Friend is making a mistake, how to tell him?

[ascension]

I believe that my friend is making a mistake talking to a girl he knows but I am unsure how to tell him.

 

 

Things about this girl.

 

[1] She has a go at him continuously after he hits her by mistake in a game. She starts throwing insults and abuse at him and keeps doing it until one of them logs out, it's normally him as he values their friendship even if she is being a complete b**** about losing some hit points. It should be noted she asked him to play the game with her and got him to match surnames in game.

 

[2] She doesn't seem to have any time for him lately even when he wants to talk to her about something important. Not even 5mins to reply to a text message or any other form of contact.

 

[3] He helps her out whenever she needs it but she never says thank you or seems to appreciate what he has done. He brought her a birthday present and she never even plays it, I don't even think she has even given him one back.

 

[4] She doesn't even have the decency to explain things to people. She accepts everyone to know what is going on without being told.

 

[5] She sides against him if it profits her in some way. She also sides with her family member even if that family member is clearly in the wrong. He starts fights with my friend right in front of her and she just cheers him on like it is some game.

 

[6] She always wants to do things she wants to do and never anything he wants. She complains if he doesn't do it.

 

 

 

They have been friend supposedly for 2 years and our also supposedly extremely close (The gap between friend and lovers) I'm I in the right to interfere and tell him or just leave him to it? 

[Thulas]

You have to differ here: You shouldn't tell him that he has to leave her, but as a caring friend you have to tell him about your concerns.

 

Keep in mind that you only are an observer to what (seems) to happen, and you only got your own point of view on it. There might be things you aren't aware of, or simply see differently than they do. This also means though that you actually may be right, and neither of them realizes what really is going on there.

 

My advice would be to talk with your friend about this situation, thell him what you think and ask how he sees the whole thing.

[MikeMetal]

From your sayings, one thing is for certain. She doesn't really care about his interests towards her. Personally, sounds like the girl I'd stay away from a close relationship. A friendship at best I'd say although it's hardly a friendship when you only seem to care about yourself.

 

I wouldn't want to advice you something you could regret doing it, so I'll just say you should ask him about the situation. Is he aware of the fact that she's kinda using him ?

 

 

[ascension]

From your sayings, one thing is for certain. She doesn't really care about his interests towards her. Personally, sounds like the girl I'd stay away from a close relationship. A friendship at best I'd say although it's hardly a friendship when you only seem to care about yourself.

 

I wouldn't want to advice you something you could regret doing it, so I'll just say you should ask him about the situation. Is he aware of the fact that she's kinda using him ?

 

Well she has done it before and he claims she goes through "phases", normally when she is having problems in real life she turns into this mega bitch and takes it out on him. They didn't used to be like this, if you looked at them a year ago they were inseparable as most nights they would just stay up until 3am chatting just because they enjoyed talking to each other. OK I am not denying the fact that there was this thing between but I think it's beginning to wear off now. They even went as far as a few Skype voice chats.

 

I should also mention he is also creating her a personal Skyrim mod which he has spent the last month creating as well. He must trust her to some level as I know for a fact she can access his account on here and the game they play together. I have never heard him mention she has abused it either.

 

Hell I even tried talking to her, she said she would reply later in the day and she never did.

 

As far as I know they live in two different countries as well, she lives in the Philippines (alarms sirens went of here for me, Filipino girl most likely after passport or marriage to get out country) and he lives in the UK along with me.

[Ailsa]

Speaking as a female I am sad to hear of a girl behaving like this towards a friend, but unfortunately it seems to happen quite a lot.

 

As his friend I feel that you could casually mention that you are concerned that the relationship seems to have become slightly one-sided, beyond that I suggest you let him learn whatever he is going to learn from this experience and be there to listen to him when that happens.  Even though I feel that you are right telling him the depth of your worries could damage your friendship.

[ascension]

His last relationship took a sudden turn as well after 2 years and he broken up with that girlfriend at the time, this friend was supposed to be a replacement and I give her credit she seems like a nice girl but her attitude lately is just like "Do you have any feelings in there at all?" From my understand their met her after she was feeling down and he asked her what was wrong in PM, they became friends by the end of the day.

 

To me it just seems odd, she was hospitalised recently and he was going to fly over there to see her. However in the end he didn't go as he didn't know the country well enough to know where to look and the airline stopped flights to there due to a dengue outbreak. He was really worried about her to as for almost a week he couldn't keep focused and he kept looking at pictures and all of their time together.

 

There might be something bother her but you would of thought as a "friend" she would talk to him about it and not turn sour.

[Angrybird]

If you are friends just tell it straight there's nothing else to it, he'll either take it or not.

If he was my friend  I'd just call him a idiot and a faggot and tell him that he'll be miserable if things continue like that, again he'll take it or leave it, his choice, friends, real friends tell it it straight to your face. As a blade sharpens another blade so does man sharpen another man or something like that.

[Nairos]

I think she has lost interest. Tell your friend to stop initiating conversations, stop developing the Skyrim mod, no more presents etc.. Stop reaching out. Let her make first contact, that'll show if she's at all interested. If her contact is WHERE IS MY MOD U PROMISED?? he should be like 'well I thought you weren't interested, cause you're acting like you don't care a whole lot about me. And right now you're coming off like a total bitch'.

[kingkong]

you can not say anything     he is in love       he needs to wake up and some time is it painful    if he is realy your freind   you need to be here just when he wakes up  ( he might be in a dangerous situation for him self) .

[ascension]

Well all I know is she is not worth the air she breathes at the moment.

 

She still hasn't replied to the PM I sent here. Like just how rude can you get?

[Nonsense667]

1: Seeing that this is an online relationship, what Thulas said becomes even more valid. I'm not saying you are wrong, all I can say is consider the fact that you simply don't know. I'm aware that sounds a bit harsh, and I hate for it to be so. Maybe it's just the romantic in me. But yeah. You might be missing something deeper in the relationship, taking things at face value. I really don't know though. 

 

2: Well... you aren't really being as obscure as you might think. If I can figure out who you are talking about by reading this thread, (At least I think I have) do you think she would be able to? And after reading a thread like this, about their relationship... can you blame someone for being a little frustrated and not wanting to go into it? 

 

Just my own thoughts, I guess from a slightly different view point. Just hope they bring a little bit of balance to the table of thoughts. 

[ascension]

1: Seeing that this is an online relationship, what Thulas said becomes even more valid. I'm not saying you are wrong, all I can say is consider the fact that you simply don't know. I'm aware that sounds a bit harsh, and I hate for it to be so. Maybe it's just the romantic in me. But yeah. You might be missing something deeper in the relationship, taking things at face value. I really don't know though.

 

I think that's his problem he's a romantic. I know he brought her a present recently for Christmas which I get muster the courage to tell him it's going to be a waste of money as she won't play it. Expensive waste of money to........

 

 

2: Well... you aren't really being as obscure as you might think. If I can figure out who you are talking about by reading this thread, (At least I think I have) do you think she would be able to? And after reading a thread like this, about their relationship... can you blame someone for being a little frustrated and not wanting to go into it? 

 

Just my own thoughts, I guess from a slightly different view point. Just hope they bring a little bit of balance to the table of thoughts. 

 

Well if you think you know, PM me and I will let you know if you are correct.

[Halstrom]

After watching my brother divorce twice, and knowing both women seemed to me as being wrong, I have to say you can only bring it up once unless they mention doubts, either way just trust their judgement and let them work it out for themselves, both times my brother came to me when it was breaking down, and I helped him as I could with a lot of biting of my tongue, and as my nephew is her son, I have to be pleasant to her too on the occasions we meet.

 

Many relationships don't appear perfect, my current one has doubts with family and even myself at times, but it takes effort to keep a relationship healthy and sometimes you have to accept a partners flaws for their positives that aren't always seen by others. And don't do the "I told you so" if it does break up.

 

My GF's brother married someone family didn't like, they ended up moving interstate, but it was his choice, and I keep telling the GF not to burn the bridges, by harping on about it to him, so he knows he can get help if it doesn't work, but it got to the state they don't talk, and GF has nephew & niece she's never met.

 

Relationships are complicated enough with 2 people involved, making it 3 or a dozen doesn't help. Best not to meddle in other peoples relationships unless real abuse occuring, you wouldn't want others meddling if it were your relationship. When someone is forced to chose between a friend/relative and a love, it's pretty much 99% of the time friends/relatives lose.