Cpt_Cooky Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 So ive been with my girlfriend for a few years now. We get on well together and live together in an apartment. I own a small restaurant that is open 6 days a week. On working days im at work from 9:30/10ish until 7/7:30ish. I try to work out after that but have to usually rush off by 8 to have dinner with her. Its far from out apt so the drive is about 30 minutes. She works from home so she is on her own most of the time. I on the other hand never seem to have any time to myself. I havent spent time with my friends, parents, grandmother or even my dog for weeks at a time. Hell i cant even be alone at all most days. Now we dont spend a lot of time together because of my schedule, so she always wants to spend all of my day off together. But im so burnt out i just want to be alone. Am i being selfish if i ask that once in a while i get to spend my day off without her? I dont want to see anyone else... i just need to rest a bit. Or is it weird that i need time away from my loved ones? And mind you i do love her and our relationship is good. Taking time off work isnt an option as an small business owner can tell you. Look away from it for 2 minutes and the whole place will go down in flames. I havent even had a vacation in two years. Am i being selfish and lazy?
Guest Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 Probably just tired. On your day off, spend half of it with your partner. And keep the other half for yourself.
27X Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 Yes and no, problem is there's no 1:1 solution, the best you'll get a messy mass of back and forth sliding scales. Routine creates feedback and feedback creates behaviors you can get completely locked into, which is usually a bad thing. If your gf cares, and you KNOW she cares then you need to have a sitdown and explain exactly what's up and why you need a day off from everything once a month or [insert time frame here]. If she loves ->you<- she'll get it. If she loves ->the way she feels when she's with you<- she won't, and you'll have just planted the first seed of the beginning of the end of your relationship, most likely. Best to find this stuff out now before kids and alimony and mortgage and modified tax returns etc etc etc. Also try taking her to work out with you when heading into a day off, so you get some time that's not necessarily just you guys in a vacuum, and also regular exercise staves off mental fatigue and depression, so it's kind of necessary considering what you're doing and how.
Celedhring Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 I was in a situation like that with my ex-fiancee. Worked six and a half days every week with only Xmas and Thanksgiving off plus 2 weeks paid vacation annually at a FAA authorized airplane parts repair facility. Boss was a total asshole so it was a "walk on eggshells" atomsphere at work. It was a 9 to 6 job. She worked as a teacher. You definitely want some time to yourself, but try to give her some time too. And no you aren't lazy or selfish. And having worked in food service for a long time, I can see why you'd want to keep a close eye on your restaurant.
Torkya Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 Seriously, just talk to her. If you have a good strong relationship she will understand your need for time alone. But if you don't discuss it ( and tell her how you feel and why ) it will just fester and you may end up resenting her. If your relationship isn't good enough for you to discuss things like this without recriminations and guilt trips then you're already on shaky ground.
vinfamy Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 Do you really need to be at the restaurant that much? Can't you just delegate / hire someone to manage it for a day or two a week, so that you have more free time? If there's an issue at the restaurant, this person is only one call away from reaching you.
Cpt_Cooky Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 Firstly thanks for the advice guys. I talked it out with her and shes agreed to give me some time to myself. Just a day or two every month is all i need really. I do have to be in the restaurant as im not only the owner but also the cook. I should have mentioned that i live in a third world country so i dont have access to skilled labour at affordable prices. Which is why i havrnt been able to find a good manager. Theres a HUGE difference in sales when im at the shop vs when im away. Close to 300%. Anyway we decided to discuss which of my days off im going to take for myself in advance from now on. Im happy with the outcome because ofcourse i still want to spend time with her and tbis way i getbmy me time too hopefully. Need to work on my work-life balance a bit still but it should be fine. Ive decided to walk my dog once a day early in the morning or late in the evening everyday too. Thanks for your time everyone.
firemountain12 Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 Glad you were able to work it out, man. Best of luck
Just your friend Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 I'm happy to see that you two manage to resolve your problem :) but don't worry man. With that schedule of yours and being in rush for most of a day it is normal to be tired and want to have a day free just to recover yourself and get some new power to keep up with everything ;) but as you wrote above, I'm glad that you resolved that problem. Good luck for you two out there :D
Weird-Feathers Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 My suggestion would be to try having her work from the restaurant if possible. I don't work there, but whatever she does from home, she could work in your office. I'm assuming she does work on a computer though. This way, you can spend some moments with her when are you aren't busy and she isn't completely alone. Then we you get off you can work out together and have dinner together. Another suggestion is that you visit your parents with her. Family is important and we only get a limited time with them. One thing I've learned from interacting with other people online is that not everyone has a good family or good parents. So if you have good parents/family/friends, you have to cherish them. Almost everyone says they wished they worked less and spent more time with family and having fun on their death beds. Constantly worrying about securing the future leads to missing out on a lot. It looks like you have things worked out though. Communication is probably the most important thing anyone can learn in life. For relationships, friendships, businesses, and everything, really.
joemonco Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 On 11/21/2017 at 10:15 AM, Weird-Feathers said: Constantly worrying about securing the future leads to missing out on a lot. Ever lived in poverty? Because that's not how you get out of poverty.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.