Quite late, deep among the plains of Whiterun.

Mai: "Hmmm, what have we here? Some sort of troublemaker's hideout perhaps?"

Mai: "Maybe there's a wanted criminal inside? Or a skooma den that needs to be put out of business? Maybe there's some kidnapped royalty that needs to be rescued?!"

Mai: "I guess if that lit candle is any indication it means there's definitely SOMEBODY in there."

Mai: "Ugh....maybe i'm getting ahead of myself here. I'm just one girl...and there could be an entire vampire horde in here for all I know. It might be best to head back to Jorrvaskr and alert the rest of the Companions..."

Mai: "Actually...forget that. If I go back then Vilkas and Farkas will head out here and steal all the glory. Or even worse, Aela will claim it for one of her hunts! No way, this time Mai will get the credit she rightfully deserves! I'm going in."

Mai: "Okay....so it's probably at least 75% creepier in here than I had anticipated - I better stay on my guard."

Mai: "But anyone foolish enough to try and attack me will soon meet the wrath of a highly trained warrior!"

Mai: "I guess i've found the main living area. Freshly cooked food too. Smells delicious!"

Mai: "But it's too quiet down here. I don't like it one bit. Did they hear me coming, perhaps? Maybe set up a trap or something?"

Mai: "Maybe it WAS a bad idea coming down here. Wait...what's that...?"

Mai: "....a sleeping area. I wonder if there's any personal belongings over there - maybe they can give me a clue as to who lives down here...."

Mai: "Damn, it's pretty empty over there. Except......what in Oblivion is that on the table?!"

Mai: "Some manner of blade?! I.....i've never seen anything quite like it before! The colour.....and those red markings...."

Mai: "It's got to be some kind of enchanted blade! And no doubt it's extremely valuable. So why is it all alone down here in some dirty cave?!"

Mai: "I can't just leave it here. It has to come back to Whiterun with me. Just imagine what Vilkas will say when I arrive into the mead hall wielding THIS blade!"

At that moment, from back up the tunnel.
Bandit Veteran: "...I know, I know. But you can't get too hung up on it , know what I mean?"
Bandit Apprentice: "Ugh....I guess."

Mai: "Oh no! Voices! Someone is coming.....I gotta find somewhere to hide...."

Mai: "I just need to stay out of sight long enough to sneak out of this cave with the sword....I can totally do this!"

To be continued...

Bandit Veteran: "...I'm telling ya, the more you think about this the more it'll eat away at you! Just try to put it out of your mind."

Bandit Apprentice: "You're right. But it's hard to ignore. I mean...my father was such a well known figure...I just feel i'll never be able to match his great legacy."

Bandit Veteren: "Sure, your old man was indeed something special - but maybe you're not SUPPOSED to follow his lead. Maybe your destiny lies on a different path?"

Bandit Apprentice: "I appreciate what you are trying to do, but my destiny was set in stone long ago. I WILL do his memory proud. After all, he left me the source of his great power. In fact, I think maybe i'll feel better if I just hold it for a few moments..."

Bandit Veteran: "Ha! Reaching for that blade again, eh?"
Bandit Apprentice: "Of course! I'll feel better once I feel it in my ha----"

Bandit Apprentice: "Wait - something's wrong! The sword...I left it right here on the table..."

Bandit Veteran: "Are you saying it's gone? That can't be. It didn't just stand up and walk away!"

Bandit Apprentice: "No, no, no, NOOOO! It's gone! Someone has stolen it. My father's sword....left to me on his deathbed.....and someone has stolen it!"

Mai: "Dead father's sword? Stolen? Oh crap..."

Bandit Apprentice: "That's it. It's all over. Not only have I failed to live up to my father's legacy, but i've allowed his sword to be stolen too. I have failed him in every way. I may as well just end my worthless life before I do any more damage!"

Mai: "END HIS LIFE?! Okay, this is a side of dungeon looting i've never seen before - and i'm not liking it one bit. There's gotta be some way out of this..."

Bandit Veteran: "HEY! Snap out of it! I think I have a way out of this. Normally i'd never suggest approaching them, as they don't particularly like our kind, but the Companions in Whiterun have been known to track down stolen family goods. Maybe we can enlist their help?"

Mai: "The Companions! There's my way out, and probably my only shot at fixing this whole mess. Here goes nothing...."

Mai: "AHEM! Um.....excuse me.....guys?! Behind you!"

Bandit Veteran: "What the....?!"
Bandit Apprentice: "Eh...am I delirious with grief - or is there actually a naked woman standing behind us?!"

Mai: "Hi! I understand you need the Companions to help locate a missing family heirloom? Well....my name is Mai, from the Companions. And is THIS what you are looking for?!"

Bandit Apprentice: "By the divines! THAT'S IT! But...how?"

Mai: "Oh, don't concern yourself with the details. Just know that us Companions are pretty efficient when it comes to tracking down and returning lost items. We get lots of practice! I'm just happy to return your lost sword."

Bandit Apprentice: "Excellent! And here I was thinking i'd never see my father's Ebony Sword of Extreme Raping again!"

Mai: "Well I'm glad that I could be----Wait, what? Did you just say 'Sword of Extreme RAPING'?!"

Bandit Apprentice: "I sure did! My father was the infamous bandit known as 'Dan the Rapist', and his secret weapon was this very sword. It bestows to the person who carries it a + 75% chance of a successful rape!"

Bandit Apprentice: "Hmmmm....this gives me something of an idea. Seen as how you were kind enough to locate it and bring it back to me..."

Bandit Apprentice: "....and as you seem to be appropriately dressed for the occasion..."

Bandit Apprentice: "...maybe we should give you a free demonstration of the 'Extreme Raping'!"

Mai: "That's it - I am NEVER looting from spooky caves EVER AGAIN!"

The End!