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[EN/FR] A God's Curse / Chapter 5 : Blackmail


RDA

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This chapter cas the hardest one i made so far. I had to write this chapter again and again, I struggle to do something i was happy with, I reshoot and redone the second part of the episode.

The translation in english was hard too, so I choose to adapt freely some part of the chapter, I hope it will be ok. 

Even after that, I'm not totally proud of this one. i know where i got, but I start to see the limit of the game for what I plan do. But that's a part of the challenge too. :)

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Summary

 

Previous chapter Chapter 4 : Regrets

Next chapter Chapter 6 : Golden eyes

 

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Spoiler

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Spoiler

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5 Comments


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Great story progression - it is very nice for a change to see a vampire without superpowers.

One tiny thing on the layout: I'm sure you did it on purpose, but the grey text boxes are harder to read, plus they don't look that nice. It is effective, yes, but it somewhat takes the fun of viewing on the pic. It's that bad, just like a tiny flaw.

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5 hours ago, Swiftstep said:

Great story progression - it is very nice for a change to see a vampire without superpowers.

One tiny thing on the layout: I'm sure you did it on purpose, but the grey text boxes are harder to read, plus they don't look that nice. It is effective, yes, but it somewhat takes the fun of viewing on the pic. It's that bad, just like a tiny flaw.

Thank you a lot for your feedback.

Sorry for the lisibility, i will try to do a better thing about that. I think i see why you dont like it, its one of the point i was not proud. The goal was to illustrate a kind of demonic dialogue. but i struggle to place these dialogue on the page. My first try was to put the text in the background, but i didnt like it.

 

And thats not a vampire, but the answer will come next episode ^^

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2 hours ago, RDA said:

Thank you a lot for your feedback.

Sorry for the lisibility, i will try to do a better thing about that. I think i see why you dont like it, its one of the point i was not proud. The goal was to illustrate a kind of demonic dialogue. but i struggle to place these dialogue on the page. My first try was to put the text in the background, but i didnt like it.

 

And thats not a vampire, but the answer will come next episode ^^

Hm, I believe I remeber several people doing something similar for Skyrim stories. Maybe you can get some inspiration from other bloggers around here. On the other hand, if you do what everyone does, you might lose your touch. Heck, no idea. You could play with the font or the size of the text and the like. Colour is obvious, but how to colour demonic - red? Not sure.

Anyhow, thanks for the info and all the best ;)

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Ouch, looks like shit hit the fan, so to speak ! Kind of a horror movie feel in this part, with the protagonist and he mother bodies being unnaturally distorted. That twist was both unexpected and striking, good job on that one. Regarding the dialogues however, the first part of the confrontation between David and Alicia felt quite uninspired, in mode "hey, we've used all the credits on the intro scene, we have to finish the movie in five minutes". Just saying "hey, I'm a god" casually, without taking in account the state of mind of the listener, felt a bit off. That being said, you still managed to lead the story where you want, with the mysterious painting and the extent of David's powers being unknown... So hooked for discovering what's next ! :smiley:

 

As for the comic technique, the red text over a black box are okay to make us understand the unnatural aspect of the locutor ; I think Switstep was rather referring to the grey ones of when she's street walking . The point in that last case is to have enough contrast between the captions' box and the captions text. Grey box with black text could be fine, but only is the black is deep enough (nearing the 000000 color) and the grey bright enough.

 

 

Malicia : « That guy made them twist they neck as in the exorcist ! Now they gonna throw up green things while running on the walls ! Smiley_ummon_HFR.gif »

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@Triloque Tbh I dont like the first dialogue. I wanted to do it, but I didnt know how to make this interesting and dynamic, so i decide to something nonsensical for the "reveal". He was suppose to be smug when he say thats, and she was suppose to moking him, sort of. But it didnt work either. I didnt want a long dialogue, so yea, I rush it a bit, and I'm sorry about that.

 

I understand about the grey text, I take a note of this.

 

And again, thank you for your comment, it help me a lot.

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