeons & Dragons und ähnliches). In den von mir durchgeführten Spielen hatte ich oft Spieler, die, wenn sie nicht an der Reihe waren, an ihren Handys festklebten und völlig auf die realen Menschen direkt vor ihnen fixiert waren. Das ist keine Kritik an der Aktivität an sich , sondern eine Beobachtung (es ist eine Kritik an dieser Aktivität in diesem Zusammenhang, weil sie aus Höflichkeitsgründen dem Spiel und den anderen Spielern am Tisch Aufmerksamkeit schenken sollten).

 

Ein anderer Freund von mir ist Klavierlehrer. Sie erzählten mir von einer Zeit, als sie ein privates Gespräch mit einem Studenten führen wollten. Sie sagten, die Studentin habe ihr Telefon in der Hand gehabt und während des Gesprächs darauf geschaut. Meine Freundin sagte, sie hätten die Frau während des Gesprächs gebeten, ihr Telefon wegzulegen. Die Frau gehorchte, aber mein Freund meinte, dass die Frau danach sichtlich aufgeregt wirkte. Also ein weiteres Beispiel dafür, dass eine Person am Telefon sein möchte, anstatt sich voll und ganz auf die lebende Person vor ihr einzulassen.

 

Das sind nur Anekdoten von mir, kein handfester Beweis für ein Phänomen.

 

In principle, this is not a new phenomenon... the US writer "John Brunner" wrote SF novels about it at the end of the 1960s and the beginning of the 1970s.

For me, the human alienation (through electronic media) is particularly clearly described in the novel "The Jagged Orbit" ... he wrote it in 1969 or it was published ... the anticipation of virtual sex between two people - they last but this is for the normal natural form

[Raven 54]

59 minutes ago, Miauzi said:

to this day no one can explain to me in a way that I can understand what firearms in the hands of "everyone" means "freedom" or even “personal safety”.

(and no - I don't want any answers - because there won't be anything new after over 20 years)

I feel the same way, I will respect your wishes and not elaborate.   

[Raven 54]

On 5/10/2024 at 3:51 PM, branmakmuffin said:

I'm going to disagree that the world is any more dangerous than it was 50 years ago.

You're kidding right?

If you were to look the wrong way at someone you could be shot dead, that is way different than 50 years ago.

Back then disagreements were usually settled fist to cuff then shake hands and be friends the next day.

Now you are likely to be killed, that is far more dangerous.

[Simpossible_xx]

Loneliness hits hard, actually. I know what it's like to feel emptiness inside after being alone for too long and how talking to someone can really cheer you up.

 

If anyone is feeling lonely and in need of someone to talk to, please reach out to me. Let's overcome this feeling one meaningful conversation at a time. 🙂

[AKM]

On 4/24/2024 at 11:11 AM, KoolHndLuke said:

The problem with this that I see and have experienced is that with everybody having this list and being so individualistic, nobody is making (passing) anyone's list!

On 4/24/2024 at 11:11 AM, KoolHndLuke said:

observe others more and then decide if they might be worth getting to know, then reach out as best you know how.

On 4/24/2024 at 11:11 AM, KoolHndLuke said:

"baggage"- these are painful memories of getting hurt by others in our past...

All of the above, for sure.  Personally, I keep to myself, period.  When I see someone I think might be worth approaching (especially on in a romantic sense), invariably, there's the "what if?", and I've seen too much of how badly it can go wrong to take honest, serious, risk anymore, certainly in person, much less via computer/internet.  Just not worth the potential for problems - especially in a world where, at least in this society, all it takes to ruin your life so far as being socially viable / member of the workforce / whatever, is for someone to simply accuse you of something that 'the rest of the group' i.e. society as a whole, finds distasteful/wrong/whatever.  The automatic reaction is to assume that if someone is simply being accused of something, that instantaneously means that they are, in fact, guilty of said thing - at least in "the court of public opinion".  Unfortunately, that's all it takes, is what others are "supposed" to think for the vast majority of people to immediately fall into "group-think", and end up in herd mentality.  Too easy for one person to say one thing and have it destroy you.

The worst part about it all is the fact that to find someone(s) who truly work with you takes digging through piles of people who might be and aren't.  I've been told it's worth the effort by people who I've known - but I also have seen them do/say things that make absolutely zero sense to me, and then somehow end up with someone who is okay with that which I would not touch with a 10 foot pole (thought processes, actions, the like).  I really don't have the time to expend on that, and for the last few years, have found it to be just easier (not to mention infinitely less risky) to just retreat into the mental fantasy-land of idealism.  Then again, a LOT of that has to do with putting those ideals I have for "perfection" into a world which doesn't exist.  And above that, to be frank, the ideals I have I really think isn't asking all that much, but in today's world, apparently it is, as you say, 'a ridiculous standard'.

It's "Who in their right mind would accept me for me?", and the answer (that I've really given myself) is pretty obvious, given the decisions I made.

On the other hand, the answer to the loneliness problem is simple.  The question: 'What do people need to NOT be lonely?' Invariably, the answer is 'Other people.'  The getting to result required for that answer is the problem.  "How to meet people (effectively)?"

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Miauzi said:

 

I have a completely different opinion... in Vietnam, for example, it is much quieter and more peaceful today than it was 50-60 years ago

Then I don't think your opinion differs from mine, based on that assertion, anyway.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Raven 54 said:

You're kidding right?

If you were to look the wrong way at someone you could be shot dead, that is way different than 50 years ago.

Back then disagreements were usually settled fist to cuff then shake hands and be friends the next day.

Now you are likely to be killed, that is far more dangerous.

Making unsupportable assertions is a great way to support an argument.

 

We are in "agree to disagree" territory.

[Raven 54]

 

Edited May 12, 2024 by Raven 54

[Vader666]

On 4/24/2024 at 5:11 PM, KoolHndLuke said:

I think one problem here is the ridiculous standards we each seem to have for prerequisites to having friends and companionship in the first place.

 

Apparently a body temperature of about 37C° combined with an IQ of about twice that already is a ridiculous standart these days.

[KoolHndLuke]

On 5/12/2024 at 9:59 AM, Vader666 said:

standart

Normally I wouldn't nitpick. But given the context of your statement... this is pretty laughable. 

[chooseChaos]

3 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Normally I wouldn't nitpick. But given the context of your statement... this is pretty laughable. 

What am I doing right now? Sitting here with an open packet of popcorn and waiting to see what happens next.

Maybe something like this?

Spoiler

 

 

[Vader666]

5 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

But given the context of your statement... this is pretty laughable.

 

See, that's why im looking for people who are smarter than me.

But obviously i was totally refering to an ridiculous piece of art which needs to be performed while standing upright. You know that. Everybody knows that !

 

2 hours ago, chooseChaos said:

Maybe something like this?

Spoiler

 

 

Edited May 17, 2024 by Vader666

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Vader666 said:

See, that's why im looking for people who are smarter than me.

But obviously i was totally refering to an ridiculous piece of art which needs to be performed while standing upright. You know that. Everybody knows that !

I know it now. Everybody knows I know it now. And by "everybody" I mean the half-a-dozen people who read this thread.

Edited May 18, 2024 by branmakmuffin

[JohnMM]

I will write diary when I feel lonely or want to talk with somebody.

[nIn nIn nIn]

I find, when feeling lonely or down is to :

 

Plug my speakers into my PC, go on youtube and binge watch my favourite bands. Coffee on tap, chocolate on hand (or a little Bourbon at times). 

 

Crank the sound right up and the loneliness just goes away - because you are spending quality time with your favourite people in the world.

 

I can while away many hours like this. Doing it right now. Joan Jett is filling my ears.

[Wandering_Mania]

I will admit that there is a major 'Loneliness epidemic' in the US right now. But I personally speculate that it's because of a few things that happened to 'dog-pile' on each other. Those factors being:

 

- The 'Me Too' movement that goaded quite a few 'false allegations'

And that caused:

- The 'MGTOW' (Men Going Their Own Way) movement because men became hesitant to even engage in discourse with a female at risk of having their lives destroyed by a false allegation.

Which caused:

- Females and males to get more and more angry at each other because of the lack of connection to the opposite gender's 'daily normality'.

And all the while:

- Western females seeing this 'impossible to live up to standard' online; And start themselves pushing away any kind of man that didn't live up to those standards.

Causing:

- More segregation, more anger, more loneliness, and eventually more hatred of the opposite gender.

And then it all starts to begin again from the top.

 

It's a downward spiral of the collapse of civilization. And all because of some fad, some trend.

But that's just my theory. All speculation, based on what I have personally seen going on.