Interesting start. Technically the screens are colored and crispy (with the right dose of fan-service btw ^^), but while the single actor ones have good poses and expressions, the ones with several NPCs seem a bit less convincing in that regard (for example the ones with Carra sitting between Sandra and Martha don't feel like Martha is telling something to the others). Regarding the written part, it shows a bit more that you're not an english native, as there are minor tenses concordance mistakes, and typos. Also, the style sometimes could use some dusting

For example, here there's a repetition that could've been avoided :

Unfortunately, Carra sit between us the whole time. I found myself thinking that she is disturbing and I wanted her to leave. But, of course, I did not ask her to leave, that would have been very nice.

Unfortunately, Carra did sit between us the whole time. I found myself thinking that she is disturbing and wanted her to leave. But, of course, I didn't ask, that wouldn't have been very nice.

But that will come with practice. And you've introduced an interesting dilemma with the theme of Sandra's mother's money. So overall, it's a pleasant read !

***

Malicia : « That Sandra gal is very pretty, and has a very nice hair. She should try making photos for shampoo ads to get money.  »

1 hour ago, Tirloque said:

Interesting start. Technically the screens are colored and crispy (with the right dose of fan-service btw ^^), but while the single actor ones have good poses and expressions, the ones with several NPCs seem a bit less convincing in that regard (for example the ones with Carra sitting between Sandra and Martha don't feel like Martha is telling something to the others).

Again, thanks for your feedback.

Especially in the Sandra episode, I let things happen more or less and wrote "around" it.

I recognized that I need to be more like a directory. I think that already improved in the other parts and hopefully will be better in the next Sandra episode.

1 hour ago, Tirloque said:

Regarding the written part, it shows a bit more that you're not an english native, as there are minor tenses concordance mistakes, and typos. Also, the style sometimes could use some dusting

 

For example, here there's a repetition that could've been avoided :

Unfortunately, Carra sit between us the whole time. I found myself thinking that she is disturbing and I wanted her to leave. But, of course, I did not ask her to leave, that would have been very nice.

 

Unfortunately, Carra did sit between us the whole time. I found myself thinking that she is disturbing and wanted her to leave. But, of course, I didn't ask, that wouldn't have been very nice.

 

But that will come with practice. And you've introduced an interesting dilemma with the theme of Sandra's mother's money. So overall, it's a pleasant read !

Yeah, I think I just need to keep creating this stories, because it would also help me improving my English.

I struggled a lot with the part you picked and rewrote it several times. So, I think that's why the "not" got lost in the end. ?

It also sounds absolutely better to get rid of the recurrence of "her to leave".

I needed some time to understand why "Carra did sit..." is the better choice, but I got it now.

1 hour ago, Tirloque said:

Malicia : « That Sandra gal is very pretty, and has a very nice hair. She should try making photos for shampoo ads to get money.  »

Who is Malicia? ?

Maybe I should have a look at your blog to find out?

By the way, did not know the meaning of "gal". Now I find the name "Gal Gadot" very funny.

19 minutes ago, Jotunn25 said:

Again, thanks for your feedback.

Especially in the Sandra episode, I let things happen more or less and wrote "around" it.

I recognized that I need to be more like a directory. I think that already improved in the other parts and hopefully will be better in the next Sandra episode.

Yeah, it's better to have a prepared plan and to play according to it, than to play and try to tie loose ends together. Both could be done though, but the first option is superior regarding story quality.

19 minutes ago, Jotunn25 said:

Yeah, I think I just need to keep creating this stories, because it would also help me improving my English.

I struggled a lot with the part you picked and rewrote it several times. So, I think that's why the "not" got lost in the end. ?

It also sounds absolutely better to get rid of the recurrence of "her to leave".

 

I needed some time to understand why "Carra did sit..." is the better choice, but I got it now.

19 minutes ago, Jotunn25 said:

Who is Malicia? ?

Maybe I should have a look at your blog to find out?

Malicia : « It's me, yes. ->

               I'm the prettiest, strongest and most intelligent gal from my time. 

               And you should very read my stories, 'cause reading makes you more intelligent, you see ?  »

19 minutes ago, Jotunn25 said:

By the way, did not know the meaning of "gal". Now I find the name "Gal Gadot" very funny.

Malicia talks in a rather childish way, with a bit of slang. But yeah, Gal Gadot seems to perfectly make sense from that point of view. ?

9 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Malicia : « It's me, yes. ->

 

               I'm the prettiest, strongest and most intelligent gal from my time. 

 

               And you should very read my stories, 'cause reading makes you more intelligent, you see ?  »

Malicia talks in a rather childish way, with a bit of slang. But yeah, Gal Gadot seems to perfectly make sense from that point of view. ?

 

Hm, do The Elder Scrolls and The Sims share the same world? Interesting thought.

Maybe some Daedric Prince created the Sims for his entertainment...

In case of doubt, it's always Sheogorath. ?

It is nice to see some new story on the Sims 4. Curious to see where the story lead to.

I think Tirloque give you a good feedback already so here some tips for little mistake I notice.

1: On the 3rd and the 5th screen, you should screen closer of your character and put the other characters in the background. It'll make it look less static.

2: What's your native language ? I struggle a bit for translation and adaptation at the begining. So I use a translation website based on AI and a website to get literary references for certain words and expression. And now, when I have a doubt or when I want to be sure, I still use these. And that's a decent way to learn.

That's it for now, if you need help or if you have question, you can ask.

1 hour ago, RDA said:

It is nice to see some new story on the Sims 4. Curious to see where the story lead to.

I think Tirloque give you a good feedback already so here some tips for little mistake I notice.

 

1: On the 3rd and the 5th screen, you should screen closer of your character and put the other characters in the background. It'll make it look less static.

Thank you.

I will do as suggested and focus the camera more on the main character next time.

I am also just starting to work with poses, I like the possibilities it opens. But sometimes it's hard to find a perfect fitting pose.

1 hour ago, RDA said:

2: What's your native language ? I struggle a bit for translation and adaptation at the begining. So I use a translation website based on AI and a website to get literary references for certain words and expression. And now, when I have a doubt or when I want to be sure, I still use these. And that's a decent way to learn.

 

That's it for now, if you need help or if you have question, you can ask.

There is also an AI and web based translator I am working with if I struggle. When I first found it, it blew my mind, because it is so good, and still improving.

Way more better than what Google or Microsoft are delivering, but compared to them, it's a tiny company.

I am curious whether my translations can be used to draw conclusions about my native language. Any guess?

3 hours ago, Jotunn25 said:

I am also just starting to work with poses, I like the possibilities it opens. But sometimes it's hard to find a perfect fitting pose.

Don't forget that base game animation are sometimes enough. With MC Command Center you can cheat on the mood of the sims, and giving them faces and some special animation for dialogue (When one sim is sad, another can comfort it...).

But yeah, finding poses is often a frustration.

3 hours ago, Jotunn25 said:

I am curious whether my translations can be used to draw conclusions about my native language. Any guess?

Hard to say, there is no hint I can notice to guess x)

5 hours ago, RDA said:

Hard to say, there is no hint I can notice to guess x)

Nice to hear.

I am German speaking.