Moans and Screams

[Alter Native]

We started an interesting discussion this weekend on the storytelling Discord server without a satisfying conclusion. In fact everybody seemed puzzled about the topic. 

The question was how important are written moans and screams during sex and combat scenes when telling a visual story via screenshots.

All the "uuhs" and "aahhhs", both of pleasure and of pain during combat.

 

Does it actually add something or do most people just write something because they feel the have to?

It'd be great to get some opinions on that topic!

Does it add anything?

 

 

[donttouchmethere]

From my story-reader standpoint:

I like those added "urghs" "arghs "moans" "screeeaaams"

Isn't there a more fitting paraphrase for those? @Tirloque

 

But it might be hard to find the fitting ones, or a beautiful fighting scene turns into comedy.

On an epic screenshot they might look wrong, or in situations that are more serious or dramatized.

 

Best if they are written as close to how they would sound in reality, but that might be hard, everyone has his own reality in his mind ^^

[Tirloque]

2 hours ago, donttouchmethere said:

I like those added "urghs" "arghs "moans" "screeeaaams"

Isn't there a more fitting paraphrase for those? @Tirloque

Indeed, those are some forms of onomatopoeia in fact.

 

Onomatopoeia do help highlighting the action (precising it, dramatizing it), and can add various pieces of information that wouldn't be present in a perfectly still image : the sound, the pace, the power, ambiance. Added visual special effects could also help define the action, but none will really add sound aside onomatopoeia and dialogues. However, each onomatopoeia added subtracts some part of the image, and the more you add those, the less the image will have the emphasis compared to those narrative pieces of information.

 

So in sex application as well as in regular storytelling, the debate will end up as a matter of artistic choice :

• No onomatopoeia, screams and so on : the image is still, and silent, but preserved, unaltered. It'll look more like a painting or a photo, but less like a lively story. I don't see a better example than Alter Native's Of Blood and pleasure to depict this :

 

• More onomatopoeia : that's a story, everything is moving, bits are colliding, you could almost hear the "texture" of the moving bits. You can also play on the repetition of sounds to emulate a pace to the action. But the more you add to that comic vibe, the more risk will be to overdo it, and so it might not always be easy to avoid goofiness or vulgarity. You'll also intrude the image, and lose in details meanwhile.  For research educational purposes, I can only advice you to look at good adult comics, such as The Cummoner, from Totempole : 

 

That's while only movies have the potential of being the perfect tools to transcribe visual stories. Otherwise, each option has pros and cons, choices that an author should make.

In between, there are tips to lessen the need for onomatopoeia :

• Add more images, and place them in sequences so that the move is the only difference between two.
• Add visual effects.
• Be precise and as expressive as possible in your poses and expressions.
• Add dialogues : a disguised way to add some screams and moaning without looking like doing it.

For those wanting to go for the comic vibe :

• Think about each placement of onomatopoeia : the more distant from the center of an image it will be, the less it will intrude, but the more difficult it will be for the reader to guess where the sound is coming from. DO NOT overlap the action unless you know what kind of effect you're searching for.
• Think about the size of onomatopoeia (smaller = less intrusive)
• Consider playing with transparency when you want to lessen the intrusion.

 

Anyway, ultimately, choice, the problem is the choice.

[Alter Native]

2 hours ago, donttouchmethere said:

From my story-reader standpoint:

I like those added "urghs" "arghs "moans" "screeeaaams"

From your story reader standpoint, 

how do you feel about 'dirty talk'? Like your average

"Oh please... give me that cock... fuck yes...." or whatever.

I'm doing that a lot and I'm not sure if it's actually perceived well. I feel like the line between hot and silly is very, very thin when it comes to it. But it's also a pretty good tool to show the arousal and feelings of the characters... I'm not sure. 

 

37 minutes ago, Tirloque said:

Indeed, those are some forms of onomatopoeia in fact.

So in sex application as well as in regular storytelling, the debate will end up as a matter of artistic choice :

 

[...]

 

That's while only movies have the potential of being the perfect tools to transcribe visual stories. Otherwise, each option has pros and cons, choices that an author should make.

In between, there are tips to lessen the need for onomatopoeia :

• Add more images, and place them in sequences so that the move is the only difference between two.
• Add visual effects.
• Be precise and as expressive as possible in your poses and expressions.
• Add dialogues : a disguised way to add some screams and moaning without looking like doing it.

For those wanting to go for the comic vibe :

• Think about each placement of onomatopoeia : the more distant from the center of an image it will be, the less it will intrude, but the more difficult it will be for the reader to guess where the sound is coming from. DO NOT overlap the action unless you know what kind of effect you're searching for.
• Think about the size of onomatopoeia (smaller = less intrusive)
• Consider playing with transparency when you want to lessen the intrusion.

 

 

That's actually a pretty nice, objective write up! Great job Tirloque!

 

To add my 2 cents to it, I think the "uh's" and "ah's" in the comic example above actually are actually pretty good, look fine and improve the comic.

But everything that tries to emulate the sound of the bodyparts liquids etc. just makes me laugh and destroys any kind of arousal that was build up before. Like how is a cock making "Thump" ? 

I know you do that as well and I honestly think it's ridiculous (no offense).

Anyway, I know it is personal taste, maybe I'm just trying to picture these sounds too much and each language has it's own onomatopoeia as the pronounciation is different.

 

I really do like the write up in the end!

 

 

[Tirloque]

3 hours ago, Alter Native said:

That's actually a pretty nice, objective write up! Great job Tirloque!

 

To add my 2 cents to it, I think the "uh's" and "ah's" in the comic example above actually are actually pretty good, look fine and improve the comic.

But everything that tries to emulate the sound of the bodyparts liquids etc. just makes me laugh and destroys any kind of arousal that was build up before. Like how is a cock making "Thump" ? 

I know you do that as well and I honestly think it's ridiculous (no offense).

Anyway, I know it is personal taste, maybe I'm just trying to picture these sounds too much and each language has it's own onomatopoeia as the pronounciation is different.

 

I really do like the write up in the end!

Well, there's Neo inside, so what's not to like ?

 

Jokes aside, thanks. It's certainly a consequence of the different debates we had on the subject on the comments of your blog. Among other consequences than my thinking over it, I noticed your inserted more of those sex dialogues in your story, so I guess it slightly altered our respective choices on the matter.

 

As for the sounds of bodily fluids, body parts moving and so on.. Well the effect depends on the style of the story (if the comic uses a lot of those outside of sex, it could be assimilated better by the reader during it), but it's as sex dialogues : too few, you're missing things, too much your character sounds like a porn actress. Tough choices for sure.
In that precise example, it's Tomtempole's style, he use a lot of pseudo-onomatopoeia to describe action, and there probably wanted to insist on the violence/speed of the penetration (thus the sucking noise). Sex sounds aren't that intense IRL, but neither are bodyshapes nor cum amounts if we go that way.

 

Btw, I'm was among the firsts to insert those in the sex scenes of the blogs section (though first I took it from itsasecret123). And then I noticed some of the conventions I adopted being used in Gauntmans blog, then more sounds in Crw, then both in ther1pper's... So hopefully everyone doesn't find those ridiculous. I'm glad you accepted the moans & screams though, that's an evolution compared to your previous position. And myself I keep thinking of to refine my choice everytime I get the opportunity to..

Yet considering how fruitless Stranger's efforts were with Malicia so far, I haven't practiced sex writing from quite some time in fact. ^^

 

 

[Crw0]

Actually - quite an interesting question. And the answer to it is even more interesting. Because, as you know, I somewhat abuse all these "Ahhh" and "Ohhhh"
And apparently I missed this part of the conversation in the channel. 
As an example...

Spoiler

 

What does this look like? Does the reader understand what it is, and so on... 

 

 

3 hours ago, Alter Native said:

I feel like the line between hot and silly is very, very thin when it comes to it

I totally agree. It feels like you are playing Russian roulette. And you will never know whether you crossed the line until you publish it.   ?

[Alter Native]

1 hour ago, Tirloque said:

Jokes aside, thanks. It's certainly a consequence of the different debates we had on the subject on the comments of your blog. Among other consequences than my thinking over it, I noticed your inserted more of those sex dialogues in your story, so I guess it slightly altered our respective choices on the matter.

Well the effect depends on the style of the story (if the comic uses a lot of those outside of sex, it could be assimilated better by the reader during it), but it's as sex dialogues : too few, you're missing things, too much your character sounds like a porn actress. Tough choices for sure.

Yeah I noticed Nora dirty talking a lot more going on with chapter 5 and it even gets a bit more in 6,7 and 8 and I'm not sure how to feel about this, which was one of the reasons why I started this tread. It kind of fits Nora's character and I don't do if for characters like Amelie but it's hard to see from the authors perspective how this is perceived and when too much is too much.

 

1 hour ago, Tirloque said:

Btw, I'm was among the firsts to insert those in the sex scenes of the blogs section (though first I took it from itsasecret123). And then I noticed some of the conventions I adopted being used in Gauntmans blog, then more sounds in Crw, then both in ther1pper's... So hopefully everyone doesn't find those ridiculous. I'm glad you accepted the moans & screams though, that's an evolution compared to your previous position. And myself I keep thinking of to refine my choice everytime I get the opportunity to..

It certainly increased and since nobody really had a good idea of how this is perceived this felt like a good topic to talk about.

 

1 hour ago, Tirloque said:

Yet considering how fruitless Stranger's efforts were with Malicia so far, I haven't practiced sex writing from quite some time in fact. ^^

Well we are all looking forward to your next entry when you (or Malicia) do practice it  .

 

 

58 minutes ago, Crw said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

What does this look like? Does the reader understand what it is, and so on... 

This is the thing I think it's good in like one or two screenshots. The ones you showed clearly benefit from it, the question is what happens when you have ten of them in a row, at what point is it too much and just looks silly.

 

58 minutes ago, Crw said:

I totally agree. It feels like you are playing Russian roulette. And you will never know whether you crossed the line until you publish it.   ?

Even then people typically don't tell you what they actually think, even though I'd appreciate a lot more open feedback.

 

[Devianna]

8 hours ago, Tirloque said:

For those wanting to go for the comic vibe :

• Think about each placement of onomatopoeia : the more distant from the center of an image it will be, the less it will intrude, but the more difficult it will be for the reader to guess where the sound is coming from. DO NOT overlap the action unless you know what kind of effect you're searching for.
• Think about the size of onomatopoeia (smaller = less intrusive)
• Consider playing with transparency when you want to lessen the intrusion.

 

Anyway, ultimately, choice, the problem is the choice.

Thank you, Tirloque. This is actually very useful and it's something to consider.

Ultimately it seems that 'ooh's and 'ahhs' end up being entirely author's choice and whether or not they fit the style of their work. Sound effects directly on screenshots in "Blood and Pleasure" would probably take away from the cinematographic feel of the whole story while at the same time they work perfectly in Crw's "Perversity" (this is strictly my opinion, of course).

 

2 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Well we are all looking forward to your next entry when you (or Malicia) do practice it  .

 

I definitely concur! ?

 

3 hours ago, Crw said:

I totally agree. It feels like you are playing Russian roulette. And you will never know whether you crossed the line until you publish it.   ?

The more time I spend on LL the more I see how greatly the reader's tastes differ.  When I published my first episode with full-on erotic scenes I have actually lost some of the readers/those who previously commented and gained completely new ones. ? I still have no idea about the sudden changes, but people like what they like and the rest of us are only left guessing.

[Jay-Omms]

You got your answers so far and here's mine. It adds depth and detail as said before and Crw does a great job at it so of course it's relevant just add what you feel comfortable with that's all. 

[Tirloque]

18 hours ago, Crw said:

Actually - quite an interesting question. And the answer to it is even more interesting. Because, as you know, I somewhat abuse all these "Ahhh" and "Ohhhh"
And apparently I missed this part of the conversation in the channel. 
As an example...

  Reveal hidden contents

 

What does this look like? Does the reader understand what it is, and so on...

Malicia : « It looks very good, Mr Crw, yes. Except, the heart on the first pic, it looks a bit like a chain, you see ? So the second image is very better.  »

 

Both effects look good to me (though as a storyteller, my attention has been stolen by the chain's move effect ), yet be careful with purely transparent reds, it's not the most readable color.

18 hours ago, Crw said:

I totally agree. It feels like you are playing Russian roulette. And you will never know whether you crossed the line until you publish it.   ?

That's why it's important to question yourself beforehand, to know where you want to put the cursor between full comic/story clarity, or maximum image respect/minimal story intrusion.

 

I myself haven't fully set for one compromise, so the question is tough and there probably isn't universal answer. One of the points I think is to be in line with the rest of the comic in fact.

 

17 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Yeah I noticed Nora dirty talking a lot more going on with chapter 5 and it even gets a bit more in 6,7 and 8 and I'm not sure how to feel about this, which was one of the reasons why I started this tread. It kind of fits Nora's character and I don't do if for characters like Amelie but it's hard to see from the authors perspective how this is perceived and when too much is too much.

As you said, it fits Nora dominating, daunting and with a rather high sex drive personality. The only thing is she seems way less classy when she talks that way than usually, but I guess everyone has a hidden garden. ^^

17 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Even then people typically don't tell you what they actually think, even though I'd appreciate a lot more open feedback.

I do say what I think. Mostly.

 

And I summed it up in the write-up. The thing is most readers are silent masses, you're not really sure they're going to click the like button until the last moment ! But if they did, it's that it was mostly fine.

 

Otherwise, maybe you could add a poll to this topic ? ?

15 hours ago, Devianna said:

Thank you, Tirloque. This is actually very useful and it's something to consider.

Ultimately it seems that 'ooh's and 'ahhs' end up being entirely author's choice and whether or not they fit the style of their work. Sound effects directly on screenshots in "Blood and Pleasure" would probably take away from the cinematographic feel of the whole story while at the same time they work perfectly in Crw's "Perversity" (this is strictly my opinion, of course).

Thanks Devianna. That goes with my general impression to be consistent with the rest of the comic. 

Quote

The more time I spend on LL the more I see how greatly the reader's tastes differ.  When I published my first episode with full-on erotic scenes I have actually lost some of the readers/those who previously commented and gained completely new ones. ? I still have no idea about the sudden changes, but people like what they like and the rest of us are only left guessing.

That is why it's good to have some form of content consistency. The tricky thing being to still have enough of qualities/interest poles to be able to vary in between each entry, but just as for onomatopoeia the thing is delicate : too varied you expose yourself to lose some readers who were searching only one type of content, not enough varied you become a one track pony (a beast haunting Resdayn's nightmares according to Malicia ^^) expose yourself to become monotonous.

 

On my part I chose to vary content types and quantity in between entries, but while being as consistent as I can in quality. That being said, I've published now three Malicia entries in a row (with a 4rth one coming), which are lighthearted if not completely wacky, so I must confess I'm a bit uneasy knowing afterwards there'll be an immensely darker, more serious and violent Tabrielle entry, completely different in dimension.  Time will tell I guess.

Quote

17 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Well we are all looking forward to your next entry when you (or Malicia) do practice it

I definitely concur! ?

Damned, Malicia is going to get watched even closer than she thought. ^^

 

[Alter Native]

18 hours ago, Devianna said:

The more time I spend on LL the more I see how greatly the reader's tastes differ.  When I published my first episode with full-on erotic scenes I have actually lost some of the readers/those who previously commented and gained completely new ones. ? I still have no idea about the sudden changes, but people like what they like and the rest of us are only left guessing.

I'm not staying this is not true, but it's quite natural to have some variety of readers/comments/ upvotes between individual entries, even if they are objectively very comparable. I wound guess most readers are fully aware of what to expect when they dig deeper into a forum such as this  .

 

10 hours ago, Tirloque said:

As you said, it fits Nora dominating, daunting and with a rather high sex drive personality. The only thing is she seems way less classy when she talks that way than usually, but I guess everyone has a hidden garden. ^^

You're not wrong. She's of course the same person, but in my mind she pauses some of the common rules that typically apply to sex talk her partners (and the reader obviously).

I tried to show some of that In Chapter 6 Section 3 & 4 when she first had sex with Kristoff, her thrallmaster with a lot of dirty talk and ugly words from her side, but the next day (or rather night) in section 4 she burns his hand for being slightly sexual suggestive.

But yes, that might hurt her personality a bit. There's just not really a way of having "classy" sex you know... I'm not sure, in most cases you end up with something "dirty". Would be interesting to know if you have a good idea to solve that problem besides "silent" sex.

 

10 hours ago, Tirloque said:

I do say what I think. Mostly.

Yes and that's why I'm always looking forward to read your comment. 

 

10 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Otherwise, maybe you could add a poll to this topic ? ?

I would, but I'm not sure if this is really a poll topic, I think we left the stage of "moaning yes or no" some time ago. You have moderation rights so feel free to set something up if you have a good idea. I think comments are more valuable, but I don't think a poll hurts  .

 

 

[Tirloque]

2 hours ago, Alter Native said:

You're not wrong. She's of course the same person, but in my mind she pauses some of the common rules that typically apply to sex talk her partners (and the reader obviously).

I tried to show some of that In Chapter 6 Section 3 & 4 when she first had sex with Kristoff, her thrallmaster with a lot of dirty talk and ugly words from her side, but the next day (or rather night) in section 4 she burns his hand for being slightly sexual suggestive.

Indeed, now that you say it I get the full meaning of it. As storytellers it's sometimes a bit hard to see readers not getting 100% of what we want to transcribe ; but thinking at it, it's in fact quite normal not to get 100% at the first read. I did read the Lord of the Rings several times, and I clearly hadn't possessed a meaning close to 100% at the first time. ?

2 hours ago, Alter Native said:

But yes, that might hurt her personality a bit. There's just not really a way of having "classy" sex you know... I'm not sure, in most cases you end up with something "dirty". Would be interesting to know if you have a good idea to solve that problem besides "silent" sex.

Ohhh, I think there is at the contrary. And acting precisely in the opposite way than Nora in fact ! Take for example a character seemingly not wanting to have it (only doing it for challenge), very slowly getting to the point, and using a superior register of language all along...

Spoiler

 

2 hours ago, Alter Native said:

I would, but I'm not sure if this is really a poll topic, I think we left the stage of "moaning yes or no" some time ago. You have moderation rights so feel free to set something up if you have a good idea. I think comments are more valuable, but I don't think a poll hurts  .

Actually club moderators have limited moderation rights : can't edit posts. I can delete, merge, move or split, and that's about all. ?

2 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Yes and that's why I'm always looking forward to read your comment. 

Malicia : « That's 'cause we're very expert at commenting, yes.  »

 

[Alter Native]

8 minutes ago, Tirloque said:

Ohhh, I think there is at the contrary. And acting precisely in the opposite way than Nora in fact ! Take for example a character seemingly not wanting to have it (only doing it for challenge), very slowly getting to the point, and using a superior register of language all along...

  Reveal hidden contents

 

That definitely works in one or two entries. I know what you mean, but that's not something you can use in a wide range of scenarios. You automatically create a huge slope (or power difference) in the relationship.

For example it would be unreasonable to have something like this in a loving, even relationship you automatically tend to create some kind of dom sub relationship (maybe that's to strong of a term). Basically if one partner is consistently playing with the other one you're not on a sexual equal level. Again, works for one or two sections but not for more. 

There is definitely space for it and I've made a bit of use of it, for example C5S9 (Nora-Stan) or half of Chapter 2 when Nora first meets Amelie and she is not yet into it. 

 

 

[Tirloque]

52 minutes ago, Alter Native said:

That definitely works in one or two entries. I know what you mean, but that's not something you can use in a wide range of scenarios. You automatically create a huge slope (or power difference) in the relationship.

For example it would be unreasonable to have something like this in a loving, even relationship you automatically tend to create some kind of dom sub relationship (maybe that's to strong of a term). Basically if one partner is consistently playing with the other one you're not on a sexual equal level. Again, works for one or two sections but not for more. 

There is definitely space for it and I've made a bit of use of it, for example C5S9 (Nora-Stan) or half of Chapter 2 when Nora first meets Amelie and she is not yet into it.

I think Eira wouldn't mind giving it a few more tries.

 

Anyway, each character should be who she/he is ; and there might not be a known "norm" in that domain. Which is part of why we're having that discussion I guess.

 

[Devianna]

8 hours ago, Alter Native said:

I tried to show some of that In Chapter 6 Section 3 & 4 when she first had sex with Kristoff, her thrallmaster with a lot of dirty talk and ugly words from her side, but the next day (or rather night) in section 4 she burns his hand for being slightly sexual suggestive.

But yes, that might hurt her personality a bit. There's just not really a way of having "classy" sex you know... I'm not sure, in most cases you end up with something "dirty". Would be interesting to know if you have a good idea to solve that problem besides "silent" sex.

 

Somehow I've grown used to Nora's periodic use of vulgar language and see it as part of her character. She can be calm and rational one moment and then do a 180 turn and show her bestial, primal side. I'm sure Nora could be a stoic, well-mannered proper lady if her author wanted her to be that way. But as of now, in my opinion, Baroness Karlov is unpredictable in both her behavior and her choice of words and it suits her. ?

 

However, if you ever want to have Nora change her 'bedroom talk', you can always try to simply substitute words (so instead of "f***k me" something like "take me...harder...deeper...more" can be used).

6 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Ohhh, I think there is at the contrary. And acting precisely in the opposite way than Nora in fact ! Take for example a character seemingly not wanting to have it (only doing it for challenge), very slowly getting to the point, and using a superior register of language all along...

Oh dear, I'm honored that you'd use Lady Eira's debut chapter as an example, but before AlterNative starts hating me, let me just point out that one of the main reasons I write rather verbose scenes is because I lack the mastery of many other authors here in terms of screenshot artistry.  I simply find writing easier than setting up gorgeous screens and I use written words to complete the image. That, and I pretty much sleep with a thesaurus. ?

 

5 hours ago, Tirloque said:

I think Eira wouldn't mind giving it a few more tries.

 

Anyway, each character should be who she/he is ; and there might not be a known "norm" in that domain. Which is part of why we're having that discussion I guess.

 

As the last two episodes of Kiki's adventures show - Lady Eira is not afraid to take what she wants and can be quite vocal about it. ? You are correct though, she would definitely like a few more tries with Vulcun. His lessons are fascinating. ?

[Alter Native]

9 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Anyway, each character should be who she/he is ; and there might not be a known "norm" in that domain. Which is part of why we're having that discussion I guess.

There is a "norm" for a character like Nora, just not in the genre we're writing in  .

4 hours ago, Devianna said:

Somehow I've grown used to Nora's periodic use of vulgar language and see it as part of her character. She can be calm and rational one moment and then do a 180 turn and show her bestial, primal side. I'm sure Nora could be a stoic, well-mannered proper lady if her author wanted her to be that way. But as of now, in my opinion, Baroness Karlov is unpredictable in both her behavior and her choice of words and it suits her. ?

 

However, if you ever want to have Nora change her 'bedroom talk', you can always try to simply substitute words (so instead of "f***k me" something like "take me...harder...deeper...more" can be used).

Judging by the hour you write this post you're American you're much more sensible to the f-word than people in Europe where it's not getting beebed in talk shows and what not. Here it's much more common, still offensive sure, but it's much more common and less spectacular. So in my ears your second sentence is sexually much more vulgar the than random "fuck me" as it clearly describes a sexual act etc. compared to a random phrase that gets tossed around randomly.

 

4 hours ago, Devianna said:

As the last two episodes of Kiki's adventures show - Lady Eira is not afraid to take what she wants and can be quite vocal about it. ? You are correct though, she would definitely like a few more tries with Vulcun. His lessons are fascinating. ?

I'm looking forward to see more of Lady Eira and your take on a dominating female character.

 

 

 

 

 

[Agent Tex]

I for one know that I suck at it and think it gets weird fast

[Tirloque]

On 6/7/2019 at 9:43 PM, Agent Tex said:

I for one know that I suck at it and think it gets weird fast

As we said, that kind of exercise is delicate. Now, the way you handle it also depends on the way you storytell the rest of the time :

— If you don't use onomatopoeia most of the time, inserting a lot of them during sex scenes will probably look weird

— If you do use onomatopoeia during most of your story, then having them describe a sex scene won't shock the reader as much.

 

Same goes for most of the comic codes I think.

[EinarrTheRed]

New guy here, and I'm by no means an expert on this but its something that I've wrestled with and gotten feedback on in my own writing.  So, I'll share some of what I've learned for what it might be worth.

 

On 6/3/2019 at 6:42 AM, Alter Native said:

Does it actually add something or do most people just write something because they feel the have to?

It'd be great to get some opinions on that topic!

Does it add anything?

 

So first question, do I feel its required or does it add something?   Well, both.  I think many times you're trying to fill in the space.  You have a scene and just describing mechanically what's happening over the length of the scene gets both awkward and stale and its difficult to keep it interesting to read.  So, I throw in some oooh and ahhhs and other stuff to help fill in the space so that what the read reads and the amount of page space it takes up "fits" the length of the scene I'm painting.

 

But its also easy to go awry with it.

 

My first mistake was being to talkative.  I'd have gals getting banged pretty hard and they were chatty cathys the entire time.   So I had a reader who was also a fellow write point that out and gave me some helpful suggestions.  I did some rewrites and practiced changing how I wrote that stuff.

 

Over time I learned to develop personality.  So some character might be pretty much unintelligible during sex, its just gibberish, oooohs, aaaah, mmhhhmmmms and so on.  They couldn't string two words together if they tried.  Other characters are more coherent and once in awhile a brainy character will still be conversational and even analytical (which can be comedic depending on how you handle it).  But, whatever they are, I try to keep it consistent across scenes so that how they are during sex becomes part of their character, their persona.  That helps with immersion for the reader I think.

 

I do agree that there is a limit to how much it should be used.  What I tend to do is start of an encounter and there's descriptions of what's happening, there will be some dialog.  As that progresses, the dialog gets switched "off" and gets replaced more and more by "emoting", and for a lot of characters that soon turns into just pure onomatopoeia.  Then after the climax, and unless they roll right into another round, I reverse that and generally that happens much more quickly.  Maybe wrap up with some cuddling, depending on the scene and what it calls for.

 

To sum up I look at it as part of a way to paint the picture of what's happening, what the emotional and mental states of the character are.  That's really what I'm trying to do, give the reader clues that help the reader empathize and be carried along with the characters in the scene.  Like anything it can be overdone and that can spoil the effect, or too little can do the same.

[Skippe]

Wow this is good topic. I writed hmm maybe 16 chapters of my char stories in here at 18 + forums. Being non native english speaker i do write some sentences maybe wrong order or miss type words. I am from europe scandinavia to be presice and using dirty talking with different words to describe excample pussy is hard XD not to mention describe the scene by writing. I try my best of course by using english org site that translates my language to english and gives even different options for words to use. Mostly i learn to write erotic scene by reading other people stories here how ever.

 

Erotic scenes with different kind of tastes needs still practice for me  i love write female being dominating and sensual sametime. Not much anal but lot of oral or vaginal sex with bit of spice trying to added to them. I try fulfill requests and wishes when it comes to npc: in skyrim which readers wish to see in my chapters like adding khajit and argonian ladies, adding femdom content altought its sexual side. My dragonborn male char is hunted/ seduced by every female in skyrim cause ancient nordic tradition XD eating his cum gives enchanced fertility. stamina to do chores etc. XD oh and nord woman have something called enslad snu that happens once every 2 months. 

 

Basicly any man except their husbands or lovers will be half forcefully seduced then leaded to somewhere away. Milked and drained every last drop of their cum hehe competition by old custom is trying to have man to lead them inn room or somewhere similar rest for the night. Trying to make him shoot many loads as possible and get chosed many time in row XD Windhelm and Markarth being the most dangerous places to be during it. Needles to say my poor mc gets many interesting adventures in each hold  hehe. 

 

Is there something i can do to make better erotic scenes mainly describe the readers since i dont use pictures. Footjob, assjob, 3 somes excample i want to try create content for every one to read and enjoy  so any hints and advice are very welcome  

 

It is nice to meet everyone in here at the club o/