Does it bother you?

[Reefymapupset]

For those in a relationship, does it ever give you pause for thought that statistically you have a better chance at winning the lottery 10 times in succession than you have finding your actual soulmate, And that the person you are with is very likely to be not even close to your ideal partner? 

 

I guess what I mean to say is that there is an incredibly high likelihood that virtually all relationships consist of two people settling as opposed to being highly compatible. 

 

Given the number of people who exist, have existed and will exist, you might say that you could very well be separated from your true soulmate by hundreds, if not thousands of years. 

 

The prospect that my true soulmate may have died hundreds of years ago or may not have been born yet is a pretty grim realization. I say that in respect to how powerful love could be between two people of unmatched compatibility. Possibly something that has never existed in the history of our species. 

 

By "soulmate" I don't mean a clone of one's self. But just to think what it would be like if everything your partner does makes you love him/her even more. Such a thing typically only exists in the early stages of a relationship but then slowly or rapidly diminishes upon exposing each other down to the core. The result of which could be described as simply tolerating each other or simply to facilitate a household economy and a socio-economic foundation for lack of other options.

 

 

From marriage statistics alone, it very much seems like this concept is beyond us, not to mention metaphysically impossible to a large degree. 

 

I have a feeling that we will have genetic/psychological screening sometime in the future to help with that. It would almost certainly lead people to a more productive life.   

[Guest]

I don't think there's such thing as a soulmate and trying to find one is bound to just make you disappointed with everyone. Fantasy and reality are not the same. No person is going to be ideal to us. There's no possibility of ever finding someone with whom "everything" they do makes you happy/love them more. Every relationship has conflict, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, if you're both willing to work through it and compromise at times.

 

That doesn't mean I think it'll boil down to simply tolerating one another in every relationship, but that will happen if you have too high expectations and don't accept the fact that people are individuals and we all have ups and downs, positives and negatives. At the end of the day, my goal is to be with someone who, the vast majority of the time, I'd rather be with than without.

 

Of course I've already decided I'm never going to be in a relationship. Being trans, even if I get the genital surgery I want (phalloplasty), I'll still never be the way I'm meant to be, and I'm not going to subject anyone to being with me the way I am. Either they'd be lying and saying they're happy with me because they don't want me to feel bad, or they'd genuinely be attracted to me but the things they'd have to be attracted to me for give me dysphoria so that would make me feel like shit. So... regardless I guess none of this even matters in my case.

[FauxFurry]

One of the biggest mistakes that America not only made but exported to the rest of the world through their popular culture is the idea of the 'Soul Mate'.

 

One of the happiest, most successful marriages that I have ever seen was between an old Nigerian couple who married for pragmatic reasons but they came to be extremely fond for one another by the time that the end came. The fact that they did not marry based upon some fleeting feeling or 'vibes' means that there was no petty justification for breaking up once those feeling faded.

 

It would probably work out better if people just sought out someone with whom they get along with thus would make good life mates and reproductive partners rather than attempting to recreate some old love story seen on the silver screen. 

[Dark Spectre]

When it comes to not being able to find your soulmate:  you can put a great deal of the blame on the Internet (especially social media) for blowing people's expectations out of proportion.

Edited January 28, 2025 by Revenant Ghost
Clarification.

[Darkpig]

I already know who my soulmate is. My soulmate is SEX ROBOT. No discrimination against anyone I just really love SEX ROBOT.

[an angel of blood]

On 1/27/2025 at 4:53 PM, Guest said:

I don't think there's such thing as a soulmate and trying to find one is bound to just make you disappointed with everyone. Fantasy and reality are not the same. No person is going to be ideal to us. There's no possibility of ever finding someone with whom "everything" they do makes you happy/love them more. Every relationship has conflict, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, if you're both willing to work through it and compromise at times.

 

That doesn't mean I think it'll boil down to simply tolerating one another in every relationship, but that will happen if you have too high expectations and don't accept the fact that people are individuals and we all have ups and downs, positives and negatives. At the end of the day, my goal is to be with someone who, the vast majority of the time, I'd rather be with than without.

 

Of course I've already decided I'm never going to be in a relationship. Being trans, even if I get the genital surgery I want (phalloplasty), I'll still never be the way I'm meant to be, and I'm not going to subject anyone to being with me the way I am. Either they'd be lying and saying they're happy with me because they don't want me to feel bad, or they'd genuinely be attracted to me but the things they'd have to be attracted to me for give me dysphoria so that would make me feel like shit. So... regardless I guess none of this even matters in my case.

 

i really like your thoughts here. all relationships are like that, it's about finding someone you can build a good relationship with, not just someone who automatically works just right. a lot of people out there will click, but a relationship takes more than that.

 

i'm sorry being trans has been like that for you... i'm trans too and it was hell for a long time, but. i feel a lot better now. my dysphoria's become something that only hurts me sometimes and i have partners who make me feel like me, not how i felt before. i hope you can have the same someday... hugs

[dagobaking]

I agree with others here. The concept of a "soul mate" is just a concept.

 

Obviously, you can be more or less compatible with different people. But, even with a great match, it's going to take compromise and work to stay together for life.

 

I totally get the thought though. It's pretty tempting to sometimes think "I got along so well with x. Why did I end up with y?!" In reality, it always starts out getting along really well. Did with y too!

[grumpyoldorc]

On the 22nd of August 1998 I met my soul mate and feel deeply and madly in love, and we have never been apart since. We Married the next year, had two children and two cats. We have never rowed, we have gone through cancer together and we can honestly say that we love each other so much more now than we did way back then. Yes the odds are against it but they/it can be found, soul mates, and as stated in Princess Bride, TRUE LOVE.

[Guest]

10 hours ago, dagobaking said:

I totally get the thought though. It's pretty tempting to sometimes think "I got along so well with x. Why did I end up with y?!" In reality, it always starts out getting along really well.

I agree, the thoughts and feelings of rejection or of being rejected are over amplified now more than ever.

When I say rejected/rejection it can allude to any form of non acceptance in a relationship/society at large.

So the thought of a "Perfect Soulmate" sticks romantically in the Psyche and gets built upon, Fantasized about till it is way over proportioned, unachievable.

People as a whole are Hypersensitive these days, many post of "they don't like me" out there.

 

However I do understand the thoughts on the OP on the subject.